It never occurred to me that I was prejudiced. In fact, I was inspired to leave the life I knew as a young white man to be a Christian missionary in Africa. Yet, until that time at age 22 in my little town in Colorado, I don’t remember ever meeting a black person or knowing anything about black history. I just knew I wanted to know and serve God. As I prepared to depart my country for that foreign land, I felt an inward restraint so strong that I canceled my plans with Africa Inland Mission. In the coming years, several events and relationships impacted my decision and changed my life. My desire had been admirable, but difficult circumstances revealed that I was not like I had hoped that I was. It would take 49 years before I went on my first visit to Kenya.

Watts

Amid a complicated set of circumstances, I found myself in Los Angeles—alone, far from home, and having made decisions that canceled everything that I had accomplished in college and learned from my numerous, hopeful mentors. Suddenly I needed a job. Not knowing why, I was impressed to apply for a teaching position in Watts. This was soon after the riots and fires of the mid-sixties.

When I applied to L.A. City Schools, Superintendent Baer said that in all of Los Angeles only one teaching position was open. It was in Watts! I went to Charles Drew Jr. High for an interview with the principal, Mr. Henrikson. He told me I could have the job if I wanted it, but he wanted to assure me I would be a failure. I was white, and I would be a teacher. I would face nothing but rebellion among the 1800 black students and represent authority. Having a strong conviction, I surprised him. I said “Fine, I will take the job.”

Suddenly, I was a white teacher in a black school. I was to teach plastics and other industrial subjects, of which I knew absolutely nothing. I would have as many as 44 students in my shop classes. On my second day, a riot broke out. It was chaos. My students threw my two desks into the walls and tore down some of the plaster. They were all screaming “Get outta here Whitey and don’t ever come back!” I ran out of my shop door, across the teachers’ parking lot and across the campus to hide in the Counselor’s Office under Mr. Kerr’s desk. He was a black man, the former teacher of my shop classes. He knew if I were a failure he would have to return to that impossible job.

I cried on the way to school and quit every day for three months. In the agony of my situation, I learned things about myself. I discovered that my love for God was mostly doctrinal, and my love for people mostly theoretical. In the next four years, 700 students passed through my classes. I had as many as four death threats on my life in a single week. My students sometimes started fights in class, chased others with a hack saw and chisel, threw a hammer at others, threw orange juice at me during recess, and more. In my constant distress, one day I went into my supply room during class, slammed the door and just stood there, cursing them all. I was frustrated and angry that many saw my white skin and cursed me for the same reason. I didn’t see people. I didn’t see faces. I just saw black bodies in motion. And I suddenly saw the prejudice and hatred in my own heart.

Where had that little missionary in me gone? A light dawned inside of me—something was wrong in my own heart. The situation had not made me prejudiced. It only exposed what was deep inside of me already. Perhaps my students had the same problem. I cried out to the living God and realizations began.  My hatred began to turn to a genuine love that I previously only thought I had.

Soon, I was elected Department Chairman, and my students had responded to my changing view and feelings. I brought many of them home with me on weekends. I had no “teacher’s pet.” Rather, it was a rivalry, a great honor to be invited to Mr. and Mrs. Nelson’s apartment for the weekend. In my third year, students prepared a project display for the Los Angeles Industrial Crafts Fair. Of 34 Junior High Schools, my students took First Place, a phenomenal accomplishment.

By that time, I had begun to see them as people, individuals, creations of a loving God whom everyone can relate to. I wasn’t “color blind.” I saw color as a beautiful gift, the more diverse the better. To this day, Ricky, Michael, Louis and the others remain in my heart. If there were ever a need, I knew they and the others would defend me to the death, as I also would have for them. I failed a lot, but a lot was gained—in them and in me. Watts had become my Africa.

Transition

Between my entrance into the black community and the present time, I have had countless experiences of peoples with complexions, languages, and cultures different from mine. When I discovered the depths of my own prejudice and depravity while teaching in Watts, I opened my heart deeper than I could have ever known possible. Since that time, I have grown, filled with love of God and love of all people.

Expansion

Half-way through my doctoral program 42 years after teaching at Watts, I was required to present a Forum Essay to students, faculty, and the public. My essay was on Poetry. The essay’s impact was significant. The critiquing professors were all known to be incredibly sophisticated, daunting, and tough. No critiques being offered, the chairman concluded by saying that during his 14 years at Oxford Graduate School (OGS) there had never been a student’s presentation that was so outstanding that no one thought it could be improved. The discussion was then opened up to the audience for responses. One impactful, positive comment came from a highly esteemed, black professor. Another wonderful comment in the audience came from a successful black woman, my esteemed colleague. The President of OGS later asked if I would extend my Forum Essay to a doctoral dissertation. Eventually, she also arranged for me to meet the esteemed Dr. Maya Angelou.

Dr. Maya Angelou

Through amazing circumstances, among a luncheon of 500 black women and I in Charlotte, NC, I heard Dr. Angelou speak. Weeks later, my wife and other guests were sitting at her lunch table, an exquisite affair! I had read much of her stunning life story but physically being with her vastly enlarged my views of the black community, of their suffering, struggles, and successes. On one occasion in her home, we sat with Dr. Angelou and Oprah Winfrey for a casual discussion of more than one hour. The night she invited us to stay overnight in her home, she asked me to autograph one of my books for her and then ordered eight more copies for her friends. She included us in her Annual Five-Day-Celebration of Thanksgiving in Winston-Salem among her closest biological and social friends.

