The door to room 153 opened and a blond-haired, blue-eyed boy walked out alone. His eyes went immediately to the spot where he knew she would be waiting. “Mommy!” he squealed, and a smile brighter than sunshine burst across his young face. His lanky legs kicked out at a slightly odd angle as he ran towards the one person he had been waiting to see since 8:30 am that morning.

As he got near, he shed his backpack. As Mom welcomed him into her arms, the hug nearly knocked her over. “I missed you, Mommy!”

This is how you will find me at 2:30 pm every school day of the year. My name is Kimberly Parker. I am a mother of three children. My oldest son, Cooper, has autism.

When Cooper was born, I ended my career as a Sales & Marketing Director to remain home with him. I embraced this plan, as it allowed me freedom to not only spend oodles of time with our son, but also gave me time to work on creative projects, particularly writing, that I had abandoned in my climb up the corporate pyramid.

When Cooper was 16 months old, we realized he had significantly stunted language development. Specialists were seen, and we soon knew that the challenges we faced had a name: autism.

Fast forward 5+ years. Our family now consists of Cooper, age 8; Benjamin, age 6; and Kacey, age 4. My husband and I have worked hard to keep our heads above water while meeting our family’s needs, and our extended family and friends help us tremendously.

Even with all of the help, I know my son better than anyone else on this planet knows him. I say this not to sound prideful – it is a matter of fact. My husband is a wonderful father, however, since I am the person who is with Cooper the most, out of sheer desperation I have had to learn to understand my son by merely looking into his eyes. His language processing challenges make it difficult for him to understand things in the way typically developing children do.

Most parents of children with autism are in a similar position. They are the experts in dealing with their children. Because our day-to-day functioning depends upon it, we parents have to learn how to build relationships with our children. These relationships serve as the foundation for everything else that happens.

The problem is that the thousands of children who have autism will, one day, grow to be adults with autism.

I’d be a liar if I said that the question, “What will happen to my son when I die?” does not at times keep me awake at night. Does anyone know him better than I? Is anyone in a deeper relationship with him? Does anyone love him more than my husband and I do? When the loving, knowledgeable caregivers of these children pass away (which inevitably will happen), is our society prepared to care for people who are unable to fully care for themselves? It isn’t right now, but it can be.

Never mind 72 hours, 72 years would probably not be enough to fully prepare my son to face the world without the mother to whom he is attached. However, I believe that in 72 hours, I can ignite a fire that can help prepare the world for my son.

Many schools have begun to implement programs to teach kids about the various disorders and disabilities which are increasing in alarming numbers. Each school year Cooper’s classmates learn, to some degree, how to function in the classroom with a peer who has special needs. At the beginning of the year, teachers talk to his peers about autism. Kids learn that Cooper has challenges, and they are told that they must be accepting and helpful friends to him.

This is a good beginning. But it is only a beginning.

Is it enough to teach them how to co-exist in a world with people who think differently, who communicate differently, and who have extraordinary needs?

I don’t believe so.

Kids don’t simply need to learn how to tolerate one another – they must to learn how to build relationships with one another. Those who are different do not need to be merely acknowledged as different – they need people to come alongside them, people who will seek to understand the depths of their individuality.

When a child with autism is alone on the playground – it isn’t enough that other kids refrain from bullying him. Can even one child dare to come close and seek to engage him? And when that doesn’t work, will the child be content to sit near him and just share the same breathing space – because he or she understands that for a person with autism, simply having someone nearby can be enough to foster feelings of acceptance?

My vision is to see a system implemented in our schools in which children learn how to be intentional about building better relationships. We can empower and equip kids to care for their peers in a way that goes way beyond tolerance. No matter what their age, kids can learn skills at a level they can understand. Intentionally building upon these skills throughout their education will not only build a better world for kids with autism – it will build a better world for everyone.

There are experts who have dedicated their lives to helping autistic children and their parents learn to build relationships with each other. There are others who have developed peer-to-peer training sessions for school use. I believe we can take the knowledge from these experts, combine them into a complete program, and teach these skills in our schools so that parents are not the only ones who hold the key to their child’s relationships.

In my 72 hours, if given the resources, I would engage three experts: Dr. Steve Gutstein (Relationship Development Intervention specialist for children with autism), Dr. Gordon Neufeld (expert in attachment and anti-bullying) and Heather McCracken (founder of Friend 2 Friend Learning Society). They have each developed materials that address different components of this problem. However, if these experts came together, I believe a complete, life-changing strategy could be designed and presented to educators.

In 72 hours, I would seek for the four of us to spend a day brainstorming what this plan could entail, and then gather as many educators as possible to cast a vision and ignite a fire: from parents and teachers to University Education Department Heads to U.S. State Educators to the Canadian Minister of Education and all the way to the U.S. Secretary of Education. This fire would move them to action to see a new type of preparation brought into schools. Not for the sake of another program or something “to-do,” but for the sake of building a society of people who know how to love selflessly, to prepare them for life together.

With myself as the parent-champion, my son at my side, and Dr. Gutstein, Dr. Neufeld and Mrs. McCracken to speak about the psychological benefits and technical aspects, we could introduce them to a new way to do “tolerance” in the form of attachment and relationship building in peers.

Imagine…

The 72-hour period was filled with a whirlwind of activity. Along with the field experts, Mom and son spoke powerfully to hundreds of people, presenting a radical vision. They shed light on the magnitude of the problem that autistic children and adults everywhere encounter. They also began an awakening of the need to prepare for a world to come. They saw faces light up with passion and high-level educators commit to not letting the dream of a selfless society fade.

As Mom hugged her son for what she knew would be the last time, her heart was not heavy – it was full of hope. Surrounding them were hundreds of outstretched arms which she knew would take her place in helping this little boy for the rest of his life. And as she said her final “I love you,” she knew that her life had been well-lived.

In 2004, Kim’s son was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. She writes to equip others to better understand autism and the families who love the autistic. She enjoys connecting with parents facing the seemingly insurmountable challenges of autism and helping them find joy. She is also a Christian author and speaker. Her first published book is called Radical Love…Forever Changed. You can follow Kim’s blog or connect with her at www.SimplyCreativeWriting.com.

According to the British writer Raymond Williams, culture is one of the two or three most complicated words in English. It has many definitions but here is the crux to remember: Culture is the way of life of a given society. Our culture is what we are as a group; it is learnt from birth and is passed down from one generation to another.¹

Culture is to the person as water is to the fish. It influences the way we perceive the world, tells us how to behave, and tells scholars how to think about the causes of behavior. It even shapes the moods and opinions of public about what to eat, what to wear, what to think is right or wrong, and much more. However, people are generally unaware of their cultural conditioning and do not realize that the way they recognize the world is not necessarily same as the way other groups do.²

An array of traditions, norms and values observed in a society raise its cultural character which distinguish societies from one another. These cultural variations influence the course of communications, may cause (the escalation of) conflict when it leads to miscommunication or misinterpretation, and can be problematic in cross-cultural encounters when one acts as if differences did not exist.³ The deeper one interacts with a different cultural group, the more he/she understands its the norms and priorities. This awareness of the ways cultures operate in communication and conflict will yield to the ability to respond effectively to these differences and prevent misunderstandings in intercultural settings.

One can list many dimensions or their sublevels that cause variations both between and within cultures. Below, we will discuss some major aspects along which cultures vary. Although it seems that there are no direct linkages between each topic, it is interesting to see how they actually relate to one another.

Senses of Self:

From the outside, a tree grown in California would probably look just like a tree grown in Japan. However, the growth of each tree is largely dependent on the soil that roots of the trees have to interact with in order to grow. The strength of the roots is also dependent on the environment the tree is exposed to, from sunshine to thunderstorms. Imagine the values of a particular culture represented as the roots of a tree. These roots (values) are the source of strength needed by the tree to survive in the surrounding environment (society). Of course, we don’t really see the roots, but we are constantly exposed to the tree nevertheless. The type of fertilizer and water fed to the tree contributes significantly to the growth of it. In addition, you can not transplant a tree into other soil unless you prepare the roots for the new soil.

