The worst thing about cancer they don’t tell you?

The aftermath. The shock waves.

It’s surviving the quick earthquake, only to find yourself dodging falling objects and electrical lines for the next few days.

What they failed to mention was that fighting cancer was the easy part.

The real battle was learning to live again.

I got the news of my cancer diagnosis as a young mother, and after we had moved to a new city with no close friends or family. The kids were 3, 6, 11, and 13. Summer break had just begun, and to make things worse, I could not drive. We were in the wilderness and were fighting for our lives.

We went into “survival mode,” literally and figuratively, and assigned each older child to a smaller child with the plan and knowledge that we could survive if each of the “bigs” both did a load of laundry and dishes a day. At one point, I had a goal to drop off the kids at school, so I could get three uninterrupted hours of sleep after my chemo treatment. I had finally dropped off the children at their three different schools, and my head had barely hit the pillow, when I received a phone call from the school.

“Mrs. Estes? You need to come pick up your children. They all have lice!”

Trials, temptations, disease, and now pestilence were hitting our household simultaneously. I remember thinking, “At least I can’t get it since my hair is gone,” and then laughed at the absurdity that we were so low that my “silver lining statement” included the phrase “Praise the Lord I’m bald.”

But that was not the hardest part. Not by a long shot.

The hardest part was after the storm, when the casseroles stopped coming and prayers had grown weary. The hardest part of fighting a deadly battle comes afterwards when the dust has settled and the gunsmoke has cleared and you find yourself standing in total rubble and destruction.

I shouldn’t say total. We had our health and were still married. Most do not escape with that, I learned. But we both were battered and bloodied. I had a visual representation come to mind of an old battleship slowly pulling into port – disfigured and worn, riddled with bullet holes and laden with shrapnel. We were afloat, but barely.

I awoke from my six-month drunken chemo state to find my life in ruins. While the “bigs” had done a wonderful job helping with the “littles,” there were still unmet needs and unspoken questions that the youngest mind’s lips couldn’t form, which resulted in one regressing into wetting his pants again in first grade and the other becoming a hair’s breath away from becoming non-verbal, screaming “Aaaaaa!” fifty times a day. All of this in addition to the “regular” stresses of having four children about to enter high school, middle school, kindergarten and first grade – and not to mention the emotional withdrawal that naturally comes in a marriage during crisis times and having a son with extreme learning disabilities.

At one point, I was finally able to lift my leg again, and I was able to climb the stairs to our second story – after a year. When I entered the playroom, the scene rivaled the ruins of a never-ending frat party, with beer bottles exchanged for sippy cups and ankle-deep trash covering the floor. It was a sign of what the kids had silently felt during our ordeal, and it served as a visual symbol of my life: ruined and messy.

In World War II, my grandfather was part of the company that liberated prisoner of war camps. At one point, he asked one of the prisoners what the difference was between those that made it out and those that did not.

“The ones that made it found something to look forward to – they had a goal,” he replied.

I took that advice and decided that when all the chemo and radiation was over, I would celebrate with the other cancer fighters I’d met while walking through the fire.

None of them made it. It was heartbreaking.

I “made do” by celebrating with all the friends and family who had prayed and supported us through the journey, but the weight was still felt. In addition to feeling thankful, I also shouldered the burden of false guilt from having survived when my other comrades had fought just as hard, sometimes harder. Soldier syndrome had come home to roost.

So, what do you do when you get through the war only to (symbolically) return to your home to find the farm overrun with thorns and that your wife has run off?

You start from scratch. And you begin with baby steps.

God was gracious, providing me with advice from an “older brother” in the church just when I needed it. He himself had come out of a near death, eight-day coma experience. He emerged paralyzed on one side, but no one would ever guess it today. The first thing he advised when I called him in tears was, “small goals, baby steps, little sister!”

When coming through tragedy, we want our life to be like it was “before,” but the “after” contains components the “before” never had. It is an “apples to oranges” comparison and is unfair to expect them to be the same. Life “after cancer” contains side effects such as “less energy” and “Chemo Brain” that affect what and how much can be done for a while. Just as I couldn’t expect to instantly run three miles again, nor should I have expected to jump instantly back into life, either. The girl who used to pay all the bills, pop dinner into the oven, and get all four kids ready for school before breakfast was now merely able to pay the bills by the end of the day. But that was okay, because that was enough.

Second piece of advice: good enough is good enough. Lower your expectations. Gone were the days of thinking “everything has a place, and everything should be in its place.” Life was still, even now, about survival. Gone were the days of a pristine home ready for entertainment at a moment’s notice; the day of “push aside the mess and have a seat” had come. And that is okay. Because, again, you are now living in a different reality. The good news? There is no fairy that is going to come grade you on how tidy or organized your home is. Your home is there to serve you, not the other way around. Feel free to live as such.

In addition, it is imperative to “accept the new reality” and “don’t look back.” At one point in the recovery process, I placed blinder goggles and a bottle of salt beside my bed to remind myself, “Don’t look back, lest you turn to a pillar of salt!” (like Lot’s wife). I was amazed at how many Bible verses there actually were with the theme of “pressing on” and “not looking back.” The message was clear: the past is the past, and the present is the present. Make sure to live in the right one. Thinking back to how things used to be and trying to make your world look now like it did back then is a guaranteed, instant trip to Insanity Land. Accept that now will not look like then, nor is it supposed to. Celebrate every “new” baby step and make recovery a big ol’ party!

One of the hardest pieces of advice to follow is: try to humble yourself. As a natural giver, this concept was the most difficult for me until a friend helped me realize that life is not all about me, and if I do not ask for help, then I am literally robbing givers of the chance to use their spiritual gift to give. Ecclesiastes makes it clear that life is divided into seasons, and this is perhaps your season to be a receiver. Accept it as you would a blessing for it will bless others as they minister to you.

