The Hebrew Bible makes general demands that we should treat our parents with respect and reverence. “Honor” is a word used frequently in the Bible to describe how we are to show respect to God. Respect of parents is a primary and sacred obligation. If we fail to respect our parents, we have disobeyed God Almighty. In some deep and mysterious way, the family is bound up with faith in God: the two are interdependent.

From the very moment of conception, the child, as it grows and develops, is a care and responsibility for its parents. It is not possible to estimate the depth of attachment and compassion parents feel for their children and to calculate the troubles and hardships they go through as parents. For this reason, respecting them is a debt of human gratitude as well as a religious obligation.

Those who can judge the value of their parents rightly and regard them as a means to obtain the mercy of God are the most prosperous in both worlds. Those who, by contrast, regard their parents’ existence as a burden to themselves or who become wearied of them are the unfortunate ones.

The more respectful you are to your parents, the greater the respect and awe you feel before your Creator. Yet, it is a curious thing today that not only those who are disrespectful to God but also those who claim that they love God do not defend themselves from disobedience to their parents. As Martin Luther said, “we must respect and love God, so that we will neither look down on our parents or superiors, nor irritate them, but will honor them, serve them, obey them, love them, and value them.”¹

Under the Old Testament law the son, who was rebellious against his parents was stoned for this rebellion (Deuteronomy 21:18-21). It is important to stress the fact that God is opposed to rebellion and disobedience toward one’s parents. God also promises a long life to the individual who is obedient to his father and mother (Exodus 20:12). No doubt this is because the kind of life which is a life of obedience will involve self-discipline and restraint that would enable one to have a long life and good health. This not only refers to the chronological extension of time, but indicates the rich blessing which comes to a society that keeps God’s ways.

The importance of this commandment, however, extends beyond social welfare to the very welfare of society itself, because the family is the basic unit of society. Just as a body’s health is dependent on the health of its cells, so the vigor of a nation, the body politic, is directly related to the health of the families that make it up. Families form the foundation of a society. Where there is reciprocal respect of rights and obligations within a family, the society is healthy and strong. It is vain to look for compassion and respect in a society once these have been lost from the relationships within the family.²

The fifth commandment also shows that the way we treat our parents is how our children learn to treat us. Obviously, we too will become old. If we do not honor our parents, in accordance with the meaning of, “the punishment is similar to the act that required it,” our children will not be dutiful towards us. If we love our life in the hereafter, this is an important treasury for us: let us be dutiful towards them and gain their pleasure. While if it is this world that we love, let us try to please them, so that through them our life will be easy and our sustenance plentiful. If we want the mercy of the Most Merciful One, we should be merciful towards those in our house whom He has entrusted to us.

Likewise in Christianity, in Islam, parents’ rights are the most venerable rights after those of God. The Qur’an has many verses urging Muslims to treat their parents with utmost kindness, to be grateful for the care they have given them, to obey them, and to care for them when they grow old. The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, once said: “Paradise lies under the feet of the mother. The contentment of the father is the door to paradise.” There are many days set aside in societies to honor and appreciate parents; Father’s Day, Mother’s Day… In Islam, however, respecting, honoring and appreciating parents is not just for a single day of the year, but rather for each and every day.

O Ishmael! Honor Your Father Abraham

There are different types of parents but regardless of how they treat their kids, they are still a parent. Parents make mistakes too, but that does not decrease their value as parents. When we are still under parental guidance, then we will have to follow what they want us to do, even if it is against our heart. When we are on our own feet, then we are free, but we still have the responsibility to respect them. We have to look at the situation, rather than concentrating on our own satisfaction. We have to be kind to them because most of the things they do are all for us.

A child should show respect for his parents by preferring their preferences. For instance, even though some sources say that when Ishmael reached the age of puberty, his tribe made him marry a woman from among them, his mother got a wife for him from Egypt. We do not know whether Ishmael liked her or not. He probably might have preferred to keep silent in order to please his mother. What we know is that he respected his mother’s wishes.

We can give another example. Esau saw that the Canaanite women did not please his father, and his mother, Rebekah complained about these women. In order to please his parents, Esau went to Ishmael and took Mahalath, the daughter of Ishmael.

