Man and the universe was created because of love and it can only be understood through love…

Love is a part of every being and a power which can resist and overcome every force…

Love is what elevates the souls which absorb it and prepares it for the journey to eternity…

of the dramatically fuelled experiences and emotions that Shakespeare had portrayed to his readers, of two youths trying to embrace their love for each other. A love that was never fulfilled, nonetheless, the story has touched so many that it is always made reference to when two individuals hold deep admiration for each other. Similar stories can be seen in many other cultures. It is said that Majnun’s love for Layla had moved mountains. Like Romeo, he too was never able to unite with his beloved. However, Romeo ended his life because he could not bear separation, whereas Majnun was fortunate in realising the “Source” of his love.

I guess it’s not the ending but the journey that one experiences with love that makes it worthwhile. There is an adage which states that “it is better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all.” But is it really worth enduring all the challenges, despair and turmoil if at the end there is no union but only separation? Even if we don’t experience all the heartache and pain that the romantic pairs above had endured, is it not painful enough knowing that there will, one day, be an end to the union? Separated from the one for whom you have sacrificed so much for to be with, the one whom you have shared so much with. Separated from your hopes, your dreams, and the one that is your “true” love. Can a love that is finite be regarded as true?

I am finite, but I do not desire that which is finite
I am deficient, but I do not desire that which is insufficient
What I desire is an infinite Love…
(Bediuzzaman Said Nursi. The Words, 17th Word – Second Station)

For love to be regarded as true, we need to identify, acknowledge and accept the “Source” of love and direct that love back to this “Source.” For that Source is eternal, and just as important—and so is the unification. Love from the Source is planted like a seed into the heart of every human. Waiting to be watered with the drops of belief, it yearns to blossom into a flower manifesting itself through our actions and perceptions. For once the Source is known, we acknowledge that the love bestowed on us is an eternal reflection of His love for all.

I have fallen in love with all of creation, because of my love for the Creator.
(Yunus Emre)

When we have found our True Love, then no more pain or suffering is felt other than a deep desire to unite with the Source. Then the journey we experience and the affection we feel towards our loved ones (be it our partner, child, sibling, friend, etc.) becomes worthwhile and meaningful because we know that every separation is only temporary. We still feel the sorrow of separation; however, it draws us nearer to the True Source of love, which has been given to us as a blessing. The famous quote by Romeo, “Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow,” transcends beyond corporal boundaries. We then come to realize and acknowledge the blessing of love as a Divine gift, thus, patiently seek and ask for reunification from the Source, to the Source.

For why would He have given us the need to want, if He did not want to give?
(Bediuzzaman Said Nursi. The Letters, 24th Letter – Fifth Point)

All lovers of the Source see the manifestations of His attributes throughout the universe and see the beauty in everything. Every petal on a flower, every drop in the ocean, every sparkle in the night sky and every tone of colour in a rainbow is contemplated and read as a letter from the Beloved. Just as the sunlight penetrates our flesh and gives warmth to our bodies, these eternal messages caress our souls and give us comfort. The unconditional love a mother has for her child; the support and console that one’s partner selflessly offers; the companionship of a dear friend or a sibling that is cherished are all Divinely instilled faculties and attributes which He has provisioned us with—and when viewed in this way, we are able to see His insignia throughout all of creation.

Those that see beauty in everything only think of beauty;
Those that only think of beauty taste the true pleasures of life.
(Bediuzzaman Said Nursi. The Letters, Seeds of Reality)

Despair transforms into hope, anguish into content, deceit into truth and honesty. We are all separated with our loved ones at one stage or another, but this is only temporary. This temporary separation awakens the senses to focus their attention on the Source and appreciate where the love originated from. Only the true Source of Love, God Almighty, Who is eternal and has bestowed the universe with dominical attraction, can answer our call for reunion. Just like the merciful drops of rain meeting with our parched lips or scorching sand, we will one day celebrate the joys of reunion.

All the roads have been barricaded; the travellers only see a mirage
Even if the travellers deny their journey, all paths lead to God.
(Anonymous)

When love is comprehended and experienced in this way, we then come to the realization that we (and everything else in the universe) have an association and connection with all of creation. We begin to recognize that this association or connection is gelled together by means of attraction; the attraction of celestial bodies within space, the attraction of rain drops to drought stricken land, the attraction of the genders—from the microcosm to the macrocosm. This perspective allows us to witness and comprehend the Creator’s Dominical Love over all things.

Now and then like the winds I blow
Now and then like the roads I go
Now and then like the floods I flow
Come, see what love has done to me.
(Yunus Emre)

Among all living beings, it is also man who needs the longest period of care and upbringing. Although most modern legal systems have set the age of discretion at 18 years, it may be said that, with rare exceptions, a person does not reach the age of discretion much before 30 years. Almost everyone, even a genius, needs to consult with others before taking important decisions. Besides, everyone is susceptible to making errors and therefore in need of correction. This is because man is a fallible social being compelled to live together with his fellow-men and co-operate with them. The first school where he receives education and learns social manners is his family.