A final word of advice on the journey of learning to live again: have a creative outlet and take time to feed your soul. Anything from songwriting, to painting, to simply coloring will help balm your weary mind as you learn to do things anew again. For me, I finally completed my novel, began songwriting, and never missed a sunset at our local park for three months straight. Learning to live again is like learning to walk again – hard and tiring. You must make the time to restore and renew your mind, spirit, and soul.

Of course, this all goes with the understanding that we are constantly praying and praising God for every single blessing He brings our way. It can be big things, like climbing stairs again – or small things, like hearing the song of a robin or seeing a butterfly. Whatever the size of the blessing that comes your way that day, praise God for it! And remember: like the butterfly in the cocoon, this season, too, is temporary and will pass.

For this tree, the seed is intelligence, water is determination, air is patience, and effort is excitement. One thing to consider is that imagination and fantasy are not the same concept. Whereas imagination is the seed of realistic, logical plans and projects designed in accordance with long term goals regarding life and the future, fantasy involves short term projections out of proportion with reality, emotion, and rational thought. In this sense, there is no imagination that does not sprout its roots towards the goal and does not disperse the seeds of excitement to the human soul. This is because imagination is like a pile of emotions that sustain us in the years ahead. It is the energy that powers the heart, the mystery juice which injects excitement into our minds, a framework of desires that bind us to life. It helps us to believe that one man’s expectations for life are as good as his dreams; his earnings will match his excitement. Imagination and the resulting “excitement” is a great blessing that brings out treasures, love, and skills hidden inside us. Above all, imagination can help us to achieve success in all of our endeavors. This is true of science, too.

Defining scientific success can be tricky. It requires effort, hard work, and observation to achieve scientific success. But most importantly, it requires intelligence which is a blessing. Just like a licensed driver controlling a car, the brain’s performance improves with the skill of its driver. To maximize the brain’s potential, it is very important to integrate the heart and conscience with the use of intelligence.

Can we explain the reality that there is only a limited number of scientists because they were born as such or inherited this quality genetically? The reality is thousands of babies are born with brain capacities similar to that of scientists’ in terms of anatomy, histology, physiology, and biochemistry. Even though human intelligence is partly determined by inheritance, there are other factors. If the case was as simple as inheritance, would Einstein say, “I do not have any special skill, but I am passionately curious”? When Thomas Edison said, “1% of genius is inspiration and 99% is sweat,” he captured perfectly that one needs more than just intelligence to achieve success – one also needs to maximize that intelligence through hard work.

Scholar Bediuzzaman Said Nursi summarized the stages of knowledge development of the human mind in seven steps. “One first imagines something (tahayyul), then conceives of it, and clothes it in a form (tasawwur). Afterwards, one reasons and reflects on this thing (taaqqul), then confirms it (tasdiq), and then has full conviction of it (iz’an). Then they fully support it (iltizam); then they become committed or devoted to it (itiqad)” (The Words, Gleams of Truth).

Each of these stages is subject to different rulings. They form the ladder to higher meanings. Thus, if a person is unaware of the step occupied, he/she ends up remaining in the lower stages and acts according to the necessities of that particular level.

Therefore if we do not want to leave our scientific approach at the dimension of “sophistry,” which starts with imagination (tahayyul), we have to continue our intellectual and ideological journey all the way to the end. Imagination, which is often overlooked, bears the seed of intelligence, which is a blessing offered from the infinite ocean of God’s wisdom. Imagination is the unprinted photo of our intellectual aptitudes. How do you like to print and uncover your dreams?

Every blessing of God is an opportunity given to human beings that calls for a corresponding responsibility.

Health is a blessing that should be used to fast, to pray, and to strive on God’s path so that one can express gratitude for this blessing. If a person gives this gratitude, God will return that body in the next world for eternity and without flaw, and with all its potential revealed.

Intelligence is one of God’s favors. If the horizon of one’s mind has been enlightened by the lights of revelation, and he is therefore distanced from inappropriate things and makes decisions according to the true path, intelligence is a source of inspiration. If he uses the blessing of his mind appropriately and introduces Truth to those who have strayed, he is giving the mind its due. On the contrary, if he only uses intelligence for worldly or evil tasks, he is being ungrateful for that blessing.

Power of expression is one of the greatest blessings that God has given humanity—so much so, that the name of the Qur’anic chapter where this is explained is called Rahman (Mercy). Al-Rahman is one of the Exalted Names of God. Some of the manifestations of God’s Mercy are giving means of subsistence in a broad circle to everyone even if they are not believers, and nourishing creation with various blessings, including human’s power of expression. This ability makes them eligible to be an addressee to God. They may understand God’s words and at the same time express their thoughts to Him. God says, “Come, pray to Me and bow in My presence.” Then they can say, “praise be to God” and with faithful and obedient devotion they can stand in God’s presence. In one sense, this is understanding God and speaking with Him. One of the Successors (the generation after the Companions of the Prophet) said, “If a person who reads the Qur’an says that he spoke with God, it would not be a lie.” Therefore one who says, “praise be to God” can be considered to have spoken with God.

The prayers that believers recite every day actually reflect a conversation with God:

You are the Most Beneficent and the Most Compassionate: You first gave me consciousness and then the ability to express this consciousness. This is a manifestation of Your Mercy.

You are the Master of the Day of Judgment: I am preparing for that day within the framework of Your commands.

I serve only You and I seek help only from You: I do so in order not to be smashed under the weight of servanthood.

Most people probably never really ponder the prayers in this way, but if they were to reflect, the prayers allow them to rise to a very honorable station.

If a person went and spoke with a head of state, he would talk about it everywhere; he would find an opportunity in every environment to mention that conversation. Therefore, if a person views talking with a head of state as this important and mentions it everywhere, then he should think deeply about what it means to have the privilege of addressing God.

A sacred saying from the Prophet (hadith qudsi) is stated as follows:

“I share the recitation with my servant in prayer; half belongs to Me and half to him and what My servant wants will be given to him. When the servant says, ‘Praise be to God, the Cherisher and Sustainer of the worlds,’ Exalted and Glorious God says, ‘My servant praised Me!’ When he says, ‘Most Glorious, Most Merciful,’ God says, ‘My servant glorified Me.’

“When he says, ‘Master of the Day of Judgment,’ God says, ‘My servant exalted Me.’ When he says, ‘You do we worship and Your aid we seek,’ God commends him: ‘This is a pledge between Me and My servant. I gave him what he wanted.’

When the servant says, ‘Show us the straight way, the way of those on whom You have bestowed Your grace, Those whose portion is not wrath, and who go not astray,’ God says, ‘This belongs to My servant and he has been given what he wants.’”

In recitation, the chapter al-Fatiha is divided between the servant and God—some is spoken by the servant, and some is answered by God. In a sense, this is nothing other than a conversation with God. Consequently, the power of expression is a great blessing from God, and its greatest right is to praise God, who honored human beings with the power of expression.

Like a town crier, we must speak of our Lord, who gave us the capability of expression, everywhere we go. If you give a crier a little money, he will promote his wares from morning till evening in the marketplace. Salesmen do the same thing; they go to houses, fawn on people and try to sell their goods. In the end, what they will sell is one or two pots and pans. In the same way, Heaven will be given to us for doing very easy tasks. We are in a position to be made worthy of seeing God’s Beauty by using, in the best way, the power of expression bestowed upon us by God. Even if no one remained on earth to hear us, then we have the responsibility to climb the mountains to the skies and live for the excitement of talking of God to the jinn and demons. As a friend of truth said, even if one is imprisoned and there is no one around, then he should try and teach the demons about God to fulfill his responsibility.

The subject is the importance of a person returning a favor given by God by making the best use of the ability bestowed. Only by means of this kind of reciprocation can gratitude for that blessing be fully shown. God will continue bestowing that blessing here and in the next world. If a person only gives the right of property, but does not give the right of his mind, health, or power of expression, then he still will have been ungrateful. If a person cannot speak, he has a pen. If he does not give the due of the pen, then he will have shown ingratitude before God. If one who has strong mental abilities does not use them for God, then he will have been unjust. Whatever God has given a person should be used on the path of God to teach others about Him.

If a person does not give gratitude for his other blessings, but only gives financial aid when his financial situation is favorable, then at least he has performed a large part of his responsibility. If he gives help beyond the alms tax, financial aid is a serious sacrifice, and voluntary acts and altruism within this framework is great, because it is the virtue of giving for God’s sake. In fact, our Prophet said, “Generosity is like a tree. Its roots are in Heaven and its branches have hung down to this world. Whoever lives under that tree and behaves generously, sooner or later he will hold on to one of the branches and rise to Heaven where the tree’s roots are.” It can be understood from this that a generous person, even if he is a sinner—God willing—will eventually enter Heaven. If a sinner does not deny God, and he is generous, it is said that he will enter Heaven. Saying, “A stingy person is closer to Hell,” our Master used an expression of warning for miserliness. We can infer that since generosity is one of God’s attributes, He will not put a person with that attribute into Hell.

Attributes are very important; people must give what is due to the attributes God blessed them with. In this way, one’s work should be arranged according to God’s blessings. Worldly tasks should not be forgotten and neglected. Regardless of where he is, a believer should always be at the forefront of those living in his own time. Doing this, he will always be avant-garde—but while doing this, he should put his life in order and never neglect God’s rights. In short, a believer should use all the abilities God has bestowed upon him, and use them in such a way that he has given those blessings their due.

In the winter of 2007, I met Dr. Ayse Coskun at a Turkish Women’s Coffee Night at the Raindrop Foundation in Houston, Texas. I had been attending the Coffee Nights for a few months and mentioned to Dr Coskun that, while I enjoyed the social events, I found myself wanting to go deeper. I did not want to take classes exactly; instead, I wanted to do interfaith dialogue in an informal rather than an academic setting. Almost immediately Dr. Coskun suggested that we meet for lunch. We lunched together several times: an American Christian and a Turkish Muslim at an Asian-fusion restaurant with statues of Buddha as decoration! I was charmed by Dr. Coskun’s openness, humor, and obvious intellect. Ayse made me feel comfortable, and she seemed to enjoy me as much as I did her. God’s blessing was with us as we laughed and planned.

Ayse and I decided to contact women from diverse faith traditions to see if they might like to share our interest in learning about one another’s religious perspectives. We agreed that our group should be small (8-12 women) and consist, at least at first, of only people from Abrahamic traditions (to simplify matters). We also decided that our “experiment” would have a time limit (8 months, meeting 2 hours each month) so that those we invited would not have to make an indefinite commitment. To my shame, Ayse had to do all the inviting, because I knew only Presbyterians! Ayse invited another Muslim woman (new to Houston, but familiar with interfaith dialogue). She also invited a young Roman Catholic woman and a Conservative Jewish chaplain, who in turn invited another Jewish woman. Rounding out the group was a member of the Unity Church of Christianity and two others who had explored a variety of other traditions. Later a Quaker (Religious Society of Friends) seminary professor and another Roman Catholic joined us.

At our first meeting I experienced no awkwardness or hesitation. Each woman listened to the others with delight and respect. Our meeting did tend to be a bit chaotic, not because we were disorderly but because we were extremely curious. It was like wandering through a magical forest with a group of precocious children; everyone had unusual questions and surprising insights. (Fortunately Dr. Coskun would, after one of our diversions, gently but firmly coax us back to the topic at hand.)

Gradually we created an agenda, but even that was adjusted (or ignored) as situations drew us in different directions. For example, at first we began and closed our meetings with prayers offered by individuals who represented various traditions; we heard prayers in Hebrew, in Arabic, and from St. Francis and St. Augustine. In time however, while we still closed with prayer by an individual, we began to open our meetings with a unison prayer written by our Jewish chaplain (see sidebar), because it seemed to speak directly to what we were about.

Our agenda also began to include a time for sharing personal concerns, because we realized that we wanted to know one another as persons, not simply as “token” Jews, Presbyterians, etc. Therefore, when Dr. Coskun told us during a recent Personal Concerns Time (PCT) that she had to return to Turkey to help care for her ailing mother, we were able to respond immediately. We asked her to teach us a Turkish prayer for healing and promised to pray daily for her mother. It was during our PCT that the Jewish Chaplain told of bombing threats to her synagogue and a Catholic told of several instances of vandalism at her church. One of our group then volunteered to draft a letter as a basis for correspondence that might be sent to all places of worship that receive threats or damage. Often our Personal Concerns Time lasts only briefly; sometimes, as in the above cases, it leads to prayer and action.

The major portion of our meetings has consisted of sharing parts of our scriptures, giving overviews of our various faith traditions, or considering a specific issue from the point of view of our culture and faith. We have also laughed together, eaten together, and spent time exploring the kosher kitchens and touching the beautiful Torah scrolls at a synagogue. Most importantly, we have talked about topics that probably would not have been included in an academic setting. For example, the subject of our last meeting was “Mothers.” We first wrote down adjectives describing our own mothers and found that, despite our different cultures, many of our mothers could be described similarly: selfless, loving, forgiving, religious, and stoic amidst difficulty.

As we turned to what our various faith traditions had to say about mothers, most of us quoted from our scriptures. The Muslims pointed to the section of the Qur’an that dealt with justice, citing many passages about the high respect given to mothers in Islam, respect even above that given to fathers. Mothers (as well as fathers) are to be obeyed in all matters except when obedience would go against service to Allah or might bring harm to someone else. According to Muslim law, children are not to argue with or even say “oof” to a mother. Mothers (and sisters as well) are to be cared for financially by the eldest son. There are also rules governing the benevolent treatment of widows, orphans and stepmothers.

The Roman Catholics pointed to the importance of the Virgin Mary. Mary is considered to be not only the mother of Jesus but also the Queen of Heaven and, given Jesus’ instructions from the cross, the mother of all Christians: “Woman, behold your son; . . . Son, behold your mother” (John 19). While Catholics do not worship Mary, women, in particular, pray to her because Mary experienced the problems and pain of being a girl, a young mother, and a grieving mother, all the while being faithful to what God required of her.

Jewish contributions to the discussion included the law to “Honor your father and mother.” Depending upon how one interprets that law, it can be considered more strict or less strict than the Muslim “Obey your father and mother.” Jews stress the importance of “honoring” parents, even if the parents are abusive and cannot be “loved.” Many stories in Hebrew scripture extol good mothers (Moses’ mother who risked her life that her son might live (Exodus 2), and the mother in I Kings 3, who chose to give her child to another rather than have him cut in two. Many of the Jewish laws regarding the Sabbath apply only to men, because women are the keepers of the family and must be free to do unexpected chores if needed. Unfortunately, in recent years, Jewish comedians have made their mothers the object of jokes; damaging stereotypes have arisen from this practice.

While the Protestants hold Jesus’ mother in high esteem, they do not have the same special feelings about Mary as do Catholics. In general, the Protestants had less to add about mothers, except the household code in Ephesians 5, which is St. Paul’s list of reciprocal responsibilities for family members. The Protestants pointed out, however, that portions of the household code (“Wives, be subject to your husbands as to the Lord”) have been emphasized while other portions (“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”) have been less emphasized, with the result that women (even wives and mothers) have often been devalued in Christian culture.

The above discussion was particularly pertinent to us women, but given that we added intimate stories about our own mothers and laughed (with a degree of sadness and shame) at the jokes about Jewish mothers, the session would probably have informed/entertained men as well. Our conversation went so long that we had to delete the Business portion of our meeting. And we all agreed that the talk of “Mothers” needed to be expanded to include religious perspectives on women in general. We are also eager to tackle topics such as “Weddings and Funerals,” “Art, Music, and Poetry,” and “Angels and Jinns.”

Early in our time together we decided to call ourselves WIN (Women’s Interfaith Network). As well as describing what we hope to be, the acronym is appropriate because we feel like we are “winners” already, having enjoyed one another these past months. We will probably never completely understand one another’s faith or customs, but we have come to appreciate and trust one another. Perhaps appreciation and trust is even more important than understanding because, while the latter connotes mainly an intellectual connection, the former implies that one sees the reflection of God in the other. For myself, I now even see the others differently in a physical sense: the younger women seem more beautiful, even radiant; and the older women seem both softer and stronger. All have become persons I admire, and I thank God for the blessing of their good and energetic presences in the world.

Before the end of our committed time, several have expressed an interest in continuing and expanding the group. In fact, even before our experiment was half over, several wanted to add friends-an indication of how valuable and enriching we think WIN has been. We have begun work on Mission and Vision Statements and are brain-storming about how best to proceed. As WIN members have offered their ideas, I have begun to see how our special relationship might benefit the community around us. I have also begun to understand in a tangible way that, while I often pray for peace in the larger world, God’s will towards that goal includes small efforts of people like those in WIN, joining to live out peace on a local level.

Truly, both as a group and as individual women, WIN has been God’s special blessing to me.

“Borei Ha’ Olam, Creator of the stars, sun and moon,

“We are mindful of Your world and our responsibilities to it. Bless all who gather here today that we might become leaders of change and visionaries of human rights and freedom. Sustain us with courage and endurance that we may sustain one another. Renew our hopes and heal our wounds.