As mentioned above, Hagar got a wife for Ishmael from the land of Egypt (Genesis 21:21). His wife’s name is not mentioned in the Hebrew Bible, but in the book of Jasher, a Hebrew midrash.³ Ishmael’s first wife, Ribah, was rude to Abraham when he came to visit Ishmael. She did not even ask him who he was. But all the while, she was beating her children in the tent, and she was cursing them, and she also cursed her husband, Ishmael, and spoke evil of him, and Abraham heard the words she spoke to her children, and it was an evil thing in his eyes. Abraham left a message, “When your husband returns, convey my salutation to him and tell him to change the threshold of the gate (of his house).”⁴ Ishmael understood his father’s words, complied with his father’s wish, and divorced his wife. Ishmael did not even come to Abraham and ask what happened because he thought that as a prophet, his father would know better than he, and all Abraham had done was for his son.

Proper respect for parents includes their being addressed and greeted properly. The modern idea of calling fathers and mothers by their first names certainly is promoting a familiarity that will not lead to respect, obedience, or honor. Abraham stayed away from Ishmael and his family for a period as long as God wished, and called on them afterwards. He saw Ishmael under a tree, sharpening his arrows. When he saw Abraham, he immediately rose up to welcome him and they greeted each other. Abraham said, “O Ishmael! God has given me an order.” Ishmael said, “Do what your Lord has ordered you to do.” Abraham asked, “Will you help me?” Ishmael said, “I will help you.” Abraham said, “God has ordered me to build a house here,” pointing to a hillock higher than the land surrounding it. Then they raised the foundations of the Ka’ba.

Respect for parents should remain in force even in relation to parents who may have lost faith. If a faithful person has unfaithful parents, he should treat them respectfully in his dealings and advice, while remaining aloof from their polytheistic lives. He should neither be harsh nor vulgar. Islam instructs Muslims to pray to God for the forgiveness of their parent’s sins, if any, and present their good deeds for the benefit of their parents’ souls. In Islamic and Jewish tradition, Abraham’s treatment of his father, Terah, is a certain testimony to this.

As the Book of Joshua reports, the father of Abraham, Terah, worshipped other gods (Josh. 24:2). Terah was a well-known idolater; he not only worshipped idols but sculpted and sold them as well. Abraham was engaged in debate with his father to convey the truth to him; “O my father! Why do you worship that which does not hear, see, nor can it profit you anything? Do not worship idols and therefore follow me. I will guide you to the straight path. Otherwise, I fear that a punishment from God may afflict you so that you will become a friend of Satan. Nevertheless, I will seek forgiveness for you from God.”

The New Testament is very plain concerning obedience to parents. “Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord” (Colossians 3:20); “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). Obedience is the foundation for all character. Parents do not have to convince children of the logic behind their orders because parents are experts on their children, and possess a great deal of information that even teachers do not have, so a child must maintain the parent’s dignity and respect at all times, even when disagreeing. Obedience to parents should always be immediate, instant, without question or argument. What the father says do, the son does. He does it well, he does it immediately, and he does it without argument.

Abraham was commanded by God to sacrifice his only son Isaac (or Ishmael). This indeed was a clear test. Therefore Abraham carefully prepared to carry out the order of God. In the Quran, Abraham has a dream, mentions the dream to his son, and asks Ishmael his opinion: “‘O my son! I have seen in my dream that I should offer you in sacrifice so think about that and tell me your view.’ He unhesitatingly said: ‘O my dear father! Do as you are commanded, by the will of God, you will find me of the patient ones,’ and Abraham laid him down on the side of his forehead.” ⁵ As you have seen, Isaac (or Ishmael) does not resist his father, obeys his wishes, and lies down like a ram. In addition, in the Bible, the sole dialogue between the two (Abraham and his son) repeats the words father and my son (twice each), expressing their emotional bond.

The parents continue to have rights over their children after death. People are expected to visit their parents’ graves, to maintain contact with their friends, and to conduct themselves well so as to show that their parents have provided them with a good education. One can honor his parents after their death through the following methods: Praying for them, giving charity on their behalf, instituting a perpetual charity on their behalf, such as a library, hospital, or orphanage.

