Ebru, the art of crafting images and pictures with special paints on the surface of water, originated on the continent of Asia, spread to Anatolia, and from there to the rest of the world. Ebru has long been the name given to the original Turkish art of “paper marbling” [1].

Enchanted by their interaction with water, human beings started practicing the art of paper marbling. By practicing Ebru, one may interpret the time on the marbling tray as a sort of time travel in which the wiggles of the water take a journey between the past and the future.

For ages, people have been using long-lasting rock surfaces to transfer information to future generations. These artworks and writings are reminders of past civilizations and they have always gained the attention of mankind around the world.

Some natural ingredients for traditional Ebru art include rose branches, dust paint, bile juice, and gum from a wild licorice plant. This natural combination of each ingredient of Ebru art ensures its uniqueness.

Each careful sprinkle of a color on the surface of the water is the reflection of the emotions that are felt by the artist yet are difficult to express otherwise.

Ebru is a delicate reflection of a civilization in which water is exalted as glorious and precious. It is one of the major elements of our world, that are essential for existence, along with soil, air, and fire. Ebru is the art of enthusiasm presented with sincere feelings.

Ebru gives a new perspective to the world of art and to cultures that are not familiar with it, since the concept of water serving as a base might initially seem impossible.  Throughout history, eastern and western civilizations were established around sources of water. Water in fact attracts human beings to its vibrancy like a magnet. It is the source of life for all the people from different ethnic groups, colors, languages, and religions. The mosaic appearance of Ebru art reflects human diversity in its tank with harmony and coherence [2].

In the past, people used to write thing they didn’t want to remember on water. Anything is doomed to disappear on the surface of water other than Ebru.

Using water as a medium is paradoxical because water signifies change as opposed to permanence. However, embroidery on the surface of the water is not something to be planned beforehand but rather an art form that the Ebru performer comes up with at the moment. A single stroke can be transformed but not reversed.

Once the artist has reflected his or her soul’s shape, and the colors have taken their place, the paper is gently laid on the water.

Ebru is like life itself; even if we think we do the same things every day, every moment differs from the others and is unique in its own way.

Ebru is either in the sky or on the Earth [3];

“O eye, do not sprinkle tears into my heart’s fierce fire, for there will be no way you can put out such a fire.
Is the revolving sky’s color the color of water? Or is it my tears that cover up the sky, I cannot know.”

Those who are interested in the art of Ebru and put their hearts into it will connect with a feeling of spiritual serenity and tranquility. Life in contemporary times is a never-ending wave of turmoil. Those who want to escape the hustle of the routines of life will never be rejected and will be welcomed to the ambiance of serenity by the peaceful waves of Ebru.

It takes people from their own world and brings them to another world of imagination where they can reflect on their feelings and get rid of the negative emotions within them.

For those who are stuck in the modern cycle of never-ending tasks, it is a way for them to reach a peaceful state of mind and relax.

Ebru art might take the artist back to their childhood when they used to play with dirt and mud. Perhaps the lack of preserving their childhood feelings can be remedied.

Ebru craftsmen use the biz, a tool used like a pencil to write on the surface of the water. In Ebru, every move on the water gives color patterns.

The art of Ebru in such a small container can take a human to anywhere that they wish to be or can be a canvas for any image that they wish for, such as a garden of flowers or a limitless sky. It will be anywhere other than any negative emotions inside.

Ebru art eventually makes the performer, as well as those that enjoy it, joyful once it is placed onto the wall of a house or at work and is thus able to begin emanating its bliss.

* This article was based on the speech given by Mualla Yazici in the Fountain Talks meeting at Fishers Public Library, Indiana.

References

1. Saracoğlu M. “Ebru or Water Marbling.” The Fountain 72 / November-December 2009.
2. Refik İ. “Uçsuz Bucaksız Bir Okyanusta Renklerin Dansı: Ebru.” Yağmur 3 Nisan, Mayıs, Haziran.1999.
3. “Su Kasidesi – Altın Nefesler,” Yeni Ümit Ekim, Kasım Aralık 1998.

People of our age are the victims of living without a purpose or ideal. With no aspiration to follow, they have at times allowed their willpower to decay; at other times, they have unleashed it, but only to cause destruction to the values they once held dear, like peace and human dignity. When they were in a state of lethargy this has led them to self-destruct from within, and when they sprang into action, it was to raze to the ground values such as faith, ethics, and justice. So, both their withdrawal and involvement have always caused trouble.

These carnal beings are guided by the whims of desire instead of the wisdom of conscience. They are constantly piqued emotionally, but their hearts prefer daily gossip and small talk. They have no perspective, no new ideas, no code of conduct, and no significant projects for the future. At their times of weakness, they remain silent regarding almost every subject. But when they attain power, they attempt to express themselves through various means of destruction; and just like leaves scattered around with the coming of autumn, they are continuously swept from one place to another according to the direction of the winds; and occasionally those who pass by tread on these piles of leaves.

For many years, this dark and gloomy atmosphere virtually became a part of the nature of today’s people. Indeed, ever since this society willingly restricted its emotions, thoughts, and objectives, it was either overcome by an inferiority complex, or it raved with delirium. In both cases, it was a war waged against its distinctive identity. Unfortunately, even today this battle continues at full speed, just in a different dimension. While one half of the world pursues new projects in contemplation of a new age, the other half is still suffering amidst the vicious circles of old crises. Our thoughts are confused, our emotions repressed, our behavior inconsistent, and our hearts uncompassionate. The masses are mere puppets in the traps of the meaningless tides; the society pursues a different path, changing direction every day, and the guides are reckless. Each and every institution we study corrodes from within, and this makes us shudder. Indeed, it is almost impossible to observe a life of thought—or its morals, culture, art, politics, or law—without feeling the pangs of sorrow.

There are many nations that have shared a similar fate of oppression and injustice. They persist in competing among each other in undesired behavior.  They secretly cause destruction amongst one another, and are constantly at war. The fate of this vast world might be a perpetual state where power dominates justice, and countries try to imitate one another in a race to the bottom. But in all honesty, it would be wrong to expect sparrows to win a victory lost by eagles…

This society is like a ship taking on water, and being damaged from within. To prepare this ship for the long journey ahead, we need courageous individuals who have been successful in protecting their faith, determination, and hope. They possess high ideals, their lives are devoted to permanent service, and they are prepared to make both material and spiritual sacrifices. They are determined individuals capable of eliminating oppression of the sorts suffocating society over the last few centuries. These brave souls bind their own salvation to being in the service of others, disregard their stability, and spread it like soil on the path of others’ happiness. They circulate in people’s veins as air and blood to give life to others. They overflow as waterfalls to subdue the scorching heat of those burning with longing. Their actions arise out of a sense of responsibility that lies as an aspiration deep in their soul. Their mercy goes far beyond the borders of personal accountability and their compassion is vast enough to embrace all of humanity.

With these qualities they will remind humanity of the spiritual essence it has lost. They will serve as an example to those idle souls who have whittled away the last few centuries bearing no ideals. The fate of humanity is unity, not division. Even if we close our eyes and ignore certain things, by embedding the common aspects between us into our minds, events attract us more towards the communal atmosphere of pleasure and sorrow rather than individual emotions. We are reminded in our consciences of our social collectiveness. Indeed, just as our every move involves everyone in one way or another, any incident occurring, even in the most remote corner of the earth, involves us, too. This solidarity is due to our universal humanity, our shared emotions and thoughts. We were destined to live together with others, and we were created to share and sympathize. Principally, if mankind could perceive that its nature has been programmed for this solidarity, then, by taking advantage of this fate, we can change the course of our world together.

