December 2, 2015. A mass shooting in San Bernardino, California, following a devastating attack in Paris, France. Anti-Muslim rhetoric mushrooms, but how can I, one person, respond?

December 6, 2015. A hastily arranged interfaith service at Temple Beth Or, Washington Township, New Jersey, is attended by an overflow crowd of almost 400 people. The clergy, representing 18 congregations of the three Abrahamic faiths, walk to their seats as the Woodie Guthrie song, “This Land Is Your Land” is sung. The service gets underway with a call to prayer by a member of the Elzahara Islamic Center of Midland Park, New Jersey, and continues with additional prayers from each of the clergy. One priest from a Catholic Church in Ridgewood, New Jersey, ascends to the podium and asks everyone to take 15 minutes, introduce themselves to someone they don’t know, and “Pass the Peace.” This 15-minute interval turns into a seminal moment for me as “the other” that surrounds me becomes “the individual” – the mother, the student, the neighbor, each concerned about the same issues as I am.

This evening had a profound impact on me, and I still think of it often. It spurred me to approach my Jewish synagogue community and invite them to engage in an outreach program with representatives of the Muslim community. I had no illusions that this would solve the world’s problems, but I hoped it might be a spark to lift a veil in my tiny little corner of New Jersey. And thus began an ongoing journey to take the hand of our Muslim neighbors and turn the unknown and the different into the familiar and the friendly.

Over the ensuing years we have gathered together for various programs. We started with a Friendship Circle to introduce ourselves to one another, watched a documentary movie, BESA – The Promise, and subsequently The Turkish Passport, and discussed what we saw and heard. We invited our Muslim friends to participate in some of our synagogue services, some interfaith and some not. During one Sunday morning Minyan service, two central Jewish life cycle events took place – a baby naming for a newborn girl, and a 13-year-old leading the service one week before his Bar Mitzvah. Questions were casually asked and answered over our bagel breakfast (accompanied by both rugalach and baklava!). This turned into a tour of our sanctuary, led by our Rabbi and accompanied by a number of congregants. The Rabbi took the Torah scroll from the ark so it could be seen up close by everyone. She opened it and chanted that week’s Torah portion, which just happened to be about Hagar and Ishmael! The Rabbi along with our members explained the meaning of the various symbols around the sanctuary – how our prayer books are in both Hebrew and English, what the threads and knots (tzizit) of our prayer shawls represent, why only some of our memorial board lights were lit, etc. The otherness melted away as we engaged one another in vibrant conversation and dialogue.

One of the most moving interactions we experienced was when one of our members, a child survivor of Auschwitz and a longtime Hebrew school teacher, told her emotional story to a Muslim teen group, which left everyone with tears in their eyes. This included a question and answer session that touched everyone who participated. Our membership was invited to an Iftar dinner that year, during which we came to understand the purpose and meaning of the daytime fasting. We were recently invited to visit a local mosque, which was the first time any of us had stepped inside one. We had so many questions, and they were answered beautifully and passionately. We all sat, shoeless, in a circle, and those of us who are Jewish nodded our heads as the number of parallels between our faith practices became apparent. During Ramadan this year, our synagogue hosted an Iftar dinner. Kosher food was graciously brought into our kitchen, and three very dedicated Muslim volunteers spent several hours preparing traditional recipes for our dinner as we chatted and enjoyed each other’s company.

One by one by one, foundational connections have been made between our Jewish congregants and our Muslims friends. We have learned so much about one another: we have talked about our families, showed each other pictures of our children’s weddings, shared our families’ immigration experiences, exchanged phone numbers, and promised to see each other again soon.

The world is a complicated place, and there are no easy answers to the issues that confront us. But we each have the power to step outside our comfort zone, and just decide to take that first leap of faith. The opportunities to engage with one another in a meaningful way are all around us, and the rewards far outweigh the effort. Not only do we reap the benefits ourselves, but we have the potential opportunity to “pay it forward” by sharing our stories of these meaningful and memorable interactions, and maybe, just maybe, inspiring someone else to do the same!

As Jews, one of our overriding objectives is to participate in what is called “Tikkun Olam – Repairing the World.” This implies that while the world is inherently good, there is always room for us to improve it, and I would like to believe that I have contributed, in whatever small way, towards that end. In a world that undoubtedly is in need of a great deal of repair, please join in by taking that first small step alongside me and let us walk together.

It is widely accepted in modern culture that people should eat three meals: breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Nutritionists generally recommend adding two snacks (one in the morning and the other in the afternoon) to help control appetite.

Interestingly, the practice of eating three meals a day is a recent phenomenon. Ancient Romans had only one meal, which they usually had at about four in the afternoon, and they believed it was unhealthy to eat more than once a day. What the Romans ate in the morning and at noon was very light and fast [1]. Later, rules in monasteries affected people’s behavior around food and drink.

During the industrial revolution, breakfast gained importance; workers needed food before work. And dinner didn’t become popular – at least in its current form – until the prevalence of artificial lighting made it possible to eat before dawn and after dusk [2]. The understanding that eating three meals a day is a healthy choice stems from a combination of belief, culture, and early epidemiological studies [3].