Coming back to Ishmael and Isaac, destiny had separated the two brothers from each other. After years, Isaac and Ishmael were rejoined at their father’s burial (Gen 25:9). They showed proper filial piety, despite earlier disagreements, in joining together to bury their father.⁶ The burial is supervised by both sons. While Isaac placed the headstone, Ishmael placed the footstone of the grave. Although Ishmael had long ago been dismissed, he was not utterly alienated from his father because he performed the office of a son in celebrating the obsequies of his deceased parent. Ishmael, rather than the other sons, did this, as being nearer.⁷ As a child, Ishmael had a last duty due to his father, and he carried out this duty, attending Abraham’s funeral and burying him.

The obligation to honor one’s parents is an obligation that one owes to God and fulfills this obligation through one’s actions towards one’s parents. In the Hebrew Bible, our relationship with God is continually compared with a parent-child relationship. God tells us in the Ten Commandments to obey and have respect for parents. This does not mean that we only obey our parents when we agree with them or fully understand why they are telling us to do something. We must obey them at all times. We must also honor and have respect for parents. God does not want us to put our parents above Him, but he does desire for us to treat them as He desires for us to treat Him.

Notes

1 Martin Luther, Martin Luther’s Large and Small Catechism, Translated by F. Bente and W.H.T. Dan, (Sioux Falls, SD: Nuvision Publications, 2007), 67.

2 Niyi Taiwo, Respect: Gaining It and Sustaining It. (Philadelphia, PA: Xlibris Corporation, 2007), 25.

3 J. H. Parry, The Book of Jasher, (New York: Cosimo, Inc, 2005), 68.

4 Muhammad Muhsin Khan, The English Translation of Sahih Al Bukhari with the Arabic Text, (Al Saadawi Publications, 1996), Volume 4, Book 55, Number 583.

5 Ali Unal trans, The Qur’an with Annotated Interpretation in Modern English, (New Jersey: The Light, 2006), Saffat 37:102.

6 Gordon J. Wenham, Genesis 16-50: Word Biblical Commentary, ed. David A. Hubbard and Glenn W. Barker, (Dallas: Word Books, 1994), 165.

7 John Calvin, Calvin’s Commentaries on Genesis. trans. John King, (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Eerdmans, 1963), 2:38.

References

• Calvin, John. Calvin’s Commentaries on Genesis. trans. John King. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Eerdmans, 1963.
• Khan, Muhammad Muhsin. The English Translation of Sahih Al Bukhari with the Arabic Text, Al Saadawi Publications, 1996.
• Luther, Martin. Martin Luther’s Large and Small Catechism. Translated by F. Bente and W.H.T. Dan. Sioux Falls, SD: Nuvision Publications, 2007.
• Parry, J. H. The Book of Jasher. New York: Cosimo, Inc, 2005.
• Taiwo, Niyi. Respect: Gaining It and Sustaining It. Philadelphia, PA: Xlibris Corporation, 2007.
• Unal, Ali, trans. The Qur’an with Annotated Interpretation in Modern English. New Jersey: The Light, 2006.
• Wenham, Gordon J. Genesis 16-50: Word Biblical Commentary. ed. David A. Hubbard and Glenn W. Barker. Dallas: Word Books, 1994.

Sleep, baby, sleep
Your father tends the sheep
Your mother shakes the dreamland tree
And from it fall sweet dreams for thee
Sleep, baby, sleep
Sleep, baby, sleep.^[1]

Babies are such cute bundles of joy. They are simply adorable and very innocent. The birth of a baby is a miraculous event, and all babies deserve to be loved, no matter where they are born.

Lullabies are love songs written for them. Parents sing lullabies to their precious loved ones to send them sweetly into their dreams. In almost every culture, lullabies are inspirations and prayers for precious little children. Such songs hand down the hopes and dreams of parents, from generation to generation.

“Hush-a-bye” is a lullaby with a story behind it. It was collected by Alan Lomax, who learned it from his mother, who took it from North Carolina to Texas after the Civil War^[2]. It was originally sung by an African American slave. The “lambie” symbolizes the slave-mother’s child, for whom she is unable to care because she is too busy taking care of her owner’s child, to whom the song is being sung. The lullaby’s sourness is cleverly hidden in the comparison between the two children: one is a protected white child growing up privileged and the other is a black baby, left defenseless in nature^[3].

Hush-a-bye, don’t you cry,
Go to sleepy little baby.
When you wake, you’ll have cake,
And all the pretty little horses.

Black and bay, dapple and grey,
Coach and six little horses,
Hush-a-bye, don’t you cry,
Go to sleepy little baby.
Hush-a-bye, don’t you cry,
Go to sleepy little baby,
When you wake, you’ll have cake,
And all the pretty little horses.

Way down yonder, down in the meadow,
There’s a poor wee little lamby.
The bees and the butterflies pickin’ at its eyes,
The poor wee thing cried for her mammy.

Hush-a-bye, don’t you cry,
Go to sleepy little baby.
When you wake, you’ll have cake,
And all the pretty little horses.

Other than being musical stories, lullabies are also beautiful gifts from a parent’s heart to a baby’s ear. Every parent around the world sings a delightful lullaby in her native tongue to relax their child. Lullabies are great examples of how we show love in similar ways all around the world. There is no difference between us and the people on the other end of the world when it comes to our affection for our babies. We all love our babies and open our hearts to them with these songs. There are different lyrics or different rhythms, but they express the same love, support, and concern for the little human beings.

For example, in an Armenian lullaby, a mother says:

The south wind rocks you back and forth
Let the stars converse with you
And the sun and moon calm you
The wild deer will offer its milk
Sleep, sleep.^[5]

And an Azerbaijani lullaby goes as follows:

Every passing bird, every river
Says lay-lay to you my baby
In our most joyful and beautiful motherland
You are my pride and joy
You are my soul that is within my own soul
Your breath is so clean and innocent
Like the light wind in the field.^[6]

Although there is a long history of conflict between the two south Caucasus countries, there is no difference in a parent’s compassion and warm wishes for their children. They both pick nature up as their babies’ playmates and want them to grow up within that nature. Both of the lullabies can comfort a baby with a familiar voice.

Below are two lullabies from Israel and an Arabic country, Morocco. Would you be able to tell which one is from which country?

The first one is:

Sleep, my little girl, sleep
Sleep, my darling one, sleep
Daddy has gone off to work.
To work, to work he’s gone.
He’ll be back when the moon rises
With a gift for his little one.^[7]

And the other one is:

Sleep my baby
Until the meal’s ready.
And if it isn’t,
The neighbor’s will be.

Sleep my baby
Until your mommy’s arrived
The bread is on the table
The sweets are on the tray.^[8]

The former is from Israel and the latter from Morocco, but universal love is embedded into the message of both lullabies. They both touch our hearts. They are both very special in every way. No stereotypes, no wars, no hatred is passed on to babies; only love, and peace, are fostered in lullabies. Thus, lullabies provide an excellent tool to teach children to love all creatures. They allow the sharing of emotions that are filtered and softened by mothers’ heart. When people comfort their babies or make them feel more secure by singing them a lullaby, they also teach them the biggest life lessons. Lullabies smoothly whisper the essentials of life, the common needs of all human beings to babies’ ears.

Talking about the essentials of life, the adversities in life are a fact that the children must also be prepared for. But even when talking about the negative aspects of life, lullabies introduce them gently. An intelligent lullaby from Turkey passes along good wishes to a child, but also teaches a valuable lesson.

Dandini dandini dastana
Into the garden the calves did stray.
Gardener quickly chases them away.
Don’t let them eat the cabbages,
Huuu huuu huuu

Dandini dandini danadan
A moon is born from a mother’s womb,
God has not withheld anything from him
May God protect him from the Evil Eye
Huuu huuu huu hu

Dandini dandini danayli
May our pots be coated with tin
May my daughter be a bride in a mansion
And my son dwell in a palace
Huuu huuu huu hu.^[4]

In this lullaby, a mother’s desire for her son not to get married to a girl she does not approve is hidden beneath the lyrics in an amazingly clever way. The calf symbolizes the son and the garden represents life, while the gardener is the father, and cabbage is the girl that is not approved of by the boy’s mother. So the mother wants the father to keep that girl away.