Once synchronized with our intentions and willpower, this natural flow will be enriched with new dimensions of reason, common sense, and free will. This will reveal the uniqueness of being human and will reward us for our choice and good intentions. Our willpower will be key that unlocks the ideal of an everlasting life.

Therefore, those who seek an everlasting life must bear the ideal of embracing others, so that they in turn may be embraced on the path towards eternity. On the contrary, just as the selfish, overly ambitious, and uncompassionate souls whose salvation depends upon the destruction of others were never capable of loving these “others,” they were themselves never loved. In addition, the pain of the injured and the devastation of the aggrieved have a greater effect on those who actually suffer these afflictions. An individual who is privileged enough to sacrifice for others is respected by all, even those besieged by loss and sorrow.

Those who behave selfishly and without compassion are condemned to remain prisoners in their individual worlds; they will never experience the vastness of true collectivity. These selfish humans are little more than living corpses who suffer nothing but misery between the course of life and death. They are only deceiving their own souls and consciences by eliminating the true values of being human.

The true life is planned for the generations of today and the future; an ideal life lived for noble causes, a life lived for others. Every step of this life is suffused with this collective awareness. The reflection of this kind of life is a full-length mirror of the characteristics that define a real human; it is the peak of perfection. Those who can look with wisdom can easily see behind this reflection a profound and intimate connection with the whole of existence. In this reflection, one observes both himself and others with the eyes of the heart and perceives with the appreciativeness of the conscience. Therefore, just as individuals have a sounder connection with their own spiritual worlds, they also attain the ability to observe and grow familiar with their surrounding environments; they see that everything appears to be kinder and more reasonable.

However, it is impossible to achieve this transformation overnight. This is the manifest of compassion which emerges following a long fermentation process within the depths of our souls, and a call to humanism in the language of the heart. This call surges from spiritual souls, spreading its own colors into the environment; over a period of time, it begins to ensure that everything speaks in its own language. As this emotion ascends directly from the heart, it can never be affected by exterior influences and parasites which pollute the entire environment.

This call is most fitting to be welcomed in the heavens and the earth, for it is faith-inspired and grace-filled. One day, the residents of spiritual realms will honor this call and the gates to the heavens will be opened to usher it in with praise and courtesy. Then, all the hearts will beat with compassion, think with compassion, speak with compassion, act with compassion, and embrace the whole world with compassion… And I believe on that day, when the earth has become a radiant reflection of compassion, we will embrace life and encourage others to embrace life with more sincerity. By completely escaping miserliness in showing others the path to eternity, by observing the inner spirits of both ourselves and others, we will have reached the spiritual capability of perceiving from a much different angle. By not being satisfied solely with the good ideas we are capable of accomplishing, we will also strive to attain the goodness and kindness beyond our capability. And when the inaccessible becomes accessible, it will roar with the gratitude of benefaction; and those transcendent ideals will inspire us with hope and anticipation.

A spiritual level like this, which asserts an individual’s own limits through the devotion of kindness, must be the deepest, most remarkable aspect of a person. In the eyes of God, and in the eyes of other people, these individuals will reach an esteem of exceptional superiority, and will undoubtedly gain the favor of being the perfect creation due to this depth. Their affection felt towards everyone is a result of their sound relationship with God and it is an ideal at the personal level. It is a sublime ideal at the national level to pray for the nation’s glory even at the cost of one’s own life. And it is a transcendent ideal to utter the words, “I am ready to burn in the hellfire if only I could see the faith of my nation has been ensured.”[1] It is an ideal founded upon an all-encompassing sense of responsibility, mercy, and universal compassion to say, “My Lord, forgive my people, for they do not know,” to those who have even gone as far as to threaten to kill.[2]

Our present society needs courageous individuals of such noble ideals. It needs brave idealists capable of holding their hands out with a sense of compassion to their own nation, and then to the whole of mankind. We need these courageous idealists who pray for the good of others every time they hold their hands up in supplication. And as nobody else can, or will fulfill such a major demand, it is our duty to voice and enforce this amongst ourselves…

[1] A quote from Bediuzzaman Said Nursi (d. 1960).

[2] A prayer of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, after the pagans of Mecca wounded him during the Battle of Uhud.

Culture as we know it is generated from thoughts, emotions, attitudes and behaviors, networks of symbols, values, beliefs, and sensory perceptions. Culture itself also changes, differs and is transferred among generations. Memetics is a new field of science that tries to understand questions such as How does the mind work? How do humans learn and develop? How does culture form and transfer to future generations?

One of the major tenets of memetics is the meme, or meme concept. The meme concept is assumed as a mental unit to understand the structure and function of culture. Symbols (imaginations), cognates, archetypes, images, concepts, values, beliefs, emotions, attitudes, and behaviors that are produced inside the human mind are either memes or a meme set. Memes are described as mysterious codes of behavior, and the main production unit of reality and function of the human mind. Concepts like mind, cognition, and memory as well as the functioning of the genes and viruses have been instrumental in the development of the meme.

If we consider the human brain as a computer, genes can be regarded as units that make up the hardware, and memes as units for software. Speech and language skills enable the formation and transfer of memes that build mind and culture. Forms of literature and different sciences are also memes that help define a specific culture and civilization. It is accepted that memes are units that code, reproduce, and store ideas, emotions, and behaviors.

Since memes can only be reproduced in the mind and transferred via the brain’s activities, they are also described as the viruses of the cultural world. The common feature of biological and computer viruses is that they leak into the system by concealing themselves, and thus infect other structures in the medium by replicating there. Through memes, acting as agents (viruses) that reproduce and diversify ideas, culture is transferred via media, speech, and mass communication devices. One such example of this would be commercials. Commercials and other forms of advertisements are produced by utilizing powerful memes.

Genes and the laws of genetics help us to understand memes. Genes and memes are very similar to each other in terms of working principles. Just like genes, memes are also multidimensional and multifunctional. The roles that genes play in the biological world are similarly carried out by memes in the mind. There are regulatory memes, just like regulatory genes. There are immunoglobulin genes in charge of protecting against diseases, just as there are memes that guard against bad, harmful, and unwanted cultural practices. Ethical teachings, decency, the concept of right and wrong, lawful and unlawful are examples of memes that conserve a culture’s spiritual and ideological world.

Genes have helped the brain to develop in such a way that they store and reproduce memes. The synapses and neural networks of the brain are drawn towards certain memes. Neural genes and their products (neurotransmitters, neural networks and synapses) work in conjunction with these memes, spreading their content.

Knowledge is spread in this way. Like unlocking a door is dependent on a complete match and fit of the key and lock, the production, storage, reproduction, and transfer of memes relies on fitting with the proper genes. In other words, there is a high level of adaptation and association in between memes and memetic structures that are encoded into the structure of the brain. Therefore, not every meme can find its place in each mind; likewise, not every brain can accommodate and propagate all meme forms. This relation explains both why humans have different interests and respond differently to the same stimulant. In the meantime, it sheds light on the role of memes in the development of different mentalities, perceptions, and opinions.