The roots of each tree may have a different form, much like the cultures they represent. The Japanese roots are twisted together because they may have rockier soil and need the combined strength of the roots to support the tree during rough weather. The American roots, however, are individual, separate, straight, and deep, responding to their soil condition. ⁴

Societies that value individual uniqueness and self-determination are referred to as individualistic cultures in which people make up their own mind and show initiative independently. In this way of life, people deem themselves as the masters of their lives which they think they can control by themselves. On the contrary, cultures in which people identify themselves with groups are categorized as collectivistic societies. These societies consider many external parameters outside one’s control that affect the course of their lives, and there is more emphasis on the role of destiny in daily life. Many of the Asian cultures are collectivist, while Anglo cultures tend to be individualist.

A “self-determining” individual tries to preserve his/her image and interests by taking a competitive stance in interpersonal encounters. However, for those in collectivistic cultures, direct confrontation may reflect poorly on the group or disturb overall harmony; then open criticisms of others are generally avoided. When there is conflict, a third party is utilized for resolution. Since no direct confrontation takes place, potential damage to the relationships is minimized.

The value placed on individual freedom in individualist societies leads to the idea that everybody is equal regardless of age, social status, or authority, which calls for a tendency to be informal when addressing one another. In the US, for instance, superiors and subordinates often interact socially as equals, and an outsider typically cannot tell them apart. However, collectivistic societies place more value on seniority and hierarchy and, therefore, are more formal. They also put more emphasis on the role of power/status: Is the boss, a) always right because he is the boss, or b) only when he gets it right?

Someone devoted to freewill and someone with a more philosophical orientation may face miscommunication. The first would expect immediate action and responsibility and, failing to see it, may conclude that the latter is lagging, hindering, or dishonest. The second person would expect respect for the natural order of things and, failing to see it, may conclude that the former is pushy or impolite.

Communication styles:

Japanese can find Westerners to be offensively blunt. Westerners can find Japanese to be secretive, devious and bafflingly unforthcoming with information. French can feel that Germans insult their intelligence by explaining the obvious, while Germans can feel that French managers provide no direction. ⁵

In some cultures, people presume ample commonality of understanding and attitude in their counterparts hence they feel that it is unnecessary to be “over-explicit”; information is communicated in indirect ways embedded in the existing context or internalized in the person per se. Whereas in other cultures, information is part of, and conveyed through, the verbal content of the communication; things are made explicit, and there is considerable dependence on what is actually said. The first types of cultures are known as high-context, and the latter low-context respectively. Due to the significance of social information networks, collectivistic cultures tend to be high context.

Since the focus is the message itself rather than the context, low context cultures are open to communication errors when they assume more shared knowledge than there actually is. This direct approach may help to avoid communication errors when used properly (in a good timing and context). However, communicators may fail to “feel the emotional state” of the other party, or may hurt feelings while trying to be “direct.”

Though, low context cultures expect thorough explanations, high context cultures take them as redundant discussions on details, and even somewhat hesitate to make mistakes with too much talk. These cultures are more cautious about the potential implications of the message delivered. Silence and other indirect/non-confrontational methods are frequently applied and patience is promoted for the sake of overall harmony. On one side, silence is viewed as a communication breakdown, whereas on the other it is utilized as an actual communication component at times.

Perception of time:

I was once told that one of the South American groups in the U.S. used to send to different invitations for the same occasion. One was truly showing the ceremony time, yet the other was for an hour before the actual kickoff. The first was for the American friends and the latter one was for their own community to offset possible delays.

Time is beyond what a clock reads: “There are two blessings in which most people are in great loss: Good health and free time.” ⁶ In addition to being a major blessing, it is one of the most central differences that separate cultures and cultural ways of doing things.

In the West, time has a present focus moving toward the future at an acknowledged swiftness. Events are explained via specific causes, and there is an appropriate time and place for everything. This notion of time is actually a product of the Industrial Revolution which requires certain tasks to be achieved at a predetermined hour. Concentration is on one event at a time, schedules and deadlines take priority, and interruptions are not very welcome, which ultimately seals people off from one another, as limited time allows some people in and leaves some others out.

In Western cultures, time is considered as a limited reserve which is continually being used up. It’s like having a bathtub full of water that is running down the drain, and can never be replaced. It has to be used as it runs down the drain or it is wasted.⁵ Time is perceived quantitatively; it is measured and almost tangible. Many expressions such as Boucicault’s following words highlight its importance and urge its awareness in these societies: “Men talk of killing time, while time quietly kills them.” “Time is money” is a household expression, and people often talk about “saving,” “spending,” “wasting,” “finding,” or “losing” time. Time orders life and priorities: “I don’t have time to do that.” Since time is prioritized, so is accomplishing a task as quickly as possible; thus taking risks are expected to bring the future closer.

As time is limited, punctuality becomes a desirable quality and wasting someone’s time is regarded as an insult. Lest communication takes more time, individual-oriented cultures promote direct and competitive communication, whereas group-oriented cultures prefer indirect and harmonious approaches to communicate and avoid direct confrontation. Individualistic cultures may view this communication avoidance as passive, unwilling, or even ignorant. On the other hand, collectivistic cultures may view the direct approach to communication as being rude.

In the East, time is circular, spiral, even repetitive, and has unlimited continuity; in old agricultural societies which depend on the months/seasons of the year, it renews itself annually (traditional Chinese calendar has a period of 12 years). Other unrelated events or mystical reasons may be used to explain a given event, “as time is viewed an unfolding of stories already written, or a play in which much of the set is invisible.” ³ This idea of time also goes along with fate and destiny, and is connected to other people as well as periods of history. People may handle many things at once in this approach. A manager’s office in such a culture typically has an open door, a ringing phone and a meeting all going on at the same time. Within all these intermingling events, punctuality is nice, but not essential.

In Eastern cultures, time is more plentiful and people tend to be more patient. It is quite acceptable to make people wait all day, and then tell them to come back later. Time-abundant cultures tend to rely on trust to do business, whereas time-limited cultures don’t have time to develop trust and have other mechanisms to substitute trust (such as judiciary mechanisms).⁵ This time pressure may also account for segmented relationships in Anglo cultures, while time-abundant societies tend to establish lifetime relationships. Furthermore, societies that have a more flexible sense of time are more comfortable with uncertainties and accommodate changes in verbal plans, whereas time-limited cultures prefer everything to be expressed in written details and abide by these binding plans.

In one viewpoint, past and future are both present in this stretching time that loops back and forth. In the other, time starts with the very current instant and extends into the future. In a negotiation setting of parties with these two different notions of time, one of the parties may take time to provide extensive information regarding their stories and their relationships to the issue; weaving themes, feelings, ideas, and experiences together as they remember the past and project the future. When it is the other party’s chance to speak, they may promptly project flow charts showing processes for decision-making and speak about their intentions for entering the negotiation process right away. Neither side would feel satisfied with this meeting, but everyone would feel that they were not “on the same page.” ³

Therefore, as people from different cultural backgrounds work together, they should ask questions about their values and needs, and how these may affect their progress. Both cultures would be comfortable with meeting face to face in a mediation setting to frankly discuss differences of any sort.

Figure 1, serves as a summary of the dimensions we have mentioned so far. While the generalizations listed do not apply uniformly to all cultures, they will help convey a pattern:

Figure 1. Comparison of various cultural dimensions

Most North European and North American cultures fall into Group A.

Most Latin American, Asian, South European, and some African cultures overall fall into Group B.

Each of the variables discussed here shows only a glimpse of various dimensions across cultures, which do not apply to all individuals within a culture. One should not generalize by ignoring individual differences; e.g., “he is like that because he is Asian – all Asians are nonverbal.” An individual’s behavior may well vary depending on the situation, individual personality, mood, etc. as well. Cultural differences discussed here are general guidelines and there will always be exceptions. Anyone is unique in a sense and must be approached accordingly. It is important to remember this uniqueness at times of negotiations or unease, and not rush to make decisions before clearly understanding the situation. Keep in mind that different cultures see the world through diverse filtering lenses; there may not be a disagreement but just a different interpretation of what is going on.

