With so many expectations and obligations in our lives, it is a surprise we are not all insane. Dr. Brené Brown of the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work program is a shame resilience researcher, learning how people deal with issues like those above that can trigger feelings of shame, negatively impacting our relationships and ability to function. She has published three books covering the topic of shame and shame resilience. Dr. Brown has been gaining attention in recent years as she has appeared on CNN, NPR, PBS, and the internet video site TED. The topic may seem unusual, but the research has far-reaching implications, widely applicable beyond the social work field. Everyone experiences shame, and overcoming shame is necessary to function, instead of being held back and isolated by shame. Responding in a constructive, shame-minimizing way by working through shame issues is what Dr. Brown calls living in a more “whole-hearted” and “authentic” way.

Researching people

Social sciences have different methods of researching, and Dr. Brown used the grounded theory, a method which allows qualitative data, and inductive and deductive reasoning to gather data without having a hypothesis to start with. Using the grounded theory method, consensus from individual interviews was taken based on the language and terms they used to describe their experiences, “and maybe stories are just data with a soul,” posits Dr. Brown in her TED talk. Dr. Brown decided she wanted to study shame, and so she did so without any of her own theories to start. She just had the questions: What is shame and how does it work? According to Robert Hilliker, a licensed counselor, former student, and collaborator of Dr. Brown’s, she has gathered over 11,000 interviews with people, investigating their shame experiences and where applicable, their shame resilience.

Owning our own story can be hard, but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.

Dr. Brown found that some of the people she interviewed showed impressive resilience to shaming experiences. She focused in on these people and studied what made them resilient to the effects of shame. The people were dubbed, “the whole-hearted.”

How shame works

The positive side of shame research is that there are tools to combat the feeling and the experience of shame, and to make our everyday lives less like shame minefields and more like a day at the office, picking up the kids, going to the grocery store, and making friends along the way. Simple exchanges with fellow parents or children, with bosses or teachers, spouses, friends, and acquaintances can easily turn into huge triggers for shameful feelings. When a weak spot is hit, a mistake is made, an accident happens, or someone runs late, short exchanges can become terse and tense, full of hidden meaning and innuendo, implied or imagined incompetence and inadequacy.

Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky, but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy–the experiences that make us most vulnerable Whether a situation goes smoothly or blows up in someone’s face has a lot to do with his or her shame triggers, something everyone has. Detailed in I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power, social and family situations can become nightmares when our lives are ruled by shame. For people that cannot deal with their shame (everyone to some extent, according to Dr. Brown) the options are limited: numbing the feelings of shame and fear through addictions, attempting to become “invulnerable” through perfectionism, making the uncertain certain by becoming dogmatic, and pretending that our actions do not hurt others. But these negative actions do harm others, and they break down our connections to others.

How whole-heartedness works

Even more exciting than learning that shame is universal and awful was that there are strengths that can be cultivated to overcome shame. The title of Dr. Brown’s second book says it all: The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. The main components of whole-hearted living were courage, compassion, and connection. Being authentic requires accepting ourselves for who we are and living that truthfully. “Owning our own story can be hard but not nearly as difficult spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy–the experiences that make us most vulnerable,” says Dr. Brown in her book.

There are so many ways to apply such a broadly useful set of concepts, especially for a person of faith. The “guideposts” in The Gifts of Imperfection evoke many concepts from holy books. “Cultivating Authenticity: Letting Go of What People Think” calls to mind the story of Prophet Noah, who everyone thought was crazy as he built an ark. The chapter on cultivating gratitude and joy clearly connects to faith. Dr. Brown’s perspective on gratitude is especially relevant to modern life: “For me and for many of us, our first waking thought of the day is ‘I didn’t get enough sleep.’ … Whether true or not, that thought of not enough occurs to us automatically before we even think to question or examine it …”

As I read this passage, it makes total sense to me why we’re a nation hungry for more joy: Because we’re starving from a lack of gratitude.

Opportunities for growth

Dr. Brown and counselor-protégé Robert Hilliker have developed a curriculum called Connections which covers many of the concepts from her books and research. They are also developing a certification program for counseling professionals such as social workers and clergy who would like training.