Just as genes affect memes, memes also affect genes. Memes that form in the mind play a role in the expression, regulation, and control of genes. Memes such as emotions and ideas lead to alterations in the electrical activities of the brain. Furthermore, this triggers the excretion of neurotransmitter materials and the synthesis of transcription factors that switch gene activity on and off. Some of these memes can be pleasant, or they may be unwanted and disturbing. Thus, there is also a need for anti-memes, in order to neutralize unwanted and disturbing ones.

Belief systems, and conversely non-belief, produce different memes and this difference causes variations in a person’s neural gene activity. The mental processes of a person possessing right or wrong memes shaped by religious faith will not be the same compared to a person who does not have these memes. This is similar to the way a person with positive and joyful memes sees life in a different light than someone who has negative and harmful memes.

The task that antivirus programs have in the computer world is similar to the tasks of anti-memes in our mind. Of course, a person can influence this process through willpower. Good things represent nice and pleasant memes and wrong ones symbolize unwanted and harmful memes. Of course, each country or culture has different definitions of what is good and what is wrong. From this perspective, so-called “culture wars” are actually wars of memes and memetics. It is only possible to understand civilizations through analyzing the algorithms and memetic maps which were used to erect them.

Memes are investigated under three main groups according to the anatomical and functional structure of the brain. The first is memes that are stored and populated in the neocortex, which is associated with advanced mental functions such as willpower, consciousness, and intangible thinking. These memes are also defined as a cognate (a unit that represents the information generated and stored in the cortex) in cognitive sciences.

The second one is memes that surface, stay, and diversify in the mezolymbic region, which houses the centers for reward and pleasure, fight or flight, and which generates simple and complex emotions.

The third type is memes that are associated with the back region of the brain that is in charge of activities pertaining to physical necessities, such as eating and drinking. Due to the make-up of our brains, personal memes for desire, fear, and other habits are significantly different from each other. But these three different types of memes play a role in shaping brain chemistry and culture. The way we think originates from these different memetic maps via different memes of subconscious content. Due to the differing makeup in personalities, because of memes and genes, people have different degrees of willpower. In summary, if there is not a problem regarding the foundation of genetic and memetic interaction, we develop and mature with the capacity to separate the good, right, and decent memes from the wrong, harmful, and disturbing ones. In this process, emotions and behaviors that are inside and outside of our will are subject to regulation and the control of psychological and spiritual states, and genetic-memetic systems. We should not forget that our ideas, emotions and behaviors are determined under the control of our intelligence, conscience, and willpower, which are the dynamics of our soul.

Mustafa Tabanli

MaryLynn Schiavi

What Is This Thing Called Love?

Post: Love is a profound ability that we have to say yes to the lives of the people around us. Your life is not a mistake, your life is a gift, we affirm it, we value your life, you have significance in this universe no matter what anyone’s told you. You matter, we are concerned about you.

It is believed to conquer all. It forms the cornerstone of all major religions and has been the primary call to action echoed by the great spiritual leaders throughout human history, from Buddha, Jesus, Muhammad, to Gandhi and the Dalai Lama. It has inspired countless poems, novels, songs, and films. Many people search for it their entire lives. Others find it everywhere they go. As the 1929 song written by Cole Porter asks, “What is this thing called love?” And how does love impact our physical and mental health? Can the emotion of love affect our overall well-being and the well-being of society? How can we cultivate love? We explored all these questions with Professor Stephen G. Post. Dr. Post is Professor of Preventive Medicine, Head of the Division of Medicine in Society, and Director of the Center for Medical Humanities, Compassionate Care, and Bioethics at Stony Brook University. He is currently a Trustee of the John Templeton Foundation (2008-2011). Professor Post is equally recognized as a leader in the study of altruism, love, and compassion in the integrative context of scientific research, philosophy, and religious thought.

M&B: Professor Post, can we say that academic research on health mostly focuses on the negative aspects, such as depression?

Well, I think most of the research is focused on human disease and deficit and illness, but now I think there’s a little more of a balance. People realize that, say, public health, isn’t just about getting rid of lead paint or getting rid of bugs and germs by washing your hands, but it’s actually a part of how we live our lives. When we live good, generous, positive lives we are healthier, happier and odds are that we live a little longer, too.

M&B: You did a lot of research on the positive aspects, such as love and altruism. It’s a topic essential to human life, yet not essential to academic research. Do you see a controversy here?

People in the academic world are more receptive to studying positive things nowadays. I think there’s so much hatred, fear and anger in the world that people are interested in things like forgiveness, gratitude, joy, happiness, love and altruism; those are topics that have really come into their own in the last five to ten years.

M&B: How do you define love, and based on your research can we say that we are born with it?

Well, what is love? I think love is something like this: When the happiness and the security of another person means as much to me or more than my own happiness and security, I love that person. That could be a child, it could be my spouse, a parent, a friend, a colleague at work, a student, or it could even be just somebody on the street. So what we’re talking about is the shift from a preoccupation with self, you know, “I’m the center of the universe,” and only relating to people insofar as they contribute to my little agendas and plans, but no further. So, I never really discover other people as valuable in themselves, and therefore I never get a sense of awe. I think that love responds to this human need for significance.

So are we born with it? Well, we’re certainly born with the capacity for it but it can be inhibited; in other words, it can be covered over if we’re raised in an environment that’s full of hurt and hatred. I like to say hurt people… people who are hurt usually tend to be hurtful. So how we grow up, what kind of support we have in our families, in our environment, that’s important. We all have that side; I don’t think one person is different than any other in that sense. I think we all have these two sides to us, the positive and the negative, and it’s up to us in a lot of ways to decide what we emphasize, what we decide to nurture and cultivate, and it’s very easy for negative emotions to take over, and then we get in this incredible cycle of hatred and violence.

M&B: Now, there is also some research showing that being good actually has certain health benefits too. Would you please tell us a little bit about that?

Being good in the sense of being generous toward others does have health benefits. In the 1990s there was a remarkable book published called Anger Kills. It was written by a cardiologist at Duke University named Redford Williams. He looked at these personality tests that people had been taking over the last 60 or 70 years and he identified 50 questions which were associated with hostility, cynicism, anger, aggressiveness and so forth. He went back and he looked at those 50 questions. Of the people who took that test in 1950 when they were 25 years old, those who are in the top 25 percent on hostility had a 20% death rate by age 50. In other words, 20% of them were dead by the time they would have reached age 50. Of the ones who were in the lower 25% on hostility, only 2% of them were dead by age 50. So we know that these negative emotions are like acid on metal. Metal is pretty strong, but after awhile the acid will eat through even metal, so a lot of these people died of coronary problems, vascular problems, heart problems, they were more susceptible to cancer and other stress induced physical illnesses and they tended to be more depressed.

What positive emotions like love do is to move us away from that anger and hatred. Really looking toward other people, forgetting about your own problems and just being generous, getting into the flow of love, that really frees us from a lot of negative emotions. Therefore, the studies were quite remarkable. Young people going back to the 1920s who identify nobility of purpose as their major goal in life – they want to help other people – that group of young people tend to be healthier, happier and live a little longer. Even as they’re getting into their 80s and 90s, because now they’re old people, they’ve been followed up on every ten years, and they tend to get a benefit. Older adults, people 60 and older, who do a little volunteering instead of being isolated, have a tremendous reduction in death rates.