As a result of globalization, the world is becoming smaller and people of various cultures are able to communicate freely. Ideas and perspectives can span across cultures through different forms of media like the television, the newspapers and the Internet; thus, cultures are blending more and more every day, which makes dialogue and mutual understanding essential. Only by learning about, respecting, and celebrating these differences, we can build mutuality and co-operative relationships, rather than breeding enmities.

Osman Senkaya has a Master’s Degree in Nonprofit Leadership.

Notes

¹ http://www.celt.iastate.edu/international/culture-extras/CultureResources.pdf

² Kim, Min-Sun. 2002. Non-Western Perspectives on Human Communication: Implications for Theory and Practice. Thousand Oaks, Cal.: Sage Publications.

³ LeBaron, Michelle. “Cross-Cultural Communication.” http://www.beyondintractability.org/essay/cross-cultural_communication

⁴ Elashmawi, Farid, and Philip R. Harris. 1993. Multicultural Management: New Skills for Global Success. 3rd ed.: Gulf Publishing Company.

⁵ “Differences in Cultures.” http://www.analytictech.com/mb021/cultural.htm

⁶ Sahih Bukhari: Vol. 8, Book 76, Number 421.

⁷ Foster, Dean A. 1992. Bargaining Across Borders: How to negotiate business successfully anywhere in the world: McGraw-Hill.

Every human being asks the question “why,” though at different levels, to explain the unexplained. It follows a pattern of questions, like “Why did the financial crisis in the U.S. happen in August 2008?” “Why did the space shuttle Challenger explode?” “Why did the terrorists commit the September 11 attacks?” In statistical terms, such unexpected events are named “outliers,” however, they are part of the system and among the components constituting the overall system’s complex behavior. Thus, they need to be part of the explanation in order for the explanation to be complete. We are naturally tempted to come up with universal explanations of the complexity behind these major events so that we can be ready when a similar thing happens again. Though simple mathematical equations or relationships relate to us better and provide a universal explanation, they are typically practical only when the outliers are excluded from the system behavior. Statistics help us greatly in quantifying and characterizing the outliers, especially in the form of probabilistic expressions, such as “there is a 30% chance of a hurricane next week.”

Understanding the complexity around us involves the development of a model that is simple enough for us to comprehend but yet universal enough to capture most of the dynamics of the complexity. The simpler and the more universal the model, the more powerful it is. The universality of a model, however, is hindered by the potential inability to capture something unexpected. The tradeoff between simplicity and universality exists in all modeling efforts; and the models finding the delicate balance in this tradeoff are the most effective ones. A simple mathematical relationship known as “the power law” has been used extensively to characterize and model various natural and social phenomena.

What is the Power Law?

The “power law” does not refer to a misconception that “whoever has power will rule,” but rather it refers to a particular way of characterizing dependency between two quantities. When the number or frequency of an object or event varies as a power of some attribute of that object (e.g., its size), the number or frequency is said to follow a power law. In more general terms, there exists a power law relationship between x and y if y is growing or reducing polynomially when x is growing linearly (y _͌ x^–α). Mathematically speaking, this means that the relationship between y and x is mainly characterized by the exponent -a. An exponent is simply shorthand for multiplying that number of identical factors. So, 4³ is the same as 4x4x4; that is three identical factors of 4. As shown in Figure 1, a quantity with an exponent has three components: the base, the exponent, and the coefficient. So, for 4³, the base is 4, the exponent is 3, and the coefficient is an implicit 1.

Figure 1: Description of an exponent in a power law relationship.

Figure 2: Sample power law relationships between x and y, where y = x^–α.

The power law relationships are traditionally expressed with a negative exponent, which simply means the inverse of the quantity. That is, y _͌ x^–α is equivalent to y _͌ 1/x^α. For example, when a is 2, y will reduce from 1/4 (i.e. 0.25) to 1/9 (i.e. ~0.11) if x grows from 2 to 3. Likewise, when a is 0.5, y will reduce from 1/2 (i.e. 0.5) to 1/3 (i.e. 0.33) if x grows from 4 to 9. For those who enjoy graphs, Figure 2 illustrates these mathematical relationships in linear and logarithmic scales.

Power law on different scales: Atoms to planets

To start with, gravitation, acoustics, electrostatics, and light and electromagnetic radiation, all exhibit a form of power law in that physical quantity or strength that is inversely proportional to the square of the distance, which corresponds to a power exponent of 2. [1] Gravitational force between two particles, the electrostatic force of attraction between two electrically charged particles, the intensity of sound signals coming from a source, and finally the intensity of light or electromagnetic field coming from a source all follow a power law with respect to the distance.

What makes the power law relationships more interesting is their independence from scale or size of the measures being related to each other. This is why we sometimes call power law relationships as “scale-free” relationships or “scale-invariance.” For example, the gravitational force between two spherical particles decays with a power exponent of 2 regardless of the sizes of the particles though the actual force is certainly dependent on the particle sizes. So, the particles can be at nano scales (e.g. a group of atoms) or macro scales (e.g. a planet), but the relationship stays the same!

Power law in frequency: Wealth, terror, and earthquakes

A common usage of power law relationships has been to model and understand frequency of a varying measure. A power law typically very well represents the distribution of wealth in a society. [2] According to a recent study, the distribution of wealth in China during the years 2003–2005 follows a power law with an exponent ranging from 1.758 to 2.285. If we consider an average exponent of 2 for Chinese wealth distribution, this means that if there are 1 million Chinese people who owned $1000 there were 1000 that owned $1M. Thus, the power law essentially expresses how skewed the distribution of a frequency is (see Figure 2). The larger the power exponent, the more skewed the distribution. In this case, a larger power exponent means a more imbalanced wealth distribution while a power exponent of 1 refers to an evenly distributed wealth.

Many other social patterns exhibit power law. A recent study showed that it exists even in terror events! The number of casualties per insurgent event and the number of insurgent events per day follow a power law. [3] Historical data for the last two centuries show further that the number of casualties per war or a terror attack follows a power law distribution. What is even more interesting is that the number of casualties and the number of attacks within an insurgent conflict both follow power law. That is, when only a particular conflict between two countries or ethnic groups is considered, the number of casualties per insurgent event and the number of insurgent events per day follow the power law. This suggests a “self-similar” pattern. Likewise, traffic measurements for many systems show power law distributions of size. For instance, if one observes the data traffic on an Internet connection and counts the number of bytes being transmitted per hour over that connection, a power law distribution of the count of bytes will emerge. Further, if this counting is done per minute instead of per hour, a similar distribution will still emerge – again showing a self-similar pattern. [4]

The power law has been observed in several natural phenomena as well. The frequency of earthquake magnitudes follows a power law. [5] This refers to the intuitive notion that the number of earthquakes with small magnitudes (which humans do not even feel) is much larger than the number of earthquakes with large magnitudes, (which can kill many humans). Small earthquakes are the norm while large ones the outliers. However, without the outliers, there is no power law distribution! Thus, the power law distribution of a quantity comes with an interesting observation: If a quantity is indeed following a power law distribution, then the likelihood of an outlier event increases as the time goes by without an outlier event. This is why geoscientists would make comments like “The region X is due for a major earthquake!” indicating that the region X has not been receiving a major earthquake (i.e. an outlier) for several years. The issue, though, is determining the threshold for an outlier is typically ambiguous and may require many years of measurements and data, which may be impractical.

Power law in growth: Rich get richer

Growth of systems also exhibit power law in various ways. Social growth follows power law due to the well-known “rich get richer” rule, which refers to the intuition that “important” people in the society attract more of the attention of newcomers. This dynamic situation is observed, for example, in the growth of the Internet. Several studies [6] showed that the connections between Internet Service Providers (ISPs) (e.g., AOL, Yahoo!, AT&T, Sprint) follow a power law distribution in that the number of connections per ISP (which shows how well an ISP is connected to the rest of the world) is represented by power law. In other words, there are few ISPs with many connections to other ISPs while most ISPs have a few connections to the others. This is believed to be due to the “rich get richer” rule since an existing ISP with many connections is more likely to gain the business of a new ISP who is joining to the Internet. So, it is somewhat an economic pattern too.