From my friend Dr. Maya Angelou, I learned of her great involvement with Martin Luther King and Malcolm X. Because of her, I became acquainted with the daughter of Malcolm X as we were seated in the VIP section at the U.S. Post Office inauguration of the “Maya Angelou Stamp.” Because of her, I have great friends among the black community in America and with Africans of many countries. I even got to go on a fantastic visit to see Mama Sarah, President Obama’s grandmother in Kenya. Five weeks before she passed away in 2014, Dr. Angelou designated me to help design, build, and launch a traveling, educational museum of her life and work. Her personal assistant of more than 15 years continues to call me and stay overnight with us in Nashville occasionally as he is crisscrossing our great nation. And so much more…

Summary

The experiences and perspectives that I have shared in this discussion were pivotal adventures of my life, but there are countless other stories of impact to my own life—of concept, of sub-culture, and appreciation of the black community. The relevant enlightenment and spiritual renewal of my heart has included people of every culture, religion, and complexion whom I know from all around the world. It is through experiencing persons in their context with mine, serving and participating in mutual events in my home and theirs, that my appreciation has grown, expanded, and been shared. It may be that others have found the need to discover their own inward condition and realize a journey such as mine. The joyful overflow of my life’s adventure thus far has led me to publish more than 25 books on family, spiritual guidance, and work, relevant to all. My contribution to celebrating Black History Month here may be small, but it is personal, it is real, and it is mine.

The man or woman who faces the reality, the inevitability, and the unpredictability of his or her own death enhances the quality of their life, for that person tends to make better choices about how to live. They use their mortality as a measuring stick to keep from wasting time or energy on things that truly do not matter to them.

Any person who has learned to hold his mortality close to his heart knows that today could very well be the last day of his life. The aged and very ill, those who are facing a short road to the end, are forced to accept this because it is in their face, but I believe that it would behoove all of us to use the overhanging shadow of our mortality to better our lives.

I am not special or different from any other citizen of this earth. I am not gifted with the ability to see into my future and know exactly how many days I have to accomplish all that I would like. Like everyone else, I have squandered precious moments, hours, and days that have added up to many, many years because I couldn’t accept the one great truth about my existence–that today could be the last day of my life.

I have lived my life in the same way as the majority of humans running around our planet. I have scurried from one life event to another. I have committed myself to actions that deep down I honestly didn’t want to do, but that I felt obligated to perform because that’s what society, family, or friends expected of me: go to school, college, grad school, work a job, date, marry, buy a house, have children, the list went on and on.

I was guilty of compounding the issue by idling away precious hours on blatant time wasters–just how many reruns of the same episode of my favorite television show could I watch? How many times could I meet the same people at the same bar and rehash the same tired issues?

I never questioned whether the choices I made were the wisest, most fulfilling use of my time because I was sure that I had all the time in the world. I believed that there would always be time to do everything that I wished, that there would always be a tomorrow.

Along the way, life gave me many hints and opportunities to help me lose my sense of immortality.

I ignored them.

When, at sixteen, a freak accident cost a fellow high school student his life, it caused barely a blip in my consciousness. Years later, when my beloved grandfather passed and my best friend’s mother died, I felt sadness but still I made no changes. Mortality did not factor into my life even though I read daily news stories about young people dying from illness or accident or homicide.

Those events made me pause briefly and feel grateful for my continued good health, but they went no deeper than that. Death happened to other people–it wasn’t something that I needed to worry about. I was young and healthy and completely caught up in living my life–caught up in the challenges and petty grievances and soap operas that seem to consume us all. I was caught up with making a living, forging friendships, making a home, caught up in love and work and fun and disappointment and the games that people play with one another. I was immersed in the whole menu of human emotions and activities that ruled my life.

My first serious wake-up call happened on a morning exactly like any other morning. There was no reason to suspect that my life was about to change. I was sitting ten feet away from my roommate who was cleaning his shotgun across the room, something I had done many times before. I was relaxed, paying no attention to him, reading the paper and eating my breakfast. One moment all was quiet and peaceful, in the next moment a blast blew out the wall right beside my head. I dropped the bowl of cereal and looked at my roommate, stunned.

At first I didn’t realize just how close the shotgun pellets had come to ending my life. I turned to look at the wall and not six inches away from where I sat I could see pinpoints of daylight. The lead pellets from the shotgun shell had punctured the wall and blown a piece of the siding off the house. Six inches more to the right and my head would have been pulp.

People’s lives are cut short every day. They end without any warning, without any apology for robbing them of the time to finally get on to the serious business of living, to become the people they have the potential to be. I was one of the lucky ones. The universe took pity on me and offered me a chance to get with the program.

I carried a heightened sense of my mortality around with me for the better part of a year after that experience, but it was too hard to hang on to, too difficult to keep at the forefront of my mind. It wasn’t long before I was immersed in the soap opera of my life again.