So the appeal isn’t to selfishness. I’m not saying help others just for yourself. Rather, the appeal is to look into the human essence of love. When you live that way of life, when you’re close to that way of life in your heart and in your actions, then you’re going to be shielded from a lot of alternatives – hatred, fear, anxiety, anger – you’re protected from those emotions and that’s a benefit for you. That’s why every religious tradition without a single exception, whether it’s Islam or Christianity or Buddhism or Judaism or whatever it might be, they all have statements like those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed, or it is better to give than to receive, and that idea is really important.

There’s no religious tradition that just teaches “do unto others,” you know, “love your neighbor and nothing good will happen to you.” When you love your neighbor, when you do unto others, it’s a blessing. Usually, it’s a blessing in terms of relationships and your external situation in the world because people will like you more, they will respect you more, you’ll get more opportunities and more relationships, but also it’s a health benefit. Now, this is a byproduct, it’s a side affect, you’re not aiming for it.

M&B: Now the question is how to cultivate love. In your book Why Good Things Happen to Good People you give 10 basic expressions of love. Some of them are intuitive like compassion, forgiveness, even generosity and joy. But some of them could be somewhat surprising like courage. How does courage be a part of loving?

There’s sort of ten basic expressions of love, so I’ve defined love as when the happiness and security of another person means as much or more to me as my own happiness and security. Now how can that love be expressed? Well, sometimes it’s expressed as compassion, an immediate response to suffering. I see someone suffering and I jump out of my seat and I want to help them; that’s compassion. But sometimes, love is expressed in terms of the courage to confront destructive and self-destructive behaviors. We love everybody, we believe in universal love, but there are many times in life when we’re raising children as parents, or when we’re dealing with difficult individuals who are incredibly disruptive or violent, and we certainly don’t endorse everything that people think or say. So care-frontation is what I call it, having the courage in a caring way to confront destructive behavior and in the process not to completely lose the connection with that person, you know, not to let them go away, never to be seen again, but somehow to inspire them and uplift them so that they can change and improve their behavior. That ain’t easy. People who love are not just nice all the time, but typically they are the first ones to speak out when there’s an injustice around them. All the great prophets are like that; when they see an injustice, instead of just being quiet about it, they speak to it. Sometimes at risk to themselves. So there is a certain risk that comes with the territory of courage and care-frontation. Compassion is one expression of love, but sometimes care-frontation is also an expression of love. There are a lot of other expressions of love, too.

M&B: I will leave other chapters for our readers to explore. But I see all these virtues are interconnected and intertwined, like respect is related to gratitude and celebration is related to joy and so forth.

Yes, they are. I think of it as a wheel of love. So, at the center is love as I’ve defined it, this profound ability that we have to say yes to the lives of the people around us. Your life is not a mistake, your life is a gift, we affirm it, we value your life, you have significance in this universe no matter what anyone’s told you. You matter, we are concerned about you. That’s this outpouring of love; but like in any wheel there are spokes, so the ten ways of love are like spokes on a wheel. You can sometimes see this in life on everyday occasions. I mean, my daughter called me one morning – I say this in the book, you know – and she had just gotten a new job. She was really happy about it; she’d been very sad about not having a good job. So, I was on the phone celebrating with her. I was affirming her, I was saying great, wonderful, happy, delightful, you’re terrific, but then I was coming in the door to the medical school and this poor woman who worked here for many years had just been fired, unfortunately and unfairly, and she was out in front of the door crying because her card would no longer let her get into the medical school. So she needed compassion, right? You walk through life everyday and you’ll find that you need to use all these different forms of love, maybe some on one day more than others. So they’re separate, but also they’re all interconnected, because separating them is a little bit artificial. The reality is that in most interactions you’re trying to be a good listener, you’re trying to be affirming and grateful, you’re trying to be compassionate; in other words, things can mix together a bit. Loyalty is also a very important expression of love. I mean, I’m telling you in today’s world a lot of relationships don’t last very long – marriage, parents and children, friendships – they’re not very deep, they don’t have much loyalty or much glue, and so to me commitment is a big expression of love. It’s hard to imagine loving someone if you’re just thinking, “Well, you know, I’ll see you for two seconds and bye, bye for life.” I mean, love has a kind of presence, a king of holding power that’s really important.

M&B: What would be your final recommendation?

Well, people will have different strengths, so no one shoe fits all; people have different personalities and different abilities, so some folks are going to be mostly expressing their love through, say, creativity and compassion maybe, and some people are going to be expressing love maybe more through listening. So people can have strengths and can cultivate those strengths, but they also ought to be aware of all the other different forms of love, and they ought to try to avoid big gaps. You know, big down points where they’re just not functioning.

I can’t prescribe this like a medicine. I mean, people need to be uplifted, they need the right people around them, they need to stumble on this kind of lifestyle and it’s sometimes a difficult thing. What the book does is that it gives people a kind of test, a quiz at the end of every chapter, so they can size themselves up. They can get a birds’ eye view of some other strengths and maybe some of the areas where they could work a little bit harder, just by having that in mind. Everything begins with an idea. So just putting that idea, planting that idea in a person’s mind – “Hey, I could be more loyal, I could be more forgiving” – that’s the beginning of change.

Interview conducted by Mustafa Tabanli for Ebru TV for the Emmy Award winning television series Matter and Beyond.

The heart is the home of God; purify it from whatever is other than Him
So that the All-Merciful may descend into His palace at night.

The word “Qalb” (heart) has two meanings. One denotes the body’s most vital organ, which is located on the left side of the chest. With respect to its structure and tissue, the heart is different from all other bodily parts: it has two auricles and two ventricles, is the origin of all arteries and veins, works by itself, like a motor, and, like a suction pump, moves blood through the system.

In Sufi terminology, the spiritual heart is the center of all emotions and (intellectual and spiritual) faculties, such as perception, consciousness, the senses, reasoning, and willpower. Sufis call it the “human truth”; philosophers call it the “speaking selfhood.” An individual’s real nature is found in the heart. With respect to this intellectual and spiritual aspect of existence, one is able to know, perceive, and understand. Spirit is the essence and inner dimension of this faculty; the biological spirit or the soul is its mount.

It is one’s heart that God addresses and it is this that undertakes responsibilities, suffers punishment or is rewarded, is elevated through true guidance or debased through deviation, and is honored or humiliated. The heart is also the “polished mirror” in which Divine knowledge is reflected.

The heart both perceives and is perceived. The believer uses it to penetrate his or her soul, corporeal existence and mind, for it is like the eye of the spirit. Insight may be regarded as its faculty of sight, reason as its spirit, and will as its inner dynamics.

The heart or spiritual intellect, if we may so call it, has an intrinsic connection with its biological counterpart. The nature of this connection has been discussed by philosophers and Muslim sages for centuries. Of whatever nature this connection may be, it is beyond doubt that there is a close connection between the biological heart and the “spiritual” one, which is a Divine faculty, the center of true humanity, and the source of all human feelings and emotions.

In the Qur’an, religious sciences, morals, literature, and Sufism, the word “heart” signifies the spiritual heart. Belief, knowledge and love of God, and spiritual delight are the objectives to be won through this Divine faculty. The heart is a luminous, precious ore with two aspects, one looking to the spiritual world and the other to the corporeal, material world. If an individual’s corporeal existence or physical body is directed by the spirit, the heart conveys to the body the spiritual effusions or the gifts it receives through the world of the spirit, and enables the body to breathe with peace and tranquility.