If economics (or the money) is taken out of the picture, social growth still exhibits power law. Online social networks such as Facebook, LinkedIn, and Flickr are clearly following a power law distribution. It is found that the power exponents are in the range of 2.5 to 3.7, indicating a highly imbalanced social growth pattern where few people are at the “center” of the social network with hundreds or thousands of friends, and many people have only one or two friends. [7] Again, the typical explanation for this growth pattern has been the “rich get richer” rule, but “richness” refers to the number of existing friends in this context rather than money.

Physical growth shows power law too in many ways. For instance, roughness of a growing surface as time goes by follows a power law distribution with an exponent ranging between 0 and 1 where an exponent of 0 refers to a smooth growth and 1 refers to a stiff growth. The surface roughness is measured by the variance of heights of surface locations. [8]

Does it really exist? Why does it exist?

Verifying existence of a power law distribution is not easy and requires enough number of samples to show the “tail” of the distribution. The tail of the distribution refers to the samples with large (or rare) values. For example, for the power law distributions in Figure 2, the portion of the distribution when x is greater than 10 (i.e. x>10) roughly corresponds to the “tail.” The tail corresponds to the rare samples. Though statistical theory calls those rare samples “outliers,” the distribution will not be a power law distribution without them. They are strictly parts of pieces that constitute a power law relationship, and observing them typically requires long periods or large numbers of measurements. Due to this difficulty, the existence of the power law is questioned for many real systems. Most of the time, claims of the existence of the power law typically come with an error factor indicating the confidence of the claim. The bottom-line is to observe trends in the samples and thus establish sufficient confidence (e.g., more than 95%) that the power law distribution does exist in the samples.

For those systems with clear exhibition of power law, the root causes of it have been of high interest. The “rich get richer” rule is intuitively one of the root causes, and it is intuitively a natural dynamic to get attracted by a rich member rather than a poor one. Growth certainly naturally follows the “rich get richer” rule, but we have system components slowing their growth, flattening, and then deteriorating. So, not everything is growing, and actually, we have as many things deteriorating as growing. For instance, participants join or leave the Internet or the social networks, and likewise, people join (i.e. birth) or leave (i.e. death) society. How does the power law stay in such systems then?

Due to the “rich get richer” intuition, the power law is considered to be the signature of “self-organization.” The fact that so many natural or synthetic systems are exhibiting this signature deserves the question: “Is it really self-organization?” Maintaining a global power law distribution for a system requires either (i) every member joining or leaving the system according to the “rich get richer” rule and having global knowledge of the whole system or (ii) somebody who knows everything about the system and gives explicit direct orders to each member when they are joining or leaving. Which one is more likely?

Murat Yuksel is an Assistant Professor at the CSE Department of The University of Nevada – Reno (UNR), Reno, NV.

References

[1] Wikipedia, “Inverse-square law,” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inverse-square_law

[2] M. A. Santos, R. Coelho, G. Hegyi, Z. Néda, and J. Ramasco. 2007. “Wealth distribution in modern and medieval societies,” The European Physical Journal, Volume 143, Number 1, pages 81-85.

[3] J. C. Bohorquez, S. Gourley, A. R. Dixon, M. Spagat, and N. F. Johnson. 2009. “Common ecology quantifies human insurgency,” Nature, Volume 462, December, pages 911-914.

[4] T. Karagiannis, M. Molle, and M. Faloutsos. 2004. “Long-Range Dependence: Ten Years of Internet Traffic Modeling,” IEEE Internet Computing, September/October, pages 57-64.

[5] T. Lay and T. Wallace. 1995. Modern Global Seismology, Academic Press, San Diego, CA.

[6] M. Faloutsos, P. Faloutsos, and C. Faloutsos. 1999. “On power-law relationships of the Internet topology,” ACM Computer Communication Review, Volume 29, Issue 4.

[7] R. Kumar, J. Novak, and A. Tomkins. 2006. “Structure and evolution of online social networks,” Proceedings of ACM SIGKDD, pages 611-617.

[8] A. L. Barabasi and H. E. Stanley. 1995. Fractal Concepts in Surface Growth, Cambridge University Press, Cambridge, England.

In our daily lives, we come into contact with several different people. We trade or work together with some of these people, while with others we just exchange greetings or a few words. There are also some people with whom we share our troubles, worries, or joys. Life becomes sweeter and more meaningful with these people. People to whom we can open up our inner worlds tell us their sincere opinions about our good or bad sides. We realize our dreams and wishes; namely, we realize ourselves through them. And we can really be ourselves when we are with them. We experience friendship, brotherhood (or sisterhood), and we share our secrets with them. Real friendships are built over years as people get to know and try out one another, building up mutual trust. It is very difficult to maintain such good relationships through a lifetime without shaking the trust of the other person. When trust is shaken, the relationship collapses and shatters like glass, since the feeling of security is like a glue that adheres people together and improves relationships. Nothing can go right when there is no trust between spouses, children and parents, an employer and employees, directors and those who are directed, the state and its citizens, or between institutions. In such cases, people cannot fulfill their potential, they cannot present their positive feelings, cannot work efficiently, cannot try new things; relations become mechanical and life becomes robotic, blocking the ways that lead to both material and spiritual gain. Imagine a family with no feeling of trust between its members. Which member of that family can share their thoughts, joys, grief, or troubles with the rest? Such a family can only produce children deprived of love, and spouses weary of defending their interests.

On the other hand, a family which is made up of members who trust the others in opening up their ideals, ambitions, and their strong and weak sides will be the complete opposite, for the members of that family will feel confident that they will not be let down in return. Love, tolerance, and compassion prevail there. Sorrows, joys, and worries are all shared; everyone tries to realize their dreams and hopes.

How is a feeling of security maintained? Who do people trust? To whom can people entrust their property or life peacefully? Why isn’t everybody trustworthy? Are they not aware of the significance of trust in the family, in society, and in the business world; or do they choose not to be trustworthy? Or, perhaps, they don’t know how to be trustworthy.

Many things have been said about the importance of feelings of trust. Prophet Muhammad also stressed this fact, saying “The real believer is the person whom people are secure concerning their property and lives.” Then he underlined the six virtues of a trustworthy person as follows: “if you can make me promises concerning six things, I can assure Paradise to you. When you speak, speak the truth, fulfill what you have promised, be trustworthy with what has been entrusted to you, be chaste, protect your eyes from the unlawful, and keep your hands from harming others.” When we think about this on the whole, we are able to see that the people who have these qualities are trustworthy people. If a person has noble qualities, such as modesty, loyalty, tolerance, righteousness, courage, patience, vigor, and frankness, that person inspires trust in those around them. However, it is not enough to have such a character if a person is to establish a good dialogue with others. If we are to express ourselves confidently and overcome the difficulties we face in life, we need to have the ability to develop dialogue and good relations with other people.

Open Communication Leads to Trust

People need to feel secure in opening up their feelings and thoughts to others, so that they are able to establish a good relationship. Expressing ourselves freely, opening up to somebody else, is in direct proportion with the degree of sincerity and trust between that person and ourselves. Undoubtedly, we cannot simply open up to everyone we meet. Opening up means finding somebody we can trust. It takes time for one person to trust another. The person who is able to open up inspires trust in the other and receives the message “I trust you” in return. The trusted person opens up further and this leads to a deeper and closer relationship. When a person is reserved, on the other hand, then they initiate a vicious circle which makes the other party suppress their feelings. Surely, open communication is not possible at all times. There are also risks in open communication, but it is not healthy to be totally introverted all the time. If a person becomes too introverted, then they will suffer terrible loneliness. Open communication should not be expected from the other person at all times, and it should not be dependent on the initiation of open communication by the other party. One must take a risk in order to be open; almost all achievements in life are based on taking risks, to a lesser or greater degree. If we are open with the person with whom we are communicating, if we can trust and appreciate them, then they will also respond in the same manner, be open to us, and appreciate us. The steps we take in order to learn the truth, to improve ourselves, and to realize our thoughts are dependent on accepting the risk of being open.