Several more years passed before I got a second chance. The life I had so carefully built imploded, forcing me to take a serious look at the choices I had made and how I was living.

I had married for all the wrong reasons, and none of the right ones. The effort and work that it took to maintain that marriage for almost fifteen years took its toll on my health, mental as well as physical.

I worked at a job that gave me no pleasure, not even a sense of satisfaction from accomplishing something that held meaning. Worse, I worked for someone for whom I had lost all respect. I approached each work day filled with tension and I’m sure that my attitude had a negative effect on my coworkers.

I don’t like to make mistakes – no one does. It’s hard to admit to them. For me, the worst part was that I didn’t know how I had created such a mess. All along that journey I thought that I was making good choices, but with my life in tatters, I was forced to look at the train wreck I had left in my wake and do some serious self-evaluation.

I’m ashamed to admit that I didn’t like what I found. I took a good look at myself in the mirror and asked, “Is this who I want to be for the rest of my life? What if I die tomorrow?”

Asking myself those two questions was my turning point. I would not spend one more day of my life going forward thinking that sometime in the future, I would change and fix everything. The time had come: I had to change then, that very moment, or risk losing the opportunity, for there was no guarantee I would live to see another day.

I made the leap and took mortality as my advisor.

Those are no longer just words to me, they have become an integral part of who I am. I took the inevitability of my death deep within me and held it up as the yardstick by which I now measure my life. It was a liberating, exhilarating, and life-altering action. I made major changes to the way I live that gave me a sense of freedom and power unlike any I had previously experienced. I started listening to, trusting, and following, my intuition.

I left an unhappy marriage that, as it turned out, neither of us were suited for, thereby freeing both of us. I quit an unsatisfying job that drained me in many ways because it wasn’t a good fit for me. Those two moves created a vacuum in my life which allowed far more interesting, and suitable, situations to step in and fill the voids.

By reminding myself that I could die today, I stopped putting energy into anything that didn’t feel right. I put aside any task or commitment that didn’t resonate deep within me–that included activities that I had once pursued so I would be accepted by people whose opinions I realized were no longer important to me. Finally, because my time here is limited, I stopped putting energy into those people as well. My time has become too precious to waste on anything that does not fulfill me.

To some this may sound selfish, and I agree, it is. I do not however, see anything wrong with this type of selfishness because it means that I am one hundred percent sincere in everything I do, and that I give my best effort to whatever I do. There are no more half-measures in my life. I give my all to my work, to the people I love, to my commitments, and to my responsibilities. In return, I am filled with a deep satisfaction and happiness, and the knowledge that I am living my life well.

It took reaching a miserable, rocky bottom to motivate me to make the drastic changes to my life that I wish I had made years earlier. My fears prevented me from taking any action. I feared what others would think of me. I feared being unemployed. I feared being alone. I feared making more mistakes. I feared the unknown that changes would bring.

Once I took my own mortality as my guide, I found that there was nothing left to fear. I could survive losing a job, or a spouse, or making mistakes. With my mortality as a measuring stick, all of my fears disappeared, for what could be more serious, more final, than the loss of my life? All other losses pale beside that, and that knowledge can give a man the courage to reach for the stars.

Live each day as if it is the only one you have. Embrace your mortality and experience how precious each action, event, and relationship becomes. It is the path to not only reaching your fullest potential, but more important, it is the path to deep and lasting happiness.

A retired wildlife photographer, Noble Lee now farms and writes in the bluff country along the Upper Mississippi River.

With half the world living on less than $2.50 per day and with 46.2 million people in the United States living below the poverty line, poverty is a growing concern.

The United States is known all over the world to be a very powerful and rich country. It is not just American people who believe in the American Dream, but also many people from other countries have been dreaming of coming to the US to live in better conditions. Although the US is thought to be a rich country, we still see hungry and homeless people, especially women and children in the streets. Women, who are either married or unmarried, whether supported by their husbands or single mothers with no support, struggle to earn money for food, clothes, safe shelter, and other intangible needs such as love and happiness. When observed closely, it is easy to understand the reasons why this is so. It is because of the wage gap between men and women, the decreased amount of opportunities in having high income jobs, and the fact that more women are the head of their household compared to men, means that the ratio of poor women is rising, and the increased need for governmental help makes “welfare” necessary.

Understanding the definition of poverty becomes very important because it categorizes people into groups which are poor and wealthy. Richard Ropers states that poverty can be understood and described in numerous ways, and that people will not understand the meaning of poverty if they do not recognize the situation of the poor. To be poor means to not have any sustenance, shelter, or any support from family. However nowadays, living alone, or being pushed out of society, being under depression of unchanging destitution also describes poverty. Being fired from a job, losing self-esteem, having no power, or being away from cultural values are also other parameters to describe poverty (Ropers, 25). Ropers also describes “widespread poverty” as a disloyalty to the democratic values’ failure to gain optimism. Successful leaders must aim to provide economical comfort for their citizens. If the majority of the people are not happy because of poverty, it means the government is not as strong to deal with the problems.

