Future is dim but not hopeless
The rebellion in you is not worthless
Stop listening to songs of cowardice
Act yourself out of the gloom and darkness

Your life is an example of uneven chances
Your birth was every bit of miraculous
Beaten the odds countless times
Believe yourself out of the gloom and darkness

Outwork, outlive, outwill the doubters
Muscles are tired, mind is restless
Snap out and control your emotions
Defy yourself out of the gloom and darkness

Act now you are fearless!
Believe your future is victorious
Defy pessimist thoughts and bitterness
Will yourself out of the gloom and darkness

One of the important concepts in Abrahamic faiths is thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving is a profound sense of gratitude that involves recognizing aspects of our biological structure for which to be thankful. According to research, it has various positive effects on both physical and emotional well-being. “Whoever is grateful, it is for the benefit of his own soul” (Qur’an 31:12). Throughout history, religious leaders and philosophers worldwide have expressed ideas about the essence of thanksgiving. One of the primary reasons many believers inquire about each other’s well-being is to create an opportunity to express gratitude to God. In this way, those who ask and express gratitude engage in an act of worship together, preparing the ground to benefit from material and spiritual blessings.

The feeling of gratitude, at the heart of thanksgiving, helps us turn to God wholeheartedly; it gains the value of worship through the acknowledgment of its true source. In recent years, particularly in the fields of neuroanatomy and genetics, various studies have begun to highlight the biological influences and outcomes of feelings like gratitude.

Brain structure and gratitude

One aspect of gratitude’s connection to healing, satisfaction, and happiness is that it serves as a reward for both our worldly life and our state of mind. True gratitude occurs with the full recognition of the blessing, as appreciating the giver of the blessing is largely dependent on recognizing the blessing itself.

Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) scans of brain tissue have shown that people with a developed sense of gratitude have more gray matter. Gray matter, responsible for processing information, functions more effectively in learning and decision-making mechanisms for those who are consistently in a state of gratitude. According to studies, the limbic system, responsible for emotional experiences in the brain, helps control challenging emotions such as sadness, anger, and anxiety when gratitude is felt. Those with a strong sense of gratitude have healthier nervous systems, as gratitude suppresses problem-producing mechanisms and activates problem-solving systems. Gratitude is an active form of thinking that disables most of the negative emotions of the ego. Many negative emotions lying in the subconscious, such as jealousy, greed, hatred, ambition, laziness, and arrogance, are related to ingratitude. Gratitude cleanses these layers of negative emotions, but it requires serious effort to recognize and appreciate the blessings we have received.

The prefrontal lobes of the brain contain regions involved in empathy, decision-making, and self-control. Research has shown that feelings of gratitude stimulate these areas of the brain. The hypothalamus, which plays a significant role in regulating sleep cycles, is also activated when we feel gratitude. Feeling gratitude for the blessings received activates the hypothalamus, leading to better quality sleep with positive thoughts. Studies show that even recognizing simple acts of kindness can activate the hypothalamus, thus regulating all body mechanisms it controls. Being in a state of gratitude and recognizing blessings contribute positively to brain health.

Psychological effects

Neurotransmitters—the chemical substances secreted by the brain that transmit stimuli between neurons—affect human emotions. Conversely, human emotions also influence the secretion of these substances. Dopamine and serotonin are two of the most important neurotransmitters responsible for regulating mood. Those who deeply and sincerely feel gratitude secrete more dopamine and serotonin, which have happiness-inducing effects. Dopamine, often called the “motivation molecule,” contributes to feelings of motivation, happiness, and focus. Serotonin, often referred to as the “happiness chemical,” plays a critical role in feelings of well-being and happiness.

When the brain receives enough positive neural signals through gratitude and thanksgiving for endless blessings, these neural pathways strengthen, leading to feelings of happiness and satisfaction that develop with constant and conscious gratitude. Studies show that gratitude, which acts as a natural antidepressant, serves as a bridge between past happy moments and future hopes.