As stated above, God considers one’s heart. He treats men and women according to the quality of their hearts, as the heart is the stronghold of many elements vital to the believer’s spiritual life and humanity: reason, knowledge, knowledge of God, intention, belief, wisdom, and nearness to God Almighty. If the heart is alive, all of these elements and faculties are alive; if the heart is diseased, it is difficult for the elements and faculties mentioned to remain sound. The truthful and confirmed one, upon him be peace and blessings, declared: There is a fleshy part in the body. If it is healthy, then the whole of the body is healthy. If it is corrupted, then all the body is corrupted. Beware! That part is the heart. This saying shows the importance of the heart for one’s spiritual health.

The heart has another aspect or function, one that is actually more important than those already mentioned: The heart has points of reliance and the seeking of help ingrained in it, as well as in human nature, by which the heart enables the individual to perceive God as the All-Helping and All-Maintaining. That is, the heart always reminds one of God in terms of need, seeking help and protection. This is vividly expressed in a narrated Prophetic Tradition, which Ibrahim Haqqi relates as follows:

God said: “Neither the heavens nor the earth can contain Me.”

He is known and recognized as a “Treasure” hidden in the heart by the heart itself.

The individual’s body is the physical dimension of his or her existence, while one’s heart constitutes its spiritual dimension. For this reason, the heart is the direct, eloquent, most articulate, splendid, and truthful tongue of the knowledge of God. Therefore, it is regarded as more valuable and honored than the Ka‘ba, and accepted as the only exponent of the sublime truth expressed by the whole of creation to make God known.

The heart also is a fortress in which one can maintain sound reasoning and thinking, as well as a healthy spirit and body. As all human feelings and emotions take shelter and seek protection in this fortress, the heart must be protected and kept safe from infection. If the heart is infected, it will be very difficult to restore it; if it dies, it is almost impossible to revive it. The Qur’an, by advising us to pray: Our Lord! Do not cause our hearts to swerve after You have guided us (Al Imran 3:7), and our master, upon him be peace and blessings, by his supplication: O God, O Converter of hearts! Establish our hearts firmly on Your religion, remind us of the absolute need to preserve the heart.

Just as the heart can function as a bridge by which all good and blessings may reach the believer, it can also become a means by which Satanic and carnal temptations and vices can enter. When set on God and guided by Him, the heart resembles a projector that diffuses light to even the furthest, remotest, and darkest corners of the body. If it is commanded by the (inherently evil) self, it can become a target for Satan’s poisonous arrows. The heart is the native home of belief, worship, and perfect virtue; a river gushing with inspiration and radiation arising from the relationships among God, humanity, and the universe. Unfortunately, innumerable adversaries seek to destroy this home, to block this river or divert its course: hardness of heart (losing the ability to feel and believe), unbelief, conceit, arrogance, worldly ambition, greed, excessive lust, heedlessness, selfishness, and attachment to status.

Notes

1. Bukhari, Iman, 39; Muslim, Musaqat, 107.
2. Tirmidhi, Qadar, 7; Ahmad Ibn Hanbal, Musnad, 6 vols. (Beirut, 1969), 6:302.

Mothers are beings that are oriented on the Hereafter in this world. The reward they obtain through their role and employment in creation, the imbalance between the pains and trouble they go through, and how they are responded to in return make up the clearest evidence of this fact. There is no need for complicated research to comprehend this; a casual glance at what they sow and what they harvest through-out their entire lifetime, what they go through, and what they find in return suffices.

Their faces are as otherworldly as the houris in Paradise, their looks are as profound as those of the angels, and their feelings are as pure as that of any spiritual being. Like the roses of a blessed land whose water, soil, and air have been brought from realms beyond this one, they are so enviable, so lovely, and so fascinating that, if you look carefully, you will conclude that there is a magic within them that surpasses their material being, the world, and what it contains, that even surpasses the mothers themselves.

By probing souls which are sensitive and thoughtful, one is able to find reflections of the sweetest dreams fed by heavenly thoughts within the world of the mother, a world which is always sensitive, caring, and overflowing with affection, and thus reach a melody of pleasure that transcends human imagination. In their atmosphere we are able to be almost constantly aware of breezes that waft tranquility; this is different at night and different yet again in the day. We can feel the mercy, affection, and poetry of the heavens pour into our hearts . . . and in this way, we feel as if our horizons have been completely encompassed by angels and spiritual beings. Who knows how many times we can see in the heart of the night a spirit and meaning that comprises the essence of creation reflected in their radiant, charming faces; it descends to the world, transcends all times and locations, and we are able to sense an immense mercy that is rooted in infinity; this gleams out at us through their smiles and their sorrows. We long to jump into their arms; there is some obscure, vague, yet appealing, motivation to do this. Who knows how many times we have been heartbroken and disappointed, feeling sad and lonely, and then we are able to allow ourselves to rest on their almost magical bosom, which inspires in us hope and a feeling of security. This is a place that is warmer, livelier, and cozier than a nest that has taken wing from a state of rapture to another; we stretch ourselves, made warm by their mysterious whispers.

Each time they press us to their bosoms they become a hero of faith that does not expect anything in return; they fall into an almost magical state. Then we are able to straighten up, looking around us in security and confidence, feeling that we can overcome anything. We even feel as if we are able to challenge everybody when we hold them tight.

A mother is as profound as the skies, and she is a mysterious world of emotions where thoughts and feelings number as many as the stars in the sky, boiling and overflowing like rivers of lava or underground springs flowing every which way. She conforms to her fate-be it bitter or sweet-at peace with both joys and sorrow, without any expectations in return, and she feels no resentment toward her baby. She is such a paragon of affection and faith, someone whose nature has been crystallized by divine morals, that neither the troubles that she experiences, which rise up in her throat like the flood of sweat on Judgment Day, nor the faithlessness of her children, which covers her soul like the north wind blowing, giving her the bitterest pain of separation, can make her submit, or make her give up.

There is the story of a mother: “her blood-thirsty son stabs her with several piercing blows and when the knife lightly cuts his own finger he unintentionally shouts out ‘Mother!’ and she holds on to his arm in return, screaming ‘My baby!’” Ever since my childhood, whenever I remember this story, I cannot help but shiver and I try to feel the immensity of a mother’s affection through this small drop. Those mothers who believe in eternity and the afterlife possess a spiritual and otherworldly aspect, in addition to their physical and material aspects. Within the established world of material and spiritual realms, in the world of the body and soul, their hearts have such an incomprehensibly strong bond with their children that even relationships that are considered to be very strong and fundamental by worldly people amount to nothing more than a pale shadow in comparison. However, it would not be that easy to explain this to those who have felt neither any faith nor the delight of eternity within faith.

Yes, it would be very difficult indeed to relate how their sincerity remains so deep, how their devotion continues without pause, how their hearts are enthusiastic with love, how their looks pour into us, promising care and trust, and how they overflow with such eternal and otherworldly feelings, even though they grow up in a land of mortality and transience.

Think about it, what a long process of preparation they undergo for us, what insurmountable hardships they have come up against and what things they overcome. What challenges they struggle with, and what dreams and weariness they live with. What reveries and dreams their hearts are filled with, and emptied of, what hopelessness and disappointment they suffer. What hardships and burdens they stand firm against and how many ordeals they undergo. What pains they suffer and how they moan. How many times they cry, screaming out and how many times they console our crying. How many times they overflow with compassion and how many times they are in need of compassion. In short, what valuable things they spend for us and what efforts they make, expecting nothing in return.

