Imagine you are walking through a city park and spot a bag that appears to contain valuable items, with no one else around. You realize the bag belongs to someone who will likely return soon to retrieve it. Should you take it yourself? After all, you could use some extra financial help given your recent economic hardships! No one is there to see you. If no one will ever know, what is the problem with taking it? It might be a small loss to the owner, but it would be a significant gain for you! Why not?

Imagine you have a friend who is a bit shy and struggles to express himself in social situations. And say that he is known to be picked on by his peers, or being bullied. You have every opportunity to tease him and get a laugh at his expense. But he isn’t responding well to your jokes. Who cares? You just want to have fun, and he’ll be fine—won’t he?

Imagine you’ve just finished a refreshing drink and are left holding the empty plastic bottle. You’re out in nature, and no one is around to see if you toss the bottle into the woods. You know it’s bad for the environment, and you can already see other people’s litter scattered nearby—but who cares? What’s one more bottle on top of the rest? It’s not going to make a big difference, right?

Who knows? Who cares? Maybe no one will ever find out. Maybe no one will ever care. But more than anyone else, besides the All-Knowing One, you know the truth

When you steal something or do something wrong, even if no one is there to call you a thief, you are the one who labels yourself as such. You know it. You know that you have become a petty thief. In the end, you declare who you are to yourself.

When you insult or attack someone, even if you can get away with it, you define your identity as a person who transgresses against others. You declare that you are a transgressor. Even if others do not know or care, you know the truth. With every challenging decision we make, we declare who we are. We say “This is who I am.” And all these decisions ultimately shape our identity [1].

How we identify ourselves shapes our mindset and influences every aspect of our lives.

If you see yourself as a petty, opportunistic thief, you’ll assume that everyone else is a thief in one way or another. If you are involved in fraudulent activities, you’ll suspect others are fraudsters just like you—or, if they aren’t, you might consider them naïve or weak. If you see life as a constant struggle to survive, you’ll believe that every human, animal, and plant is locked in battle. The whole universe becomes a war zone, and people live in fear. On the contrary, if you are a peaceful person who respects others, you’ll notice beauty in people and in the world around you. You’ll think about the harmony and peace in others. As the saying goes, “A person who sees the good in things has good thoughts. And he who has good thoughts receives pleasure from life” [2].

The one who truly suffers from a wrongful act is not the person who is harmed, but the person who commits the act. Those who are wronged often recover, move on, or learn and grow from their experiences. But the one who inflicts harm is shaping a destiny that may be hard to change for the rest of their life. As people continue to respond to events in the same way, their reactions become hardwired; a part of their very biology. With every action we take, we determine our identities. Similarly, the true beneficiary of a good act is the person who performs it. Surprisingly, helping others is not that easy as it sounds. The odds of being in the right place at the right time, with the right resources to help, are slim at best. Simply handing out free money may look like kindness, but it can sometimes cause more harm than good in the long run—for instance, studies have shown that lottery winners often end up worse off than before. That’s why, when we find ourselves with a genuine opportunity to help someone, we should see it as a rare chance to make a difference in someone’s life—a gift to be cherished. By doing good, we shape our own identity.

We observe the outer world through the mirrors within us. From this, we can build a recipe for happiness: if we want to enjoy our lives, we must start by reshaping our own identity. If we want real change, it begins by changing who we believe ourselves to be.

Identity change

Changing our identity is one of the most difficult things we can do in life. Human beings have a curious resistance to any kind of change. We get used to certain routines and stick with them—this is true for our personalities, careers, where we live, and more. Once we settle into a habit, not only does it stay with us, but we’re also reluctant to let it go. As Tony Robbins says, “The strongest force in human personality is the need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves.”

So, what do we do when we want to change? People often want to build good habits and get rid of bad ones. We all know how difficult it is to start doing something regularly. Even when we’re fully aware of the benefits, knowing alone isn’t enough to create change. I know that I should exercise more, eat less, read more, and so on, but turning these actions into habits is the challenging part.

A much easier way to build new habits is through the identity-based behavior change [3]. Instead of focusing on tactics alone, it’s more effective to associate your identity with the kind of person who naturally displays those habits. his method begins by deciding who you want to be. Then, ask yourself what that person would do in a given situation, and start acting accordingly.

Next, give yourself permission to achieve small wins in the direction of your new identity. Trying to change your behavior without first changing how you see yourself is unlikely to succeed. If you want to act honestly, you need to become an honest person. If you want to achieve certain business outcomes, you have to become someone who accomplishes those goals—an entrepreneur. The more clearly you envision yourself as that person, the more likely you are to act in alignment. Prove to yourself who you are by taking the necessary steps.

A similar approach to behavior change can also be found in faith traditions which encourage people to do good deeds by connecting actions to their identities. For example, in the Qur’an 3:76, it is stated: “Absolutely! Those who honor their trusts and shun evil, surely God loves those who are mindful of Him.” In this verse, the person who is loved by God is depicted through their actions. The reader is encouraged to adopt the identity of such a person. If you want to be loved by God, you must become someone who honors trusts, avoids evil, and remains mindful of Him. By embracing this identity, you place yourself among those who are loved by Him. If we want to change our lives, we have to start changing who we are. Our identity and personality are what shape our personal reality [4]. We cannot change until we transform how we think, how we respond, how we act, and how we feel.

Nothing changes in our lives until we change ourselves.

I do not exploit other people’s weaknesses. I care for the environment. I serve tea to my significant other. I do not thrive at the expense of others. I respect differences of opinion. I strive to do my work well. I believe in human dignity and freedom. Why?

Because this is who I am.

References

¹ How to make hard choices, TED Talks, Ruth Chang.

² Seeds of reality, 50th seed. Bediuzzaman Said Nursi.

³ Atomic Habits, James Clear.

⁴ Joe Dispenza.

This world and its pleasures are a heavy burden. No one (except the corrupt in spirit) is contented with it. Rather than suffering from dependence on almost the whole universe, being needy of all means and causes, and appealing to contending deaf, dumb, and blind masters, people should seek refuge in a single, All-Hearing, and All-Seeing Master. If they place their trust in Him, He is enough for them.

Fourth truth

Know, O ego, that the scientific inventions woven around your head, the lines of conscious artistry connected to you, and the things put in your hands stretched out in neediness all demonstrate that your Creator, Maker, and Helper hears your sighs of destitution and your cries for help. Having mercy on you, He gratifies all your needs. Seeing that the Creator and Maker answers your tiniest cells’ calls for help, why should He ”the All-Hearing, All-Seeing” not answer your call for help?¹

Know, O spacious cell called ego or selfhood and built up of lesser cells. Say: O God! O Lord! O my Creator! O my Fashioner! O my Owner! O my Master! O my Guardian! Yours is the dominion (of all things) and to You is all praise! I am a guest in this body, Your property that You have entrusted to me.

O selfhood! Why do you claim to own that which you will never own? Give up this false claim that throws you into acute pain. Consider the emotions of pity and affection, which are among the spirit’s exhilarating embellishments: If they were left to your pretended ownership, they would harm and torment the spirit.

For example, the misfortune and calamities striking you or others would cause you to remain in continual pain and go so far as to blame Destiny for them. However, when you see a soldier who has lost his horse or whose residence has been burnt down by mistake working directly under a king, you do not feel much pity for the soldier. If you consider that both the horse and residence belong to the king, you will see that their disappearance does not cause a significant decrease in his property. Nor does the soldier worry about it”indeed, inasmuch as he is poor, it is highly probable that out of pity the king will compensate his losses with something better. In the same way, God is the All-Compassionate and always treats His servants with utmost compassion.² Therefore, compassion for creatures as creatures of God exhilarates the spirit. By contrast, pity arising from supposing that everything owns itself continually suffocates and distresses the spirit.

One with a sound viewpoint based on belief in Divine Unity sees every living being’s body as resembling a hired captain on a king’s ship being controlled by that king, who controls his property as he wills. This viewpoint does not allow one to see an ant or a honeybee as contending with attacking causes. Rather, according to it, the ant controls an earthly vehicle while the other controls an aircraft, the reins of which are in the hands of the Power of an All-Powerful One. Causes do not have much weight in the sight of either animal, which depend on the True Owner (of all things).