The official poverty line is inadmissible as an accurate system to determine the number of poor people. “The US government identifies the poverty line by multiplying the cost of a minimally nutritious diet by three,” then the number of people who live in the same house is calculated (Popers 35). According to the Census data for 2011, 46.2 million people in the United States lived below the poverty line. According to Peter Edelman, a law professor in Georgetown University, even though there are so many hard working people, they are still living in poverty or just barely above the poverty line (Bilitteri, 723). These people are not given the necessary governmental support. There is also a huge gap between the poor and the wealthy people in the US (Cooper, 337). The highest income is $102,000 for households, just 1% of the population, and the lowest earning is $250 for people, who make up 90% of the population, explains Thomas Piketty and Emmanuel Saez (Bilitteri, 723).

One given image portrayed in the media is that “the poor have only themselves to blame” (Mantsios, 638). The problem of poverty is not just one individual’s problem. There is a strong connection between the poor and society. How can a defenseless child be responsible for being poor, not having shelter, and for not earning any money? How can a single or divorced mother with a little baby, without any family help, be expected to work full time without feeding the little one for hours. The term “poor are eyesores” (Mantsios, 637) is not a responsible and thoughtful depiction, rather, it is a way of not being able to see the problems of the people outside and breaking away from the realities of the poor.

More and more women, especially single mothers, are experiencing poverty at a higher rate than the rest of society. Ropers notes that 58% of women are facing poverty, and in this category 48% of the women are the head of their household. According to Albelda and Tilly, 50% of single women are below the poverty line with no support of a husband. In 1993, while 16% of families struggled against poverty, simultaneously, 52% of single mothers, bereft of husband or family support, experiences real difficulty to provide for their basic needs. Most women work at least two jobs at the same time. On the one hand they work at home without earning any money, and on the other hand work outside to earn money (Albelle & Tilly 307). In 1947, about 38% of women were working mostly in paid labor jobs; however, in 1954, the number of working women who were African American, doubled to 54%. Then in 1996 the ratio of working women rose up to 88%, as reported by Albella and Tilly. Even though the number of hard working women is increasing year by year, they are still, except for a small percentage, earning low income and their situation still remains below the poverty line. According to Albelda and Tilly, “women’s earnings are considerably lower than men’s, approximately 70 cents to the man’s dollar.” This difference makes women’s lives miserable as they try to work outside and head the household all at the same time.

For so many years, women have been endeavoring to have the same rights, opportunities, and benefits as men have in their working lives. Although women’s working situations are not as bad as some years ago, women still face graceless and unpleasant discrimination when they look for jobs. Even though women are more educated nowadays and have more opportunities to get a job, there are distinctive wage gaps between men and women. Being the head of the family (Bernstein, 370), giving birth to a child, being under differentiation of occupation, and being sexually abused by employers are some of the common reasons as to why women are behind men when it comes to the benefits of the jobs (Wage Project, 373).

Family responsibilities are one of the most common reasons why women work in a part time job instead of having a full time job (Bernstein, 371). There are so many married or single women who do most of the household responsibilities while trying to work in a job. It is hard to deal with the chores and manage the expectations at work at the same time. For this reason, women in these kinds of situations prefer to work in part time jobs. According to Bernstein, only 25% of women are able to work full day, for the rest of the women cannot dedicate their whole day for work. This being the case, women cannot get the equal remuneration like other women who work in full time jobs. Interestingly, there is also a huge payment gap between women who work full time and men who work full time. Bernstein explains that “on average women work a lot less than men: 1,498 hours a year, vs. 2,219 worked by the typical man.” According to The Wage Project, part time women employees make only 38% of men’s full time yearly salary. Bernstein also mentions the Hartmann and Rose’s data which shows that women employees can have the same benefits if they leave all the family responsibilities behind and come to work behaving like a “traditional man.” The continuation of such unfair treatment is sure to wear down woman, a situation that’s already strained them enough.

Another reason for the wage gap between men and women is the choice a women makes to have a child (Wage Project, 378). Bernstein says after quoting Bergland that after delivering a child, women have to work part time or stay away from work for a while because they do not receive the necessary help from the society.

Nowadays, the position of women employees is assumed to not be as powerful as men’s by most bosses (Wage Project, 377). Even if men and women have the same educational level (Bernstein, 372) and women show more talent, the suggestions made by women are mostly not considered important until, of course, there is no other choice but to accept (Wage project, 375). Bernstein states that women’s yearly salary is much less than men’s, even when they are at the same educational level.

Sexual harassment is another important factor for women to leave their jobs (Wage Project, 377). Sometimes in situations like these, women are unfortunately seen as sexual means by their bosses. If the women, even if they are educated, do not accept the advances of their bosses, they have no choice but to leave or drop out of their jobs, benefits, emotional solidity, and sometimes even their lives (Wage Project, 377). Women encounter such discriminatory situations at the same time while they are dealing with difficulties which they have in their personal lives.

Some people think that people are getting welfare because they are too lazy and they don’t want to work. This theory can be true for just a few people. Making this kind of generalization for all people who are in poverty is derogatory against them. Albelda and Tilly say that the reasons for the poverty experience by single mothers and their families is not because of their laziness or lack of ambition. They are in poverty because they don’t have parent support, they face job discrimination, they earn less than men, and they have the added responsibility of taking care of their children. Blaming the poor is so easy, but being aware of their situation and helping them out of it would be the best thing for all.