If there is someone who hugs, cuddles, kisses, and caresses us, who relieves our feelings of sadness and dejection, who shares our worries, who prefers us to eat in her place, us to be dressed well instead of her, who feels her hunger or fullness when we are hungry or full, who bears unimaginable hardships with a superhuman effort for the sake of our happiness and joy, who shows us the way for our body to develop, our will to strengthen, for our intelligence to become sharp and perspicacious, for our horizons to be oriented on the Hereafter, a person who does all these with-out expecting-openly or secretly-anything in return, that person is none other than our mother.

We spend a significant part of our lives in their embrace and in their atmosphere, a place more beautiful than the feathers of peacocks, more charming than the magical world of flowers, warmer and livelier than beehives, more protective and secure than the best of nests. True, we see, recognize, and learn the joy and excitement of being protected and cared for; we learn its practice and responsibility, its system and method. And whenever our needs and weak-nesses overcome us, along with our feebleness, our shortcomings, and the other things that go wrong in life, we always take refuge in our mother, and try to overcome all the obstacles we have come across with their help. When we take refuge in them, they press us to their bosoms with all the warmth of their hearts, always breathing security and confidence into our hearts at times of distress. In such cases, I think that almost all of us have felt as if we were listening to a silent poem, a flood of emotions, a breeze of affection coming from their eyes, their smile, and their gestures.

In those emotional, dreamy nights and days that we spend with them we are almost continually in a dream of bliss. In the bright daytime, we hear the sweetest melodies of life from their bosoms, like a nightingale’s song, and say “this must be real happiness,” at least to the extent of our comprehension.

The mother is the most important element of the event of Creation, the most fertile pillar of the world of humanity, and she is the light of our eye. All of us are bent over double before her, feeling an unbearable sense of debt and the heaviest of responsibilities. We bend over double and we are immensely proud of our hunched back.

The fountains of Heaven, where angels flit like white doves, provide the water that forges the glowing steel of the mother. If this were not true, could the light of her soul ever dazzle our eyes like that? Not only her light, even her shadow burns the moths it attracts-in my own world, I still have not been able to recover from the shock of the deep emotions inspired by that sublime quality-and her light-now that I sense it better than ever-is a mysterious source of light, enlightening our hearts in the darkness.

A mother is a hero of love who keeps the delicacy and valor in her soul abreast when she is considered in terms of her affection, benignity, and grace; she is soft like a feather, fine and smooth as silk, yet at the same time she is tough and fierce as a lioness when it comes to protecting and caring for her children.

Whatever lies under the firmaments above us, her hand is above all these, and the way to Paradise runs under her feet. God has granted such a sublimity and royalty to her that earthly kingdoms are nothing more than mere crowns without status in comparison. Moreover, crowns that rest on heads which have never found a place beneath their mothers’ feet cannot be said to have any lasting value.

O sublime and precious being, who is as fine as the spirits, as innocent as the angels, and as profound as the skies; the realm beyond gives you a value above values, and sympathizes with your shyness. The melody of your fame is heard where angels abide, the song of your life rings out at the skirts of the heavens. You have always lived with the blade of emotions impaled through your heart, wearing the jewel of religion as a necklace. All of us are your slaves, and you are an uncrowned sultana who captures us with her net of affection, faith, and sincerity. If everything has a peculiar spirit, an essence of life in this world of existence, then you must be our essence of life.

May God enlighten you with His light on the morning of the resurrection! May your future be joyful like the (holy) Fridays of Paradise, and may your reunion be blessed!

Modern medicine, which tries to understand the biological structure of human beings, has been carrying out research in recent years that reveals the manifestations of the above fact. For instance, in classical text books the heart is introduced as a mechanical system that pumps the blood, a center to which all the organs of the body are directed; but recent research shows that there is a nerve system in the heart, just as there is in the brain, and that the heart assumes responsibility, to the same degree as the brain, in the control of the body. It has been revealed that the harmonious functioning of all the other bodily systems is regulated by the heart to the same degree as done by the brain. In recent years, the heart has been depicted as the sage and master of the palace that is the body. Alongside the abstract, analytical, and logical intellect of the brain, the heart is equipped with emotional and communicational intellect. Emotions are first produced in the heart; the signals produced in the heart are then carried very rapidly over to the limbic system of the brain. It is then through the brain that the emotional response is carried over to the body and communicated to those around it. Research which has been carried out in the framework of studying the heart-brain relationship has revealed things that may change our attitude toward the heart, as well as affecting our presuppositions about humanity and how our health can be protected.

The two-way communication system that exists between our heart and brain is one of the most complex communication systems in the world. For a start, the heart is made up of 40,000 nerve cells which pertain to it alone. This number of nerve cells is close to the average found in various centers of the brain. It has a complex and mysterious nervous system unto itself and this nervous system is defined as the “brain in the heart.” There is clear and sound proof that the heart communicates with the brain along four different pathways. The first is via the nerves (the neurological pathway); the second through the hormones and neurotransmitters (the biochemical pathway); the third is made up of the pulse waves created by blood pressure (the biophysical pathway); with the fourth being the interaction of the electromagnetic fields (the energy pathway). The sympathetic nerves that envelope the heart like a web are one of the four important communication and regulation branches of the heart-circulation system. The heart operates in a system which produces one of the most powerful and broadest electromagnetic fields in the human body. The bioelectromagnetic fields that are produced can be measured by SQUID (Superconductor Quantum Interference Device) from 50-70 cm away. The electrical field in the heart measured by an electrocardiogram (ECG) is on average 60 times greater in amplitude than the electrocephalogram measurements taken from the brain; the magnetic component of the heart is 5,000 times stronger than the one in the brain. Consequently, these forces cannot be absorbed by the tissues and disappear; similarly the blood pressure that is produced by the rhythmic activity of the heart, the sound pressure, and the changes in the electromagnetic waves are not only carried over to each part of the body, but at the same time the scattering of that field of energy is felt by the people who are experiencing it. All these observations show that the heart has been given the role of a signal station, providing and regulating the synchronicity within the entire body. When people experience different emotions (fury, happiness, fear, and despair) the heart beat changes along with the rhythmic patterns produced by the pulse (Figure l and 2). 

The Emotional State of the Heart Affects the People around

The quality of the electrical signals that emanate from the heart affect all the cells of the body in a negative or positive way. It has been observed that the electromagnetic fields produced in the heart affect the emotions and thoughts of other people who are in physical contact or 50-70 cm away from a heart that is producing these emotions (Figure 3).

This shows that the emotional state of educators in preschool environments and mothers has a direct effect on the development (especially that of heart and mind) of the children. In particular, if the people who work in preschool environments are under stress, temperamental, unhappy, or depressed, this will not only affect the educator, but also the development of the children under their care. When those who are working with children have positive emotions, are affectionate, and smile, this has a positive effect on the development and learning curve of children.