Open communication is not only important in family relationships or friendships; it has a fundamental role in working relationships in both the private and public sectors in order to build up trust. A good leader knows that a small group cannot find the right solution to everything. They keep in mind that not only the executive board, but other employees may also have valuable knowledge, and that these “lesser beings” are no less intelligent than their “superiors.” Therefore, a good leader tries to keep in contact with the information potential at the ground level. The aim of a good leader is not only to teach others what to do, but also to ask how they can be of help and to comprehend what happens in practice. A leader does not decide everything behind closed doors. Instead, they clearly express their targets, anxieties, and needs, maintaining the flow of information from the bottom through to the top by establishing healthy communication. In this way people can see that their efforts are appreciated and they feel better. Who doesn’t want to be appreciated? Who doesn’t want to be listened to, cared about, and valued? How can a leader who does not maintain open communication with those at the ground level, who does not make people feel that they are important and that their ideas are valued gain their full support? People trust and do not want to disappoint leaders and managers who value them.

In Turkey, in the city of Diyarbakir, when the city’s Chief Commissioner of Police died, the funeral was held at the Governors Mansion. Tens of thousands of people from all over the city filled the street early in the morning. They were truly mourning the late Commissioner; it was as if they had lost a close relative. But what had made them love him so much? How had he managed to conquer the people’s hearts? In one of his interviews, he essentially answered this question: “We have established individual contact with our citizens; we have actively participated in their social activities and even their sports.” He continued as follows “I listen to everybody, I talk to everybody. I visit any grocer; if he’s busy I go on to the next. The sincere hospitality shown by an ordinary shop owner is one of the best feelings. In short, I am together with my people. When I was given this duty, they told me to protect the lives and properties of the people; this is my responsibility. Being the Chief Commissioner does not make me different, all of us are humans. We cannot act as we choose. People need to be loved, people need to be respected. If people respect me and I respect them, there isn’t much more to do. This is what people look for in this city.”

Here is the secret of maintaining trust: being close to people, making individual contact, not seeing one’s rank as a privilege, and not looking down on anybody. The Chief Commissioner saw himself as an ordinary man in society, and approached everybody with the same love, respect, affection, and sincerity, no matter what their age, sex, or ethnic background. One cannot help but remember the wise words of Ali ibn Abi Talib “Be a(n ordinary) person among people.” It makes no difference if one is a state official, or a company executive, or just a volunteer who wants to win people’s hearts; you will fail if you do not follow this principle. An absence of trust prevents us from realizing our goals effectively. When we manage to maintain trust however, people just flow toward the common goal spontaneously, like a river which has found its bed. This will be the time when you have attained real success.

Sharing Your Thoughts and Work Increases Trust

Keeping close contact with people is the type of behavior that builds up trust. Some administrators even adopt the principle of not making friends with the staff. They just get entangled with the pomp and prestige of their position, overlooking their own mistakes. Those who are open and realistic on the other hand, receive the same attitude from the people who work under their command.

Listen to Yourself and to Others

A person who knows how to listen can solve most matters easily. Someone who has the patience to listen to people can initiate a better dialogue with people through this ability. While listening, they can learn more, understand new points, and attain a deeper comprehension by seeing different aspects of issues; they can then put forward new solutions.

Listening to oneself leads a person to a deeper comprehension of themselves. If we learn to listen to our different moods and feelings, then we can get to know ourselves better. We realize our strong and weak sides. Someone who knows who they are and what one is experiencing is able to understand others more easily, and is able to look at things from their point of view, thanks to the broader perspective they have attained by listening to themselves. Listening makes people feel that they have been given importance. Not only does it show that you are interested in the person in front of you, but listening to someone helps you to predict that person’s disappointments before it is too late and helps you to prevent them.

Try to sense what people feel. Try to understand how fragile relationships are and the importance they bear for people. Know how difficult it is to establish these relationships and how easily they are damaged. Listen to both yourself, and those around you.

Be Predictable

Being consistent and predictable in a complex world helps the people around you to feel secure. Those who feel that the ground under their feet is firm can be open to new ideas and are not discouraged from taking risks. If they know that you do not change your attitude every day, they will feel that they can trust you. Predictability means being the same person all the time, so that people can predict how you will respond. Do not be afraid of telling the truth. Always give the same message; make yourself clear about what you expect from people. The trust you are to inspire will be the best help you can offer them.

An appropriate understanding of the Islamic view of neighborliness requires examination of the main teachings of Islam. The Arabic word Islam derives from the root “salaam,” which literally means peace, submission, and obedience. Accordingly, the goal of an Islamic life is to attain peace and happiness in this world as well as in the hereafter by faith and by obedience to God. Achievement of peace and harmony within one’s self, in the community and all over the world is the essential objective of Islamic teachings. Islam is not a new religion. It is, in essence, the same message and guidance which God revealed to all prophets, as indicated by the following Qur’anic verse: 

Say, we believe in God and that which has been revealed to us, and that which was revealed to Abraham and Ishmael and Isaac and Jacob and the tribes and that which was given to Moses and Jesus and to other prophets, from their Lord. We make no distinction between any of them, and to him we submit. (Al Imran 3:83)

There are two main sources of Islamic teachings: the Qur’an, which is the revealed word of God, and the prophetic traditions of Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him. The principles of neighbor relationships that we will discuss below are based on these two main sources.

In Islam, the rights which people have over one another are considered extremely important. According to Islamic teachings, God can forgive all sins except the ones that are related to the rights of others. These rights are categorized and classified in a very detailed way. These include the rights of family members over one another, the rights of relatives, the rights of community members and the rights of neighbors over one another.

Definition of Neighbors in Islam

In Arabic, the word neighbor (jaar) refers to believers and unbelievers, religious and irreligious, friends and enemies, foreigners and fellow countrymen, those who treat you well and those who would do you harm, relatives and strangers, those whose houses are near yours as well as those who are further away. In the fourth chapter of the Qur’an, entitled Nisa (Women) God commands us to Serve God, and join not any partners with Him; and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, those in need, neighbors who are near, neighbors who are strangers, . . . (Nisa 4:36).

There are three definitions of neighborhood in the Muslim tradition. According to Al-Uza’i and Ibn Shihab as recorded in the authentic prophetic traditions of Bukhari, the definition of neighbor includes “forty houses in each direction, (right, left, front, and back).” Ali, the son-in-law of Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, and the fourth caliph, is reported to have said, “Whoever hears the call (for prayer) is a neighbor.” Some Muslim scholars have declared that whoever lives with a man in a locality or a city is a neighbor. This opinion is based on a verse from the chapter entitled “The Confederate Tribes” (Ahzab 33:60).

According to Islamic teachings, the closest neighbor is one’s spouse. The next closest neighbor is the one whose door is closest to yours. It is narrated from the Prophet’s wife Aisha that she asked, “O messenger of God! I have two neighbors, to which one of them should I give a gift?” The Prophet said, “To the one whose door is nearest to yours.” According to Muslim historians, the closest neighbor at the time of this question was not a Muslim. From this prophetic tradition, it is clear that when it comes to the observation of neighbors’ rights, it makes no difference whether the neighbors are Muslim or non-Muslim. Furthermore, from this prophetic tradition we understand that Muslims are encouraged not only to treat our neighbors kindly, but also to exchange gifts with them. The wording of the tradition does not indicate whether or not the one with whom we exchange gifts is a Muslim.

The concept of the neighbor is not restricted to those who live in buildings near your home. A roommate in a dorm, the person sitting next to you on a bus or at a bus stop are considered neighbors. The list can be extended to consider a colleague in the office or a person enjoying the fresh air next to you in a public garden.