Especially in infancy, man is in dire need of love and affection. For man to grow into a resolute, well-educated, well-mannered and loving, useful member of society, and a strong, sound, healthy individual, the warmth of a family environment is of the greatest importance. In this environment, the mother has a special place. It is the mother who nourishes the infant with her milk. Probably more than her milk, the love, care and affection of the mother for the baby have great significance for the development of sound human personality and character. 

A baby has the deepest need for its mothers direct care and close attention especially in the symbiotic penod. Even in the most professionally-run nurseries the baby cannot find a substitute for the affection, love and interest its mother can show it. Whereas the baby is embraced by a halo of care and love in the family and attracts the direct attention of its mother, in nurseries it has to share the care of a stranger, however professional or efficient a carer he or she may be, with at least ten or fifteen other infants. Whereas it is embraced, caressed, kissed and played with many times in the family, and is in the lap of love, in a public nursery it is abruptly deprived of almost all of these things in an alien environment.

The first twelve months of the relationship between mother and baby is called the symbiotic period during which the baby feels a deep attachment to its mother. Indeed, in the first six months or so, the baby cannot distinguish its mother as a being separate from itself. It begins to do so only after this period. During this first year of life, the love of the mother forms the foundation of the baby’s spiritual personality and develops in it the feeling of self-confidence. The mother’s love is also an important factor in the development of the baby’s intelligence and in enabling the baby to grow as a social being. Long or short term separation of the mother from the baby gives rise to depressive anxiety.

Dr R. Spitz, a modern psychiatrist, defined two syndromes in children who have grown up without sufficient maternal love. One of these syndromes, called anaclitic depression, arises from short-term separation of the baby from its mother after the first six months. This usually occurs when the baby is placed in a public nursery. The baby thus separated from its mother reacts initially with long, loud cries. If one approaches it when it stops crying, it begins to cry again. After this initial reaction it stops crying and an expression of exhaustion and sulkiness appears on its face. Dr. Spitz called this the period of protest: the baby begins to eat less and lose weight and its physical development ceases. Vomiting and diarrhae may accompany these symptoms.

The period of protest, usually two or three weeks, is followed by a period of depression when the baby is sulky and mournful. After two months, these emotional reactions become less frequent. The baby now becomes uninterested in its environment and in those who approach it. In short, it introverts.

The meaning of these phases of response is easily understood. The baby first of all reacts against separation from its mother with long, loud cries to call her back. After that, it grieves. Then, when it is no longer hopeful of reunion with its mother, it suffers depression and becomes introverted.

If the separation does not exceed three months, the baby can recover and restore to its former state. But if the separation continues beyond three months, the baby does not recover fully and develops a long-term separation depression.

This kind of depression arises in infants separated in very early life and brought up in public nurseries or hospitals for long periods. It is characterized by insufficient bodily, spiritual and intellectual development and growing up as a dissociable being.

A baby has the deepest need for its mother’s direct care and close attention especially in the symbiotic period. Even in the most professionally-run nurseries the baby cannot find a substitute for the affection, love and interest its mother can show it. Whereas the baby is embraced by a halo of care and love in the family and attracts the direct attention of its mother, in nurseries it has to share the care of a stranger, however professional or efficient a carer he or she may be, with at least ten or fifteen other infants. Whereas it is embraced, caressed, kissed and played with many times in the family, and is in the lap of love, in a public nursery it is abruptly deprived of almost all of these things in an alien environment.

Children separated from their families in the early years of their lives and left in public nurseries suffer difficulties in adapting to new environments and circumstances in later life, and give late responses to different stimulants. They develop tics and other involuntary movements such as swinging their legs while sitting, leaning against something, hitting the head against a wall, pulling their hair, playing with their ear- lobes, and shaking the head. Such behaviour in an infant left without its mother is in part an attempt to compensate for the loneliness and deprivation it feels. In addition, some sort of mental retardation may be observed in them. Studies have shown that, even in properly and sufficiently nourished children, rates of susceptibility to illness and death are higher. Compared to their equals in age, they are usually less in height and weight. Although thirsty for love, they respond with indifference or suspicion when they are shown love and nearness.

Some of the children deprived in this way grow up destitute of self-confidence; some become timid, reserved and passive, others become aggressive. They display signs of ill-breeding such as petty theft and truancy. Some of them are disposed to criminal behaviour and violence. They may also commit suicide or attempt it. Studies done on criminals and the mentally ill have shown that most of them spent their childhood separated from their families, deprived of love.

Character weakness and personality defects which arise as a result of long-term separation from the mother are, unfortunately, long-lasting. The younger a baby is when placed in a nursery and the longer it remains there, the more undesirable the effects are.

In sum: the love and care a mother shows her baby is so important for the growth, education and character of the child, that nothing can compensate for the lack of it. The symptoms observed in children growing up separated from their families also appear in adopted children. These children cannot adapt easily to the new family and can never have the same feeling towards their adoptive mothers as they have towards their own mothers. The state of children in divorced families or ‘broken homes’ is more pathetic still.