Making reforms on the welfare program will make it work well. Some malicious people display themselves as poor to get support from welfare. Under the welfare program, the situation of the applicant must be clarified through an attentive investigation. Determining the really needy persons, eliminating their needs, and opening free high qualified career courses will make welfare a more beneficial program for the poor and will reduce the complaints made against the program.

Being in poverty is mostly not a personal choice. People in poverty don’t just lack food or safe shelter, but they have also lost their hope and happiness. Women, especially single mothers with no support, encounter the most difficult situations of all. Having an income less than men, taking care of their children without any support, facing job discrimination, and heading the family are the most common adversities faced by women today. Receiving no government support will not help reduce their problems; on the contrary, having access to effective government support will let people in poverty know that there are people with helping hands, people who care about them and who think about them. Poor people need helping hands, at least to not let them give up their hopes and dreams.

References

• Albelda, Randy.,& Tilly, Chris. 2001. “‘Women, Income, and Poverty’: There’s a Family connection.” Race, Class, and Gender in The United States. Ed. Paula S. Rothenberg. New Jersey: Worth,. 305-314.
• Billitteri, Thomas J. “Gender Pay Gap.” CQ Researcher 18.11 (2008): 241-264. CQ Researcher Online. CQ Press. Elisabeth Sturn Library, Reno, NV. “Domestic Poverty.” CQ Researcher 17.31 (2007): 721-744. CQ Researcher Online. CQ Press. Elisabeth Sturn Library, Reno, NV. Cooper, Mary H. “The Working Poor.” CQ Researcher 5.41 (1995): 969-992. CQ Researcher Online. CQ Press. Elisabeth Sturn Library, Reno, NV. 5 Nov. 2008 “Income Inequality.” CQ Researcher 8.15 (1998): 337-360. CQ Researcher Online. CQ Press. Elisabeth Sturn Library, Reno, NV. 5 Nov. 2008
• Glazer, Sarah. “Welfare Reform.” CQ Researcher 11.27 (2001):601-632. CQ Researcher Online. CQ Press. Elisabeth Sturn Library, Reno, NV. 5 Nov. 2008 Berstein, Aoron. 2007. “‘Women’s Pay: Why the Gap Remains A Chasm.” Race, Class, And Gender in The United States. Ed. Paula S. Rothenberg. NJ: Worth. 370-372. Mantsios, Gregory. 2007. “‘Media Magic: Making Class Invisible.’” Race, Class, And Gender in The United States. Paula S.Rothenberg. New Jersey: Worth. 636-643. Ropers, H. Richard. 1991. Persistent Poverty, New York: Plenum. Rothenberg, Paula S. (Ed.). 2007. The Wage Gap And Its Costs. Race, Class, And Gender in The United States. NJ: Worth. 373-378.

I could not talk to him for awhile, because I was worried about disappointing him. However, it was not fair not to tell him as soon as possible. In a few months I would need some time off and he would need some time to find a new person to replace me. I was aware of the fact that he actually would not be able to lay me off because of my pregnancy. He would not act against the Pregnancy Discrimination Act. According to this amendment women affected by pregnancy or related conditions must be treated in the same manner as other applicants or employees with similar abilities or limitations. In academia, on the other hand, there is a high risk of getting scooped by a competitor if you delay publishing and that’s why scholars are pressured to publish new work quickly. The saying “publish or perish” is well-known in academia; therefore, my boss would need to find somebody who will be able to work significantly more hours than I can work. It was not ethical to delay telling him anymore even if I did not want to quit and knew that when I want to go back to work, it will not be so easy to find a job. I was also aware of the fact that in scientific research, if I slow down and take a couple years off, I am done. It is not good enough to have a PhD degree to set me apart from my competitors on the job market. I am expected to get high-quality publications out to apply for a tenure-track faculty position. I need to constantly be an active and productive researcher.

At last, I have talked to my boss. He was very rational. He asked me if I could manage doing research and raising two kids because research was never meant to be an 8 am to 5:30 pm job. It was not a simple question to answer. I knew that with kids, no matter where I am or what job I have, my life will be challenging. To keep both a family and an academic career intact I need discipline, planning, and some help at work and home. I won’t have time for chatting with colleagues, talking on the phone with friends, reading e-mails or taking lunch breaks at work. I will make long to do lists, and prioritize each item and if I can not get all of them done. I will not stress myself out. Instead, I will be happy with the things I have accomplished. Furthermore, balancing career and family life is a team effort so I need to share parenting duties with my husband, who is also overwhelmed at work. The most difficult part is that I have to deal with the guilt associated with leaving my children to go to work everyday. I love them with all my heart and it is so hard to see them crying behind me when I leave them for work.