Importance of Neighbors and Their Rights

According to Islamic teachings, refraining from harming one’s neighbor is a part of faith. The Prophet sometimes used to show the importance of teachings by saying, “Whoever believes in God and the Last Day, let him do such-and-such . . . .” Among the prophetic traditions that employ this method of conveying a message is the following narrated from Abu Hurayra: “Whoever believes in God and the Last Day should not harm his neighbor.”

Another important teaching of God’s Messen¬ger showing the importance of neighborliness is narrated from Anas: “By Him in Whose hand is my soul, no man truly believes until he loves for his neighbor what he loves for himself.”

The Prophet stated that treating our neighbors well is a part of being a Muslim. Abu Hurayra narrated that the Prophet said, “Be God-fearing: you will be the best in worship among the people. Be content with your lot: you will be the most grateful of people. Like for people what you would like for yourself: you will be a believer. Treat your neighbor well: you will be a Muslim.”

Other important teachings on neighborliness include visiting neighbors when they are ill, consoling them at times of sorrow and congratulating them at times of joy, not staring into their house, not staring at what they carry into their house and not looking at their womenfolk, taking care of their family’s needs when they are absent, and forgiving their mistakes. 

Good Relations with Neighbors

The importance of having good relationships with neighbors is sometimes emphasized in general as in the following tradition narrated from Abdullah ibn Amr: “The best of friends, in God’s sight, is the one who is best to his friend; and the best of neighbors, in God’s sight, is the one who is best to his neighbor.” Sometimes very specific aspects of neighbor relationships are pinpointed, but the recommendations do not stop there. We are encouraged not only to have good relations with our neighbors, but also to initiate good deeds. For instance, we are recommended to be the first to greet a neighbor. Kindness to neighbors is always presented as the norm.

In Islam, being good to one’s neighbors encompasses a number of deeds: visiting them, being kind to them in general, and helping them when they need our help. The recommendations even go as far as buying similar things for our neighbors’ children to those we buy for ours. If we are unable to do this, we are discouraged from showing our neighbors’ children what we bought for our children.

Narrated from Aisha, the Prophet said, “Gabriel kept recommending me to treat my neighbor well until I thought that he would tell me to make him one of my heirs.” Abda ibn Ali Lubaba narrates from the Messenger of God: “No deed which harms a neighbor can be regarded as insignificant.”

We should share what we have with our neighbors. Narrated from Abu Dharr the Prophet stated, “Whenever you cook some stew, add extra water to it, then look for some household in your neighborhood and give it to them in kindness.”

In his historic sermon during the Farewell Pilgrimage, in which he summarized the most important points of his teachings, the Prophet did not fail to mention neighbors and emphasized their rights to such an extent that the eminent companion Abu Umama also thought that the Prophet would make neighbors heirs: “I heard the Prophet when he was seated on his she-camel during the Farewell Pilgrimage, saying, ‘I enjoin you to treat your neighbors well,’ and urging their good treatment so much that I thought, he is going to give them the rights of inheritance.”

Christian and Jewish Neighbors in Islam

History bears witness to the fact that Christians and Jews, the “People of the Book”1 as they are called in the Qur’an, have lived alongside Muslims in many regions of the Islamic world, secure in the knowledge that they, their honor, and their wealth were safe, enjoying a good neighborly relationship, with good treatment and freedom of worship. Their ancient churches still exist in Muslim villages clinging to mountaintops, surrounded by Muslim community who upholds the well-being of their Jewish and Christian neighbors. When the Prophet was about to pass on to the next world, he stated: “I place in your trust the People of the Book, the Christians and Jews.” When ‘Umar was in the throes of death due to a dagger wound, he warned: “I place the People of the Book among us in your trust. Fear God regarding them and treat them justly.”

Islam aims at spreading mutual love and affection among neighbors. The ways in which people may achieve this are many, and include attitudes ranging from making sure that your neighbor does not sleep hungry while you sleep well fed, to the exchange of gifts. The Muslim attitude toward neighbors includes wishing for their neighbors what they wish for themselves. It includes the sharing of happiness and sorrow. It prohibits spying on them, gossiping about them, and harming them in any way. Instead it establishes respect for their privacy, and keeping common use areas-such as apartment building entrances, streets and sidewalks-clean. The Prophet also said, “Among the things that bring happiness to a Muslim in this life are a righteous neighbor, a spacious house, and a good steed.”

We have tried to shed some light on the Muslim attitude toward neighbors and the importance of neighbor relationships in Islam. The Islamic tradition in this respect is fairly rich and invites the interested reader to further research. A healthy society can be established only through healthy neighborhoods. Education is the key to instilling healthy attitudes of neighborliness in our children as well as in adults. This concept deserves discussion in the classrooms of public schools as well as in seminars and conferences in universities. This flower should be given to all societies as a gift and love should be shared in the community through knowledge.

Footnote

1. Although ahl al-kitap, “People of the Book,” is commonly considered to be referring to Christians and Jews, Islamic tradition accepts, in general terms, other belief systems like Zoroastrians, Buddhists, or Hindus under the same category, as their major tenets of faith are similar to that of Islam’s.

Psychologists have uncovered and grouped intelligence into three main groups: abstract intelligence (the ability to understand and manipulate using verbal and mathematical symbols), concrete intelligence (the ability to understand and manipulate with objects), and social intelligence (the ability to understand and relate to people).¹

Emotional intelligence (EI) has its roots in the concept of “social intelligence,” first identified by E.L. Thorndike in 1920. The influence of this concept on popular culture and the academic community has been rapid and widespread.

As we all know, emotions are a fundamental part of who we are, and play an important part in our relationships with others. They cannot be removed from the picture. However, most of us have traditionally been conditioned “to leave our emotions at home,” believing that in order to be more effective we need to base all our strategies and decisions only upon cold, logical “intelligence.”²

In fact, to do so often guarantees that the suppressed emotions will flare, causing increased conflict and affecting the mood of the individual negatively. But what if we continue to expand our knowledge of emotions in a different way altogether, as another kind of “intelligence,” beyond reason and logic? An intelligence that – if we could learn to access it – could become nothing less than a touchstone to greater collaboration, giving us greater influence with others, motivating us to be more productive and effective.

It could be said that the greatest distance there is is the distance between the mind (IQ) and the heart (EQ). By learning about and utilizing EI, we will be able to shorten that distance, and we will be working with astonishing capacity and effectiveness. Let us address some important questions and issues about Emotional Intelligence.

What Is EI?

When Salovey and Mayer coined the term “emotional intelligence” (EI) in 1990,³ they were aware of the previous work on non-cognitive aspects of intelligence. They described emotional intelligence as “a form of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use the information to guide one’s thinking and actions.”⁴

Esther Orioli and Robert Cooper state the following in explaining EI: “EI is far more than being ‘nice’ to people. It is the ability to sense, understand, and effectively apply the power and acumen of emotions as a source of energy, information, creativity, trust, and connection.”⁵

Another way to describe EI is the ability to sense and use emotions to more effectively manage ourselves and influence positive outcomes in our relationships.

Why Do We Need EI?

Primitive emotional responses of our EI hold the keys to better health, experiencing greater joy and closer connections, achieving stronger leadership, a clearer vision, greater efficacy, higher goals, expanding our personal power, enhancing our self-awareness, augmenting learning, magnifying clarity, ensuring healthier relationships and finer perception, and finally, the provision of greater satisfaction. These emotional reflexes, rarely conscious but powerful, motivate our choices. In short, we need EI for utilizing the power of emotions.

What Are the Competencies of EI?

In Goleman’s model of EI there are five key steps:⁶ self-awareness, self-regulation, self-motivation, empathy, and effective relationships; each includes a set of different competencies. All the competencies to be successful are not necessary, but the two core competencies (emotional self-awareness and accurate self-assessment) are essential. These are the two foundational abilities upon which all others rest (see Chart).

1. Self-Awareness

The cornerstone or foundation of EI is self-awareness. It supports all the other EI skills. Self-awareness must come first because if we do not know ourselves or what we are feeling, how can we possibly know the needs of others or understand someone else and how they feel?