One should not wait to be happy to be grateful; every moment of gratitude increases happiness. (Thanksgiving itself is a blessing and requires its own expressions of gratitude). It is understood that thanksgiving activates the brain’s memory center and the amygdala, reduces the secretion of stress and anxiety-inducing hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline) and improves mood. This leads to stronger heart function and greater resistance to emotional negativity. Long-term research shows that those with a sense of thanksgiving cope better with stress and toxic emotions. Various studies support the fact that recognizing blessings is a significant factor in leading a less stressful life. Recognizing blessings increases feelings of sufficiency, which leads to a decrease in symptoms of depression and anxiety.

Effects on physical health

While reducing stress hormones, gratitude also helps to better manage autonomic nervous system functions. Neurochemical hormones secreted by the nerves contribute significantly to our physical health. Dopamine plays a role in regulating blood vessel function and heart rate, while serotonin is involved in sleep and the digestive system. Although serotonin is primarily found in the intestines, it affects the brain by crossing the blood-brain barrier.

A study evaluating the impact of gratitude on physical well-being showed that patients who kept a gratitude journal experienced a 16% reduction in pain symptoms and were more willing to collaborate with doctors for treatment. Studies have also shown that thanksgiving regulates dopamine levels, increasing vitality and thereby reducing perceived pain.

People with a well-developed sense of gratitude experience slower neurological deterioration. Additionally, inflammation decreases in grateful individuals, making it easier to regulate blood pressure. The feeling of gratitude, formed by recognizing received blessings, leads to the secretion of the hormone oxytocin, which dilates blood vessels, lowers blood pressure, and protects the heart. Through these physiological processes, gratitude has a pain-relieving effect.

The promise in the verse “If you are grateful, I will increase My blessings upon you” (Qur’an 14:7) may also indicate that the blessing of healing readily comes into play through various physiological pathways that affect our physical health, beyond just psychological channels. It also refers to the otherworldly rewards associated with gratitude and thanksgiving.

“We belong to God and to God we are ever returning.”
Eternal rest grant unto him, O God
and let perpetual light shine upon him.
May his soul and the souls of all the faithful departed,
through the mercy God,
rest in peace…
…and may his memory be a blessing to us all.
Amen.

My beloved sisters and brothers of Hizmet:

Al-salāmu `alaykum wa raḥmat Allāh wa barakātuhū.

May peace, and the mercy and blessings of God, be with you.

I write to you today with a heavy heart.

In solidarity with you and your families, I grieve the passing into eternity of a fellow traveler whose sojourn in time has had such a transformative effect on millions of lives around the world—our beloved Hocaefendi, M. Fethullah Gülen, may God be pleased with him and grant him mercy.

In Sūrat al-Nūr, the Holy Qur’ān beckons us to ponder the mystery of God’s unfailing and ubiquitous presence in our lives. The famous “light verse” (āyat al-nūr) offers a sublime metaphor by which it invites us to imagine God as God really is: as “the light of the heavens and the earth.”

The verse suggests that, rather than conceive of the one, true God as existing within and bound by the limits of material being, we should think of our experience of God as akin to that of the sun which—no matter the condition of our own lives and hearts—unfailingly bathes the earth from the morning prayer to the evening prayer.

We are taught that, just as the sun unceasingly illumines the physical world, God graces all existence—both the seen and unseen—with a supernal light that dispels all obscurity and gloom, enabling us to witness the stunning beauty and magnificence of God’s handiwork and to discern, however indistinctly, our own place in it.

The verse goes on to lend greater texture and depth to the metaphor by striking a breathtaking simile, telling us that God’s light is mediated and diffused in the world in a way analogous to how light is diffused in the rooms of our own earthly dwellings: from a special corner or niche (mishkāt) in which hangs a multifaceted crystalline lamp (miṣbāḥ).

When I reflect on the deep sorrow and bewilderment many of us are experiencing at the loss of Hocaefendi, I cannot help but liken it to the extinction of a treasured lamp shining in the rooms of each of our lives.