The actual question was if I really want to go through all this trouble. I began to think about my motivation for my academic career. Many years ago, as a young woman who was trying to find a direction for my life, I had heard about a Turkish Muslim scholar, Fethullah Gulen. As I studied his teachings more, my perception on the roles of women in society had changed. I realized that I can take on many roles besides being a wife and a mother. My conclusion from his teachings was that men or women, every single human being, should serve God, and that serving humanity is serving God since it is done for the sake of His love. Then I thought that doing science, especially studying biochemistry, would be a great way to serve humanity. By the divine grace of God and with the help of biochemistry, I might prevent the spread of diseases, find cures for them, enhance the nutritional value of crops or even improve plant resistance against environmental stresses, and thus help so many people around the world.

Furthermore, the first word revealed in the Quran was “iqra” meaning “read” (96:1) followed by:

In and with the name of your Lord, Who created–
Created human from a clot clinging (to the wall of the womb).
Read, and your Lord is the All-Munificent,
Who has taught (human) by the pen,
Taught human what he did not know.

“Iqra” is a command to read the signs the Creator placed in creation. So, for me, biochemistry is not only the study of the chemical processes that happen in living things but also a way to better understand God’s Mercy, Wisdom, and Power. When I look at a tiny cell under a microscope, or study its biology in a book, I am fascinated by its perfect structure created in such a small size. This little thing controls so many complicated biological pathways at the same time without messing them up. Then, I ask myself who makes cells from nothing and inspires each one to do all those complex functions. The creation of the little cells, the delicate balances in all the cellular pathways, the nutrients and minerals provided to maintain their lives etc. allow me to better understand God’s eternal wisdom, power and mercy. Furthermore, the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, has said: “Seeking knowledge is mandatory for every Muslim (male and female)” and “Whoever takes a path for knowledge, Allah will make an easy way for him or her to paradise.” In brief, knowledge and science are my vehicles that can take me to God and heaven. When I re-thought all the reasons why I got into this field, I decided to continue on my journey as a scientific researcher, but this time with some “obstacles.”

After 2 months of thinking, planning and contemplating, I told my boss that I would do as much as I can to be a successful scientist and a mother. Afterwards, I even started enjoying my pregnancy and being a mother for the second time. I found comfort and inspiration from a saying of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him: “Heaven lies under the feet of mothers.” This means a lot to me. I am so happy that all the hard work I do as a mother to raise my kids to become good individuals will be awarded hereafter by God. So, motherhood was an opportunity and honor God has given me, not a burden. I said to myself that as millions of other working women, I will face many difficulties, but this should not prevent me from celebrating every milestone in this pregnancy and afterwards. I would try my best to be a mother like the one in Gracie Harmon’s memorable quote: “My mom is a never ending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune.” I may not prepare dinners like the ones in cooking shows for my kids; I may not do it all and do it well all the time; but I can still be a mother who provides the most care, love, and compassion for her kids. In addition, no matter how tired I am after a long and busy day, if my two little angels greet me with hugs and kisses that will make me happy. They will cheer me up at home so that I will forget all the problems and stress at work. Besides, it will be wonderful and so much fun to explore their world which is so innocent, lovely and full of joy. I am so blessed to have these tiny, cute and adorable creatures around me.

Going through all of this and reading a lot on this subject have helped me realize a few things. First of all, there is no convenient time for me to have babies in academia. It is a dilemma whether pregnancy is more reasonable during graduate school even with dissertation writing and teaching than it is when I am on the job market or have a tenure-track job or a postdoctoral research position. Second, I need a lot of support and encouragement to maintain my motivation. I need my husband’s help to overcome the challenges of managing a family and an academic career. He can’t do anything about 5 months of morning sickness and another full year of nursing and sleep deprivation, but he can share parenting responsibilities and household chores. Third, according to a study done by Virginia Valian, who is a distinctive professor of psychology at Hunter College, females are only 13% of all the full professors at universities and 21% at colleges ; therefore, more universities started to promote their female faculty’s research programs in the science and engineering departments to ensure that more women are walking the halls of academia. For example, Brown University and the University of Rhode Island got $3.3 and $3.5 million grants respectively from the National Science Foundation in 2007 to develop the careers of women in science and engineering departments, where they are significantly underrepresented. There is also a Women Faculty Mentoring Program at the University of Wisconsin-Madison which seeks to support and retain women assistant professors throughout the tenure process. These kinds of programs, which provide funding for principal investigators with their own research projects, or for the inclusion of female researchers, are exciting opportunities and show the support of society and the academic community for women and mothers. This highly encourages me to pursue research and helps me know that I am not alone.

As a result, I am happy with my choice about being a mother and an academic even though it is tough and stressful. I did not deliver my baby who was a beautiful gift from heaven on Friday and go to work on Monday. I took a month off after the delivery, so my research halted for a month; however, I am back now. Am I ever going to get a tenure-track job and get tenure? Am I going to be my little ones’ unforgettable tune? Simply, I do not know, but I sure hope so.

Safiye Arslan is a research fellow in the area of biological chemistry and lives in Nevada.