The development of the brain and heart in children is dependent on their mothers and educators having a healthy heart. For these hearts to be healthy they have to possess positive emotions (such as affection, compassion, and love). In one study carried out at Harvard University, it was observed that adults who had not received sufficient amounts of love during their childhood or who received no affection became ill more frequently and also died sooner. It is now understood that the general heath of human beings is more dependent on our living with positive emotions and having a strong spiritual dimension than on living with logical and rational thoughts. From these we understand much better the importance of controlling the emotions that emanate from the heart through a sound education. The heart is one of the centers that regulates the general health of the individual. Behavior patterns (overworking, the performing of hasty actions, anxiety, or being temperamental) are risk factors that deteriorate the health of the heart and that can lead to heart attacks. Some research shows that an intense episode of negative emotions, like fury, anxiety, or despair over a long duration can lead to sudden death related to heart disease. The risk of stress that is related to poorly managed chronic negative emotions causing cancer and heart disease is six times greater than the risk involved in smoking, high cholesterol, and hypertension. Disliking or being unsatisfied with the work that one does is also considered to be a great risk factor when it comes to heart attacks.

The Heart Rate Variability

According to messages emanating from the sympathetic nerves in the autonomous nervous system, one of the four pathways used in the control and regulation of heart activity, the heart rate and secretion of adrenal hormones increase. The stimuli that come from the parasympathetic nerves, on the other hand, slow down the beating of the heart. The balance and harmony between the two is very important for the health of the heart. The changes that are observed in pulse patterns over time are a key measure of the balance between the brain and the heart. Heart rate variability (HRV) shows whether or not the electrical stimuli in the sinoatrial knot (the group of nerve cells that are responsible for the production of the electrical current in the heart) are being regulated as they should. Since the HRV parameter forms a window through which we can measure the ability of the heart to respond to the regulating signals that travel from the heart to the brain and from the brain to the heart; in recent years the determination of the percentage of heart rate variance has gained importance. The HRV measurements are carried out via tacograms; these measure and analyze the HRV for the duration of an hour. Normally, the HRV parameter is the capacity of the heart rate to respond to changing circumstances and to adapt to the required pace. The decrease and increase in this capacity in situations such as stress, temper, excessive joy, and panic disturbs the capability of the heart to adapt; it causes a decrease in this capability and can result in the collapse of the whole system. An HRV which has decreased, due to either material or emotional causes, could be a harbinger of arrhythmic cardiac arrest, myocardial infarction, the speeding up of atherosclerosis, or heart failure. Patients whose HRV decreases may die sooner than patients whose HRV is normal or high. If the HRV does not keep within the normal, balanced limits, it is highly probable that those patients may die due to a sudden heart attack.

In the biological working of the body, the brain obeys the heart. When the changes in the heart rate are harmonious, the waves (alfa or lower wavelengths) that are produced in the person’s brain are also in synch with the rhythm of the heart. In other words, there is a harmonious cooperation and an excellent unity in the compatibility of heart beats and the relationship between the heart and the brain. The research that has been done in this field shows that the activity of the brain has been programmed in synch with the activity of the heart. For instance, in embryonic development, the brain follows the heart. While the child is developing in the womb, the heart develops before the brain. The development of the brain is completed only after a child reaches one year of age. According to recent research, when a person’s emotions change, the quality of the signals that emanate from the heart to the brain change automatically as well. In other words, if the psycho-physiological state of the individual is balanced and positive, the HRV rhythms of the heart are accordingly harmonious and consequently the electrical activity in the brain is synchronized with this balance and harmony that is produced in the heart.

Research shows that humans live 80-90 percent of their lives automatically and mechanically; in their daily lives they make most of their decisions and do most of their activities unconsciously, according to habit and subconscious directives. Consciousness and will have a very weak hold on our emotions, whereas our strong emotions (for instance passion) have a greater capacity to control and direct our will and consciousness. The automatic way of life conducted through habit is dominant over the way of life led through conscious choices and will; emotions (especially passions) have, in that sense, a natural superiority over reason and logic. This natural condition and tendency of humanity makes it essential to find the answer to the question of how one may live a life that is governed by reason, logic, and will, yet maintain health at an optimal level. The key to finding the answer to this question is to take the education of the heart (or the education of “emotional reason”) seriously and giving it priority. Education which does not take emotion or passion into account, which overlooks them, has to be abandoned immediately. In its place, an education and life philosophy that gives due importance to the heart and the emotions, a philosophy where reason and logic help emotions and show them the way must be adopted.

References

• Gulen, M.F., Key Concepts in the Practice of Sufism, The Light, Inc., NJ: 2004.
• McCraty, R., M. Atkinson, D. Tomasino, Science of The Heart, Institute of HeartMath, California: 2001.
• http://www.futurehealth.org/Freezeframe.htm
• http://www.heartmath.org.

Psychologists have uncovered and grouped intelligence into three main groups: abstract intelligence (the ability to understand and manipulate using verbal and mathematical symbols), concrete intelligence (the ability to understand and manipulate with objects), and social intelligence (the ability to understand and relate to people).¹

Emotional intelligence (EI) has its roots in the concept of “social intelligence,” first identified by E.L. Thorndike in 1920. The influence of this concept on popular culture and the academic community has been rapid and widespread.

As we all know, emotions are a fundamental part of who we are, and play an important part in our relationships with others. They cannot be removed from the picture. However, most of us have traditionally been conditioned “to leave our emotions at home,” believing that in order to be more effective we need to base all our strategies and decisions only upon cold, logical “intelligence.”²

In fact, to do so often guarantees that the suppressed emotions will flare, causing increased conflict and affecting the mood of the individual negatively. But what if we continue to expand our knowledge of emotions in a different way altogether, as another kind of “intelligence,” beyond reason and logic? An intelligence that – if we could learn to access it – could become nothing less than a touchstone to greater collaboration, giving us greater influence with others, motivating us to be more productive and effective.

It could be said that the greatest distance there is is the distance between the mind (IQ) and the heart (EQ). By learning about and utilizing EI, we will be able to shorten that distance, and we will be working with astonishing capacity and effectiveness. Let us address some important questions and issues about Emotional Intelligence.

What Is EI?

When Salovey and Mayer coined the term “emotional intelligence” (EI) in 1990,³ they were aware of the previous work on non-cognitive aspects of intelligence. They described emotional intelligence as “a form of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use the information to guide one’s thinking and actions.”⁴

Esther Orioli and Robert Cooper state the following in explaining EI: “EI is far more than being ‘nice’ to people. It is the ability to sense, understand, and effectively apply the power and acumen of emotions as a source of energy, information, creativity, trust, and connection.”⁵

Another way to describe EI is the ability to sense and use emotions to more effectively manage ourselves and influence positive outcomes in our relationships.

Why Do We Need EI?

Primitive emotional responses of our EI hold the keys to better health, experiencing greater joy and closer connections, achieving stronger leadership, a clearer vision, greater efficacy, higher goals, expanding our personal power, enhancing our self-awareness, augmenting learning, magnifying clarity, ensuring healthier relationships and finer perception, and finally, the provision of greater satisfaction. These emotional reflexes, rarely conscious but powerful, motivate our choices. In short, we need EI for utilizing the power of emotions.

What Are the Competencies of EI?

In Goleman’s model of EI there are five key steps:⁶ self-awareness, self-regulation, self-motivation, empathy, and effective relationships; each includes a set of different competencies. All the competencies to be successful are not necessary, but the two core competencies (emotional self-awareness and accurate self-assessment) are essential. These are the two foundational abilities upon which all others rest (see Chart).

1. Self-Awareness

The cornerstone or foundation of EI is self-awareness. It supports all the other EI skills. Self-awareness must come first because if we do not know ourselves or what we are feeling, how can we possibly know the needs of others or understand someone else and how they feel?