I cannot help likening our collective experience of the passing of our beloved Hocaefendi to what the Gospel tradition tells us the disciples of Jesus, peace be upon him, felt when they thought death had ripped the Christ away from them forever, or to what the Sira portrays as the grief, anxiety, and even panic of the early Umma when it seemed as if that Lamp of lamps, may God bless him and grant him peace, had finally gone on a journey from which he would never return—a panic so profound that, as tradition reports, some of his closest Companions temporarily refused to believe the news of the Prophet’s passing.

And just as that grief and sense of panic threatens to overtake me, now that Hocaefendi has embarked on that same journey back to his Creator, I am reminded of the lesson of hope and resilience each of us is called to draw from the passing of all the Prophets and Messengers of God, peace be upon them, and indeed from the passing of all the friends of God, women and men such as Hocaefendi, whose example helps illumine the paths of our own life journeys.

The lesson is that, although the lamp may no longer be there for us to see, its light remains.

This light with which we have been blessed through Hocaefendi cannot help but remain. It remains because it is essentially the eternal light of the One to whom each of us belongs and to whom each of us is returning from the day we are conceived in our mother’s womb until we take our last breath.

Even though the lamp of our beloved teacher and brother is gone, the light that shone through him endures.

It endures in the hearts of each of us who received it while he was alive.

So let us take comfort in this and at the same time let us also tremble under the yoke of responsibility that has now been placed upon us.

If our desire is to honor the memory and precious legacy of Hocaefendi, let us do what I know he would want us to do.

Let us recognize and affirm that, although the lamp of his earthly life is no longer, the light of God endures.

And let us, at the same time, quake in humble and hopeful anticipation now that the responsibility lies with each of us to be lamps in the rooms of our fellow human beings.

Let us accept the blessed taklīf (obligation) to be these lamps of service to God Almighty by tirelessly serving humanity in ways that all people, especially the poor and oppressed, may experience God’s healing, life-giving, and liberating light in the obscurity and gloom of the endless rials and tribulations of this dunyā (world).

May God be pleased with you all – Allah razī olsun.

In faith, hope, and love.

“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.” – Desmond Tutu

In the sometimes-stormy landscape of life, hope, a tremendous and transforming force within the human psyche, rises as a beacon of light. Take Malala Yousafzai, the youngest Nobel Prize laureate for example. She has become a global symbol of hope and resilience. Despite being shot for advocating for girls’ education, she continued her fight for education rights. Malala once said, “When the whole world is silent, even one voice becomes powerful” [1]. Her unwavering hope and courage inspire millions worldwide, showing that hope can prevail even in the face of extreme adversity.

The essence of hope plays a vital role in the journey of healing, offering individuals a clear path toward recovery by reshaping their thinking and bolstering their emotional strength. Research shows that hope acts as a catalyst for restructuring our cognitive processes, breaking the cycle of negative thoughts [2]. Cultivating a hopeful mindset leads to more positive and adaptive thinking patterns [3]. This shift in cognition enables individuals to view obstacles differently, identify solutions, and envision a future brimming with opportunities, thereby easing the cognitive burdens of despair.

The power of hope rests in its potential to drive people to make positive behavioral adjustments. We are more inclined to engage in goal-directed acts when we have hope, looking for opportunities for personal progress and positive transformation [4]. This desire becomes a driving force in the treatment of hopelessness, pushing people to actively participate in therapeutic procedures and understand well-being-promoting lifestyles.

During times of emotional upheaval, hope functions as a stabilizing force. Individuals who retain a positive attitude display increased emotional resilience, allowing them to handle the emotional disruptions with better adaptability [5]. Hope provides individuals with the emotional fortitude they need to weather setbacks, cope with stress, and recover from adversity, promoting a more robust emotional well-being. It promotes the development and application of coping skills, which are critical in navigating life’s challenges. Individuals who receive social support, practice mindfulness techniques, or engage in creative outlets are more likely to use adaptive coping mechanisms. These mechanisms become essential tools, assisting individuals in effectively navigating the complexities of personal struggles.