In his collection of Lem’alar (The Flashes), he dedicates an important section to the story of the prophet Job (Ayyub), who suffered from severe illnesses. Through this story Nursi speaks of the problem of suffering and how it is perceived from a theological perspective. He refers to the Qur’anic verse: “And (remember) Job, when he called upon his Lord saying: ‘affliction has touched me and You are the most Merciful of the merciful’” (21:83). In this story, Job’s illness cleansed his soul while his body suffered. In this way, Job’s suffering served his spiritual healing. Nursi comments on this, saying that an illness is not only physical, but it can also be spiritual. He says, “If our inner being was to be turned outward and our outer being turned inward, we would appear more wounded and diseased than Job.” Nursi continues, “Every sin that we commit, every doubt that comes to our mind, inflicts wounds on our heart and spirit.” Job’s wounds were threatening his worldly life; our spiritual wounds, often, threaten our eternal lives. Because of this we must say a prayer that is one-thousand greater than that of Job. We, like Job, need this prayer, even if we are healthy in body.

Nursi divides disasters into two types. The true disaster, according to Nursi, is the religious disaster. For example, if a Muslim abandons their faithful performance of their religious obligations this would be a religious disaster, and is graver than any physical disaster. Another example that can be given is the harboring doubts; for example, one may doubt God’s existence. This too is a religious disaster if these doubts do not ultimately strengthen one’s faith. In such a case, a person should pray to God for His mercy and ask for guidance and deliverance from this affliction.

The second type of disaster is physical, not religious. This type of disaster often acts as a divine reminder. According to Nursi, this type of disaster does not suggest a wrathful God, but rather a merciful God. He gives an example of a shepherd who is concerned about his sheep: If a shepherd throws a stone at his sheep when they trespass on another’s pasture, they understand that the stone was intended as a warning to save them from a perilous action; full of gratitude, they turn back. Nursi similarly states that there are many apparent disasters that in fact remind us of God and awaken us. Some disasters, likewise, cleanse us of our sins. Some disasters remove carelessness and remind people of their weaknesses and vulnerabilities; it is through these events that we experience a kind of divine presence. Nursi, with regard to illnesses, refers to the sayings of the Prophet Muhammad stating that sins fall away through the trembling caused by a fever, just as a tree drops ripened fruit when shaken.

Nursi says that there are three reasons that humans have no right to complain about di-sasters and illnesses. The first one is that God has made human beings a reflection of his art, clothing them with the cloth of existence. God has made people a model for the reflection of His Names. Therefore, the name of God “The All-Healing” is made known through human illness, while the name “The All-Provider” is made known through human hunger. Existence itself is a great bounty from God; that is, it is a great bounty in comparison to non-existence. According to Nursi, through calamity and illness people are purified from their sin and they attain a higher spiritual rank while they leave this world which is in fact a testing ground for human beings. A monotonous and indolent life is closer to non-existence, which is the absolute evil; existence is the absolute good. Life led monotonously on the couch of ease and comfort resembles not so much the pure good that is being, as the pure evil that is non-being; it tends in fact in that direction.

Nursi goes on to elaborate on the fact “worldly life is a place of testing and an abode of service. It is not a place of wages or rewards. Illnesses and disasters, as long as they do not affect belief and are patiently endured, are beneficial and relevant to worship, strengthening and making every hour of life the equivalent of one day of worship. Instead of complaining, one must be thankful.” In Nursi’s understanding, worship is divided into two types: positive worship (the common form of worship with which we are familiar) and negative worship (e.g. being patient in unpleasant conditions). He includes disasters and illnesses in the category of negative worship; it is through these that humans can understand their weaknesses and vulnerabilities. They pray to their Merciful Lord to help them in these matters, thinking of Him and sincerely appealing to Him. Nursi suggests that if a person is aware of these things, and if they think of the reward that God has prepared and remains thankful then their limited life will bear the fruit of an unlimited life. If these are done while suffering, then one minute of this worldly life becomes like one day spent at worship.

In another section, Nursi speaks of the creation of evil, especially the creation of Satan, and how this can be compatible with the wisdom of God, Who is the Owner of infinite beauty and mercy. How could such a One have created Satan, who is evil and ugly? Nursi tells us, “In the creation of Satan, there are minor evils set beside major good goals and human progress toward perfection. Yes, in the capacity of human progress, which is found in the essence of humanity, there are more stages than even those found in the growth of a seed into a tree. One can even say that these stages are as great as the difference between the size of an atom and the Sun. The development of such human capacities requires movement and action. The mechanism for such an action of development is struggle. Such a struggle requires the existence of Satan, demons, and evil things, against which humans must struggle. Otherwise, the stages of humanity would be static, like those of the angels.” Thus, Nursi says, abandoning thousands of good things in order to prevent the occurrence of one evil is not an action of wisdom or justice. Responding to the statement of “the creation of evil is evil, and the creation of ugliness is ugly,” Nursi says “the creation of evil is not evil, but committing evil is evil. This is because creation-either by creating something out of nothing, or through transformation-is to be evaluated in terms of its results. For example, rain has a thousand results, all of which are beautiful. Some people may suffer because of rain as a result of their neglect to take precautions. Yet, despite the fact that some people have suffered, no one can say that rain is not a mercy, that rain is not good. No one can say that the creation of rain is evil. On the contrary, those who suffer have made rain evil for them through their own neglect.” Nursi continues in this vein, using the example of fire. He argues that in the creation of fire there are many benefits. All of them are good. Some people, however, may make fire harmful for themselves and may suffer as a result. Such people cannot say the creation of fire is bad, but rather the way that they employed fire was bad. Fire was not created to harm people, but people often use fire to harm others and themselves. A simple example of this is the person who does not use fire to cook their dinner, but rather puts their hand in the fire, making it harmful. At this point we need to mention that in some acts of God, like the recent tsunami in the Asia, there are many more dimensions involved than just human neglect and any human precaution simply cannot resist Divine Decree.