The more we know about ourselves, the better we are able to control and choose what kind of behavior we will display in any given situation. Self-awareness is about knowing where we are now and where we want to go, so that we will be willing to change to get there. Without self-awareness, our emotions can blind us and guide us to do things or to become people we do not want to be.

To become more self-aware, one must follow these steps:

• Learn the difference between thoughts and feelings. It is extremely important to know the difference between “I think” and “I feel” if you are to know yourself better.

• Ask yourself how you are feeling throughout the day and be honest. If your heart races or you blush or if you are short of breath – this is usually a gut reaction. Ask yourself, “What is the feeling behind it?” Name that feeling – fear, anxiety, love, eagerness.

• Be open to input from others. Friends and associates can often enlighten us about our behavior.

2. Self-Regulation

While we are listening and learning from our gut feelings as a step toward self-awareness, self-regulation is regulating those same feelings and managing them so that they do more good than harm. Self-regulation is giving the rational side time to temper our feelings when needed. It also helps us to act intentionally rather than reactively. When we act intentionally, we mean what we say rather. The other side of the coin is to just spout off without thinking and later regret an impulsive act.

Here are some tips to help you with self-regulation:

• Monitor your self-talk (what you say to yourself in your mind).

• Accept responsibility for your emotional responses in your life. When you are feeling that you are accountable, you are acknowledging your own power.

• Anticipate emotional “triggers” and prepare to manage them.

• Reframe an irritating situation into a problem-solving exercise. When you encounter a situation that provokes an undesirable emotional response, decrease your anger by focusing on the behavior. Reframe it to make the behavior the problem, and not the person.

• Use humor!

• Never underestimate the power of taking deep breaths. Increasing the flow of oxygen to the brain eases tension, clarifies thinking and has a relaxing effect on our psyche and body. It also gives you a moment to collect your thoughts and to think before speaking.

• Remove yourself from the situation and keep moving. There are major benefits in distancing yourself from a bad situation and re-directing your energy into a new activity. This will help you regain your perspective, increase your alertness and re-energize.

Unlike Intelligence Quotient, which is fixed for life, Emotional Quotient can be continually developed to enable people to increase their awareness of their selves and others, to develop.

3. Self-Motivation

Self-motivation is directing the power of our emotions toward a purpose that will motivate and inspire us. It is also visualizing the achievement of a goal and taking whatever the necessary steps are to get there. Various ways to bolster your self-motivation are: — Be aware of how you explain setbacks to yourself… stay realistic. Realize that you can control and choose what you are thinking and feeling. Increase your persistence by keeping things in perspective. — Connect your goals with your values to get energized. Keep your eyes on the goal and follow through so you can enjoy the satisfaction of completing whatever projects you’ve begun. — Strive for reaching a —flow— state while working on projects. — Visualize! — Keep learning! The pursuit of knowledge will build on your areas of strength. You will be more valuable and versatile.

4. Empathy

Once we have become more honest and intentional with our emotions, it is time to look outward. EI is both tuning into our feelings and tuning into the feelings of those around us. It means responding to others appropriately, with sensitivity and compassion. Empathy is being able to see a problem from another person’s perspective. It is good to acknowledge other people’s emotions while still remembering that those are their emotions, not ours. Empathy begins with listening. This means making a connection with people. Individuals who lack empathy are more focused on their needs and pay little or no attention to anyone else’s. Empathy is the glue that will bind a group together to work successfully. Some of the techniques for enhancing your empathy are: — Look for nonverbal cues as well as listening for verbal ones. Studies show that words account for only 7% of communication. Tone and the speed of speech accounts for 38% of the message, while 55% is unspoken and revealed through body language, such as posture, eye contact, facial expressions, and so on. — Share and be honest about your feelings. Good communication leads to trust. — Your spoken and unspoken messages should be consistent. You want what you are saying to uphold what you are doing. This proves that you are being honest, or authentic, which builds trust. — Take the kinder road whenever possible. There are many ways to deliver opinions and criticism. You can be honest and still give positive feedback, which increases confidence. Construc-tive feedback increases competence. — Try to see a situation from the other person’s perspective. Empathy is about imagining what it would be like to walk in someone else’s shoes. We ought to assume that everyone is doing the best they can with the resources that they have at the moment.

5. Effective Relationships

Mastering the abilities of self-awareness, self-regulation, self-motivation, and empathy paves the way to attaining greater skill in effective relationships. This competency is about interacting with people successfully and being adept at managing emotions in others. With heightened social skills, leaders are better communicators and better collaborators. Some EI techniques for having more effective relationships at work: — Share your passion and enthusiasm for your job and the organization’s vision — it’s contagious! Keep the vision in view by relating your own excitement for a project or goal. — Create an inspiring work environment. If you show honesty, trust, and appreciation toward your team, you create the perfect environment for them to do their best work. — Engage in creative brainstorming. Not only is brainstorming good for generating fresh ideas, but the process builds rapport and trust among team members. This could smooth the way to future collaborations because of the creative bond that has been formed. — Be willing to coach or mentor others and be open to being coached yourself. This is the most important relationship skill in the workplace. By sharing your knowledge and expertise with other team members, you are nurturing the next generation. And by allowing someone to coach you, you are showing that you are receptive to others’ ideas and that you do not —know it all.— In conclusion, quite simply the EI competencies of intra-personal and inter-personal skills are central to our life and are a different way of being intelligent. They are the tools that our brains use to define ourselves, to shape the meaning of major concepts like love, success, and happiness. EI has been found to be more important than IQ, technical ability, or experience in determining life success. Unlike IQ, which is fixed for life, EQ can be continually developed to enable people to increase their awareness of their selves and others, to develop self-management strategies, and to connect with others to create collaboration and harmony. In practice, EI also enables people to tap into their true power and creativity and to consciously choose the most effective response to any situation rather than merely reacting impulsively.

Footnotes

1. Ruisel, I., Social Intelligence: Conception and Methodological Problems, 34(4-5), 281-296.
2. Emotional Intelligence Workbook, CRM Learning, Carlsbad, 2001.
3. Salovey, P., & Mayer, J. Emotional Intelligence, Imagination, Cognition, and Personality, 1990.
4. Salovey, P., & Mayer, J., The Intelligence of Emotional Intelligence, 1993, 17, 433-442. 5 See http://www.qmetricseq.com/
5. Goleman, D., Emotional Intelligence, Bantam Books, New York, 1995.

Walking without stopping to surmount all obstacles;

With hopes fresh as days breaking after nights.

And the future worlds appear in mists from ahead

Light about to rise on the horizon is red like roses;

First rays of the sun are touching the high hill-tops;

All obstacles fall away, one after another.

A spring awaits us finer than any that went before.

We are sailing over deep and limitless oceans:

Our eyes bright with happiness, and souls at peace,

Feeling from the heart the joy of our existence,

The fragrance of paradise pervades everywhere.

Rays of light pouring into our souls in abundance,

We are as if seeing in advance the happy times to come.

Night is about to die, it is the hour of day-break –

At the door of the future we meet the post unexpectedly.

A gorgeous spring prevails where once was autumn.

Light breezes and leaves whisper to each other.

Tunes of eternity are sung in different pitches;

There are varied meanings in the waving of flags.

Let us go on and not stop, the destination being near:

Life like a mysterious dream, belief like a sweet melody,

Our lives are recorded on a permanent register

As existence is so fine, its end is assuredly finer.

***