There are lullabies like the one above that are very personal and private, in which the narrator expresses how she really feels and thinks about certain issues while telling her stories. Such songs can help a parent express their own emotions more clearly, too, especially when they are unable to share them with others. Thus, lullabies soothe and help not only the babies but also the adults.

Lullabies are helpful to put babies to sleep and are useful for adults to enjoy the time that is spent with their children. A lullaby’s magic comes to life in a parent’s voice. These gentle melodies allow parents, who are a child’s first teachers, to impart valuable lessons in a soothing way. A personal message or story is planted elegantly into the lyrics. A loving parent embraces their precious baby with a beautiful lullaby. Plenty of joy, peace and love fill up the room at night when a loving voice smoothly sings:

Goodnight moon, goodnight stars and goodnight my little angel,
Close your eyes and open them to sweet dreams my sweetheart…

References

¹ http://www.romantic-lyrics.com/lullabylyrics/sleepbabysleep.shtml

² http://kids.niehs.nih.gov/lyrics/prettyhorses.htm

³ http://www.robertbohm.com/publications/3.html

⁴ http://lullabiesofeurope.wetpaint.com/page/Lullabies+(Turkish)

⁵ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lullabies_of_Armenia

⁶ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lullaby

⁷ http://www.hebrewsongs.com/song-numinumi.htm

⁸ http://www.mamalisa.com/?t=es&p=1249&c=168

Authoritarian Parents

Authoritarian parenting, also termed dictatorial or harsh, is low on warmth/nurturance, strict on discipline, high in parent-to-child communication but low in child-to-parent communication, and high on expectation. This style has been predominant throughout Western history: “It was effective in status quo times, for example in agrarian-industrial societies” (Dinwiddie 1995).

Authoritarian parents show little affection and “seem aloof from their children” (Berger 2001, 283). Parents instruct and order, do not consider the children’s opinion as a group, and discourage verbal give-and-take (Gonzalez-Mena 1993). Obedience, respect, and tradition are highly valued. Rules are non-nogoliable, parents are always right, and disobedient children are punished-often physically. However, parents “do not cross the line to physical abuse” (Berger 2001, 283). As children obey their parents in order to avoid punishment, they become passive. Authoritarian parents also expect a level of maturity higher than the norm for their child’s particular age group: “The authoritarian parents assign the child the same responsibilities as adults” (Scarr, Weinberg, and Levine 1986, 306). Responsiveness is low, as the approach is parent-centered and stresses the parent’s needs.

This almost noninteractive style has serious developmental drawbacks (Daniel, Wassell, and Gilligan 1999). Children are more susceptible to antisocial peer pressure during adolescence, a time when peer influence is the greatest (Collins et al. 2000); learn not to discuss issues with their parents (why bother if you are always wrong or ignored?); and are influenced greatly by their peers. Often frustrated, they distance themselves from their parents by rebelling against the latter’s values and beliefs.

Steinberg et al. (1994) reveals that boys in this category have the highest level of violence. Steinberg (1996) shows that these teenagers are less self-reliant, persistent, and socially poised, and have lower self-esteem. In addition, there is a strong inverse correlation between such authoritarianism and good grades. Other research indicates that they lack social competence and rarely initiate activities: “They show less intellectual curiosity, are not spontaneous and usually rely on the voice of authority” (Parenting n.d.).

Permissive Parents

Permissive parenting, also labeled as neglectful or disengaged parenting, is high on warmth, very low on discipline and structure, low in parent-to-child communication but high in child-to-parent communication, and low on expectation. This style was popular in the 1950s and 1960s. The fact that many German children and adults had followed Hitler led people to attribute this to Germany’s authoritarian home environment, which demanded unquestioning obedience. Thus their parents “conditioned” them for Hitler. (Dinwiddie 1995). Hoping to counteract such undesirable side-effects, they became permissive.

Permissive parents are nurturing, warm, and accepting. Their main concerns are to let children express their creativity and individuality and to make them happy (Neal 2000), in the belief that this will teach them right from wrong (Berger 2001). Permissive parents find it hard to set clear limits, provide structure, are inconsistent disciplinarians (Huxley 1998), and reward bad behavior regularly (Dworkin 1997). Children are not pushed to obey guidelines or standards that, even when they do exist, are not enforced (Barakat and Clark 1999).