The more we know about ourselves, the better we are able to control and choose what kind of behavior we will display in any given situation. Self-awareness is about knowing where we are now and where we want to go, so that we will be willing to change to get there. Without self-awareness, our emotions can blind us and guide us to do things or to become people we do not want to be.

To become more self-aware, one must follow these steps:

• Learn the difference between thoughts and feelings. It is extremely important to know the difference between “I think” and “I feel” if you are to know yourself better.

• Ask yourself how you are feeling throughout the day and be honest. If your heart races or you blush or if you are short of breath – this is usually a gut reaction. Ask yourself, “What is the feeling behind it?” Name that feeling – fear, anxiety, love, eagerness.

• Be open to input from others. Friends and associates can often enlighten us about our behavior.

2. Self-Regulation

While we are listening and learning from our gut feelings as a step toward self-awareness, self-regulation is regulating those same feelings and managing them so that they do more good than harm. Self-regulation is giving the rational side time to temper our feelings when needed. It also helps us to act intentionally rather than reactively. When we act intentionally, we mean what we say rather. The other side of the coin is to just spout off without thinking and later regret an impulsive act.

Here are some tips to help you with self-regulation:

• Monitor your self-talk (what you say to yourself in your mind).

• Accept responsibility for your emotional responses in your life. When you are feeling that you are accountable, you are acknowledging your own power.

• Anticipate emotional “triggers” and prepare to manage them.

• Reframe an irritating situation into a problem-solving exercise. When you encounter a situation that provokes an undesirable emotional response, decrease your anger by focusing on the behavior. Reframe it to make the behavior the problem, and not the person.

• Use humor!

• Never underestimate the power of taking deep breaths. Increasing the flow of oxygen to the brain eases tension, clarifies thinking and has a relaxing effect on our psyche and body. It also gives you a moment to collect your thoughts and to think before speaking.

• Remove yourself from the situation and keep moving. There are major benefits in distancing yourself from a bad situation and re-directing your energy into a new activity. This will help you regain your perspective, increase your alertness and re-energize.

Unlike Intelligence Quotient, which is fixed for life, Emotional Quotient can be continually developed to enable people to increase their awareness of their selves and others, to develop.

3. Self-Motivation

Self-motivation is directing the power of our emotions toward a purpose that will motivate and inspire us. It is also visualizing the achievement of a goal and taking whatever the necessary steps are to get there. Various ways to bolster your self-motivation are: — Be aware of how you explain setbacks to yourself… stay realistic. Realize that you can control and choose what you are thinking and feeling. Increase your persistence by keeping things in perspective. — Connect your goals with your values to get energized. Keep your eyes on the goal and follow through so you can enjoy the satisfaction of completing whatever projects you’ve begun. — Strive for reaching a —flow— state while working on projects. — Visualize! — Keep learning! The pursuit of knowledge will build on your areas of strength. You will be more valuable and versatile.

4. Empathy

Once we have become more honest and intentional with our emotions, it is time to look outward. EI is both tuning into our feelings and tuning into the feelings of those around us. It means responding to others appropriately, with sensitivity and compassion. Empathy is being able to see a problem from another person’s perspective. It is good to acknowledge other people’s emotions while still remembering that those are their emotions, not ours. Empathy begins with listening. This means making a connection with people. Individuals who lack empathy are more focused on their needs and pay little or no attention to anyone else’s. Empathy is the glue that will bind a group together to work successfully. Some of the techniques for enhancing your empathy are: — Look for nonverbal cues as well as listening for verbal ones. Studies show that words account for only 7% of communication. Tone and the speed of speech accounts for 38% of the message, while 55% is unspoken and revealed through body language, such as posture, eye contact, facial expressions, and so on. — Share and be honest about your feelings. Good communication leads to trust. — Your spoken and unspoken messages should be consistent. You want what you are saying to uphold what you are doing. This proves that you are being honest, or authentic, which builds trust. — Take the kinder road whenever possible. There are many ways to deliver opinions and criticism. You can be honest and still give positive feedback, which increases confidence. Construc-tive feedback increases competence. — Try to see a situation from the other person’s perspective. Empathy is about imagining what it would be like to walk in someone else’s shoes. We ought to assume that everyone is doing the best they can with the resources that they have at the moment.

5. Effective Relationships

Mastering the abilities of self-awareness, self-regulation, self-motivation, and empathy paves the way to attaining greater skill in effective relationships. This competency is about interacting with people successfully and being adept at managing emotions in others. With heightened social skills, leaders are better communicators and better collaborators. Some EI techniques for having more effective relationships at work: — Share your passion and enthusiasm for your job and the organization’s vision — it’s contagious! Keep the vision in view by relating your own excitement for a project or goal. — Create an inspiring work environment. If you show honesty, trust, and appreciation toward your team, you create the perfect environment for them to do their best work. — Engage in creative brainstorming. Not only is brainstorming good for generating fresh ideas, but the process builds rapport and trust among team members. This could smooth the way to future collaborations because of the creative bond that has been formed. — Be willing to coach or mentor others and be open to being coached yourself. This is the most important relationship skill in the workplace. By sharing your knowledge and expertise with other team members, you are nurturing the next generation. And by allowing someone to coach you, you are showing that you are receptive to others’ ideas and that you do not —know it all.— In conclusion, quite simply the EI competencies of intra-personal and inter-personal skills are central to our life and are a different way of being intelligent. They are the tools that our brains use to define ourselves, to shape the meaning of major concepts like love, success, and happiness. EI has been found to be more important than IQ, technical ability, or experience in determining life success. Unlike IQ, which is fixed for life, EQ can be continually developed to enable people to increase their awareness of their selves and others, to develop self-management strategies, and to connect with others to create collaboration and harmony. In practice, EI also enables people to tap into their true power and creativity and to consciously choose the most effective response to any situation rather than merely reacting impulsively.

Footnotes

1. Ruisel, I., Social Intelligence: Conception and Methodological Problems, 34(4-5), 281-296.
2. Emotional Intelligence Workbook, CRM Learning, Carlsbad, 2001.
3. Salovey, P., & Mayer, J. Emotional Intelligence, Imagination, Cognition, and Personality, 1990.
4. Salovey, P., & Mayer, J., The Intelligence of Emotional Intelligence, 1993, 17, 433-442. 5 See http://www.qmetricseq.com/
5. Goleman, D., Emotional Intelligence, Bantam Books, New York, 1995.

In order to maintain the effective use of power resources to reach a target, researchers divide them into various subgroups according to different criteria. For instance, capital is categorized into such groups as material, emotional, morality and virtue, intellectual, knowledge (know-how), and consciousness of opportunity and favor. Each one is highlighted by being given a separate name. In addition, various scientific concepts are used as metaphors to imprint on people’s minds the importance of those factors that help a community or nation develop. This is done because the human brain can think more easily through metaphors and understand a fresh and novel point of view.

The definition of social capital draws attention to an important – but often ignored or underemphasized – source of wealth for national development. This concept expounds why developing countries cannot achieve Western standards of development. While financial power and knowledge (intellectual capital) constitute the fuel and mechanical parts of the car of progress, social capital functions as its lubricant and oil. An old car that lacks lubrication cannot take you very far, just as a nation whose social capital has been exhausted or broken cannot progress.

So just what is social capital? Which national riches can be seen more clearly through the lens of social capital?

Defining social capital

Social capital is defined as the individual’s capacity and ability to benefit from and take advantage of public and private institutions through membership. Social capital forms bonds between neighbors, families, individuals, and communities. The society’s civil organizations need social capital to coordinate their existing resources more effectively. The sense of belonging to a society and a nation, and the people’s ability to make use of their various capacities, are involved in social capital. At each society’s base of interpersonal relationships and institutions, all of a person’s opportunities and duties comprise social capital.

Being a member of a social group brings both responsibilities and advantages. Social capital is formed by social structures and institutional characteristics (e.g., reliability, norms, networks of relationships, and systems of facilitating coordinated actions). It facilitates some actions within the structure and makes some benefits available, such as the material gains that accrue with group membership opportunities and chances, as well as the support brought about by relationships within the organization.