One of the most significant advantages of hope is its ability to reduce emotions of powerlessness that frequently accompany sadness and despair [6]. A hopeful mindset empowers people by creating faith in their ability to affect positive change. This sense of power and agency counteracts the paralyzing effects of hopelessness. In fact, the development of hope in psychology entails a variety of treatment strategies aimed at promoting an optimistic outlook and belief in the possibility of positive transformation [7]. Snyder’s Hope Theory [8] for example, focuses on hope as a cognitive process that incorporates goal-setting. According to this notion, hope is not just a passive feeling, but an active, dynamic mindset that influences how people approach goals and overcome difficulties. This theory emphasizes pathway thinking (defined as planning to reach goals) and agency thinking (a desire to pursue goals) as fundamental components of hope. Goal-setting is a common therapeutic strategy in which individuals collaborate with therapists to establish realistic and attainable objectives. Breaking down larger goals into smaller, more achievable tasks fosters a sense of success and progress, which reinforces hope.

Another strategy involves positive visualization [9], encouraging people to envision a future where their aspirations are realized. This mental rehearsal can enhance motivation and foster a more positive outlook. Additionally, cognitive-behavioral therapies challenge and reframe negative thought patterns, helping individuals to identify and replace skewed thinking with more balanced and hopeful perspectives [10]. Theology emphasizing hope often aligns with humanistic and existential ideologies that highlight an individual’s potential for growth and self-determination. According to this concept, individuals can surmount challenges and lead meaningful lives. This therapeutic approach empowers individuals to actively shape their futures, fostering a sense of agency and purpose.

Snyder’s Hope Theory has been used as a paradigm for understanding and encouraging hope as a vital resource for personal development and well-being in a variety of sectors, including clinical psychology, education, and coaching [11]. In both Sufi tradition and Snyder’s Hope Theory, there is a shared emphasis on a forward-looking, hopeful perspective toward the future. The Sufi concept of “raja,” [12] aligns with certain aspects of Snyder’s ideas. “Raja” translates to “hope” or “aspiration” in Sufism, embodying the belief in maintaining hope and trust in the Divine amidst adversity. This Sufi perspective pursues closeness to the Divine and enduring challenges with patience and faith in Divine mercy. Yet, the concept of “raja” entails more than just optimism; it entails a profound purpose and significance derived from spiritual beliefs.

For a Sufi, Raja signifies patiently awaiting the fulfillment of heartfelt desires, embracing the acceptance of good deeds, and seeking forgiveness for sins. This hope and expectation stem from the belief that individuals bear sole responsibility for their mistakes and sins, while acknowledging that all goodness originates from God’s mercy. To avoid being ensnared by vices and arrogance regarding their virtues, Sufi initiates strive to draw closer to God through continuous acts of seeking forgiveness, prayer, avoidance of wrongdoing, and performing virtuous deeds.

Raja, hope or expectation differs significantly from a mere wish. While a wish is a desire that may or may not come true, hope or expectation represents an active pursuit by the initiate through lawful means toward their desired goal. The believer strives with a profound insight and awareness, seeking to open all pathways to Divine grace and assistance. Hope entails a steadfast belief that, akin to God’s attributes of knowledge, will, and power, His mercy encompasses all creation, with the anticipation of being embraced in His special mercy [13]. We must not reject this mercy!

The Impact of Hope on the Brain and Heart

Hope has significant scientific impacts on both our hearts and brains, influencing our physical health and mental well-being in profound ways. In the brain, hopeful thinking can stimulate neuroplasticity, allowing individuals to adapt better to new situations and recover from brain injuries more effectively. Hope and positive expectations are also associated with the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter linked to pleasure, motivation, and reward, which enhances mood, motivation, and cognitive function. Additionally, hope can mitigate the effects of stress by reducing cortisol production, the stress hormone, leading to decreased anxiety, improved memory, and better overall mental health. Hopeful individuals tend to have better problem-solving skills and are more creative in finding solutions to challenges, as hope fosters a positive mindset that encourages persistence and resilience [14].