Nursi elaborates on this subject by raising the problem that there are many people, who under the temptation of evil go astray. Is such a result still good? With regard to this, Nursi draws our attention to the importance of quality and not quantity. He gives an example of planting one thousand and ten seeds, saying that if a thousand of these seeds whither away and only ten survive to grow into trees one cannot say that planting these seeds was bad, even though a thousand seeds were lost. The ten seeds that became trees will result in thousands more seeds. In humanity, many people go astray because of the creation of Satan, but many others, with great qualities, have benefited humanity in extraordinary ways.

According to Nursi, everything that is created in this world is beautiful because it is a reflection of God’s name, “the All-Beautiful.” To support this, he refers to Al-Ghazzali’s famous statement: “In the world of possibility, there is no better one than the current one.” Nursi refers to opposites: There are some evils, yet these are relatively beautiful because they bring to the fore the character of their opposites. “Ugliness that brings out many beauties is relatively beautiful: Ugliness becomes beautiful. If ugliness, through its disappearance, causes the disappearance of many beautiful things, it becomes even uglier. Humans can understand the existence of warmth because there is cold and the existence of light because there is darkness.” Therefore, according to Nursi “through minor evil, harm, misfortune, and ugliness, some important good acts, encompassing benefits, great bounties, and important beauties appear.”

What we deduce from Nursi’s explanations is that Divine Wisdom may allow seemingly evil things, such as catastrophes, to happen. Disasters happen through His knowledge and His natural laws. Even within the greatest di-saster, God is there with His mercy and beauty. He bestows His private bounties upon those who suffer through such catastrophes. The believers who die in these catastrophes are considered to be martyrs, and their lost property is considered as having been (donated to) charity. 

References

• Nursi, S., The Flashes, tr. Sukran Vahide, Sozler Publication, Istanbul: 1995, pp. 21-28.
• Nursi, S., Risale-i Nur Kulliyati, Nesil, Istanbul: 1996, Vol. I, p.582-83
• Ibid., p. 618. 

In Snow White, the evil stepmother gushes: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest one of all? Most people think that she is vain, and therefore being vain is bad. But there is more to it than that, and if this is all we can impart to our children then we are robbing them of meaning. Actually, I do not think this is about our children at all, but rather about ourselves as adults. When we read these stories again to our children, its very telling about ourselves if we finally understand these stories or not, now that we have grown up.

If you are searching for wisdom in life, a child’s library of fairy tales is a convenient place to begin. The imagery in fairy tales provides us with archetypes that we can use to organize the lessons that life teaches us.

The notion of the evil stepmother in Snow White talking to her mirror struck me when I was looking at myself in the mirror. We know that some mirrors do a better job for us then others. Mirrors that make us look horrendous put us off. Is it the lighting? Is this mirror warped or what? Do I actually look like that? What’s going on with my hair? How come my pores are so big? But what I really mean is: Am I the fairest one of all?

I wish I had a mirror that did the job like the one Snow White’s stepmother had. It was honest and reliable. But mirrors like that do not exist, at least not for our bathrooms. But we do carry such a mirror, and it is of great help if we know how to use it. To use it properly, we have to ask ourselves the proper questions. The evil stepmother asked the wrong question. She was not evil; she was unenlightened and lost in her own illusions.

Most of us ask the wrong questions but do not think of ourselves as evil. We ask if we are the fairest, the smartest, the happiest, the most contented. The stepmother was told that she was not the fairest in relation to Snow White. She was plenty gorgeous already though, the number two beauty in the land.

When we ask the wrong questions, we become as delusional as Snow White’s stepmother. Unfortunately, many of us do not stop looking for a mirror that will tell us that we are the fairest.

Mirrors only show us who we are, not who we would rather be. We think that a new car would be a good mirror, but it is not. We think that a new, attractive mate would be a good mirror, but it is not. Neither is a high paying job or a lovely home. Such things have nothing to do with finding a mirror that works because this inner reflection, this mirror that we carry, never fails to work. Unfortunately, we simply fail to look, all the while asking the wrong questions to the wrong objects.

To be fair, it is difficult to look straight into our honest reflections. Not only must we contend with our previous illusions of trying to be the fairest, we must now contend with very real failings of character and personality. Guess what? I realized this weekend that I am not such a nice guy. Something like that can be down right depressing, but not if we realize that it is all part and parcel of seeing ourselves.

When we can SEE ourselves, we begin to see others; that is, we see ourselves in others and others in ourselves. We also begin to question ourselves, not to doubt ourselves but to pose questions that require answers from us. That is, we make ourselves accountable. When we are accountable to ourselves, we are essentially free. We no longer look outside for the pre-digested answers so much as inward for both the questions and the answers.