If the essence of a relationship is mutual trust and reliance, a system containing expectations and responsibilities arises. This mutual trust and reliance between the members of a civil organization oils the wheels of socioeconomic interactions, reduces costs, maintains the circulation of confidential information among group members, and enhances the availability of chances offered by the group. All of the values and norms needed to erect and maintain a healthy society can be defined as social capital.

Social capital also can be defined as the existence of institutional and inter-institutional participation and cooperation that keeps the individuals grouped around a common purpose and which acts as an adhesive that makes it possible to construct a society or a team. Given that religion and moral education form such values as charity, self-sacrifice, trust, and reliability, it follows that religious and moral teachings play primary roles in constructing social capital. Social capital has yet another meaning: those norms that influence a society’s productivity and health and social networks, as well as interpersonal relationships, respect, trust and credibility. Social bonds can boost efficiency by reducing the cost of work and production and facilitating the coordination and cooperation needed for production and marketing.

Social capital, an indispensable component of society and progress on both the micro- and macrolevels, includes all of the norms that shape the quality and intensity of a society’s social interactions. In this respect, a large amount of social capital allows more resources and opportunities to be mobilized in the pursuit of common goals. Social capital, however, has both positive and negative sides. For example, social clubs exclude non-members from their services by forming an internal social capital. Thus, poor and rich social sectors have different social capitals. The social capital of poor people is built around trust and the exchange of goods or property. The critical point of social progress is making public opportunities and chances available to the poor by reducing the exclusivity of the social capital available to the rich. The Islamic institutions of zakat (the prescribed alms) and interest-free credit practices are quite significant here.

The social capital of socially harmful groups (e.g., drug cartels and corrupt people) prevent socioeconomic progress. In this respect, the social capital value of a society’s subgroups and civil organizations determines whether the net value of its social capital is positive or negative. The value of an institution’s social capital is determined by the levels and degrees of the following: the development of an institutional identity among staff members; the sense of belonging; the extent of common thoughts, visions, and goals; being informed of the chances and opportunities inside or outside the institution; staff members’ respectability in the institution and the institution’s respectability in society; its ability to offer equal opportunities without getting entangled in religious, ethnic, and socioeconomic differences. In addition, participation in managing a society’s institutions and establishments also strengthens social capital. Thus, we can say that social capital can be defined in many ways and represents the group of differences called capital.

We should distinguish the resources of social capital from its outcome. We can list the following among its outcomes: social control, preservation of family and kinship ties, preservation of the society’s unity and solidarity (both material and spiritual), and the capacity to put forward common ideas and targets due to the unity and harmony of society. All of these are vitally important for economic progress and sustained growth and development.

Social capital also makes an important contribution to forming a sociopolitical environment that allows certain norms and standards that shape society in order to improve it. Unlike economic capital, social capital cannot be bought from another community or nation; every society has to build it up with its own faith, tradition, and education system. Civil organizations play a major role in the rapid construction of positive social capital. The value of social capital directly affects the government’s functioning, as well as that of the justice system and the use of rights and freedoms. And, socioeconomic development is directly related to the common goals and principles determined by the social capital accumulations of subgroups

and institutions. As networks of relationships that are limited to a person’s family and neighbors have a small amount of social capital, they are deprived of chances and opportunities to improve themselves. Those with a larger network of relationships, due to their membership in civil organizations, as well as professional and social clubs, have more social capital and a better chance of enriching and making individual progress.

Social and other types of capital

Social capital is a means of investing in your future. People with a high social capital value are honest, trustworthy, possess professional honor, function as a member of a team, and are sought after in all sections of life. Individuals and institutions that maintain their social capital above a certain value can acquire knowledge, power, and opportunities of critical importance. A collective group identity that increases the capacity of collective action can be enhanced only by building up social capital. As material capital can be used for reaching various objectives, social capital can be used to access critical information or to receive sound advice. Certainly, the advantages of a person’s position within society or a group can be transformed into economic gain. Material capital, the most fluid and that with the highest value of convertibility among all types of capital, can be used to improve men and women, culture, and social capital. However, the convertibility of social capital to economic capital is lower, for social capital, which keeps the common values that make up the society together, is less transferable.

When necessary, social capital can function as other types of capital or can compensate for their absence. For instance, the lack of financial or human capital can be eliminated by introducing strong social relationships and connections. Furthermore, the efficiency of social capital can be raised by reducing operation costs. Research reveals that people with a lower social capital value are less reliable and less receptive to institutionalizing and organizing.

Social capital needs protection and continuity, just like physical (e.g., clean air, water, and environment) and human capital do. In other words, existing social ties among people need to be refreshed and confirmed periodically to maintain their efficiency. The value of social capital increases, instead of decreases, as we use it. For example, the social capital of people who rely on each other and inspire mutual trust increases daily. Thus, dialogues and interactions between different civil organizations and cultures, as well as interfaith dialogues, are important infrastructural activities that enable the construction of social capital.

Social capital, like physical capital, is advantageous for the public and requires that all people work to save and improve it. Such an understanding allows us to comprehend the wisdom of the Divine Order, which wills that every society contains a group that calls for good and prohibits evil. Fresh air and water decrease in proportion with their usage; social capital increases in proportion to its usage. Individuals equally run the risk of not making use of social capital’s potential in an equal manner. Social capital is usually constructed by its relationship to a club or a community. Thus, people who are not members cannot benefit from the opportunities.

Social capital is not held by a person or an institution, but emerges within the network of interpersonal or inter-institutional relationships, and continues to grow as long as the relationship lasts. In other words, the construction of social capital depends upon mutual trust, dialogue, and cooperation. Since social capital emerges within the network of social relationships, it cannot be transferred. Each society has its own methods of operating and achieving success.

All of the cultural elements that motivate a person, generate opportunities, or facilitate the utility of talents and capacities play a role in the construction of social capital.

Measuring social capital

Several criteria are used to measure the value of social capital: the degree of trust and respect for the state and its institutions, the level of people’s participation in making those decisions in which they have a role to play, the extent of their presence in civil organizations, and the average of monthly voluntary service hours, as well as the level of help, support, and self-sacrifice between individuals and neighbors. For example, social capital strengthened by the active support of local citizens and families enhances the quality of education, for students are more successful when teachers improve themselves, take their jobs seriously, and establish a good relationship with the students. Doctors and nurses who work in citizen-monitored and supported health institutions are sure to be more attentive in their jobs. Building a healthy society depends on social capital being rooted in interpersonal trust and assistance.

Social capital and social progress

Researchers have discovered that a nation’s ability to achieve healthy progress does not depend only on financial, structural and legal regulations. For example, the failure of the financial aid offered by the World Bank, as well as its advised structural reforms, to the developing countries raises the following question: What did we miss or undervalue? The resulting analyses and research so far have revealed that the interaction between labor and capital for progress is far more complicated than originally expected. Various types of capital were acknowledged (e.g., physical, geographical, human, cultural, moral, emotional, and social) and held to be significant for progress. Social capital was recognized as the primary prompter and sustainer of development and progress.

Recently, researchers have begun to focus on the need for developing countries to have social, rather than financial and labor, capital. They underline that existing corruption, bribery, and monopolies can be dealt with only by enhancing social capital. We hope that this article helps administrators, who are at the steering wheel of national ships, realize the contribution of our religious, moral, and cultural inheritance to establishing a high-quality social capital, and encourages them to consider social capital in their projects.

References

– Hwe P., and A. Shiell. “Social Capital and Health Promotion: Review.” Social Science and Medicine, no. 51 (2000): 855-871.

– www.worldbank.org./poverty/scapital/whatsc.htm.

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Several of our shorter articles deal with individual reactions to the events of September 11th. Many people still find it hard to comprehend such a terrible tragedy. Let us hope that they soon find the wisdom to go beyond their anger and fear and begin to ask themselves and others why such a horrific event took place and how similar ones can be avoided in the future.