Reliance means doing all that is necessary to obtain a desired or intended result, and then waiting in expectation for the Eternally-Powerful One to bring about His Will. After this comes surrender (taslim), which many friends of God have described as one’s being before God’s Power and Will like a dead body in the hands of a mortician. Then comes commitment (tafwiz), leaving or committing all things and affairs to God and expecting everything from Him.

Reliance is the start of a journey, surrender is its end, and commitment is its result. Therefore, commitment has a wider meaning and relates to those who have almost completed the journey, rather than to beginners. Commitment comes after surrender, which requires the conviction of one’s helplessness and destitution before God’s Power and Wealth, and the ability to feel in one’s heart the meaning of: There is no power and strength save with God. It also requires the utmost dependence on and the expectation of help from the heavenly treasure of: There is no power and strength save with God. In other words, commitment means that a traveler on the path to God feels warned by the point of reliance and the point of seeking help in his conscience and, in exact awareness of his or her helplessness and destitution, turns to the Unique Source of Power and Will and says: Hold me by the hand, hold me, for I cannot do without You.

If reliance means that one entrusts all worldly and otherworldly affairs to the Lord, commitment means that one is fully aware that it is actually God Who does everything, Who produces every result, and Who creates all things and deeds that many consider to be done by themselves. Reliance means that one relies on God and closes the doors of one’s heart to whatever or whoever is other than Him. It can be regarded as the outer fulfillment all duties of worship and the inner attachment to God, the Lord Who is the sole Sustainer and Administrator of all that exists. This is what Shihab expresses in the following couplets:

Rely on the All-Merciful in all your affairs;
One who relies on Him is never in loss.
Confide in God and be patient with His disposal of you,
For you can obtain only as His favors what you expect from Him.

I think ‘Umar, the second Caliph, may God be pleased with him, drew attention to the same point in a letter he wrote to Abu Musa al-’Ash’ari: If you are able to submit to whatever or however God decrees for you [i.e. by not objecting to whatever befalls you], this is wholly good. If you are unable to do so, then endure it with patience.

From another perspective, reliance signifies reliance on and confidence in God. Surrender is the state of those who have been awakened to spiritual life. Commitment, meaning that travelers are not detained by considerations of means and causes, is a station special to those of high spiritual achievement.

Even if travelers possessing commitment seem to attach a certain importance to means and causes, this is due to the fact that they live in the material world, the sphere of means and causes, in which God has made any accomplishment dependent on certain preliminary conditions. If they give priority to means and causes, thereby disregarding the fact that God disposes of everything as He wishes, then they will become like vermin crawling on earth, despite their previous resemblance to birds flying in the highest parts of the heavens. It is related in books on the lives of saints that those saintly people who try to advance but become caught in the over-consideration of means and causes hear these words:

Give up taking precautions, for involvement in precautions causes perishing;
Commit your affairs to Us, for We are more thoughtful of you than yourself.

Such a commitment is a heroism that can be achieved only by those who persevere in their relations with God while living among people.

Doing what is necessary to obtain a certain result without attributing any creative effect to them may mean different things to different travelers: reliance for everybody, submission for those awakened to realities beyond the visible dimension, and commitment and confidence for those who have attained true peace or tranquility of heart. How fine is the following saying of God’s Messenger, upon him be peace and blessings, which combines exerting effort and reliance and commitment: If you were able to rely on God as true reliance on Him requires, He would provide you as He provides birds that leave their nests hungry in the morning and return full in the evening.

This Prophetic Tradition contains different truths for people of different spiritual ranks. What it means for the typical individual is what Rumi says:

Even if reliance on God is a guide,
Fulfilling preliminaries is a practice of the Prophet.
He told (a Bedouin) loudly (in response to his question):
First fasten your camel and then rely on God.
This meaning is what is pointed out in: On God let the reliant rely (14:12).

Those who lead their lives at the level of pure spirituality understand, in perfect awareness of their helplessness and weakness before God, that they should trust wholly in God’s Power and Strength, and become like a corpse in the hands of a mortician: In God put your trust, if you are true believers (5:23). As for those who fly around the summits of “self-annihilation in God” and “subsistence with God,” they say, like Prophet Abraham, upon him be peace, even while being thrown into fire: God is sufficient for me (39:38) and commit their affairs wholly to Him. It is enough for them that God Almighty knows their condition.

We can also see this greatest degree of commitment in God’s Messenger, upon him be peace and blessings. When the feet of those pursuing him during his emigration to Madina were seen from the cave where he was hiding with his nearest friend Abu Bakr, may God be pleased with him, and their pursuers’ voices echoed from the cave’s walls, he relied wholly upon God and told Abu Bakr: “Grieve not! Assuredly, God is with us” (9:40). This is also alluded to in the verse: Whoever puts his trust in God, He will suffice him (65:3).

Commitment and confidence are the highest degrees of reliance on God. Those who have attained these degrees have entirely submitted their reason, logic, and belief, as well as their outer and inner feelings, to God’s commandments. As a result, they have become “polished mirrors” in which His Names, Attributes, and acts are reflected. Signs of these degrees are understanding that taking precautions is included in God’s preordainment, and thereby finding peace; seeing their willpower as a dim shadow of the Divine Will, and turning to that Divine Will; and being pleased with God’s treatment, whether it be favorable or not, and agreeing with whatever happens to them.

The author of Minhaj describes this degree of commitment as follows:

I committed all my affairs to the Dear One,
Whether He keeps me alive or makes me die.
The following words of Wasif of Andarun are also most appropriate:
Whatever was destined will certainly happen,
So commit your affairs to God;
Neither be grieved nor suffer pains.

One of the most beautiful descriptions of commitment belongs to Ibrahim Haqqi, the initial verses of whose Tafwiznama (Description of Tafwiz) are as follows:

God changes evils into good;
Never think that He does otherwise.
One with knowledge of Him watches
In admiration what He does.
Let us see what our Master does;
He does well whatever He does.
Put your trust in God, the Truth;
And commit to Him your affairs
So that you may find peace.
Be patient and agree (with whatever He does).
Let us see what our Master does;
He does well whatever He does.

Notes

1. E Each person, by his or her very nature, feels two “impulses” or inner drives: the need for a source of help when helpless, and for a point of reliance when confronted with misfortune or the inability to fulfill his or her desires. God has placed these two innate impulses within each person so that He can be found during such personal crises. This fact is mentioned several times in the Qur’an, as in 10:22, which reminds people that when they are confronted with a storm (while at sea) from which there is no escape, they turn to God for help.
2. A Al-Tirmidhi, “Zuhd,” 33; Ibn Maja, “Zuhd,” 14; Ibn Hanbal, Musnad, 1:30.

Answer: Self-confidence, or self-esteem, is usually defined as a person’s believing and trusting in himself, relying on his personal abilities and opportunities, living in peace with his own person and environment, and being content with himself in general. Even though it has a positive aspect in terms of urging us to look at life positively, this term is an expression of a notion whose underlying meaning and connotations do not comply with universal humane values. The term “self confidence” expresses a perspective which originates from an egotistic worldview.

Naturally, a person’s character needs to be revealed in order to be able to improve his or her talents and capabilities. However, while seeking their development we should not flatter individuals excessively and throw them into whirlpools of egotism. We should not make a person become a know-it-all and act insolently; we should not let issues rely on a single individual’s restricted personal capabilities, limited power, and feeble will.

First of all, it is inevitable for a person who approaches every issue with respect to his or her personal talents, power, and capacity and keeps saying “I” to become totally egocentric; it is inevitable for them to grow more and more arrogant by feeding their ego with every achievement and everything they do. On the other hand, it is also obvious that a self-centered person who has too much trust in himself will become completely desperate at the slightest slip or fall; he will not find anything to hold on to and will not be able to rise again.

People have the sense of and need for confidence engrained in their nature. However, a person who does not know whom he should trust and who cannot correctly identify the true source of reliance will finally turn into a complete egotist and he or she will ascribe every matter to himself or herself. Such a person will even nurture some perspectives leading to unbelief; she or he will go too far and-God forbid-say, “I have created…”, or “such and such has created….” In time, these people will become narcissists, self-admirers who are fond of themselves, their behavior, their manners, and their appearance. They will be ready to reject and criticize any thought, measure, and solutions other than their own.

In this respect, a principle of “fulfilling what befalls on the free will and then relying on God” should replace the notion of self-confidence in the eyes of a true believer of God. Humans are blessed with the “free will,” which is a very special gift. We are responsible for using all the senses and feelings granted by God Almighty as capital, but expect the result and reward from Him again. Likewise, the feeling of confidence is always ascribed to God in the Qur’an and the practical example of the Prophet, since God Almighty is the one who creates everything and who directs every affair. If we use the potentials placed in our nature as seeds and then put them to practice as an intention and wish to be realized, God Almighty grants us the power and possibility to accomplish that act. Regarding it as mental power, as directing one’s own thoughts and actions with that power, or as God’s direct favor on the human free will within the sphere of causes, no matter how we define fulfilling what befalls the free will, when we wish to do something and incline towards it, the Creator of the Universe renders it possible for us to realize that intended act. Therefore, we should always put our faith in God and rely on His execution. Accordingly, true believers firstly have faith in God in every matter and make use of the abilities He has bestowed on them. In addition, they ascribe achievements not to themselves but to Divine Providence. They know that all of these come from God and they have complete faith that future achievements also lie in the power of God. Such people, while fully acknowledging their impotence and weakness, are very powerful at the same time, for they are well aware of the true source of power. Such people are very rich, since they are conscious that they are fed from the treasures of Divine Mercy. They become heroes of the fact that “belief is both light and power. Those who attain true belief can challenge the universe.” (Nursi, Twenty-Third Word). Therefore, they have the courage to defy worlds. The fortress they take refuge in and the sword they make use of is the truth, “There is no power except with God.”

Yes, true believers make use of the free will granted by God in the best way possible. On the other hand, they pray as “O God, please do not leave me with my carnal self even for a span as short as the blink of an eye,” putting their trust not in their own selves, but in God Almighty. They take their carnal self and carnal desires as their archenemy and take only God as their best supporter, sole friend, and helper. In the face of every event, they croon, God is sufficient for us; how excellent a Guardian He is! (Qur’an, 3:173), and they voice the truth, O Our Lord! It is in You that We have put our trust, and it is to You that we turn in utmost sincerity and devotion, and to You is the homecoming (Qur’an, 60:4). They always keep loyal to the divine decrees:

“And put your trust in God. God suffices as One on Whom to rely (and to Whom to refer all affairs).” (Qur’an, 33:3)

“God is sufficient for me; there is no deity but He. In Him have I put my trust, and He is the Lord of the Supreme Throne (as the absolute Ruler and Sustainer of the universe and all creation, Who maintains and protects it).” (Qur’an, 9:129)

Nevertheless, nowadays saying “I” in everything one does and overflowing with arrogant considerations is more common than ever. Egotism is so widespread today that most people use even what has been granted by Divine Providence in the name of their arrogance and use it as elements to feed their ego. For example, most of those who put emphasis on self-confidence contract the plague of vanity in time; they are seized by a feeling of superiority and catch the egotist disease of talking about themselves at every opportunity. Therefore, the term “self-confidence” or “self-esteem” is impossible to reconcile with the perspective of a believer in the true sense of the word. It is a very unnatural term from the standpoint of faith, for it misguides minds and hearts like other spurious expressions do. With an understanding based on the essential values of belief, we all need to pray, “Hold me, O God. Hold me, please. I cannot do without you!”

The children who appreciate their talents and capabilities-believing in the importance of them-and have self-confidence become active agents in their personal improvement since belief and confidence motivate them. They do not feel shy when asking questions, trying something new, or exploring. Instead of waiting for an opportunity to knock at their doors, they take advantage of present opportunities. They act with courage in exploring life and joining in every aspect of life.

If their thoughts and decisions are not valued, if they suffer from violence, are not taken seriously, if their excuses are mostly considered lies, if their confidence is generally thought of as a sign of know-it-all behavior, if their pleasure is seen as a sign of being pampered, then children will not develop self-respect and they will lose self-confidence.

Another point that should be kept in mind is that children always want to spend some time on their special interests. Yet, if it is the parents who generally decide what the child should do and do not offer other options, the child becomes deprived of his or her interest.

Since children are not very experienced, they can easily start to think that they are not capable. The most helpful action to remove this kind of feeling is to make them realize that there are some people who can understand them and have empathy with them. If the child experiences emotional support from parents, his or her chance of overcoming the anxieties of incapability and attaining a healthy character increases. On the other hand, if the parents do not pay attention to the complex feelings of the child and the reasons behind them, some new problems may arise. Things that are not significant for us may be very significant for the child; so we should not ignore the fears of a child.

When children feel incapable of dealing with a new problem, the parents should reveal their belief in their capacity to overcome the problem and show their support. When children need the parents, they should be near enough that the children can find them as soon as they look for them. However, this “closeness” should not be limited only to physical occasions. There should be emotional support, too.

The most important way for parents to supply this psychological support is to show their love to their children. Hugging, kissing and putting an arm on the child’s shoulder can be much more impressive than saying, “Do not be afraid; I am here with you!” Nevertheless, to say, “I show my support through my actions. There is no need to state it,” is not true. Expressing, “I love you!” with the tongue may not be so important for adults, but it is a magical expression that every child wants to hear. In this way, the child feels strong and every duty turns into a pleasure for them. To make children gain self-confidence, the parents should first know them from every aspect, recognize their talents, and then should establish necessary environment to improve their abilities. Moreover, it is essential to give opportunity to children to express their thoughts very often, to try to understand their feelings by asking, “What do you think? How do you feel?” to look at their face while they are speaking, to say how much you love the child, to make them feel that you care about them and value their opinion, to assign them some works and responsibilities that are compatible with their age, and to appreciate positive behaviors and successes they have demonstrated. In addition, it is important to set some time aside for the child, to chat with them, to talk about their negative behavior and how it could be corrected, not to forget special days, to establish a happy and peaceful family environment, to strengthen family relations and to make children feel that they are an inseparable part of the family. Children who are socially active are more self-confident, and they can easily join in the social environment around them. In this sense, especially less sociable children should be encouraged to attend social activities, and, if it is necessary, the parent should accompany the child, and promote them in asking for permission to speak inside a community. Also, parents should neither humiliate their child among other people nor exaggerate his or her failures. In order to help the child to establish a strong character, the fears and concerns of the child should be respected; thus, the parents should avoid severely critical or judgmental behavior, and they should not compare the child with other children. Furthermore, children should be required to do things that are appropriate to their age, especially to do homework by themselves. The parents should avoid improper types of punishment and reward.

Hence, children should not be belittled, and their presence should be respected; however, the parents should not expect extraordinary things, and keep in mind that the child has a different and improving character. The parents should pay attention to their school life, character education and spiritual life. Such prayers in action that are made through the tongue of necessity should also be supported with the actual prayers, and therefore parents should trust that God will arrange things for the best.