By saying: Surely we are God’s and surely we are returning to Him (2:156), when struck by misfortune, one means: All property is God’s and I am under His command, journeying to Him. My relation with my body, which is His property, is like that of a soldier holding something belonging to the king. When robbers attack him, he states: I am responsible for guarding this property entrusted to me. However, I am unable to guard it now. Like this property, I also belong to the king and am going to him. When those with such a viewpoint see a fellow struck with misfortune or suffer personal misfortune, they are relieved of continual distress. Otherwise, they are constantly weighed down with pain and distress.

Footnotes

1. For example, a person equipped with the limited powers of sight, hearing, and learning may conclude that the Creator must be All-Seeing, All-Hearing, and All-Knowing. One’s poverty, helplessness, and mortality may lead one to discover that the Creator is Absolutely Wealthy, Powerful, and Permanent. (Tr.)
2. The best analogy applicable to certain aspects of the relation with God and the creation is that between a monarch and his subjects. Since many immaterial truths, especially those pertaining to the Divine Being, are abstract and difficult to understand, Divine Scriptures usually use parables, metaphors, similes, and analogies. For example, God is sometimes introduced like a monarch or king, having a throne and armies. Another reason why Said Nursi used such analogies may be that he wrote this book in the 1910s, when there was still a sultanate in Anatolia. (Tr.)

Adapted from Bediuzzaman’s Epitomes of Light (Mathnawi al-Nuriya)

With respect to action and bodily endeavors, we are no more than weak animals or helpless creatures. The realm at our disposal is so limited that our fingers can touch its circumference. Our weakness, impotence, and indolence are so great that even domesticated animals are influenced by them. If any domesticated animal is compared with its undomesticated counterpart, great differences will be observed.

But as passive, recipient beings who need to pray and petition, we are worthy travelers allowed to stay for a while in the guesthouse of this world. We are guests of a Generous One Who has put the treasuries of His infinite Compassion at our disposal, and subjugated to us His peerless works of creative power and His special servants. Also, He has prepared for our use and pleasure such a vast arena of things that its radius is as far as sight or even imagination can reach.

If we rely on our physical and innate abilities, taking the worldly life as our goal and concentrating on its pleasures, we will suffocate within a very narrow circle. Furthermore, our bodily parts, senses, and faculties will bring suit and witness against us in the Hereafter. But if we know that we are guests and so spend our lives within the limits approved by our Generous Host, we will lead a happy and peaceful lives and reach the highest rank. We will be rewarded with an everlasting life of bliss in the Hereafter, and all of our bodily members and faculties will testify in our favor.

Our wonderful faculties have not been given to us so that we can use them in this trivial worldly life; rather, they have been given for our eternal life. We have many more faculties and senses than animals do, but the pleasure we derive from our physical lives is much less than what an animal derives. Every worldly pleasure bears traces of pain, is spoiled with past sorrows and fears of the future, and the pleasure’s ultimate disappearance. Animals, on the other hand, experience pleasure without pain, enjoyment without anxiety, and have no past sorrows or anxiety about the future. They enjoy comfortable lives and praise their Creator.

We have been created in the best pattern. If we concentrate on this worldly life, we are far lower than a sparrow, although we have far more developed faculties than any animal. In another treatise, I explained this fact in the form of a parable, as follows:

A man gives his servant 10 gold coins and tells him to have a suit made for himself out of a certain cloth. He gives another servant 1,000 gold coins and sends him to the market with a shopping list. The former buys an excellent suit of the finest cloth. The latter acts foolishly. He neither notices how much money he was given nor does he read the shopping list. Thinking that he should imitate his friend, he goes to a shop and asks for a suit. The dishonest shopkeeper gives him a suit of the very worst-quality cloth. The unfortunate servant returns to his master and receives a severe reprimand and a terrible punishment. Anyone can see that the 1,000 gold coins were not given for a suit, but for a very important transaction.

In the same way, our spiritual faculties, feelings, and senses are much more developed than those of animals. For example, we can see all degrees of beauty, taste all varieties of a food item’s particular tastes, penetrate the many details of visible realities, yearn for all ranks of perfection, and so on. Animals, on the other hand, with the exception of a particular faculty that reaches a high state of development according to its particular duty, can realize only a very slight development, if any.

Our senses and feelings, which have developed a great deal owing to our mind and intellect, require that we have many faculties. Our many needs have caused us to evolve different types of feelings, and to become very sensitive to many things. Also, due to our comprehensive nature, we have been given desires turned to several aims and objectives. Our senses and faculties have greatly expanded because of the diversity of our essential duties. Furthermore, since we are inclined and able to worship, we have the potential to realize all kinds of perfection.

Obviously, such rich faculties and abundant potentialities cannot have been given to us for an insignificant, temporary, worldly life. They were given to us because our essential duty is to perceive our obligations, which are directed to endless aims; to affirm our impotence, poverty, and insufficiency via worship; to study by our far-reaching sight and penetrating understanding; to bear witness to creation’s glorification of God; to discern and be grateful for the All-Merciful One’s aid sent in the form of bounties; and to gaze, reflect upon, and draw warning from the miracles of His Power as manifested in creation.

O world-worshipping one charmed by the worldly life and ignorant of the meaning of your nature as the best pattern of creation! Once I saw the true nature of this worldly life in a dream, as follows:

I was on a long journey. My God had caused me to set out on this journey. He gradually gave me some of the 60 gold coins he had allotted to me. This went on for some time. After a while, I arrived at an inn that provided some entertainment. I gambled away 10 gold coins in one night of entertainment and frivolity. When it was morning, I had no money for the provisions I would need at my destination. All I had left was pain, sorrow, and regret left by sin and illicit pleasure.

While in this wretched state, a man said to me: “You have lost everything, and so deserve to be punished. Moreover, you will go on to your destination with no money. But if you use your mind, the door of repentance is open. When you receive the rest of the money, keep half in reserve and use it to buy what you will need at your destination.”

My selfhood did not agree, so the man said: “Save a third of it then.” Still, my selfhood balked. The man insisted: “Then a quarter.” I realized that my selfhood would be unable to abandon its addictions, so the man turned away in some indignation and disappeared.

At just this moment, I found myself on a train traveling at a high speed through a tunnel. I was alarmed, but there was no escape. To my surprise, I saw very attractive flowers and tasty-looking fruits alongside the track, hanging out from the sides of the tunnel. I foolishly attempted to pick some of them. But all around them were thorns that, because of the train’s speed, tore at my hands and made them bleed. What I tried to hold on to them, they slipped from my grasp.

Suddenly an attendant came beside me and said: “Give me 5 cents, and in return I’ll give you as many flowers and fruits as you want. Otherwise, with your hands all cut up, you will lose a 100 instead of 5. Besides, there is a punishment for picking them without permission.”

Depressed by this condition, I looked out the window to see when the tunnel would end. But there was no end in sight. The tunnel’s walls had many openings into which passengers were being thrown. Suddenly I caught sight of an opening just opposite me with a gravestone on either side. When I peered out, I made out my name, Said, written in capital letters on the gravestones. I gave a cry of bewilderment and repentance.

Unexpectedly, I heard the voice of the man who had advised me at the inn, asking : “Have you come to your senses?” I replied: “Yes, but I am in despair and there is nothing I can do.” He told me to repent, and trust in God, to which I replied that I would. Then I woke up and I found myself transformed into the New Said; the Old Said had gone away.

I will now interpret some aspects of this dream: The journey is your life, a journey from the incorporeal world of eternity, passing through the stages of mother’s womb, youth, old age, the grave, the intermediate world, Resurrection, and the Bridge. The 60 gold coins are the 60 years of an average lifetime.

I was 45 when I had this dream. Only God knows when I will die. A sincere student of the Qur’an showed me the true path so that I might spend half of the remaining 15 years for the Hereafter. The inn, as I came to understand, was Istanbul. The train represents time, and each railroad car is a year. The tunnel is the worldly life. The thorny flowers and fruits are illicit pleasures and forbidden amusements that make the heart bleed with the idea of separation at the very moment you reach for them. The disappearance of pleasure increases sorrow, and besides, being unlawful, cause one to suffer punishment.

The attendant on the train had said:

“Give me 5 cents, and in return, I will give you as many flowers and fruits as you wish.” This means that the permissible tastes and pleasures, obtained in lawful ways, are enough for ones satisfaction. There is no need to pursue illicit ways.

You can interpret the remaining details for yourself.

Adopted from Bediuzzaman’s Twenty-third Word, Second Chapter