There are studies suggesting that having a regular eating habit positively impacts health, regardless of frequency of meals. On the other hand, in a recent and comprehensive study by Kahleova et al., which studied 50,660 adult members of churches in the USA and Canada, it was found that eating one or two meals a day caused lower weight than eating three meals, and also a relatively lower body-mass index (BMI) which got even lower as overnight fasts got longer [4]. The authors state that the positive effects of such a diet are caused by a combination of timing, meal frequency, and overnight fasting, as well as having less frequent meals coupled with precise timing. These results indicate that eating one or two meals is better than eating three or more.

The Prophet’s example

The Prophet Muhammad’s, peace be upon him, recommendations and behaviors lend support to modern medical studies in the area of nutrition, as in many others. He would eat no more than two meals and ensure that one of the meals should consist of light food (such as dates). The Prophet recommended that dinner be eaten, even if it was only a small meal. “Do not leave dinner, even if it is only a handful of dates, because abandoning it makes one weak” (Sunan Ibn Majah).

He defined dinner as the second and last meal of the day, and that it should be eaten after dusk or immediately after the evening prayer.

The Prophet set so many examples about nutrition. He highlighted the dangers of obesity, stating that “What I fear most about my community are developing a belly, oversleeping and idling.” This was centuries ago; nowadays, obesity is an epidemic raging across the world, and its prevalence has almost doubled in more than 70 countries since 1980. In 2015, a total of 107.7 million children and 603.7 million adults were obese [5]. Seventy-five percent of the world’s population is overweight. Obesity, along with dyslipidemia and hypertension, is one of the major factors in cardiovascular diseases. Studies have shown that exercise, as well as meal timing and frequency, are quite effective in weight control [6].

As for table manners, the Prophet said, “The human does not fill any container that is worse than his stomach,” and, “It is sufficient for the son of Adam to eat what will support his back.” Throughout his 63-year-long life, the Prophet never left the table on a full stomach or ate before getting hungry; he recommended that food should not be swallowed without chewing, a practice he maintained. By refusing to sit at tables where there were several types of food, our Prophet was occasionally unable to find anything to eat. There is also no information that our Prophet ever had lunch.

The Prophet’s insistence on fewer meals looks very wise. Not only does eating fewer meals lead to lower incidences of obesity; if it includes a reduction in carbohydrate intake, it can also lead to decreases in total and LDL (bad) cholesterol levels [7]. Considering meal frequency and timing, it is crucial which meals are maintained. In general, breakfast-eaters tend to run a lower risk of weight gain than non-breakfast-eaters – and a significantly lower risk of heart disease [4].

Current studies indicate that food content has as much impact on blood lipids and insulin as meal frequency. Although we cannot fully explain the effects of a single factor on physical health, we are pretty much sure that meal frequencies are closely related to meal timing and which kind of foods are eaten.

The Prophet’s main requirement of food was that it should be lawful and clean, as well as beneficial for the body. His two meals consisted of breakfast and dinner, as is recommended by modern medicine. In a nutshell, the amount of intake and eating etiquette recommended by our Prophet is allocating “one third of the stomach for food, one-third for drink, and one-third for air” (Tirmidhi, Zuhd, 47) and completing meals without getting full. Increasingly, science suggests this may have been good advice!

References

1. Flandrin, J.-L.; Montanari, M. Storia dell’alimentazione; Laterza: Bari, Italy, 2003. 2.Affinita, A.; Catalani, L.; Cecchetto, G.; De Lorenzo, G.; Dilillo, D.; Donegani, G.; Fransos, L.; Lucidi, F.; Mameli, C.; Manna, E.; et al. Breakfast: A multidisciplinary approach. Ital. J. Pediatr. 2013, 39, 44.
2. Potter, C.; Griggs, R.L.; Brunstrom, J.M.; Rogers, P.J. Breaking the fast: Meal patterns and beliefs about healthy eating style are associated with adherence to intermittent fasting diets. Appetite 2018, 133, 32–39.
3. Kahleova, H.; Lloren, J.I.; Mashchak, A.; Hill, M.; Fraser, G.E. Meal frequency and timing are associated with changes in body mass index in adventist health study 2. J. Nutr. 2017, 147, 1722–1728
4. Collaborators, G.B.D.O.; Afshin, A.; Forouzanfar, M.H.; Reitsma, M.B.; Sur, P.; Estep, K.; Lee, A.; Marczak, L.; Mokdad, A.H.; Moradi-Lakeh, M.; et al. Health effects of overweight and obesity in 195 countries over 25 years. N. Engl. J. Med. 2017, 377, 13–27.
5. Paoli, A.; Moro, T.; Marcolin, G.; Neri, M.; Bianco, A.; Palma, A.; Grimaldi, K. High-intensity interval resistance training (hirt) influences resting energy expenditure and respiratory ratio in non-dieting individuals. J. Transl. Med. 2012, 10, 237.
6. McGrath, S.A.; Gibney, M.J. The effects of altered frequency of eating on plasma lipids in free-living healthy males on normal self-selected diets. Eur. J. Clin. Nutr. 1994, 48, 402–407.