“Spiritual leadership has a responsibility to make faith communities safe and supportive … We actually train spiritual leaders in the curriculum,” says Hilliker. “[Shame resilience] would be a wonderful thing for faith book clubs to sort of rally around … Her work has really reached a tipping point where people are talking about shame, this very pervasive feeling that everybody has and few people deal with well,” he says. Such a common feeling that can be very debilitating may not be the most cheerful topic of conversation, but learning to deal with shame may be one of the most liberating acts in a person’s life. To learn more, please visit: http://www.connectionscertification.com/.

Dr. Brené Brown, from her website.

Defining Some Broad Terms

Shame is simply defined as the fear of disconnection, that a person will be rejected when he or she becomes vulnerable.

Courage from the Latin cor, originally (and by Brené Brown) meant to speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.

Compassion, defined as deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it, starts with self-compassion according to the shame-resilience research.

Connection is defined as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.

Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.

Mustafa Tabanli

MaryLynn Schiavi

What Is This Thing Called Love?

Post: Love is a profound ability that we have to say yes to the lives of the people around us. Your life is not a mistake, your life is a gift, we affirm it, we value your life, you have significance in this universe no matter what anyone’s told you. You matter, we are concerned about you.

It is believed to conquer all. It forms the cornerstone of all major religions and has been the primary call to action echoed by the great spiritual leaders throughout human history, from Buddha, Jesus, Muhammad, to Gandhi and the Dalai Lama. It has inspired countless poems, novels, songs, and films. Many people search for it their entire lives. Others find it everywhere they go. As the 1929 song written by Cole Porter asks, “What is this thing called love?” And how does love impact our physical and mental health? Can the emotion of love affect our overall well-being and the well-being of society? How can we cultivate love? We explored all these questions with Professor Stephen G. Post. Dr. Post is Professor of Preventive Medicine, Head of the Division of Medicine in Society, and Director of the Center for Medical Humanities, Compassionate Care, and Bioethics at Stony Brook University. He is currently a Trustee of the John Templeton Foundation (2008-2011). Professor Post is equally recognized as a leader in the study of altruism, love, and compassion in the integrative context of scientific research, philosophy, and religious thought.

M&B: Professor Post, can we say that academic research on health mostly focuses on the negative aspects, such as depression?

Well, I think most of the research is focused on human disease and deficit and illness, but now I think there’s a little more of a balance. People realize that, say, public health, isn’t just about getting rid of lead paint or getting rid of bugs and germs by washing your hands, but it’s actually a part of how we live our lives. When we live good, generous, positive lives we are healthier, happier and odds are that we live a little longer, too.

M&B: You did a lot of research on the positive aspects, such as love and altruism. It’s a topic essential to human life, yet not essential to academic research. Do you see a controversy here?

People in the academic world are more receptive to studying positive things nowadays. I think there’s so much hatred, fear and anger in the world that people are interested in things like forgiveness, gratitude, joy, happiness, love and altruism; those are topics that have really come into their own in the last five to ten years.

M&B: How do you define love, and based on your research can we say that we are born with it?

Well, what is love? I think love is something like this: When the happiness and the security of another person means as much to me or more than my own happiness and security, I love that person. That could be a child, it could be my spouse, a parent, a friend, a colleague at work, a student, or it could even be just somebody on the street. So what we’re talking about is the shift from a preoccupation with self, you know, “I’m the center of the universe,” and only relating to people insofar as they contribute to my little agendas and plans, but no further. So, I never really discover other people as valuable in themselves, and therefore I never get a sense of awe. I think that love responds to this human need for significance.

So are we born with it? Well, we’re certainly born with the capacity for it but it can be inhibited; in other words, it can be covered over if we’re raised in an environment that’s full of hurt and hatred. I like to say hurt people… people who are hurt usually tend to be hurtful. So how we grow up, what kind of support we have in our families, in our environment, that’s important. We all have that side; I don’t think one person is different than any other in that sense. I think we all have these two sides to us, the positive and the negative, and it’s up to us in a lot of ways to decide what we emphasize, what we decide to nurture and cultivate, and it’s very easy for negative emotions to take over, and then we get in this incredible cycle of hatred and violence.

M&B: Now, there is also some research showing that being good actually has certain health benefits too. Would you please tell us a little bit about that?