In terms of cardiovascular health, hope and optimism are linked to better outcomes. Hopeful individuals have a lower risk of heart disease, lower blood pressure, and better heart rate variability, which is a marker of heart health. A hopeful outlook can reduce the risk of heart attacks and strokes by lowering the strain on the cardiovascular system due to its stress-reducing effects. Patients with a hopeful attitude often recover better and more quickly from cardiac events like heart attacks or surgeries, as hope improves adherence to medical advice and lifestyle changes, enhancing recovery rates [15].

Overall, hope contributes to enhanced immune function, making individuals more resistant to infections and illnesses by alleviating chronic stress, which can weaken immune function. Research indicates that hopeful and optimistic individuals tend to live longer, as hope fosters healthier lifestyles, better stress management, and stronger social connections, all factors associated with increased lifespan. Additionally, hope is a protective factor against mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety, fostering resilience and helping individuals cope better with adversity. By fostering hope, individuals can experience a range of benefits that contribute to a healthier, longer, and more fulfilling life.

From Theory to Application

Incorporating Snyder’s Hope Theory into daily life involves actively cultivating hope through goal setting, pathways thinking, and agency thinking. Start by defining specific, meaningful goals that motivate and inspire you, breaking them down into smaller, manageable steps to make them more achievable. Develop pathways thinking by identifying multiple routes to reach your goals, planning ahead for potential obstacles, and brainstorming solutions. Foster agency thinking by believing in your abilities, reflecting on past successes, and using positive self-talk and visualization to maintain enthusiasm and determination. Cultivate a hopeful mindset through regular positive visualization and focusing on positive outcomes, maintaining a solution-oriented approach when facing challenges.

Engage in daily reflection by journaling your progress, celebrating successes, and reflecting on challenges to reinforce pathways and agency thinking. Seek social support by building a network of supportive and positive individuals who encourage your goals and provide valuable feedback and encouragement. Practice self-care by maintaining a balance between working towards your goals and taking care of your physical and emotional well-being, using mindfulness and relaxation techniques to manage stress. Lastly, embrace change and be flexible, adjusting your goals and pathways as needed to adapt to new circumstances and maintain hope even when things don’t go as planned.

Integrating the concept of “raja” into this process adds a spiritual dimension that deepens resilience and optimism. Raja involves placing trust in Divine benevolence, encouraging a sense of hope and patience even during difficult times. This trust can bolster pathways thinking by fostering a belief in multiple ways to achieve spiritual and personal goals, supported by Divine guidance. Similarly, it enhances agency thinking by reinforcing the conviction that personal efforts are complemented by Divine support. Practices such as prayer, meditation, and acts of charity, which are central to raja, can be incorporated into daily routines to strengthen spiritual connection and emotional resilience. By combining the practical strategies of Hope Theory with the spiritual essence of raja, individuals can navigate life’s challenges with a fortified sense of purpose, optimism, and inner peace.

In recognizing the profound scientific impacts of hope on our hearts and brains, we must also acknowledge the essential role of the Divine in this equation. The power of hope is not merely a psychological construct but is deeply intertwined with spiritual beliefs and trust in a Higher Power. The sense of Divine support and guidance offers an unparalleled source of strength and comfort, particularly in times of adversity. This divine connection can amplify the benefits of hope, providing a foundation of faith that bolsters our mental and physical resilience. As we navigate life’s challenges, integrating a sense of divine hope can enhance our ability to maintain a positive outlook, foster perseverance, and ultimately lead to a healthier, more fulfilling life. In essence, we cannot overlook the transformative power of believing in a benevolent force that aids us in our journey, making hope not just a human trait but a spiritual anchor.

I foresee a future where healing is holistic, honoring the subtle interplay between the mind, heart, and soul by embracing both psychological and spiritual elements. As we aim for total well-being, this integration offers a more profound sense of hope—one that transcends cultural, religious, and psychological borders, fostering a harmonious approach to mending hopelessness and despair in our diverse and linked world. Hope emerges as a transformational force in the fabric of mental well-being, with numerous benefits for persons suffering from anxiety and depression. The power of hope transcends traditional boundaries, from changing cognitive processes to encouraging emotional resilience and influencing beneficial behavioral changes. Recognizing and developing hope becomes not simply a tactic, but an obligation, providing individuals with a powerful antidote to the difficulties that frequently accompany our life journey.