Permissive parents take orders and instructions from their children, are passive, endow children with power (Gonzalez-Mena 1993; Garbarino and Abramowitz 1992), have low expectations, use minimal discipline, and do not feel responsible for how their children turn out.

Ironically, these children turn out to be the unhappiest of all (Neal 2000). They are more likely to exhibit such psychological problems as anxiety and depression (Steinberg 1996), are the second group (after authoritarian) most likely to commit violence (Steinberg et al. 1994), and engage in antisocial behavior (Simons, Lin, and Gordon 1998). Research links permissive parents with delinquency, substance abuse, and sexual activity (Snyder and Sickmund 2000; Jacobson and Crockett 2000].

In effect, parents teach their children that they can get their way by manipulating others: “Children learn a false sense of control over adults that increases their manipulative behavior” (Huxley 1998). Later on, they do poorly in school, have higher rates of misbehavior in areas involving adult authority, and “may also grow up manipulating around rules because those are not firm” (Thinking n.d.).

As they have not been taught how to control or discipline themselves, they are less likely to develop self-respect. This lack of discipline and structure engenders a desire for some type of control, and so they put “a lot of energy into controlling parents and trying to get parents to control them” (Gonzalez-Mena 1993, 157).

Their unmet psychological needs make them “vulnerable to being easily discouraged by everyday problems and turns the child away from full and satisfying participation in the world” (Garbarino and Abramowilz 1992, 42). This, in turn, hinders their social development, self-esteem, and positive self-concept. Without high expectations to realize, “children of permissive parents generally have difficulty controlling their impulses, are immature, and reluctant to accept responsibility” (Parenting n.d.).

Steinberg (1996) shows a strong correlation between permissive parenting and poor grades in families where parents are not involved in their children’s education and do not initiate a give-and-take relationship with their children. Other negative outcomes are sleep disturbances (Dworkin 1997) and feelings of insecurity.

Authoritative Parents

Authoritative parenting is high on warmth, moderate on discipline, high in communication, and moderate in expectations of maturity. This style is becoming more pervasive in the West. Authoritative parents are warm and nurturing, create a loving home environment, and provide a high degree of emotional support (Ingersoll 1989). Unlike permissive parents, they are firm, consistent, and fair (Barakat and Clark 1999).

Authoritative parents discipline through rational and issue-oriented strategies in order to promote their children’s autonomy while ensuring conformity to group standards (Marion 1999). They establish and enforce behavior standards (Glasgow et al. 1997) and stay in control. “Family rule is democratic [rather] than dictatorial” (Berger 2001, 283). Parents use reason, negotiation, and persuasion-not force-to gain their children’s cooperation (Marion 1999). Their listening-demanding ratio is roughly equal.

Children are given alternatives, encouraged to decide, and accept responsibility for their actions and decisions. The end result is self-empowerment (Barakat arid Clark 1999). When the children’s opinions are valued and respected, both children and parents benefit (Marion 1999; Gonzalez-Mena 1993).

Authoritative parents set developmentally appropriate limits and

standards for behavior. They make it clear that they will help their children. If their demands are not met, they are forgiving and understanding rather than punitive (Glasgow et al. 1997; Berger 2000). Overall, this parenting style is high on mutual understanding and based on reciprocity.

In fact, both parties benefit. Developmental opportunities are provided for children, as the quality of interaction and nurturance is high and expectations are realistic (Garbarino and Abramowilz 1992). In addition, such parents are more likely to encourage academic success (Glasgow et al. 1997), which has a positive correlation with good grades (Steinberg, 1996). This can be attributed to parental involvement in their children’s education and their use of open, give-and-take communication through family reading, writing, and discussions.

Research also shows that these children are less influenced by negative pefir pressure and develop successful peer relationships (Collins et al. 2000). As authoritative parenting provides a balance between control and independence, il produces competent, socially responsible, self-assured, and independent children (Gonzalez-Mena 1993). Children are more likely to develop high self-esteem, positive self-concept, greater self-worth, less rebellion, and generally are more successful in life.