Being good in the sense of being generous toward others does have health benefits. In the 1990s there was a remarkable book published called Anger Kills. It was written by a cardiologist at Duke University named Redford Williams. He looked at these personality tests that people had been taking over the last 60 or 70 years and he identified 50 questions which were associated with hostility, cynicism, anger, aggressiveness and so forth. He went back and he looked at those 50 questions. Of the people who took that test in 1950 when they were 25 years old, those who are in the top 25 percent on hostility had a 20% death rate by age 50. In other words, 20% of them were dead by the time they would have reached age 50. Of the ones who were in the lower 25% on hostility, only 2% of them were dead by age 50. So we know that these negative emotions are like acid on metal. Metal is pretty strong, but after awhile the acid will eat through even metal, so a lot of these people died of coronary problems, vascular problems, heart problems, they were more susceptible to cancer and other stress induced physical illnesses and they tended to be more depressed.

What positive emotions like love do is to move us away from that anger and hatred. Really looking toward other people, forgetting about your own problems and just being generous, getting into the flow of love, that really frees us from a lot of negative emotions. Therefore, the studies were quite remarkable. Young people going back to the 1920s who identify nobility of purpose as their major goal in life – they want to help other people – that group of young people tend to be healthier, happier and live a little longer. Even as they’re getting into their 80s and 90s, because now they’re old people, they’ve been followed up on every ten years, and they tend to get a benefit. Older adults, people 60 and older, who do a little volunteering instead of being isolated, have a tremendous reduction in death rates.

So the appeal isn’t to selfishness. I’m not saying help others just for yourself. Rather, the appeal is to look into the human essence of love. When you live that way of life, when you’re close to that way of life in your heart and in your actions, then you’re going to be shielded from a lot of alternatives – hatred, fear, anxiety, anger – you’re protected from those emotions and that’s a benefit for you. That’s why every religious tradition without a single exception, whether it’s Islam or Christianity or Buddhism or Judaism or whatever it might be, they all have statements like those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed, or it is better to give than to receive, and that idea is really important.

There’s no religious tradition that just teaches “do unto others,” you know, “love your neighbor and nothing good will happen to you.” When you love your neighbor, when you do unto others, it’s a blessing. Usually, it’s a blessing in terms of relationships and your external situation in the world because people will like you more, they will respect you more, you’ll get more opportunities and more relationships, but also it’s a health benefit. Now, this is a byproduct, it’s a side affect, you’re not aiming for it.

M&B: Now the question is how to cultivate love. In your book Why Good Things Happen to Good People you give 10 basic expressions of love. Some of them are intuitive like compassion, forgiveness, even generosity and joy. But some of them could be somewhat surprising like courage. How does courage be a part of loving?

There’s sort of ten basic expressions of love, so I’ve defined love as when the happiness and security of another person means as much or more to me as my own happiness and security. Now how can that love be expressed? Well, sometimes it’s expressed as compassion, an immediate response to suffering. I see someone suffering and I jump out of my seat and I want to help them; that’s compassion. But sometimes, love is expressed in terms of the courage to confront destructive and self-destructive behaviors. We love everybody, we believe in universal love, but there are many times in life when we’re raising children as parents, or when we’re dealing with difficult individuals who are incredibly disruptive or violent, and we certainly don’t endorse everything that people think or say. So care-frontation is what I call it, having the courage in a caring way to confront destructive behavior and in the process not to completely lose the connection with that person, you know, not to let them go away, never to be seen again, but somehow to inspire them and uplift them so that they can change and improve their behavior. That ain’t easy. People who love are not just nice all the time, but typically they are the first ones to speak out when there’s an injustice around them. All the great prophets are like that; when they see an injustice, instead of just being quiet about it, they speak to it. Sometimes at risk to themselves. So there is a certain risk that comes with the territory of courage and care-frontation. Compassion is one expression of love, but sometimes care-frontation is also an expression of love. There are a lot of other expressions of love, too.

M&B: I will leave other chapters for our readers to explore. But I see all these virtues are interconnected and intertwined, like respect is related to gratitude and celebration is related to joy and so forth.