“Fear and hope are two of the greatest gifts of God that He may implant in a believer’s heart. If there is a gift greater than these, it is that one should preserve the balance between fear and hope and then use them as two wings of light with which to reach God.” – Fethullah Gulen

References

• “Malala’s Story.” Malala Fund. Accessed June 13, 2024. https://malala.org/malalas-story/.
• Snyder, C. R. The psychology of hope: You can get there from here. New York: Free Press, 2003.
• Gulen, Fethullah. Key concepts in the practice of Sufism: Emerald Hills of the heart. Translated by Ali Unal. Tughra Books, 1998.
• Rand, Kevin L., and Kaitlin K. Touza. “Hope Theory.” The Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology, 3rd Edition, March 7, 2018. https://doi.org/10.1093/oxfordhb/9780199396511.013.25.
• Rand, Kevin L., and Jennifer S. Cheavens. “Hope Theory.” The Oxford Handbook of Positive Psychology, July 30, 2009, 322–34. https://doi.org/10.1093/oxfordhb/9780195187243.013.0030.
• Snyder, C.R., Kevin L. Rand, and David R. Sigmon. “Hope Theory.” Oxford Handbooks Online, November 6, 2017. https://doi.org/10.1093/oxfordhb/9780199399314.013.3.
• Snyder, C.R., and David B. Feldman. “Hope for the Many.” Handbook of Hope, 2000, 389–412. https://doi.org/10.1016/b978-012654050-5/50023-3.
• Snyder, C. R. The psychology of hope: You can get there from here. New York: Free Press, 2003.
• “The Shape of Good Hope: Cultivating Reasonable Aspirations.” Social Happiness, January 18, 2012, 135–48. https://doi.org/10.46692/9781847429216.011.
• Colla, Rachel, Paige Williams, Lindsay G. Oades, and Jesus Camacho-Morles. “‘A New Hope’ for Positive Psychology: A Dynamic Systems Reconceptualization of Hope Theory.” Frontiers, January 17, 2022. https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.809053/full.
• “Snyder’s Hope Theory Cultivating Aspiration in Your Life.” MindTools. Accessed June 13, 2024. https://www.mindtools.com/aov3izj/snyders-hope-theory.
• Gulen, Fethullah. Key concepts in the practice of Sufism: Emerald Hills of the heart. Translated by Ali Unal. Tughra Books, 1998.
• Gulen, M. Fethullah. Fountain Magazine. Issue 67 / January – February 2009
• “Scientists Find out How Hope Protects the Brain.” Big Think, April 19, 2022. https://bigthink.com/neuropsych/scientists-find-out-how-hope-protects-the-brain/.
• Aase Schaufel, Margrethe, Jan Erik Nordrehaug, and Kirsti Malterud. “Hope in Action—Facing Cardiac Death: A Qualitative Study of Patients with Life-Threatening Disease.” International Journal of Qualitative Studies on Health and Well-being 6, no. 1 (January 2011): 5917. https://doi.org/10.3402/qhw.v6i1.5917.

With so many expectations and obligations in our lives, it is a surprise we are not all insane. Dr. Brené Brown of the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work program is a shame resilience researcher, learning how people deal with issues like those above that can trigger feelings of shame, negatively impacting our relationships and ability to function. She has published three books covering the topic of shame and shame resilience. Dr. Brown has been gaining attention in recent years as she has appeared on CNN, NPR, PBS, and the internet video site TED. The topic may seem unusual, but the research has far-reaching implications, widely applicable beyond the social work field. Everyone experiences shame, and overcoming shame is necessary to function, instead of being held back and isolated by shame. Responding in a constructive, shame-minimizing way by working through shame issues is what Dr. Brown calls living in a more “whole-hearted” and “authentic” way.