However, it is not my husband, but rather my son, whom I want to talk about now. The anniversary of my son’s death was yesterday. It is probably in vain to talk about the last days of his life, because people already know that part of the story. He was part of an incredible story, but unfortunately he was on the wrong side.

My son learned at an early age how to become a man like his father, one who was devoted to his work and driven by success. His father did not spend much of his time with his family, but on those occasions that he did, he spent most of the time talking about his successes and the growing influence of his business. It was easy to tell that my son was captivated by his father’s success. To him, his father was an angel who had descended from heaven to tell him stories of miracles and wonders.

Unlike his father’s business obsession, my son developed an interest in machines. He dissembled and re-assembled all sorts of machines from a very young age and was able to combine different objects to come up with his own primitive inventions. Before he went to elementary school, he invented an automated knife that would spread butter on his bread and a machine that would bring him the remote control when triggered by pulling down on a string. Often, I found myself worrying about my son’s future education and wondering what this kid could possibly learn at school.

Unfortunately, within the first week of school, my worries about his education came true when my son was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) and quickly became an outcast at school due to his hyperactivity. My divorce from his father during the same year only made things worse. I didn’t know what to do. Although it was not the best solution, I still thought it was best for my son to continue to study at a normal, public school.

In his second year, a fan club was formed to celebrate the superheroes that made this planet a better place to live. Mr. Incredible, Elastigirl, Frozone, Gazerbeam, Superman, etc., were all invitees of this club during their biweekly activities. My son, having grown up with the example of his successful father, soon developed an interest in this club. There, my son had found an excellent replacement for his father, whom he deeply missed since our divorce.

One day he returned from the club’s activities and was not the same person that usually returned from school. I hardly recognized him. The angry-looking, hyperactive outcast was gone, and in his place was a child who was destined to follow his dreams. During dinner, I asked how his day had been. He talked about a man that I “better marry,” because he wanted him as his father. Guess who it was: Mr. Incredible.

“I asked and he said he was single and he loved children,” my son insisted.

“But I’ve never met him!” I replied, smiling.

“I’m sure you’ll love him,” he said.

I was so happy that, after two years of misery and distress, we could have a dinner like mother and son.

The dream went on for a few months, until one night when he came home from a friend’s house, looking very distraught. I thought perhaps he had a fight with his friend, but it wasn’t that. He had tried to tag along with Mr. Incredible as his sidekick but had been kicked out of his car, because Mr. Incredible found him too young and didn’t want a sidekick. After all, Mr. Incredible always worked alone. Eventually, my son was able to accept the situation and he realized that what Mr. Incredible said was true, that he actually was too young. However, his awe of Mr. Incredible never faded. He always sought ways to get Mr. Incredible to accept and appreciate him.

By the time my son was in middle school, companies began to purchase his inventions. He was already well on his way to becoming as successful as his father had been. I frequently asked myself what this boy would accomplish in the future. He already had achieved what most people never would in an entire lifetime. Flying boots were his latest invention. He thought this would catch Mr. Incredible’s attention because flying would greatly improve Mr. Incredible’s ability to fight crime.

One night, he was brought home by the police. I literally freaked out. I thought he had done something horrible with one of his crazy inventions. Apparently, he had tried to help Mr. Incredible at the scene of a robbery, but everything had gone wrong and Mr. Incredible rejected him as a sidekick once more. Being an adolescent undergoing puberty he had difficulty in facing this latest rejection from his hero. He not only craved acceptance and appreciation but he needed them. From that day on, all the Mr. Incredible posters, stickers, and T-shirts were gone from our house. Instead, my son started putting up posters of villains and he started to idolize them.

I couldn’t tell anyone, but I was terrified when I found a paper in his room that said, “Revenge of the Bad Guys.” I hoped this was a sort of adolescent fury that would go away in time. And it did – at least I thought it did.

After he completed his university degree, my son started a company that focused on the research and development of defense systems. Because of his genius, he easily achieved immediate success and purchased two islands in the Pacific: one as his home to live with his fiancée and the other as his base of operations. I was a happy mother because after so many years of hard work and worries, I thought my son had finally overcome his difficulties and was moving on with his life.

My dream did not last long. After the government grounded all the superhero activities due to public unrest towards the superheroes, my son started popularizing his inventions that mimicked the abilities of these superheroes: flying boots, a machine that made any shape by freezing the humidity in the air, a never-ending rope that never broke, etc. I never thought that what he was doing was simply a disguise to hide his true goal: discovering Mr. Incredible’s secret identity and getting revenge for himself and for all those whose parents or spouses were hurt or killed by the superheroes. I found out about this from one of his journals that was later given to the police by his fiancée.

You know the rest of the story. My son was struck by a car that Mr. Incredible threw at him and was finally killed by the very jet engine he had invented and built. Mr. Incredible had once been my son’s hero and was now his murderer. What can I say? Congratulations, Mr. Incredible on another job well-done! I hope you can enjoy dinner with your family tonight as I’m writing these lines in sorrow …