The idiom “being a child of one’s time,” or rather “being a child of the moment,” offers food for thought. In Islamic mysticism, a seeker of Truth is expected to focus on the moment. The past is gone, and the future is not yet here; one should not waste his or her energy with the sorrows of the past or concerns for the future; the best thing to do is to use the time at hand most efficiently. “Being a child of one’s time” (ibn al-waqt) also means that one should be equipped with the knowledge and qualifications that are needed in their day. Accordingly, one should take into consideration the prevailing circumstances, develop plans and programs to meet the needs of their contemporaries, and put to good use available opportunities.

In this issue’s lead article, Fethullah Gülen carries this human condition one step further when he speaks of “time and space to be our children and aides under our command.” The human, as the best of creation, has the capacity to master time and space at a spiritual level (abu’l-waqt), and, according to Gülen, this can be done if we can benefit from the blessings of “enchanting nights” to establish a stronger connection with the Divine.

How do you know if you should or should not trust somebody? Which news is true or not? We live in an age of information overload, which puts us in the difficult position of not knowing who or what to trust. Dr. Onur Stevens explains some of the research done in relation to building interpersonal trust. According to experts, there are certain parameters that need to be observed to establish trustworthiness between individuals. Also, learning about the achievements of historical figures who embodied the virtue of trust in their lifetimes is important if one is to be a more trustworthy person.

How would our world be if it was all black and white? Out of familiarity, we tend to forget the fact that color is one of the major factors that beautifies and diversifies our lives. Numan Erciyes writes about the chemistry of color, explaining anthocyanins, the largest group of pigments that is in charge to give flowers, plants, and trees their colors.

Sources of healing are plenty. Among them are predictable food like honey or cumin, or recommended lifestyles like exercise or diet. Yet, some other sources do not fall into this “predictable” category. Saliva is one of these. Dr. Irfan Yilmaz writes how saliva can be a painkiller and antidepressant. There is also research that shows that the fluid that mixes with saliva from the lungs of cancer patients can be used to attack the tumor and pave the way for immunotherapy.

Violence. It surrounds us. It is all over the media. It is so common in our society today that violence has become the norm rather than the exception. Perhaps one out of every ten people in the United States have experienced or witnessed a violent crime. Psychology Today states that homicide is the 5^th most common cause of death in the United States in all age brackets between 1 and 44 years. Violence to one’s self, in the form of suicide, is ranked second only to death by accidental causes. As violence is a behavior, it is common to lay the blame for violence to a psychological abnormality. Unfortunately, that is not the cut and dried case.

The potential for violence exists in all of us. It is part of our biology. Especially in males. Men are far more predisposed to violence than women, and this has been the case since the dawn of time. We were violent to hunt for food, protect ourselves and our families and to maintain order in society. As we can see, violence is still required today to do much the same thing.

Everywhere, we see the potential for violence. In how the police keep the peace, in how the military defends politics and diplomacy across the globe. In how one group seizes property, or food, or people against their will through the use of violence.

While we are predisposed to violence as a species, let us not forget that we haven’t brought ourselves to the point of extinction yet. This is because for all of our violent tendencies, society has developed a moral structure. Whether it’s because of a common belief in a spiritual concept, a religion, or just some inner moral compass, society has evolved with laws. These laws guide us through what is right and what is wrong. Such an evolution has brought some structure to societies, and has maintained some control over humanity’s violent aspects.

While yes, psychology is part of the equation of violence, there are other determining factors that make a person more predisposed to violence. For instance, it has often been discussed that environment, and external influence play a large part in violent behavior. A person who grows up in a violent environment, or around violent people may be more apt to be violent themselves. This can be seen across the United States where people grow up, and live in rough neighborhoods. Young impressionable people tend to go with the flow in order to be accepted by the elder violent natured individuals in their society. Observing aggressive behavior makes children learn new aggressive behaviors, for we tend to imitate the specific behaviors that we see, and start to believe that it is OK to do the same (Bandura 1973).

Influences in that environment could be a constant state of war such as we see in developing countries. It could be gang members who recruit younger people through coercion, or exposure to violence. It could be any number of hate groups who are able to influence people, imparting to them at a young age that one race or another is inferior, or to blame for something. In doing so, such groups are able to convince people that an ethnic group is deserving violence. So it can successfully be debated that environment, and external influence, are definitely keys to violent behavior.

There are others who argue that it is only biology that is the defining factor regarding violent behavior. In an article for Medical News Today, the author writes that the Hypothalamus, the ventrolateral part of the ventromedial hypothalamus, and the Lateral Septum areas of the brain are specifically to blame for violent behavior. Biology can be a factor to understand violent behavior in relation to build-up of electrical impulses that finally get released in a physical expression. But it surely does not help to explain exactly why these impulses get built-up.

In my opinion, I believe it is a combination of factors. I am United States Air Force veteran who has deployed to numerous locations where violence is common, and then spent time as a contractor there. From my exposure to these other cultures, I can say that I believe that environment plays a large part in violent behavior along with external influence. The more people are fed the idea that violence is acceptable, the more they are inclined to exhibit violent behavior.

It is true though that biology is really the tie that binds all of us into a predisposition for violence. Studies have shown that any person placed under enough negative mental stress will react violently to the situation they are in. In effect the Fight or Flight response is triggered. This is because regardless of environment, influence, or predisposition, we are all human and are all hardwired in the same way. Violence is a product of the Fight or Flight response. When presented with a given situation imbued with enough negative mental stress, we will either fight or run. Factors such as environment and influence will either mitigate or exacerbate our response.

To make matters worse, the ingestion of certain drugs such as amphetamines can produce states where the individual is more prone to be violent. The same can be said for alcohol, which is notorious for lowering impulse control. If the condition is chronic, then the individual will become violent over and over again. Again this is a matter of an external influence.

Now having said that, there are certain people who argue that psychology is the only defining factor. According many health professionals, mental illness is widely considered the principal cause for violent behavior.

People with psychotic tendencies who have no real sense of right or wrong are certainly more predisposed to violence. This is especially so in Paranoid Schizophrenics, where people come to believe they are being persecuted. They may then attack the person they believe is persecuting them. The same can be said of people who are sexually deviant. Often they will perform violent acts against other people to satisfy a psychological need. However, there is a standing argument that sexual deviance is a product of both environment, and the individual being a victim of sexual violence themselves. Therefore, potentially, sexual deviance is a result of environment and negative external influence.

The trend of violence in today’s society has reached epidemic proportions. In violent riots, people may act out violently because people around him or her are acting violently. It is perceived as normal to do so in such situations in which peer pressure, an external influence, lowers an individual’s self-control, thus allowing for violent behavior.

A child with a history of parental abuse kills small animals for the sheer enjoyment of doing so. The child has experienced violent behavior and is looking for an outlet to express his or her own violent tendencies. Once the child knows he or she has an outlet, they will continue to find ways to express their violent tendencies. The concern here is that as this person gets older, the need for release will need to be satisfied to a greater degree. Much in the way a drug addict needs larger and larger doses to maintain a high.

A soldier acts out violently on numerous occasions. He has a string of prior violent actions before joining the Army. Because of his violent tendencies, he is more accepted as a soldier. In such a situation, where violence is considered the norm, a person with a predisposition to violence could function for years before anyone caught on that they were actually emotionally disturbed.

A man with an automatic rifle walks in to a church and opens fire, killing dozens of people. Perhaps he has a deep seated hatred for an ethnic group. Or perhaps he has an issue with the religion being preached in the church. What is disturbing is that he has convinced himself over time that his actions are acceptable. He has decided that it is right to render violence to other people.

We see so much violence now that we have become jaded to it. Oversaturation of the topic by the media has made us numb to the violence in our society. We have in fact come to expect it. This is because the media knows that bad news sells better than good news. This is another example of external influence.

It is therefore my opinion that yes psychology does play a part. So does environment and external influence. When these three factors are combined with the fact that we are by nature, and biology violent creatures, the predisposition for violence increases exponentially. A word of caution however in stereotyping people who, based on these factors, are predisposed to violent behavior. We are all capable of violence. It merely depends on the situation we find ourselves in at a given moment in time.

References

• Bandura, A. (1973). Aggression: A social learning analysis. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall.

·       Fields. R. Douglas. 2016. “The Science of Violence,” Psychology Today.

• https://psychweb.chbs.jmu.edu/Graysojh/pdfs/Volume101-ChildrenWhoAbuseAnimals.pdf
• https://www.traversebaycac.org/2018/06/15/animal-abuse-child-abuse-link/

How excessive cell phone usage can cripple a child’s mental development

The scene of a quiet child tapping away at a phone or tablet with glee is an image that, by now, most people are familiar with. It may seem cute at first, however a sinister reality lurks beneath this scenario. Overwhelming research now shows that excessive cell phone usage in infants and adolescents can slow down, or even permanently alter, various parts of their extremely sensitive and still growing brains. Social skills, cognitive abilities, and emotional awareness can all be affected. This technology is often incredibly addicting because of its constant bombardment of lights, colors, and rewarding sounds that can thus inhibit a child’s ability to focus, learn how to properly socialize with other humans, and develop an interest in other activities. We as a society should be more aware of the effects that our phones have on our children so that we do not end up altering the biology of an entire generation. It should be our utmost goal as a society that we stay technologically literate so that we make our technology supplement our lives and work for us as opposed to being dependent on it to survive.

How much time is too much time?

Smart phones have positive benefits for children when used in small amounts, however there are dangerous consequences if their usage is excessive and left unchecked. For the sake of clarity, “excessive phone usage” will refer to the American Academy of Pediatric’s (AAP) 2018 suggested screen time limits.

“Avoid digital media for toddlers younger than 18 to 24 months other than video chatting. For children 18 to 24 months, watch digital media with them because they learn from watching and talking with you. Limit screen use for preschool children, ages 2 to 5, to just 1 hour a day of high-quality programming” [1].

Cell phones can permanently stunt a child’s neural development

Scientists have identified the first three years of a child’s life to be their “critical years,” a time when their brains are undergoing the most development and are the most sensitive to new information. It is imperative that children constantly interact with their parents via face to face communication, problem solving, and play in order to begin experiencing life while establishing the literal building blocks that will enable them to perceive and interact with the world around them for the rest of their lives. Children’s minds are akin to soft clay that can be easily molded, and both positive and negative experiences can have lasting effects on them. Excessive screen time can cause permanent damage to the brain and can inhibit “the ability to focus, to concentrate, to lend attention, to sense other people’s attitudes and communicate with them, (and) to build a large vocabulary….”

The short term, immediate gratification responses that phones constantly give usually train our brains to become addicted to always expecting quick responses from tasks that we engage in. This can make completing longer tasks that require more focus such as reading, paying attention in class, doing homework, or holding a conversation more difficult and can have lasting ramifications on a child’s performance in school and in social settings [2].

Excessive usage can make children socially awkward and anxious

As most teens and adults learn the hard way, the best way to grow socially is by directly engaging in the social behaviors that we often dread the most. Making new friends, talking to the opposite gender, and public speaking all become easier the more a person partakes in the activity despite how nerve-wracking they may initially be. This is especially true for children, who are socially clean slates that learn how to socialize by interacting with other children, their parents, and through play. Cell phone usage promotes a sedentary lifestyle, and a child can rarely grow socially by being sedentary. Playing with other kids teaches cooperation, empathy, and compassion. These are very human traits that cell phones cannot teach a child. Failing to develop strong social skills can lead to social anxiety, which has a host of its own problems, since a child may be ill-prepared to deal with social scenarios such as these ones.

The AAP recommends interacting with your child by asking them questions and encouraging a response while they use phones instead of just leaving them to their own devices. This way, they are interacting with their parents, as is necessary for their growth, and having the phone supplement their learning in the way that it is supposed to.

Prolonged usage can easily lead to addiction and dependence

Our brains have a built-in reward system that awards us when we achieve something of value. The chemical most commonly associated with this system, and most well-known by society, is dopamine. Normally, our brains receive dopamine in reasonable and completely safe doses as we go about our day whenever we feel we should be rewarded for something. This can include finishing an assignment, sending a difficult email to an even more difficult colleague, or when eating sweets. It makes us feel good and relaxed but can be addicting in large amounts. Cell phones can cause an overproduction of dopamine that has been compared, though to a lesser extent, to the excessive amount of dopamine produced as a result of abusing hard drugs, such as cocaine. Have you ever caught yourself reaching for your phone, without even thinking about it, as soon you hear a text message notification go off? That’s dopamine at work. It’s the rush that we get when something satisfactory happens, and it is all too easy to trigger with phones. Dopamine can easily become addictive, and the brain can become dependent on receiving a certain amount of dopamine every once in a while if it receives too much too quickly. This may be one reason why we may sometimes glance at our phones even if we know there is nothing new to look at.

In children whose brains are still developing, this dependence on dopamine can be catastrophic towards their growth. Their brains are much more susceptible to dopamine addictions than teens or adults are, though this is not to imply that older populations are safe. This is why a child may seem impossibly glued to a phone and will throw a tantrum once they are told to put it down. A proven method to help rid addictions, including cell phone addictions, is to replace the addictive behavior with a similar, healthier, but equally satisfying behavior. Phones can be replaced with Legos, or other interactive toys, in order to teach a child that there are ways to have fun besides phones. Going cold on an addiction rarely works as it does not sate the brain’s hunger for dopamine.

It is entirely possible for us to regain control

Fortunately, there are plenty of solutions that families can utilize in order to make sure that phones do not dominate their lives. Professional organizations such as the AAP and Mayo Clinic stress the importance of unstructured playtime for the minds of young children. In general, psychologists have realized that unstructured play is actually vital for the growth of children’s brains since it encourages creativity, imagination, and problem solving. Their brains are encountering problems, and thus creating solutions that lead to growth and understanding, while they play. Cell phones, on the other hand, tend to do the work for them instead and do not allow the brain to learn. This is especially true for videos that tell children everything that they need to know and do not give them time to problem-solve on their own.

The AAP encourages parents to establish a Family Media Plan that clearly outlines when and where family members can use their technology. Parents may consider forbidding technology at certain places, such as the dinner table, or doing activities, such as weekly board game nights, without technology either in order to remove the barriers that technology so often puts between us. A strong family is one where all family members have firm trust, understanding, and respect in between one another. Less face-to-face interaction, and an obsession with screens from both parents and children, can very much damage these bonds. You can make a Digital Media Plan for your family at www.HealthyChildren.org/MediaUsePlan.

Technology is awesome when used properly and in reasonable amounts!

Virtually every person can name at least one technological medium that brings them joy and can bring them closer to the people that they care about. For some, this may be gathering around the couch and watching a movie or TV show. Others may prefer interactive video games that can bring the family together and can promote bonding in ways similar to board games. The internet also possesses an infinite treasure trove of resources that can greatly enhance education and our general quality of life. This technology mainly becomes problematic once we fail to monitor it properly and allow it to spiral out of control. But in moderation and under control, these innovations are a series of mind-blowing inventions that dazzle the mind and can very much aid our personal and family goals.

There are organizations out there that are constantly raising awareness and promoting online safety

In recent years, parents have realized how destructive cell phones can be to their families and have decided to do something about it. “Wait Until 8^th” is a grassroots movement that encourages parents across the country to take a pledge that they will not give their children a smart device until they are at least 8 years old. It was started by Brooke Shannon and a few other parents in Austin, Texas, and works to empower parents and communities about the dangers of cell phones for kids. You can learn more about the pledge at www.waituntil8th.org.

There is also a wealth of resources for parents that are concerned about their children’s online safety. The National Cyber Security Alliance, Project Safe Childhood, and National Center for Missing and Exploited Children all help spread awareness about internet safety and the consequences of careless internet surfing. It should be a goal of every parent to stay technologically literate and up to date about which websites their children are visiting and the apps that they use.

Make technology work for you, as opposed to working for it

Our world is changing faster than we can adapt to it, and smart phones are no exception. New technology always presents new challenges, especially when it can take so long to thoroughly research the effects that this technology can have on our minds and bodies. It is important to always stay technologically literate so that we may provide the best quality of life that we can for our families. Technology, above all else, is a double-edged sword.

References

1. “Children and Media Tips from the American Academy of Pediatrics.” org, 1 May 2018, www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/news-features-and-safety-tips/Pages/Children-and-Media-Tips.aspx.
2. “What Screen Time Can Really Do to Kids’ Brains.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/behind-online-behavior/201604/what-screen-time-can-really-do-kids-brains.

When you ride a rollercoaster for the first time you feel a surge of emotions that grab, terrify, and haunt you all at once – well, at least at the start. But once you get over that first drop, that first mind bending, gut wrenching drop, you suddenly realize that your life isn’t over. And not only is your life not over, it’s also exciting anticipating what else is around the corner.  When the adrenaline takes over, the fear of the impending disaster dissipates.

That’s what pregnancy was for me. I had the initial fear seeing the digital test flash “pregnant.” That fear wasn’t because it wasn’t planned – technically, we did plan. We got married, bought the nice house in a subdivision, and had a fantastic waiting period of five years so that we could explore married life without kids. The fear was the feeling of “oh no, what have we done?!”

And I wasn’t the only one who felt it! My husband had that look on his face when I showed him the test. He didn’t jump around with joy or even smile; he just looked at me with an expression of confusion and worry that settled somewhere closer to acceptance. You would have thought we were two fifteen year olds still in high school with no life achievements. But what mattered most wasn’t our initial reaction. What mattered was the journey we were embarking on together as husband and wife. The excitement hit us quickly enough, along with the extreme nausea and vomiting that plagued me for months.

My husband always wanted a beautiful baby girl. That was his desire from the start. I don’t have to explain how happy he was when the ultrasound tech told us what we were having. We decided to have a nice small and intimate reveal party, just for the grandparents. We got the idea to get cute pink build-a-bears to give to the prospective grandmothers and we revealed our daughter’s name along with the due date. It was exciting and wonderful.

But life always has a drop waiting around the corner. It never fails: impending doom lurks, waiting for its next victim. It wouldn’t be a journey if it didn’t have obstacles. So that is what I first thought when my OB/GYN called me to come to the office exactly one week after the reveal party. But I could have never prepared myself for the words “positive for Down syndrome.” I kept thinking, how could this be? My husband and I were both still in our twenties and healthy, with no family history of anything more than diabetes. This couldn’t happen to us! I stared at my husband, and he had the look of suffocation, as if the room had been stripped of oxygen. We rushed home to do research, to ease our minds into believing that the prenatal test was inaccurate or wrong. We even grasped at the straw of someone in a lab mixing my blood with someone else’s. Our parents reassured us that it was a faulty test, it happened all the time in the eighties and early nineties. My husband held fast to thoughts of positivity, but I ventured into the realm of realism very early because I knew that life always gives you something that you perceive to be unfair and unbearable. That drop was unbearable.

The twist and turns came in the next few months with the fantastic ultrasound test that showed no signs of Down syndrome at all on our little one. But of course, me being the president of the realm of realistic notions, I couldn’t allow myself to be too relieved. But could anyone really blame me? I mean if my child was to be born with Down syndrome, wouldn’t I, as her mother, need to be there for her? If the doctor pulled her from my womb and the true visualization of her features set in, and she bore obvious signs of that extra chromosome, I would still reach for my child and hold her tighter than a mother bear.

My husband and parents could step out of the room and regain their composures, while going through the stages of grief all the way to acceptance and unconditional love. But me, being momma, I needed to go through that ahead of time, so when my baby girl was handed to me the only thing she would feel was my undying and unwavering love for her.

I did the only thing I could do: I prayed. Not to take away any disabilities or deformities. How could I? How could I be so presumptuous to ask God to make my life any easier than the next person’s? No one has it easy. No, instead I prayed for a healthy beautiful baby girl. And I spent hours telling God “thank you.” I was grateful that I could conceive, and that I had a great husband who also would love our daughter unconditionally. I was thankful for the roof over my head and the qualities that my loving parents instilled in me, because during my pregnancy there was barely a week that went by without hearing about a woman killing or abandoning the baby she didn’t want. I was thankful to have compassion and natural human affection. I spent hours crying and speaking my peace with God, knowing that no matter how different she might be, my daughter was a direct gift from Him and I knew that I only wanted what was best for my child, which is to be better than me. That is what all parents truly want.

When the delivery was over, so was that ride of loops and drops. Because when they handed me my little girl all I saw were her perfections, no flaws. And my husband thanked me for bringing our child into the world. Even now, two years later he still thanks me, and I still thank God because he answered my prayers.

This entire ordeal taught me many lessons about life and our ability to make it harder than it needs to be. Sometimes we ourselves are the disasters we try so hard to avoid. It’s our thinking and our mindset that end up getting the best of us and turning something that can be conquered into a mountain of pain. I learned that you don’t have to be a saint to put trust in a higher power to guide you. I could have allowed the fear of the unknown to destroy me, to cause me to become so paralyzed that I lost my ability to avert a disaster. We all have that ability, regardless of what life sends our way. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but also what we perceive as a catastrophe is ultimately left up to our own interpretations.  

Now I am on a new rollercoaster ride. New twists, turns, and drops, each one filled with thoughts of fear and despair. But this ride is called motherhood. Every day I am forced to reset my thinking and my viewpoint on things. I remind myself that it is my choice as to whether something is a mountain or a molehill. Do I choose to wallow in negative thoughts of impending doom or do I look for the way out of the tunnel, the light that is always at the end? Because when I look at my life over the past couple of years, every disaster that has come my way has made my family and me stronger and more versatile. And every blessing that has come our way is received with gratitude and graciousness.

Do I see everything through rose colored glasses now? Not in the least. I was and will always be a realist. Seeing life for what it is will constantly require an endless readjusting of our minds. The truth is, we never truly stop riding the rollercoaster. We can only hope to learn how to enjoy it as much as possible. If we don’t, we are doomed to see every event as something to cower in front of. You don’t get to know when it is coming, and you don’t get to know what it will be, but you do get to choose how it will affect your life: mountain or molehill? I choose to see the twists and turns of my pregnancy as the blessing they always have been. My daughter has no real health issues or problems, no heart defects and no developmental delays. She is healthy and beautiful, with a smile that will bring the world to its knees. All that I truly wanted was for my baby girl to be healthy and smart. She is beyond everything I could have dreamed possible. When I look into her eyes, I am aware that she may have difficult days ahead, but she will have many happy ones, and on her worst day she is still better than I am.

UNICEF defines an orphan as “a child who has lost one or both parents” (UNICEF Orphans). By this definition, UNICEF estimates that over 132 million children are orphans in sub-Saharan Africa, Asia, Latin America, and the Caribbean, not to mention the number of children in Western countries who can be encompassed with that broad definition. This definition is necessarily broad because to lose even one parent renders a child vulnerable to poverty, and educational and social neglect.

Of these many millions, roughly 13 million children are without both parents due to abandonment or death. Many of these children live with a grandparent or other family member who may be in need of support in order to care for the child or children. A portion of this 13 million are without extended family support and are served in orphanages, group homes, children’s villages, and in some communities, foster families. Some of these children are permanently integrated into the life of an unrelated family, but many are left to their own devices on the street.

What is our responsibility to orphans? As do other holy scriptures, the Qur’an makes it clear that these children are everyone’s responsibility, directly or indirectly. What is necessary and just to provide for our own children should not be denied to someone else’s child. It is not the will of God that they remain neglected or are pushed aside in society. We need to remember the numerous injunctions in the Qur’an and the teachings of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, to care for orphans, to provide for their needs, and to treat them with justice.

In Chapter An-Nisa’ (Women), the rights of orphans are specifically protected. “[…] you must be assiduous in observing the rights of orphans. Whatever good you do, surely God has full knowledge of it” (4:127). In Chapter Al-Ma’un, caring for orphans and others in need is required of us, pointing out that the ritual of our prayers are empty without service to humanity and that this does not go unnoticed in the Last Days.

“Have you ever considered one who denies the Last Judgment? That is he who repels the orphan, and does not urge the feeding of the destitute. And woe to those worshippers (denying the Judgment), those who are unmindful in their Prayers, those who want to be seen and noted (for their acts of worship), yet deny all assistance (to their fellowmen).” (107:1-7)

The Qur’an leaves no doubt that caring for vulnerable children is a vital component of a faithful life. The rights of orphans should be carefully guarded and the impact on those who violate those rights is spiritually devastating. Additionally, orphan care is also part of how we are instructed to worship. Worship of the Creator is a broad and life encompassing experience. Our actions and the way in which we conduct our lives is a form of worship. In verse 4:36 of the Qur’an, worship is linked to how we treat people who are in need, including orphans:

“And worship God and do not associate anything as a partner with Him; and do good to your parents in the best way possible, and to the relatives, orphans, the destitute, the neighbor who is near (in kinship, location, faith), the neighbor who is distant (in kinship and faith), the companion by your side (on the way, in the family, in the workplace, etc.), the wayfarer, and those who are in your service…” (4:36).

If we do not “do good” to vulnerable children, we are neglecting an explicit component of worship, according to the verse above.

The UNICEF definition of an orphan as given in the beginning is largely in line with the historical definition within mainstream Islamic jurisprudence. The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, himself lost his father before he was born and lived with a foster family (a common practice at the time, not necessarily due to one’s status as an orphan) as an infant until both his mother and foster parents deemed it wise for him to stay with his mother. At age six, he then lost his mother to illness. Imagine the constant transition, loss, social insecurity, and sorrow, all by age six. He suffered in the same manner as countless children do today. The tribe had the responsibility to provide for the needs of orphaned children, but handling such loss was a trial then as it is now – a challenge requiring spiritual as well as material care.

The experience of the Prophet is a vital and divine example clearly expressed in the Qur’an to elicit emotion and commitment, directed to both Muhammad, peace be upon him, and to all humanity. The Qur’an makes an example of God’s Messenger and his experience as an orphan in Chapter Ad-duha (The Forenoon):

“Did He not find you an orphan and give shelter (to you)? And find you unguided and guide you? And find you in want and make you self-sufficient? Therefore, do not oppress the orphan; nor chide and drive away the petitioner.” (93:6-10)

The Prophet also praised the ones who take care of orphans: “I and the person who looks after an orphan and provides for him, will be in Paradise like this,” putting his index and middle fingers together (Bukhari).

Adoption and kafala

The full reality of adoption laws and practice interact with a web of issues including children’s rights, human psychology, local culture, international and national laws, family and cultural identity, religious concerns, and even property and inheritance rights. When circumstance denies a relationship with a biological family, only culture prevents many children from being embraced by the deepest friendship of care and protection in a family setting, regardless of birth. Islam itself does not prevent this.

What Islam does is to protect the rights of orphans to know their origins and protects them against manipulation for the gain of those caring for them. All their needs are to be provided for with dignity, mercy, and justice.

One of the primary difficulties faced in conversations about “adoption” between parties in the West and traditionally Muslim communities is simply how we define the term “adoption.” In the West, the term “adoption” (or equivalent word in varying languages) carries different meanings depending on the circumstances of a particular family. It can range from a situation shrouded in secrecy where a child is never told that he or she is adopted to a situation in which there is ongoing personal contact with the biological family of the child who are, for one reason or another, unable or unwilling to care for the child themselves. Legal adoption, at least in the United States, does mean that the child will automatically inherit from the adoptive parents (and not from the biological parents) in the event of their death, and it is increasingly rare for there to be no acknowledgement of the child’s heritage. Of course, a will written by either the biological or adoptive family would allocate the distribution of inheritance in any way that the parents desire, overriding an automatic distribution. These are relatively small details that have straightforward solutions if they are in conflict with Islamic ethics.

A primary concern about “adoption” according to the Muslim community is that it erases the biological family. This is not necessarily so as practiced in the United States. Adoption is a legal construct that provides permanency in a child’s living situation and cultural experience. It allows for a consistent and potentially deeply bonded emotional and social experience that an orphanage or foster care does not provide. The outcome for children who grow up in a family which is committed to their care is significantly more positive than for those who grow up in institutional care. Statistics supporting this assertion began to be widely publicized in the United States beginning in the early twentieth century. None of this precludes ongoing contact with the child’s heritage.

Many of the stipulations regarding family care of an orphan in traditional Islamic family law are very similar to what is known as “open” adoption in the West, an arrangement in which full disclosure about identity is required and in some cases even allows for ongoing interaction between the adopted child and their family of origin. Experience has shown that some level of openness provides a better outcome over time for the well being of the child. The other side of the coin is “closed” adoption in which all ties to the child’s biological family are severed, even to the point of not informing them that they are adopted. This is what is forbidden in Islamic law and in practice is more traumatizing for the child than open adoption.

The traditional form of “adoption” in Islamic jurisprudence is called kafala. Kafala is very similar to open adoption or legal guardianship in that a child’s identity is always maintained and respected. It is a form of guardianship which resembles foster-parenting, but is more stable. It is defined as, “The commitment to voluntarily take care of the maintenance, of the education, and of the protection of a minor, in the same way a parent would do for a child,” but maintains recognition of the child’s family background, including automatic inheritance rights (Shura Council). Even in a fully legal adoption in the Western context, if the arrangements are “open,” there is no mystery as to the child’s origins.

Both open adoption and kafala provide care for children in a stable manner that is ongoing and provides the network and knowledge of family life that we require in order to fully function throughout our lives.

An additional difference between adoption in the West and kafala is that Western adoption views adopted children as unmarriageable to members of the adoptive family. Any relationship between adopted children and members of the adopting family would be considered incest. This is not technically so under the kafala system. Non-related children raised in one’s home are technically considered “marriageable” (non-mahram), though it is important to realize that this does not mean such a marriage should take place or will. This is perhaps one of the greatest barriers for families who might otherwise decide to raise orphans in their home.

Concern over issues of privacy can inhibit families from caring for orphans long-term in their homes. I have encountered this concern as a reason to not take in orphans despite there being no actual discouragement from doing so in Islamic jurisprudence. In the abstract, without an actual child in front of you, it is easy to worry about privacy for individuals who are non-mahram and the desire to be relaxed within one’s own home. A place to start in approaching this issue is to keep in mind the strong injunction to provide for the needs of orphans and the well-documented observation that children are cared best when they have an experience of family-life that they feel entitled to and caregivers who are uniquely committed to their welfare. Concern about privacy does not cancel out this necessity and people should draw a balance between responding to this need while maintaining their privacy.

There are many cultural dynamics that are intermingled with religious practice in relation to matters of privacy, dress code, and behavior in a family. Many cases of sexual abuse are a result of psychiatric disorders and social ties are as important as blood ties. The Qur’an clearly encourages treating orphans as brothers and sisters when interacting with orphans. A sudden segregation of an adopted child at puberty may cause severe damage to the child and other members of the household. Yet, it is necessary to be cautious and observe prescriptions that relate to intermixing within the family to avoid privacy violations. Thus, it is important to develop a very finely tuned relationship in the case of adoption where transition to adulthood may cause sensitive zones to arise among the household. Parents should be extremely careful during such times and never compromise from sincere affection to the adopted kid.

Each individual situation requires wisdom and a sincere desire to meet the needs of adopted children and other household members. We all have a responsibility to contribute directly or indirectly to orphan care. We need to deeply consider adoption alternatives in the care of children so that they have a safe haven within the community. The ability of communities to care for their most vulnerable is an indicator of spiritual health. Flexibility and faith in the All-Merciful while trying to understand the meanings of our scriptures are vital in practicing a religion. If our cultural practices place barriers between us and fulfilling the ordinances of the scripture, we need to re-evaluate our cultural practices with courage and immediacy.

Bibliography

• Bukhari. (n.d.). Retrieved 08 08, 2013, from Bukhari Collection Volume 8, Book 73, Number 34: http://www.searchtruth.com/book_display.php?book=73translator=1start=0number=34
• McCabe, J. (1983). FBD Marriage: Further Support for the Westermarck Hypothesis of the Incest Taboo? American Anthropologist , 85, 50-69.
• Shepher, J. (1983). Incest: A Biosocial View.
• Shura Council, M. W. (n.d.). Adoption and the Care of Orphan Children: Islam and the Best Interests of the Child. Retrieved 08 08, 2013, from wisemuslimwomen.org: http://www.wisemuslimwomen.org/images/activism/Adoption_(August_2011)_Final.pdf
• Unal, A. (2006). The Qur’an with Annotated Interpretation in Modern English. New Jersey: Light.
• UNICEF, Orphans. (n.d.). Orphans. Retrieved 08 08, 2013, from Unicef: http://www.unicef.org/media/media_45279.html

The ruler’s time was fading away. He needed to train soldiers and workers and find more resources. He also had to make some donations to the neighboring villages, as he knew that the more they all helped one another, the more likely they would be to defend their territory. Jack was still happy because they had at least put up walls around the village, built barracks for people, and two camps for soldiers. He was spending four or five hours checking the village every day, because he knew the ruler had to take care of his home. Suddenly, he heard the voice coming from the old and loyal tower. It was telling news of the war. Jack gathered all his soldiers because he was the only one to command them. Strategy was so important, because bad planning would mean the end of all the villages. After a brave speech, they started to march. All the soldiers’ attention was directed to Jack, waiting for his commands.

But suddenly, Jack lost all his soldiers. He was mad and ran away from his room to check the router and saw that there was no internet connection. What was he going to do now? Jack sighed. He supposed he would do homework instead. Exams were getting closer; all his enthusiasm faded away.

It does not matter what age you are, most people find it difficult to concentrate on the task they are required to do. There are books, seminars and many activities to motivate people to finish their work. These all show that we face an important problem with handling our responsibilities.

This is also one of the key issues in education. Much research has focused on how to improve the engagement and motivation of young people towards their school work. As you have probably heard, it’s almost a cliché that most parents complain about young people’s irresponsibility regarding school work and work around the home. While this has been a problem standing in front of us for a while now, we must ask: what makes these kinds of distracting video games so appealing?

The story told above is happening every day. That video game has been downloaded more than 50 million times and is being played every day by millions of people of various ages. The first time I had heard of this game was when I conducted interviews with children using a tablet PC in school. Although my focus of the research was not about mobile games, this was brought up when I wanted to make informal conversation before initiating the interview. One boy was so enthusiastic when we started to talk about this game, that he mentioned he would stop playing the game, go to sleep, but set his alarm for five hours later – his worker would have finished the task he’d been assigned, and the boy would wake up to assign a new task Not finishing such a task would mean lagging behind his peers, for his village would not develop.

I asked him, “what is so nice about this game? You are just building and upgrading buildings and fighting against others.”

The answer was, “I don’t know; it is just fun.”

I also installed the game. I had played it for two months until I woke up at 3 a.m. with a notification. One of my workers had finished his work and I assigned him another task. Then I tried to sleep. I opened my eyes again after a couple of seconds and saw my wife’s shocked eyes. She could not believe I woke up just for this. It was the last time I played the game. But the question was still in my mind: how could we trigger our sense of responsibility by exemplifying the methods of the game in real life?

We – people in education, parents – spend a considerable amount of time and resources to nurture children in a manner so that they become aware of their responsibilities. However, schools, teachers, homework, etc. are seen as boring and something to be escaped by most children.

Gamification is a trendy jargon nowadays. It aims at transforming real life context in a manner that adopts game thinking in online platforms. From this perspective, it proposes to increase motivation, engagement, sense of enjoyment, and the positive attitudes of people towards work (Huanng and Soman, 2013). While there is much research in the sector of business, gamification is also widely recognized in education. The educational purpose of gamification is that instead of blunting the way children best learn, the way they enjoy to learn should be adapted in an educational context. This is not a new idea, as this was also expressed in other contexts. For example, Said Nursi touches on a crucial point:

One reason why preachers’ advice is ineffective nowadays is that they invite people to change their nature. They advise: “Do not be envious or ambitious, do not feel enmity or be obstinate, do not love the world,” and so on. Such advice is useless, for it is against human nature. Instead, these energies can and should be channeled into good deeds and directed toward positive aims. (The Ninth Letter, p. 53)

If we want to apply this method in education, the first thing we should consider is what children like and enjoy most. Obviously, many of them enjoy playing games and any advice like, “Don’t play games! Don’t laugh during the lesson! Don’t spend time in front of the computer! Be quiet in class!” will be counter-productive. As in Said Nursi’s statement, this is asking the impossible from a child who is created to learn in an environment that offers play, social interaction, and competition.

Jean Piaget is a well-known theorist about play and the cognitive development of children. He emphasizes the importance of play and its contribution to healthy development of children (Sutton-Smith, 1983). Vygotsky (1967) also underlines social play and peer interaction in child development. However, while Vygotsky gives the example of a child who rides an imaginary horse with a stick, today’s children’s perception of play has changed and continues to change dramatically. Therefore, it should be understood how Jack’s and my sense of responsibility were piqued. While we both cognitively focused and spent a considerable amount of time on this game, we also enjoyed doing so.

From the perspectives above, the stimulating dynamics used in games could be transformed in a suitable manner into curriculum and the classroom environment could be redesigned. This can also be adapted into work environments, as in Google whose office buildings are colorful rather than plain, and there is even a slide for their workers to use instead of stairs. Their aim is to make the environment flexible so people in the firm do not perceive what they are doing as a work.

There is also educational technology that pays attention to gamification. ClassDojo is one of them. It is a simple but effective idea to attract student’s attention and change their behavior. Each student chooses an avatar that looks like a small monster and the teacher assesses various things on behalf of the students’ avatars. Teachers can give immediate feedback to students. For example, when a student shows a negative behavior in class or solves a question, students will see the changes in his/her ClassDojo app on their mobile device. The children I interviewed showed great enthusiasm about this application and interestingly, they perceive this application as a game, although the only differences between this application and normal assessment sheets were the avatars and the template. Kahoot and Socrative are two other mobile applications that these students have experience with. These mobile applications are also perceived as joyful, competitive, and rich learning platforms.

While considering how to transfer the strategies of the game into the real life context, it should not be forgotten that there are parents and teachers who have serious reservations about games, as some of their children are addicted to these kinds of games. They are right to have these doubts and I do not think games are absolutely innocent. In fact, most strategy games, including the one that me and Jack became addicted to, have many negative messages, from stealing to killing people. But when it is impossible to avoid them completely, it is best to focus on the positive themes and actualize them for productive outcomes in schools and family life.

All in all, I am still thinking about the situation of my village and neighborhoods. The rulers of neighboring villages were sad and angry when I said that I was leaving: “Winter” was getting closer and they needed my donations and the soldiers I trained. I am now consoling myself as my wife, who is a child psychologist, assigned me to do cleaning and made me think of all the bacteria as my enemies and a big threat to our lovely village (home). As parents and educators, it is our duty to discover the way your children and students learn and produce your own real games.

Ahmet Tugra is a PhD candidate in the department of Learning, Technology and Education in the UK.

Sleep, baby, sleep
Your father tends the sheep
Your mother shakes the dreamland tree
And from it fall sweet dreams for thee
Sleep, baby, sleep
Sleep, baby, sleep.^[1]

Babies are such cute bundles of joy. They are simply adorable and very innocent. The birth of a baby is a miraculous event, and all babies deserve to be loved, no matter where they are born.

Lullabies are love songs written for them. Parents sing lullabies to their precious loved ones to send them sweetly into their dreams. In almost every culture, lullabies are inspirations and prayers for precious little children. Such songs hand down the hopes and dreams of parents, from generation to generation.

“Hush-a-bye” is a lullaby with a story behind it. It was collected by Alan Lomax, who learned it from his mother, who took it from North Carolina to Texas after the Civil War^[2]. It was originally sung by an African American slave. The “lambie” symbolizes the slave-mother’s child, for whom she is unable to care because she is too busy taking care of her owner’s child, to whom the song is being sung. The lullaby’s sourness is cleverly hidden in the comparison between the two children: one is a protected white child growing up privileged and the other is a black baby, left defenseless in nature^[3].

Hush-a-bye, don’t you cry,
Go to sleepy little baby.
When you wake, you’ll have cake,
And all the pretty little horses.

Black and bay, dapple and grey,
Coach and six little horses,
Hush-a-bye, don’t you cry,
Go to sleepy little baby.
Hush-a-bye, don’t you cry,
Go to sleepy little baby,
When you wake, you’ll have cake,
And all the pretty little horses.

Way down yonder, down in the meadow,
There’s a poor wee little lamby.
The bees and the butterflies pickin’ at its eyes,
The poor wee thing cried for her mammy.

Hush-a-bye, don’t you cry,
Go to sleepy little baby.
When you wake, you’ll have cake,
And all the pretty little horses.

Other than being musical stories, lullabies are also beautiful gifts from a parent’s heart to a baby’s ear. Every parent around the world sings a delightful lullaby in her native tongue to relax their child. Lullabies are great examples of how we show love in similar ways all around the world. There is no difference between us and the people on the other end of the world when it comes to our affection for our babies. We all love our babies and open our hearts to them with these songs. There are different lyrics or different rhythms, but they express the same love, support, and concern for the little human beings.

For example, in an Armenian lullaby, a mother says:

The south wind rocks you back and forth
Let the stars converse with you
And the sun and moon calm you
The wild deer will offer its milk
Sleep, sleep.^[5]

And an Azerbaijani lullaby goes as follows:

Every passing bird, every river
Says lay-lay to you my baby
In our most joyful and beautiful motherland
You are my pride and joy
You are my soul that is within my own soul
Your breath is so clean and innocent
Like the light wind in the field.^[6]

Although there is a long history of conflict between the two south Caucasus countries, there is no difference in a parent’s compassion and warm wishes for their children. They both pick nature up as their babies’ playmates and want them to grow up within that nature. Both of the lullabies can comfort a baby with a familiar voice.

Below are two lullabies from Israel and an Arabic country, Morocco. Would you be able to tell which one is from which country?

The first one is:

Sleep, my little girl, sleep
Sleep, my darling one, sleep
Daddy has gone off to work.
To work, to work he’s gone.
He’ll be back when the moon rises
With a gift for his little one.^[7]

And the other one is:

Sleep my baby
Until the meal’s ready.
And if it isn’t,
The neighbor’s will be.

Sleep my baby
Until your mommy’s arrived
The bread is on the table
The sweets are on the tray.^[8]

The former is from Israel and the latter from Morocco, but universal love is embedded into the message of both lullabies. They both touch our hearts. They are both very special in every way. No stereotypes, no wars, no hatred is passed on to babies; only love, and peace, are fostered in lullabies. Thus, lullabies provide an excellent tool to teach children to love all creatures. They allow the sharing of emotions that are filtered and softened by mothers’ heart. When people comfort their babies or make them feel more secure by singing them a lullaby, they also teach them the biggest life lessons. Lullabies smoothly whisper the essentials of life, the common needs of all human beings to babies’ ears.

Talking about the essentials of life, the adversities in life are a fact that the children must also be prepared for. But even when talking about the negative aspects of life, lullabies introduce them gently. An intelligent lullaby from Turkey passes along good wishes to a child, but also teaches a valuable lesson.

Dandini dandini dastana
Into the garden the calves did stray.
Gardener quickly chases them away.
Don’t let them eat the cabbages,
Huuu huuu huuu

Dandini dandini danadan
A moon is born from a mother’s womb,
God has not withheld anything from him
May God protect him from the Evil Eye
Huuu huuu huu hu

Dandini dandini danayli
May our pots be coated with tin
May my daughter be a bride in a mansion
And my son dwell in a palace
Huuu huuu huu hu.^[4]

In this lullaby, a mother’s desire for her son not to get married to a girl she does not approve is hidden beneath the lyrics in an amazingly clever way. The calf symbolizes the son and the garden represents life, while the gardener is the father, and cabbage is the girl that is not approved of by the boy’s mother. So the mother wants the father to keep that girl away.

There are lullabies like the one above that are very personal and private, in which the narrator expresses how she really feels and thinks about certain issues while telling her stories. Such songs can help a parent express their own emotions more clearly, too, especially when they are unable to share them with others. Thus, lullabies soothe and help not only the babies but also the adults.

Lullabies are helpful to put babies to sleep and are useful for adults to enjoy the time that is spent with their children. A lullaby’s magic comes to life in a parent’s voice. These gentle melodies allow parents, who are a child’s first teachers, to impart valuable lessons in a soothing way. A personal message or story is planted elegantly into the lyrics. A loving parent embraces their precious baby with a beautiful lullaby. Plenty of joy, peace and love fill up the room at night when a loving voice smoothly sings:

Goodnight moon, goodnight stars and goodnight my little angel,
Close your eyes and open them to sweet dreams my sweetheart…

References

¹ http://www.romantic-lyrics.com/lullabylyrics/sleepbabysleep.shtml

² http://kids.niehs.nih.gov/lyrics/prettyhorses.htm

³ http://www.robertbohm.com/publications/3.html

⁴ http://lullabiesofeurope.wetpaint.com/page/Lullabies+(Turkish)

⁵ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lullabies_of_Armenia

⁶ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lullaby

⁷ http://www.hebrewsongs.com/song-numinumi.htm

⁸ http://www.mamalisa.com/?t=es&p=1249&c=168

The man had only fallen unconscious, but his family thought he had had a heart attack and brought him to emergency. The initial diagnosis was that his artery was almost clogged up due to cholesterol, and the doctor on duty decided to follow a clean-up procedure. This would be my seventh time in a similar operation, so I was not really nervous. But in the eyes of the patient’s family, I saw panic. Their eyes were screaming for help, and watching them made my eyes almost deaf when I finally managed to throw myself into the surgery room. Oh my comfort zone: staff only.

As the operation started, the serpentine cord that carried the visualization instrument gradually made its way towards the patient’s heart. The walls of the arteries were covered with black remains, fatty tissues were hanging down here and there, and minor clogs were built up at sharp turns. I remembered my dad, who was a plumber. Many times, he was called into the “staff only” rooms for clogged pipes. In contrast to my love for them, the “staff only” rooms were his nightmare. “Poor dad,” I thought, pitying him, even if it was thirty years later.

“Go on,” came an unknown voice, waking me up from my childhood memories. “Where,” I asked in my mind. Then I realized that the camera was showing inside the heart. Looking from within, it only made sense that the man fell unconscious. How could such a heart support the demands of a body?

“He probably hasn’t had a refreshing breath for a long time, and certainly wasn’t able to run with his grandchildren,” I murmured.

“He never did that anyway, so that he should suffer from not doing it now!” answered the unknown voice.

“This is not the time to critique. He is in our hands waiting for help,” I replied.

“Well, do what you can. Even if you can fix the entrance, you won’t be able to fix me. By the way, would you like a drink?”

Wasn’t that a kind heart? Learning who my host was, I rejoiced despite the stress. With the heavy illumination in the surgery room, I was in fact terribly hot at that moment – as if helping my mom while cooking in the kitchen. “Yes, please, a cold drink would quench my heat,” I accepted.

“I am sorry, but I only serve hot drinks here. Cold drinks are served in dead bodies,” teased the heart. “Here is your energy drink.”

“WHAATTT?” I spat all that was in my mouth, and threw the cup towards the heart. The same instant, I received the words of disdain: “Did you just make a heart attack?”

“You are, sir, sucking the man’s blood,” I replied in anguish.

“That is what’s available in here,” answered the heart teasingly. “I have production wells extending throughout his body, and I drink this warm energy drink constantly. Without it, I cannot live. If I cannot live, he cannot live. So it is a win-win situation, you know what I mean?”

“Wait a minute, aren’t you the embodiment of love and compassion? Aren’t you supposed to give without a return?”

“That is true, indeed so. But there is another condition on the same agreement, which says that I have all the rights to defend myself if my carrier denies my rights of privacy.”

A heart defending its privacy from its carrier! I was as bewildered and as silenced as a fetus going through birth. The heart took my confused pause as a request for explanation.

“My carrier developed a habit of welcoming thieves as if guests into me, and they kept robbing me,” the heart cried, collapsing. “After a while, I decided to separate myself from him, even if that meant the end of my life. The first thing to do for winning my independence was not to use his blood. So, I started narrowing the artery that was feeding me. After all, I was doing something I was familiar with: giving without taking. That rendered me weaker; but he became weaker, too. With his health gone, no thieves were interested in him anymore. And I was safe from both my carrier and the thieves.”

Strained between anger and affection, my breaths became deeper and stronger. For relief, I turned my head around. Then suddenly, I started shaking from what I happened to see. “What is this door,” I managed to ask at last.

“Don’t you see the sign? It is a room for staff only.”

“Staff only!” I smiled as if I had found water in the desert. But after realizing that I wouldn’t be able to go in there, I went through a storm of sentiments: outcast, unable, sad.

“You feel distanced, right?” asked the heart, to which I nodded.

“That sign is there so that the grown-ups don’t enter. If you were a child, you would not be able to read it, and would directly rush in without asking.”

“Why children only?” I inquired.

“If you can go through this door in your heart, you can get out into the heart of another person. And if you are a grown-up at that moment, you are going to be treated like a thief in that heart. But if you are a child, you are going to be welcomed as a guest.”

I listened to the heart, waited in front of the door. I thought about the people in my life, especially those with whom I wanted to be closer. This door could be the key. I raised my hand, held the door knob. But then I thought about what I was going to face on the other side. Was I entering as a child? Or was I an ambitious adult who was going to be treated as a thief? It was also possible that my grown-up state could trigger the heart on the other side to react to its carrier just like this one; and that would mean trouble for one of my loved ones…

I certainly was not staff… I stepped back from that door for staff-only, as if waking from a pleasurable dream that I did not want to leave. Then, the heart gently told me: “Go upstairs to the kitchen, now; you are expected to open a clogged pipe.”

When a father’s inquisitive daughter asks him, “Why he is God invisible?” he thinks he’s getting off with an easy question. But the answer is far more complex, and wise, than he could have imagined.

Having an adolescent at home is a challenge, but answering their questions without triggering other question is a totally different one. And I should know this, because what else can you expect from the curious daughter of a researcher-father? Almost every day, she unloads a question on me, and the rest of my day is buried into deep thoughts over the answer.

Well, this time, I thought her question was an easy one. She asked, “Dad, why is God invisible?” Wow, that was easy. I felt like a child who knows the answer to the question the teacher asked:

“Our eyes are not capable of seeing Him. There are other things, too, that are invisible for us; like love or intelligence.” That was it. I was smiling in celebration of my effortless success. But my daughter, she wasn’t smiling:

“I didn’t ask why we can’t see Him. I said why is He invisible; that is why did He choose to be invisible to us?”

Good grief! How in the world should I know? I just tried to save the moment by giving the most straight forward answer: “Well, this life is an examination for humans. God invites us to find Him, and choose to submit to Him without seeing. That’s the rule of the game, or the challenge of the exam.”

She didn’t look satisfied with what I said. After a few seconds of silence, she blurted out: “Ok, it is part of what I am looking for, but not exactly.”

“If you can define what you are after, we can search for it, you know.”

“Dad! I remember you telling me that you can ask the perfect question only if, and when, you know the answer. If I don’t know the answer, how can I perfectly ask about it?”

Right there, I was shot with my own gun. I had used those words a few times to escape a mental fight or to avoid getting caught with an insufficient explanation. But, being daddy’s girl, she picked it up too quickly and she was expecting me to figure out what in her mind without her telling me. So this was something I was used to. All I needed was to focus: “Why is God invisible? Why did He choose to be invisible?”

Being invisible while being there… Things are better understood when juxtaposed with their opposites. So, I started thinking about being visible but not being there. This sounded like the people who shake hands with you while talking to somebody else, or those who can’t help looking at a computer or cell phone screen while talking with you. Then I remembered the cliche father depiction in the movies: a person who exists but no more – and the rest of the movie is focused on filling that void from lack of a father’s love! I realized that my brainstorm was taking me far far away… But the concept of parenthood? Maybe there was help in it.

Being good parents… I recalled the examples in the books and seminars about parenting. “Helicopter” parents would help their child in everything to the point that they would not let the child enjoy the feeling of success. Such kids would have difficulty in developing self confidence and entrepreneurship. “Absentee parents,” on the other hand, would not bother themselves, even if their kids were crushed under incessant failure. Such kids would have difficulty in developing trust and establishing long-term commitment. But what about these musings? Were they of help to probe into my daughter’s curious mind?

I remembered that parents were extremely important because the relationship between them and the child was the framework for the relationship between the individual and God. And conversely, God’s lordship was a model for parenting. So, if God chose to be invisible, was it a lesson for me as a parent?

For example, He was invisible, but He was not absent. People discovered God best when they were in their most desperate situations. And in normal times, He was enabling us to enjoy success and self-confidence by helping and guiding us in our actions without overriding our egos. Had this help and guidance been substituted by His infinite Will and Power always, we could not have controlled our actions, and so, we could not have developed even the notion of self.

I felt like I found a great gift for my daughter. But was this enough? Was this what she was looking for? Or part of it? Who knows? Perhaps, I should keep thinking. After all, I was her hero; I should not ruin her dreams.

I remembered how I was disappointed by some of my superheroes. In my childhood, superheroes were depicted as people who were there only in times of danger and emergencies. So, they were never put into contexts that would reveal a lack of character or a need to be cared for. But in recent times, superheroes were likely to be depicted with defects in their personalities. Even sometimes, they were shown trying to cover up those defects with their powers, making the picture even worse.

I did not want to disappoint my daughter. But as much as I was her hero, I was a human: a regular human with insufficiencies and mistakes. And, so was she. In any case, I didn’t want to be remembered through my negatives. Wasn’t I educated not to hit people in the face with their mistakes – but on the contrary, to cover them, if possible? Right at that moment, I saw that being invisible was the perfect way God did this for us. If He revealed His presence every time we did something wrong, how shameful would that be?

But, whether covering a flaw or doing a favor, what crowned those good deeds was when the person who committed them didn’t expect anything back. The best help was described as “done by the right hand without the left hand being aware of it.” Doing favors while being invisible like angels was the ideal. So, the other person only knows that they have been covered, and that’s it. They can’t see anyone who is going to ask for a return by reminding them of the favor; they can’t remember a face whose appearance would rekindle the regrets of the past mistakes. Their pride is not wounded, and their dignity is intact. They are left with a gratitude that can only be paid forward by doing the same for others. I thought, in this context, being invisible was another way by which God taught us benevolence and magnanimity by example.

Having gone through all these thoughts, I was guessing that I had found enough answers for my daughter. But since I had not figured out a way to deliver those answers without being visible, I was expecting her to have enough of me after a minute, and without much listening, to produce another question. I was wrong, and I was correct. She listened to me completely and attentively. Then she added:

“Today, during the exam, the teacher stood beside me for a minute. You cannot imagine what a stressful minute it was. Not that I was doing anything wrong, but seeing her made me so nervous. I remembered that you had told me that we were in an exam in this life. Then it dawned upon me that God being invisible was not only a part of the exam, but also a part of the help to success.”

This time, we both smiled… until she reloaded me with:

“Then why did God give the need for self-confidence and success, if they potentially lead to arrogance?”

“Curiosity is the wick in the candle of learning”
William A. Ward

When I visited my family last time, I realized that my two-year old nephew, who could not speak fluently and knew only a few words, wanted to learn about everything he saw. For instance, while I was using an iPhone, he wanted me to show him how to unlock its screen. I taught him how; he tried to use it and started asking questions about the applications: What is that? What is it doing? In fact, he sometimes couldn’t speak, but he implied what he wanted to ask. Moreover, he could easily learn and repeat what I said and did.

He is a curious bundle of joy, and so are most toddlers. I believe that if toddlers – who are usually defined as being between the ages of one and three – don’t lose their curiosity, each of them will grow into accomplished members of our future’s intellectual society.

Curiosity: What is it?

Curiosity basically means a desire to know or learn. Dr. Reiss states that curiosity is one of the 16 basic desires which guide human behaviors, and comes from the need to learn^[1]. Curiosity triggers various questions about events around us, and in a broader perspective, about the universe. The interaction between the desire to learn and the universe usually brings about scientific development. So, curiosity is the key to learning and science. And talking about children, curiosity is imperative to their learning.

“What is that?” is a phrase that is usually heard from a toddler who can speak at least a few words. Toddlers have a great curiosity to understand what happens around them. They are new in this world and everything grabs their attention. Because of this curiosity, they want to learn. According to Bruce Perry, there is a big learning cycle [2], which starts with curiosity and exploration, and goes on to discovery, pleasure, repetition, mastery, new skills, confidence, self esteem, security and more exploration. While one of the main characteristics of mankind is learning by curiosity early in his life, as time passes, his curiosity fades. What causes this change? Why does it fade away? Can it be delayed? What can be done to invigorate his passion for learning, exploring and discovering if it fades? How can schools, as a secondary environment for learning after the family, be designed so that the initial curiosity is not lost?

Why does curiosity fade?

The eagerness of children to scientifically understand the world is restrained by various factors. These factors vary due to the complex nature of human beings and the environment they live in. The three significant and common factors are fear, disapproval, and absence^[2].

One of the common factors is fear that can arise implicitly or explicitly. The definition of fear is “a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid”^[3]. It causes uncomfortable conditions for people. When experiencing fear, a human cannot act normally until either the fear subsides or he deals with the cause of the fear. For example, parenting styles, events that cause internal family distress, violence, a teacher’s disciplinary style, restrictions, rules, and an unhealthy classroom environment can be some of the reasons behind fear. Human curiosity is fostered by healthy, comfortable environments^[4].

The second factor behind fading curiosity is disapproval. If a child is raised by phrases that start with “don’t,” he will learn not to do things. He will not be eager to attempt to learn new, different ways. For instance: If a child is raised by saying don’t do this, don’t do that, don’t get dirty, don’t take that apart, don’t touch, don’t, don’t, and don’t… To learn, they need to try these things. These attempts can be wrong or not essential, but children achieve a great sense of learning by doing.

The last, but certainly not least factor, of losing curiosity is absence. The meaning of absence is that the child has no sense of safety and opportunity to share new discoveries. The existence of caring people around them provides the optimal environment for exploration, discovering new things and increasing the capacity of sharing one’s discoveries. This is because of the sense of safety.

Invigorating faded curiosity

In terms of renewing curiosity for a child who has lost his passion for examination and critical observation of the world, we can start by eliminating the reasons for faded curiosity: fear, disapproval and absence. Eliminating these factors will give children a chance to reconstruct their passion, safety, and courage to repair their lost and curiosity to learn.

One who is responsible for a child needs to recognize individual differences in them, and to encourage their unique kinds of curiosity. Each individual is recognized as a different world; therefore, each individual has his or her own unique framework about the world. In some points, there can be similar and overlapping ideas but it does not mean their conceptual framework is the same. Curiosity triggers them to enhance their conceptual framework by learning with understanding. So we need to let them run after their different styles of learning, which will help them to advance in a discipline without enforcement. By doing so, children feel free to choose their area of interest and with a strong sense of their curiosity, they will move forward in that discipline.

At this point, we come up with a question: what can be done for timid children? Being timid does not mean that they are not curious. They just require more encouragement and reinforcement to feel safe and familiar with situations.

Generally, parents or teachers assume that some creative attempts of children are failures; thus, we need to redefine “failure.” If a child wants to learn to jump rope, which is not an easy task for younger children, he or she can do it hundreds of times, and trip every one of them. On one hand, this can be defined as failure; on the other hand, parents can think that it is a determination to reach success and that these trials and trips are necessary to develop that skill.

Another mistake, which can hinder a child’s curiosity, is that parents mostly make a judgment about a child’s larger personality rather than their specific behaviors. If we continue on the same example: jump rope, to encourage and reinforce them to learn, we can judge their behavior and lead them how to overcome it rather than critiquing their personality.

New approaches in the scientific environment in Curiosity is a common topic, not only for children but also within scientific communities. Through curiosity, human beings start to understand the universe and realize its wonderful and unique design. When you scientifically dig deeper into the environment and the world, your astonishment will increase about how perfectly designed things are. For instance: while I was watching a documentary, a man was interested in cobra snakes, and he dedicated 40 years of his life to exploring snake’s hidden and mysterious world. He was still so excited about talking about snakes and the details of their life; moreover, he mentioned that he needed to do more exploration to master his knowledge about snakes. You can easily catch the point: 40 years to explore only snakes, but it is not enough.

To raise a scientifically literate generation, to make them well skilled in understanding the world and willing to explore the world and universe, just like the man who is interested in snakes, the classroom environment needs to change. There should be a focus on the students and their learning with understanding, rather than being teacher-centered and based on rote learning. The United States and other countries have passed various reform acts in education to have more student-centered classrooms and better environments for learning with understanding. The most popular term in reform acts is inquiry. Although a century has passed since first appearance of the term “inquiry” in the science-education literature, there is no compromise on inquiry; you can find a lot of definition and different types of inquiry.

Inquiry-Based Learning

In a general perspective, inquiry is not only a method to teaching science, but also a result of teaching science. Learners have hands-on and minds-on activities both during the process, and after teaching and learning; learners should be able to imply new situations of scientific inquiry in their daily life. The inquiry should start with curiosity and a question about phenomena. Curiosity and the questioning phase start with some awareness of phenomena, and continue with experiments, research, observations, designs, and so on. Moreover, according to previous activities, students have some evidence, results, or assumptions to answer the initial questions, then give an explanation in keeping with his or her findings. Students need to make a comparison between his or her answers, peers, and the larger scientific literature, and also be able to justify their findings and answers.

After this process, the student learns both the scientific concepts and scientific process, and, as a member of a scientifically-literate society, uses it in new conditions in daily life. This process is a kind of imitation of what scientists do in their research. Moreover, these activities provide high retention later in the learning process. Increasing average retention rates would make students more proficient with science, keep them familiar with scientific content, and the scientific method; thus, they may keep their curiosity vigorous to sustain their scientific readings and investigations. By doing so, little students are going to be little scientists based on the strength of their curiosity.

To sum it up, curiosity is a significant factor for learning and science; it’s an essential part of human behavior. Most of the explorations, inventions and discoveries originate with curiosity. But curiosity is not a static power; most of us can lose our curiosity about the universe and the world because of various reasons, including fear, disapproval, and absence. To invigorate faded curiosity we need to eliminate the factors that are the reason for such lapses. Moreover, parents and teachers should be careful about individual differences, and we need to redefine the term “failure.” Finally, curiosity is the feature of scientific communities that are eager to understand the world and the universe. If their scientific method, which is known as “learning with inquiry,” can be applied in the classroom, children can follow the mysteries of the world and universe. Throughout little students’ journey, and during their studies, curiosity, as a wick in a candle, will enlighten our world. Let them to keep their candle sparkling!

References

1- Reiss, Steven (March 5, 2002). Who am I? The 16 Basic Desires that Motivate Our Actions and Define Our Personalities. Berkley Trade. ISBN 978-0425183403.

2- Perry, Bruce Duncan. http://teacher.scholastic.com/professional/bruceperry/curiosity.htm

3- http://dictionary.reference.com/

4- Berlyne, D. E. 1960. Conflict, Arousal, and Curiosity. New York: McGrawhill.