“Compassionate and merciful God, may the joy and celebration of this occasion remain as a source of inspiration and dedication to pursue higher ideals for many years to come. We seek Your guidance so that we might have the courage to advance the cause of internalizing oneness and thereby spread God’s shelter of peace and dignity for all humankind.

“Let us find unity in the commonality of our searching and in the sameness of our quest for peace and equality for all. Amen.”

A prayer written by Jewish Chaplain Bobbie Osadchey and prayed in unison at the open of each WIN meeting.

Great God, how frail a thing is man!
How swift his minutes pass!
His age contracts within a span;
He blooms and dies like grass.

Time is ticking “swiftly” away, consuming the “minutes” that have been appointed for this life, as Mather Byles (d. 1788) exclaims in the second line of this poem. Occupied with numerous chores and responsibilities, both at home and work, most of the time we miss the point that all of this will come to an end sooner or later. Perhaps we tend to ignore the passing of time, or more truly, our sight has been veiled by a long list of daily activities. This does not mean that we should lock ourselves into a permanent retreat of prayer and worship, for this is not what we are expected to do in this world. Gulen explains the preferred “seclusion” in the “Halwat and Uzlat” he wrote for the previous issue of The Fountain: “Those who always feel themselves in the presence of God do not need to seclude themselves from people. Such people, in the words of Rumi, are like those who keep one foot in the sphere of Divine commandments and turn the other, like a compass needle, round the world.” We cannot stop time, but we can convert its transient value into eternal gifts. The lead article in this issue dramatically draws our attention to this inexorable reality, which is actually a blessing we cannot truly appreciate.

Another blessing we often do not realize the importance of is water. “Despite its very simple chemical composition, water displays some very peculiar behavior. Interestingly, it is thanks to the Mercy of God that these oddities of water make life possible on earth,” says Bill Sayoran in his “Water: The Molecule of Life.” This article will urge us to wake from our apparently active but inherently dormant state of existence, and it will help us to learn to be always thankful for water, not only when there is shortage or in times of drought.

The Opinion department features the contribution of a reform rabbi, Allen S. Maller. Considering the prejudices that continue to threaten peace around the globe, particularly in the Middle East, many arguments Maller proposes in his “A Reform Rabbi Learns from Muhammad” are worth reading to further mutual awareness between the Abrahamic faiths.

In this issue we start a new department: Science for Young Readers. Aimed at making science more accessible, this section introduces scientific articles written in a more approachable way. In this issue, a very-well (!) educated spider, taught by Professor Irfan Yilmaz, tells us about the unique talents and physical features that have been granted to him.

Enjoy!

I was approached by The Fountain editorial board to write something on the issue of parents and family, on the occasion of Mother’s Day. Family relations and respect for parents and elders are considered among the universal values of humanity. In this modern day, the importance is ever more evident. Almost all religious traditions share in these values – one need not look far to find Judeo-Christian or Islamic references to this. The Judeo-Christian tradition posits this value among its Ten Commandments and there are many Qur’anic and Hadith references to this in the Islamic tradition. It is interesting to see in all of these addresses that Nursi uses general terms to refer to all humans, not only Muslims. In many cases, this mimics the Qur’anic method.

Nursi frames his discussion of honoring one’s parents by making use of a Qur’anic verse, which is as follows:

Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him and to be kind to your parents. If either of them or both reach old age with you, do not say to them “Fie,” nor rebuke them, but say to them kind words. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say: “Lord, have mercy on them, as they took care of me when I was a child.” Your Lord knows best what is in your hearts. If you are righteous, He is All-Forgiving to those who repent. (17:23-25)

Nursi is most concerned with those who are heedless in their observance of this duty – those who house their parents or other relatives reluctantly or without honoring them. He writes:

“O you, who are unaware of the filial responsibility towards parents, in whose house is an old parent, or a helpless, invalid relative or brother-in-religion unable to make a living! Heed the verses quoted above and see how they insist in five different ways on the affection to be shown to parents!”1

He continues:

“Of course, paternal affection for children is one of the sublime realities of worldly life and, in turn, filial gratitude to them is a most urgent and heavy duty to be performed. Parents sacrifice their lives lovingly for their children, and if this is so, what falls to a child who has not lost his humanity and transformed into a monster of ingratitude, is to show sincere respect for them, to serve them willingly, and to try to gain their approval.

“With regard to filial respect and service, uncles and aunts are like parents.”2

Nursi emphasizes one of the problems which modern humanity faces; the busy, fast-paced lifestyle and the financial burdens involved in maintaining a modern standard of living. In response to those who justify their reluctance to care for elderly relatives based on these terms, Nursi contends:

“O you, who are immersed in earning your livelihood! Know that your disabled relative whom you regard as unbearable in your house is, in fact, the means of blessing and abundance. Never complain that you can scarcely make a living (that your means of subsistence are strained), for were it not for the blessing and abundance bestowed on you, you would have to face even more difficulties in making your living. This is an undeniable reality, which I could prove to you except that I would like to keep this letter brief. Believe me, I swear by God that this is an established reality to which even my satan and evil-commanding self have yielded.”3

Nursi compares the caring of elderly relatives to that of young children in the following:

Indeed, as is witnessed by the whole of existence, when the Generous, Majestic Creator, Who is infinitely merciful, compassionate, gracious and munificent, sends children to the world, He sends them together with their sustenance which He abundantly provides through the breasts of mothers. In the same way, He sends in the form of blessing and unseen, immaterial abundance, the sustenance of the old, who are like children and even more worthy and needy of compassion than children. He does not load their sustenance onto mean, greedy people.”4

Following this quote, Nursi refers to two Qur’anic verses, which are, respectively:

Surely, God is the All- Provider, the Mighty One, the Strong. (51:58)
How many a beast does not bear its provision, yet God provides for it and for you. He is All-Hearing, All-Knowing. (29:60)

According to Nursi, not only do humans receive their sustenance through God’s grace, but animals do as well. He writes:

“So, not only the sustenance of old relatives, but also that of pets, like cats, which are created as friends to human beings, and usually live on food from human beings, is, again, sent in the form of blessing. I have personally observed this:

“Some years ago, my daily ration consisted of half a loaf of bread. Since the loaf was very small, I barely managed with it, until four cats became my everyday guests. No sooner did they begin sharing my bread, than the same ration was always enough for all of us.