Furthermore, they are the best adjusted of all children. According to Thinking (n.d), they ranked highest in self-respect, capacity to conform to authority, and greater interest in the parents’ faith in God. They also respect authority, are accountable, and control their impulses. Steinberg (1996) shows that they are more confident and responsible, less likely to use or abuse drugs or alcohol, and less likely to be involved in delinquency. These children also reported less anxiety and depression and the least amount of violence (Steinberg et al. 1994).

Conclusion

Western culture places great importance on planning for children and their upbringing. Hence, parents-to-be spend a great deal of time thinking about everything-from which brand of diapers to use to which college they want their child to attend. However, less importance is given to parenting style. Research has proven repeatedly that parenting styles have a “direct correlation with how children will grow up, how they live and whether they will abide by the rules in society” (Thinking n.d.). Therefore parents-to-be must analyze different parenting styles, their effects, and what works best for them and their child.

References

• Barakat, I. S. and J. A. Clark. “Positive Discipline and Child Guidance.” 1999. Online at: http://muextension.missouri.edu/xplor/hesguide/humanrel/ gh6119.htm [25.3.2000].
• Berger, K. S. The Developing Person throughout the Lifespan. 5th ed. New York: 2001.
• Collins, A. W. et al. “Contemporary Research on Parenting,” American Psychologist 55, no. 2 (2000): 218-32.
• Daniel, B., S. Wassell, and R. Gilligan. Child Development for Child Care and Protection Workers. London: 1999.
• Dinwiddie, S. “Setting Limits: Steering down the Rocky Road of Childrearing.” KidSource (Feb.l99S). Online at: www.kidsource.com/better.world.press/ setting. limits.html.
• Dworkin, P. “Permissive Parenting May Be Hurting Kids’ Sleep.” Science Daily Magazine (9 Oct. 1997). Online at: www.sciencedaily.com/releases/ 1997/10/971009063543.hlm.
• Garbarino, J., and R. Abramowitz. “Sociocultural Risk and Opportunity.” In Children and Families in the Social Environment. Ed. J. Garbarino. New York: 1992.
• Glasgow, K. L. et al. “Parenting Styles, Adolescents’ Attributions, and Educational Outcomes in Nine Heterogeneous High Schools.” Child Development 68, no. 3 (1997): 507-29.
• Gonzalez-Mena, J. The Child in the Family and the Community. New York: 1993.
• Gordon, T. Parent Effectiveness Training. New York: Plume, 1970.
• Huxley, R. “The Four Parenting Styles.” Parent-ingtoolbox (27 Sept. 1998), On line at: www.parent-ingtoolbox.com/pstyle1.html.
• Ingersoll, G. M. Adolescents. Englewood Cliffs: 1989.
• Jacobson, K. C., and L. J. Crockett. “Parental Monitoring and Adolescent Adjustment: An Ecological Perspective.” Journal of Research on Adolescence 10, no. 1 (2000): 65-97.
• Marion, M. Guidance of Young Children. 5th ed. Englewood Cliffs: 1999.
• Neal, K. Lecture at George Mason Univ. (16 Oct. 2000).
• “Parenting Styles/Children’s Temperaments; The Mutch.” Aboutourkids. Online at: www.aboutourkids.org/parenting/p_styles.html
• Scarr, S., R. Weinberg, and A. Levine. Understanding Development. Orlando: 1986.
• Simons, R. L., K. Lin, and L. C. Gordon. “Socialization in the Family of Origin and Male Dating Violence: A Prospective Study.” Journal of Marriage and the Family 60, no. 2 (1998): 467-78.
• Snyder, H. N., and M. Sickmund, “Challenging the Myths. 1999 National Report Series.” Juvenile Justice Bulletin. Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention (Feb. 2000). Online at: www. ncjrs.org/html/ojjdp/jjbul2000_02_2/contcnts.html [2000, May 25].
• Steinberg, L. Beyond the Classroom; Why School Reform Has Failed and What Parents Need To Do. New York: 1996.
• Steinberg, L. et al. “Over-time Changes in Adjustment and Competence among Adolescents from Authoritative, Authoritarian, Indulgent, and Neglectful Families.” Child Development 65, no. 3 (1994]: 754-70.
• Steinberg, L., and A. Levine. You and Your Adolescent: A Parent’s Guide for Ages 10-20. New York: 1997.
• “Thinking Smart about Parenting.” Online at: www.goodliving.virtualave.net