Yes, they are. I think of it as a wheel of love. So, at the center is love as I’ve defined it, this profound ability that we have to say yes to the lives of the people around us. Your life is not a mistake, your life is a gift, we affirm it, we value your life, you have significance in this universe no matter what anyone’s told you. You matter, we are concerned about you. That’s this outpouring of love; but like in any wheel there are spokes, so the ten ways of love are like spokes on a wheel. You can sometimes see this in life on everyday occasions. I mean, my daughter called me one morning – I say this in the book, you know – and she had just gotten a new job. She was really happy about it; she’d been very sad about not having a good job. So, I was on the phone celebrating with her. I was affirming her, I was saying great, wonderful, happy, delightful, you’re terrific, but then I was coming in the door to the medical school and this poor woman who worked here for many years had just been fired, unfortunately and unfairly, and she was out in front of the door crying because her card would no longer let her get into the medical school. So she needed compassion, right? You walk through life everyday and you’ll find that you need to use all these different forms of love, maybe some on one day more than others. So they’re separate, but also they’re all interconnected, because separating them is a little bit artificial. The reality is that in most interactions you’re trying to be a good listener, you’re trying to be affirming and grateful, you’re trying to be compassionate; in other words, things can mix together a bit. Loyalty is also a very important expression of love. I mean, I’m telling you in today’s world a lot of relationships don’t last very long – marriage, parents and children, friendships – they’re not very deep, they don’t have much loyalty or much glue, and so to me commitment is a big expression of love. It’s hard to imagine loving someone if you’re just thinking, “Well, you know, I’ll see you for two seconds and bye, bye for life.” I mean, love has a kind of presence, a king of holding power that’s really important.

M&B: What would be your final recommendation?

Well, people will have different strengths, so no one shoe fits all; people have different personalities and different abilities, so some folks are going to be mostly expressing their love through, say, creativity and compassion maybe, and some people are going to be expressing love maybe more through listening. So people can have strengths and can cultivate those strengths, but they also ought to be aware of all the other different forms of love, and they ought to try to avoid big gaps. You know, big down points where they’re just not functioning.

I can’t prescribe this like a medicine. I mean, people need to be uplifted, they need the right people around them, they need to stumble on this kind of lifestyle and it’s sometimes a difficult thing. What the book does is that it gives people a kind of test, a quiz at the end of every chapter, so they can size themselves up. They can get a birds’ eye view of some other strengths and maybe some of the areas where they could work a little bit harder, just by having that in mind. Everything begins with an idea. So just putting that idea, planting that idea in a person’s mind – “Hey, I could be more loyal, I could be more forgiving” – that’s the beginning of change.

Interview conducted by Mustafa Tabanli for Ebru TV for the Emmy Award winning television series Matter and Beyond.

In Paul and Virginia, the Christian author relates the pure love between Paul and Virginia, who live on an imaginary non-European island. In this story, he discusses God’s existence and Omnipotence, divine rules, and the relationship between the Almighty and His servants. He begins with a discussion of the order and harmony in the universe.

His expressions sometimes come quite close to Islamic morality and faith, with which they have much in common with their Christian counterparts. We find beautiful examples in this work, some of which will be given below. These quotations present a glorious example of the similar attitudes held by people of different religions. Two children, their mothers, and a few servants live together on an island. Madam De Latour is a noblewoman who lives on the island with her daughter Virginia. The other woman, Margaret, was seduced by an aristocrat who promised to marry her. She is from a poor rural family and lives there with her son Paul.

“Every new day was embracing this cozy home with peace and serenity. Their hearts felt the sufferings of neither ambition nor envy. They had no expectations from worldly glories gained through intrigue and lost through slander.”

The author says that the characters “are very nice people” and that “they were such violets that no one could spot them with their thorns in the heath; but their pleasant smell could be sensed from very far away. They had crossed out gossiping from their lexis for good, and they were right about this. Gossiping always feeds resentment under the cover of revealing the truth, and it is disguised by hypocrisy.

-They performed good deeds as much as possible. Their hearts were so pure that they could leave the world of gossiping with the help of their feelings. Instead of speaking about other people’s scandals, they took the topics of their speech from nature and these topics filled them with joy and pleasure. Were not all these granted by an Unseen Being holding the universe in His power?

-The beautiful works of this world have been set up in such a way that it is possible to perceive them all, at one glance.

-Their faith was sincere and moral; their considerations were practical rather than theoretical. They didn’t have any festivities, celebrations or mourning days. Everyday was a festival for them and the world was their temple. In that temple, they admired the Sovereignty of a Supreme Will, friendly to man, in everything they saw. The trust they cherished for this Infinite Might made them forget the sufferings of the past, and became a source of courage today, never-ending hope for tomorrow…”

The following words, uttered by Paul, are so beautiful that they can be dedicated to those who devote themselves to humanity’s happiness: “Man can not be happy unless he is concerned about the happiness of others.”

Madame De Latour explains beautifully to Virginia about humanity’s purpose in this world: “My dear, seek help from the Lord. He is the decision maker about the well-being of His servants. Who knows? Maybe today He is just trying you in order to reward you tomorrow. Bear in mind that we have come to this world for doing good deeds so that they make us closer to God.”

One day, Madame De Latour’s aunt informs them that she is ill and would like Virginia to live with her. In exchange, Virginia will inherit her entire estate. Her mother wants to send Virginia, thinking that she will be happy there, but Virginia does not want to part from Paul. Before sunset, she boards the ship and leaves without telling him. Naturally he is very sad, for Virginia is no longer there. Being separated from his beloved friend, Paul suffers. Lonely, he recalls the days spent with Virginia. “She even used to bury the seed of the fruit she ate, since she cared for others more than herself, even in her simplest affairs. ‘One day, a tree grows here, passersby eat its fruits; it benefits birds at least’ she would say,” recollects Paul. His mother consoles Paul: “Let God be your sole helper, let humanity be your nation. Do not give up relying on them. God and humanity only expect virtue from us. God granted you freedom, health, a clear conscience and true friends. Even kings are not that fortunate.”

The relation between happiness and virtue is questioned in the mother’s counsels to Paul: “Most of the rich are bored with every kind of pleasure, for it is obtained with no effort at all. Haven’t you experienced that you buy the pleasure of drinking by thirst, eating by hunger and resting by tiredness. Likewise, loving and being loved is obtained through a great deal of absence and self sacrifice.”

(Paul): “What do you mean by ‘virtue'”?

“My dear, you are working to support your family. Virtue is bearing difficulties for the good of others, and doing this only for God’s good pleasure.”

His mother advises him to rely on destiny with patience and endurance: “My dear, what throws one into an early death is nothing but a momentary venture. Mostly, this is encouraged by worthless applause. However, there is a more exalted kind of courage which is more seldom but needful. With the courage called ‘patience and endurance,’ we face up to the misfortunes in life. Showing this patience is neither being manipulated by someone else, nor giving up to an ambition arising inside us. It is doing only what God says, since patience and reliance on destiny is a courage generated by virtue.”

Later, his mother tells Paul that the mind is darkened by desires in which people are lost, yet there is a torch for the person to illuminate his or her inner world: reading.

She states the following about literary works: “My dear, literary works are God’s gifts to us. Mankind is enabled to discern the rays of a wisdom ruling the universe by a Divine art on the earth. Just like the rays of the sun, these literary works also illuminate, warm, and cheer us. They are like a fire descending from the sky. They render everything useful to us, just like fire cooks our food. With these works, we gather around ourselves things, times, places, and people. They are what show us the way in life. They extinguish desires and remove despicable feelings. They are angels descended from heavens in order to develop the ‘love for virtue,’ and they present the honorable ones who exalt humanity as ideal models for us. There have always been great writers inspired by them. These people were raised in hard times which society couldn’t bear, in the period of barbarism, when morality was low. My son, there are countless others a lot unhappier than you among the ones who seek consolation by reading and contemplating.”

Starting with the saying that “a good book is a good friend,” reading is recommended as a magic potion to save humanity from loneliness. Stating that nothing can replace a good friend, Paul then summarizes a good friend’s qualities : “When Virginia looked at my face and said ‘my friend,’ I would forget all my worries.”

Later on, Virginia boards the ship to return, but a terrible storm wrecks it while it is approaching the island. In the midst of the waves, beside the wrecked ship, Virginia is seen floating in the water. Everybody calls out to a sailor, who is not far from her, to save her. Although waves cause her to drift toward the wreck, the sailor cannot help her and only manages to save himself with difficulty. Then the young survivor says: “O Lord, I am grateful that you granted my life to me. On the other hand, I was ready to sacrifice my life for that young girl.”

Now Paul is lonely forever. His grief overflows his heart. When the author consoles him, he virtually voices the Islamic understanding of submission to God: “God has taken Virginia from you. Everything comes from Him. He knows what is good for you better than you do. There is no reason for you to feel the sorrow and remorse we bear as a punishment of our own deeds. What lasts is only His Eternal Will. Therefore you can say: ‘This is the Providence after all, and I did not commit any transgressions to generate this result.’ And what are you grieving for? For Virginia, or for her dying like that? Remember that everyone born is destined to die. Virginia must be happy to have died before you and your mother did.

“My son, death is a blessing for all people, it is the night of this day named life. The diseases, sorrows, sufferings, fears that make people tired of living all disappear in the sleep of death. If a person has reached a rare blessing such as ‘being loved,’ imagine through what sacrifices he gained it. Mostly, when such people come to the end of their lives, they find nobody but false friends and ungrateful relatives around them. But Virginia is as blissful as can be. She was blissful again at the terrible event which resulted in her death. She saw how all the people of the province struggled for her, how you rushed to her rescue, risking every danger; in this way, she understood her worth for us. The memory of her pure and innocent past had strengthened her for the future. Thereby, God granted her the reward for virtue, namely ‘courage’ against dangers, which overpowers any kind of danger. That is why she welcomed death with a smile.

“My son, God granted the ability of accepting all suffering in life to the virtuous. This way, he showed us that the real purpose of life is virtue, which is the sole way to reach honor and happiness. If somebody will introduce himself to the world through his virtue, God makes that person meet death in a great arena of trial. Then his courage becomes an example for others, thereby allowing the ones who follow to remember him in tears, recalling what he went through. Here is a memorial for such people in this transient world, where every memory, even that of kings, is forgotten.”

The author dwells upon faith in God and the Day of Judgment in the following passage: “But Virginia still lives, my son. Don’t you see that nothing really vanishes? What changes is only the appearance. If all the power and knowledge of humanity were to unite, they wouldn’t be able to make anything disappear. Then, how can a being with intellect, love, virtue, and piety disappear while the slightest particle of her doesn’t disappear? Be sure that now Virginia is happier than when she was with us. There is a God my son, no doubt about it. I don’t even need to prove His existence, for all of nature is a witness to that. Some people deny His existence, for they do not want him to exist. The feeling of His existence is in your heart, just as the things He created are before your eyes. Is it possible that He would leave Virginia unrewarded? Is it possible that the Power that provides the happiness of people through some principles unknown to you would not provide Virginia’s happiness through principles also unknown to you? Does the Almighty need this small world in order to show His power and kindness, like people do? There is no single drop of water in the ocean that is not full of life. We know this for sure. While this is so, do you think that so many stars revolving above mean nothing to us? Fine! It means that the endless sources of light filling this enormous universe, the immense fields of light surrounding them, this land of light which is never to be darkened by nights or cyclones, is just a meaningless space and an infinite nothingness. Is that so? We didn’t grant anything to ourselves but everything was granted to us by the Almighty, by His Infinite Power.

“There is no doubt about that. Your virtue will be rewarded one day: there is a place where your merit will find what it deserves. Virginia is blissful now. If it were possible for her to tell you how she feels, like she did in her last letter, she would speak so: ‘Paul, this world is nothing but an abode of trial. I always lived relying on love and virtue. I went overseas, obeying the words of my mother. I rejected a fortune to sustain my faith. The Almighty Lord saw that my time was due. I rid myself of everything that makes life bitter: corruption, gossiping, storms, and people in agony. No disaster that frightens people can reach me now. Therefore, it is so strange that you feel pity for me! I remained chaste, my purity is free from any disturbance, just like a gleam of light. While this is so, you are inviting me to the darkness of life.”

Paul, who cannot bear the pain of separation, dies two months later. His mother lives only one week after that event, and, before she dies, expresses her faith in resurrection: “We shall meet each other eternally and with a sweeter affection. Death is the greatest blessing for humans. This blessing must be appreciated. If life is a punishment, one should long for its end as soon as possible. If it is an abode of trial, one should prefer the trial to be short.”

This novel contains beautiful descriptions of nature. When evaluating the work, we have tried to focus on those parts that are common to Christians and Muslims. Although the author was a Christian, it could have been written by a Muslim. It is a remarkable work in terms of underlining the two religions’ common points. This beautiful work has found a place among the classics of world literature. Its theme and the values it questions make it a universal work.

Bringing such works to the attention of people, writing fresh ones with similar themes, and reinforcing the common faith and values of people is something that must be done in order to establish the longed-for dialogue. The descendants of the Crusaders have shown the way by apologizing to the Muslims. Such things draw people of different faiths closer. If we look at it from the monotheistic viewpoint, this shared belief will engender intimacy and friendship. Words like love, tolerance, and dialogue, which are found in every language, must be felt in our hearts and present in our daily behavior. People should try to depict this theme in every form of the fine arts as well.

Reference

• Paul and Virginia (indypublish.com, 2002)