“I witnessed this so often that it convinced me that I benefited from the blessing coming through the cats. I openly declared that I was rather indebted to them, and not they to me.”5

Nursi addresses all humans in general terms, writing:

“O man, a human being is the most esteemed, noble and most worthy of respect among creatures; among human beings, the believers are the most perfect. Among the believers, the helpless, old people are those who are the most worthy and needy of respect and compassion. Among the old, the relatives deserve affection, love and service more than the others, and among the relatives, parents are the most truthful confidants and most intimate companions. Now, O man, if an animal becomes the means of blessing and abundance when it stays as a guest in a person’s house, then you can conclude how invaluable a means of blessing and mercy parents are in a house and, additionally, as stated in the hadith ‘But for the old bent double, calamities would be pouring down upon you,’ what an important means for the removal of calamities they are.”6

In the following excerpt, Nursi makes a fitting comparison to the prospect of one becoming an elder in need of compassion and service oneself. He cites a statement from Islamic culture that holds that “punishment is based on the nature of one’s actions.” Thus, if one does not offer respect to his or her parents, then one’s children will, in turn, not respect or provide service in the future. By extension, if one wants the compassion of the Most Merciful, one need be merciful to those entrusted to one’s household and care. It is interesting that Nursi notes that whatever one lives for, either worldly desires or the afterlife, such compassion and service are requisites for attaining any future goals.

In further writings on the sick and infirm, Nursi speaks of those who care for these patients. He says:

“Indeed, there is significant reward for believers for looking after the sick. Enquiring after their health and visiting the sick – on condition it does not tax them – is Sunna and also atonement for sins. There is an Hadith which says, ‘Receive the prayers of the sick, for their prayers are acceptable.’”

Especially when the sick are relations, in particular parents, looking after them is important worship, yielding significant reward. To please a sick person’s heart and console him or her, is comparable to significant alms-giving. Fortunate is the person who pleases the easily touched hearts of their father and mother at the time of illness, and receives their prayer.7

Footnotes

1 Nursi, S., The Letters, Kaynak A.S., Izmir, 1997 Twenty-first Letter, p. 53.

2 ibid., 53-54. 3 ibid., 54. 4 ibid. 5 ibid., 55. 6 ibid.

7 Nursi, S., The Flashes Collection, Sozler Publications, Istanbul, 2000, Seventeenth Remedy, p. 278.

A person draws meanings from, or gives meanings to, events and experiences. That is, experiencing starts to make sense as the person performs his or her psychological functioning of translating it into how he or she thinks and feels. It is the individuals’ subjectivity, or phenomenological world, that forms the very core for meaning origination and evolvement. People have the freedom to choose meaning (McArthur, 1958) through their interactive experiencing with various internal and external contexts (Chen, 2001). As such, meaning is the underlying motivation behind thoughts, actions and even the interpretation and application of knowledge. Meaning is also arrived at through the learning process.

As a convert to Islam, how I construct meaning represents perhaps the greatest difference between my worldview prior to Islam and my post-conversion Islamic worldview. My Islamic worldview facilitates meaning through the tawhidic (God’s Unity) paradigm by connecting everything in life – every word, act, thought, and event – to the highest source of all, the ultimate reality, God. This means that everything that happens in life is to be responded to according to that which is pleasing to God and in line with His revealed laws. We do not make decisions based solely on our feelings, desires and appetites. Rather, we employ the intellect, which is grounded in knowledge of religion and God, to decide that which is pleasing and acceptable to the Creator, and, as such, optimal for us on all levels. The goal, the ultimate success, the ultimate happiness, and contentment, is transformed into a spiritual one and is manifested in a life of closeness and intimacy with the Divine, detailed by God-consciousness in every act and thought.

How this differs from my pre-Islamic worldview is that it, ideally, removes the lower self as a guide, so decisions are not made according to appetites and selfish desires, but according to that which we believe is best for us, for our lives both here and in the hereafter. We cease following the direction of the lower self and instead open our hearts to the guidance of our higher self, the one in tune to the divine will. For what is best for us cannot be left to the lower self to decide; that self can only lead us to spiritual destruction. Thus, all of our trust and hope is placed in God and our conviction that He is the best one to guide us as the Creator of all things, the Loving, the Merciful, and the one who wants the best outcome for us, an outcome which is closeness to Him in this world and a direct vision of Him in the life after death.

The making of meaning, therefore, takes on a whole new form from this worldview. The lens – our cognitive schema – of how we see the world changes. We begin to see with the eyes of the spirit, the eyes of the heart. We judge not according to what we find pleasing or desirable, but according to the knowledge of what God finds pleasing and desirable. As such, we begin the striving, the journey toward the acquisition of the divine attributes. We live a life of effort to reform our own personalities to reflect the attributes. As a real-life example, the one who most perfectly manifested these attributes, we follow the way and life of Prophet Muhammad, upon him be peace and blessings, and his successors. In so doing life becomes one of ongoing self-purification, self-perfection and self-improvement. The making of meaning, therefore, is spiritualized. We become highly tuned to everything happening around us. When I came to Islam, however,I learned that even eating could be a spiritual activity when undertaken with the right intention. According to the Islamic world view, every morsel of food is a blessing, a gift, sustenance that comes from God.

We find meaning and make meaning of every experience through self-examination. We start by looking inwardly at ourselves and examining how we react to situations around us. We take stock of our feelings, our frustrations, our likes and our dislikes. We examine our minds and look at what we spend time thinking about. We constantly look for ways to improve ourselves. In sum, everything means something because according to our worldview, God sees everything, knows everything, and everything we do is counted either for us or against us. Every moment thus contributes to our success or failure. This means that as Muslims, we must acquire the attribute of awareness, of always knowing what is happening around us and within us at all times.

Islam helps us to construct meaning on the premise that everything is purposeful because it directly determines our fate both in this world and in the eternal world after death. We approach life as an opportunity having been given the knowledge that every moment can either help us or hurt us, depending on what we choose to do with it. In this way, the Islamic worldview puts the making of meaning in our own hands through the gift of free will, and links the process with the development and refinement of the self.

The spiritualized Islamic worldview brings energy to life and a balance that I did not previously have. The key to it is consciousness and remembrance of God. When we are conscious of God, of His omnipotence, greatness and mercy, we are always aware of ourselves. We are constantly in a state of humility because of the knowledge that He created us out of nothing for no other reason than that His love be known, He be worshipped and trusted by us. We are also aware that God’s mercy will always help us along on our path when we make a sincere effort to dedicate ourselves to Islamic self-improvement. This awareness includes the belief that heaven is not only the goal for the hereafter, but for this life as well, achieved by closeness to God. As such, by remaining conscious of God, we invite and invoke goodness from both the earthly and spiritual realms, and light a way for ourselves to engage in continuous self-refinement.

An example of how Islam contributes to the making of meaning is my initial understanding of how a Muslim is to approach something as seemingly mundane as eating. According to my pre-Islamic worldview, eating was an activity undertaken to satisfy hunger. It was never much more than that. Although I understood food as a blessing, I did not approach eating as a spiritual act. How could I? The only knowledge I had of it was that it was an activity undertaken to satisfy a physical need. When I came to Islam, however, I learned that even eating could be a spiritual activity when undertaken with the right intention, in accordance with Islamic law, by way of the Prophet’s example and with a deeper understanding of the act itself.

According to the Islamic worldview, every morsel of food is a blessing, a gift, sustenance that comes from God. The food we eat is usually also a blessing for those who grow it, manufacture it, process it and sell it – those who derive their livelihood from it. Food, when consumed with consciousness of God can be a source of barakah, blessings and divine grace. Therefore, we are more inclined to be less wasteful in our eating, to take less and think of others who also want to eat. Through the spiritual practice of fasting, the Islamic worldview also teaches us what it is like to be unable to find food. This alone is enough to make most people appreciate food and increase their gratitude to God when they eat. In addition, there are so many forms of etiquette (adab) of the Prophet on how to approach and eat food that help us to understand its spiritual role in our lives, such as the proper way of sitting, chewing, handling food, passing it to others, the prayers to recite before eating it, while eating it, after eating it, the way to conduct oneself while eating, the way to wash ourselves after eating, etc. As we can see, something as fundamental to our lives as food, or eating, when approached from the Islamic worldview becomes a highly meaningful activity that is intimately linked to our personal sense of mission as Muslims.

So what about something as spiritually rich as formal worship? If eating as an activity can be approached with spiritual intelligence, an act of God consciousness and worship, then what about something like our prayer (salat), which to the Prophet was not only a comfort, but an ascension to heaven every time he engaged in it? What does prayer mean to us? Do we approach it as a heavenly ascension, so powerful as to move us to a higher state, or is it just something we have to get through to achieve a place at the heavenly table when it is all over?

Meaning of Islam is cultivated in us through the knowledge and wisdom found in our tradition, and through teachers that have been blessed with it and continue to pass it on. We must seek them and their works to help us develop meaning in our lives as Muslims. It is an important time for us to make meaning from this way of life. All around us meaninglessness and its culture are fueling the spiritual suicide that is engulfing the world and victimizing people from every race and religion.

Ultimately, meaning of Islam must be individualized and owned by each of us uniquely, based on our individual relationship with God. We must find intimacy with Him, strive to love Him, rely on Him, to seek Him, and depend on Him, trusting Him completely. Lasting and real meaning of Islam cannot come from a movement or someone’s agenda it can and must come from the knowledge of Truth, and submission to it through the way of life based on it. It must be spiritual, not political. Our uniqueness as an ummah is that our purpose, our basis for deriving meaning in all of life is spiritually grounded in heavenly laws and aspirations. When we read the beautiful supplications of our Prophet to his Lord, we can feel the intimacy that he had with the All-Merciful. This is the spring of meaning for those who have surrendered themselves, and an important element of our way of life that helps us persevere through difficult times.

References

• Chen, C.P. 2001. On Exploring Meanings: Combining Humanistic and Career Psychology Theories in Counselling. Counselling Psychology Quarterly 14:4.
• Dewey, J. (1933). How We Think. New York, NY: Heath Books.
• Frankl, V. 1963. Man’s Search for Meaning. Boston: Beacon Press.
• Lofland, J. and Lofland, L. 1996. Analyzing Social Settings. Third Edition. Wadsworth
• McArthur, H. 1958. The Necessity of Choice, Journal of Individual Psychology, 14, 153-157.

Examples can be studied in the lives of the Successors of the Companions of the Prophet, upon him be peace, and the Successors of the Successors, of knowledge (‘ilm), virtue, good conduct and courtesy. One of these great individuals was Bishr bin Harith, born in the year 152 after the Hijra, in the village of Bekird or Mabersam in Merve. He was well- known by his patronymic Abu Nasr. Bishr was an alcoholic and incurable frequenter of taverns. One day, while walking, he noticed on the ground a piece of paper which had been trodden upon. He stopped, bent down and saw that the word Allah was written on it. He went to a shop and with his last money bought musk, amber and rosewater with which he cleansed the piece of paper. He then placed the paper away from where people’s feet might go, to express respect for the Name. That night, one of the saints of that time had a dream, in which he heard this: ‘Go and tell Bishr that he cleansed My Name with musk and amber and I cleansed his name and purified him from all. I swear by My Glory that I will make his name loved and ennobled in this world and in the world to come.’ The one who dreamt this had known Bishr very well, and was most surprised because, to the best of his knowledge. Bishr had done nothing so remarkable as to deserve such honour. He meditated a while and made wudu and then went back to sleep. The same event recurred three times, with the saint dreaming the same dream successively three times. He came to the conclusion that his dream must be a truthful one. The following day he set about looking for Bishr, and eventually located him in a tavern. He sent a man to fetch him out of the tavern. Bishr did not want to come out and asked why he should. The man said that the one calling him had a special message for him. Bishr still would not come out, now wanting to know who this special message was from. The man returned to Bishr from the saint with the explanation that the message was from Allah. This time Bishr did not want to come out because he feared that he was about to be rebuked by Allah. However, when the saint sent the assurance that Allah would not rebuke him but, on the contrary, had good news for him, Bishr decided to come out. Bcfore leaving the tavern, Bishr turned to the people in it and bid them farewell with the words: ‘The Friend and His friends have sent me an invitation. I am going and you will never again see me in such places. And yourselves also, I leave to Him.’

No one saw Bishr in such places again. His life of wretchedness was over. From that time on, even though he was thoroughly converted to a decent life and had renounced all bad habits, there was one thing he never left behind him. That was the shame and the feeling of accountability for his former life. He despised worldly pleasures, became most particular and subtle about everything, and vowed never to return to those days. Also, he was never again seen wearing any shoes. Asked why, he said: ‘When I decided to renounce my former life and vowed not to return to it I was barefoot. So, because of (the memory of) that I become ashamed lest I should break my promise and return to my former ways.’ Because he went barefoot, he earned the nickname of al-Hafi.

Later, Bishr moved to Baghdad, settled there and began studying Islamic sciences, attending the talks and lectures of many eminent scholars of the age. He then travelled to Makka, Kufa and Basra to study further and expand his knowledge.

He was extremely particular and sensitive about what is halal (lawful) and haram (forbidden). He avoided eating doubtful things to such an extent that he once drank sea water, in view of the slight chance that the money with which the sultan provided water free for the people might have been earned through injustice, oppression, or other Islamically unlawful ways. He turned a deaf ear to the call of his self (nafs) and suppressed it by contradicting it each time. Even though his nafs desired to eat meat, he did not eat any for forty years. In fact, he did not earn so much as to afford meat. He avoided eating sweets in order not to spoil his nafs. He spent his days in hunger or continual fasting. Against the advice of those who tried to persuade him to eat, he said ‘Hunger purifies the heart, quenches one’s lust and carnal desires. and inspires subtlety of thought and knowledge’. In this way he urged people to mildness of conduct, sweet temper and frugality.

Whatever he did, Bishr wanted to do it just to earn the pleasure of Allah and utterly shunned publicity. He never sought to justify himself or what he did in the eyes of others. On the contrary, in true humility, he considered himself as lower than others. He did not attach much importance to the worldly life and always criticized and disapproved of people who sought the favours of governors and sultans.

Bishr had great intelligence (‘aql) and wisdom. He never gossiped about or slandered people. One of the scholars of his time, Ibrahim Harbi, remarked that ‘Baghdad has not raised a man who was wiser and who defended his tongue from idle talk and slander better than Bishr. People observed him for fifty years and had not witnessed him slander any one. It was as if he had an intelligence for each hair on his head. I never saw a man so virtuous as Bishr’.

Bishr was profound in reflection and reasoning. He held that not to commit sins and not to be disrespectful towards Allah is only possible through reflection and judgement, and that believers should thank Allah profusely for their iman (faith), which is one of the greatest of His blessings. Bishr’s sister, Zubdah, recounted this incident: ‘My brother Bishr visited me one evening. He came up to the gate of the house. He opened it, put one foot inside, suddenly stopped and fell into reflection. He stood still there during the whole night one step in and one step out in deep contemplation. I waited for him to come inside, but he did not. When the dawn was breaking, I could not keep myself from asking what he reflected so seriously and profoundly upon. Bishr replied: “I have been thinking that there are Christians, Jews and Zoroastrians who also have the name Bishr. My name and theirs are the same, but I am a Muslim and enjoy the greatest blessing of belief in Allah while they do not. So what a great blessing it is! And what could befall them in the Hereafter who keep from such a blessing of Allah?”

Abd al-Rahman Abu Hatim narrates this from Bishr himself: ‘I saw the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, in my dream. He asked me, O Bishr! Do you know why Allah raised you to such a high rank among your equals? I said, I don’t know, O Messenger of Allah. And he said, Because you follow my Sunna, serve the cause of righteousness, give good counsel to your Muslim brethren, and love my Companions and Family.’

Bishr bin Harith passed away in Baghdad in the year 227 after the Hijra. Many eminent scholars have recorded that people set out to bury his body after the morning prayer but only reached the place of burial at the time of the night prayer (isha) because of the sheer numbers who came to pay their last respects to so sincere a brother of theirs. May the blessing of Allah be upon him and his equals!

Sufyan bin Muhammad al-Masisi narrates: ‘I saw Bishr in a dream after his death. I asked Bishr how Allah had treated him, He said, ‘Allah forgave me and made the half of Paradise halal (permissible) to me.’