Researching people

Social sciences have different methods of researching, and Dr. Brown used the grounded theory, a method which allows qualitative data, and inductive and deductive reasoning to gather data without having a hypothesis to start with. Using the grounded theory method, consensus from individual interviews was taken based on the language and terms they used to describe their experiences, “and maybe stories are just data with a soul,” posits Dr. Brown in her TED talk. Dr. Brown decided she wanted to study shame, and so she did so without any of her own theories to start. She just had the questions: What is shame and how does it work? According to Robert Hilliker, a licensed counselor, former student, and collaborator of Dr. Brown’s, she has gathered over 11,000 interviews with people, investigating their shame experiences and where applicable, their shame resilience.

Owning our own story can be hard, but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it.

Dr. Brown found that some of the people she interviewed showed impressive resilience to shaming experiences. She focused in on these people and studied what made them resilient to the effects of shame. The people were dubbed, “the whole-hearted.”

How shame works

The positive side of shame research is that there are tools to combat the feeling and the experience of shame, and to make our everyday lives less like shame minefields and more like a day at the office, picking up the kids, going to the grocery store, and making friends along the way. Simple exchanges with fellow parents or children, with bosses or teachers, spouses, friends, and acquaintances can easily turn into huge triggers for shameful feelings. When a weak spot is hit, a mistake is made, an accident happens, or someone runs late, short exchanges can become terse and tense, full of hidden meaning and innuendo, implied or imagined incompetence and inadequacy.

Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky, but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy–the experiences that make us most vulnerable Whether a situation goes smoothly or blows up in someone’s face has a lot to do with his or her shame triggers, something everyone has. Detailed in I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power, social and family situations can become nightmares when our lives are ruled by shame. For people that cannot deal with their shame (everyone to some extent, according to Dr. Brown) the options are limited: numbing the feelings of shame and fear through addictions, attempting to become “invulnerable” through perfectionism, making the uncertain certain by becoming dogmatic, and pretending that our actions do not hurt others. But these negative actions do harm others, and they break down our connections to others.

How whole-heartedness works

Even more exciting than learning that shame is universal and awful was that there are strengths that can be cultivated to overcome shame. The title of Dr. Brown’s second book says it all: The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. The main components of whole-hearted living were courage, compassion, and connection. Being authentic requires accepting ourselves for who we are and living that truthfully. “Owning our own story can be hard but not nearly as difficult spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy–the experiences that make us most vulnerable,” says Dr. Brown in her book.

There are so many ways to apply such a broadly useful set of concepts, especially for a person of faith. The “guideposts” in The Gifts of Imperfection evoke many concepts from holy books. “Cultivating Authenticity: Letting Go of What People Think” calls to mind the story of Prophet Noah, who everyone thought was crazy as he built an ark. The chapter on cultivating gratitude and joy clearly connects to faith. Dr. Brown’s perspective on gratitude is especially relevant to modern life: “For me and for many of us, our first waking thought of the day is ‘I didn’t get enough sleep.’ … Whether true or not, that thought of not enough occurs to us automatically before we even think to question or examine it …”

As I read this passage, it makes total sense to me why we’re a nation hungry for more joy: Because we’re starving from a lack of gratitude.

Opportunities for growth

Dr. Brown and counselor-protégé Robert Hilliker have developed a curriculum called Connections which covers many of the concepts from her books and research. They are also developing a certification program for counseling professionals such as social workers and clergy who would like training.

“Spiritual leadership has a responsibility to make faith communities safe and supportive … We actually train spiritual leaders in the curriculum,” says Hilliker. “[Shame resilience] would be a wonderful thing for faith book clubs to sort of rally around … Her work has really reached a tipping point where people are talking about shame, this very pervasive feeling that everybody has and few people deal with well,” he says. Such a common feeling that can be very debilitating may not be the most cheerful topic of conversation, but learning to deal with shame may be one of the most liberating acts in a person’s life. To learn more, please visit: http://www.connectionscertification.com/.

Dr. Brené Brown, from her website.

Defining Some Broad Terms

Shame is simply defined as the fear of disconnection, that a person will be rejected when he or she becomes vulnerable.

Courage from the Latin cor, originally (and by Brené Brown) meant to speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.

Compassion, defined as deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it, starts with self-compassion according to the shame-resilience research.

Connection is defined as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.

Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty.