The Hebrew Bible makes general demands that we should treat our parents with respect and reverence. “Honor” is a word used frequently in the Bible to describe how we are to show respect to God. Respect of parents is a primary and sacred obligation. If we fail to respect our parents, we have disobeyed God Almighty. In some deep and mysterious way, the family is bound up with faith in God: the two are interdependent.

From the very moment of conception, the child, as it grows and develops, is a care and responsibility for its parents. It is not possible to estimate the depth of attachment and compassion parents feel for their children and to calculate the troubles and hardships they go through as parents. For this reason, respecting them is a debt of human gratitude as well as a religious obligation.

Those who can judge the value of their parents rightly and regard them as a means to obtain the mercy of God are the most prosperous in both worlds. Those who, by contrast, regard their parents’ existence as a burden to themselves or who become wearied of them are the unfortunate ones.

The more respectful you are to your parents, the greater the respect and awe you feel before your Creator. Yet, it is a curious thing today that not only those who are disrespectful to God but also those who claim that they love God do not defend themselves from disobedience to their parents. As Martin Luther said, “we must respect and love God, so that we will neither look down on our parents or superiors, nor irritate them, but will honor them, serve them, obey them, love them, and value them.”¹

Under the Old Testament law the son, who was rebellious against his parents was stoned for this rebellion (Deuteronomy 21:18-21). It is important to stress the fact that God is opposed to rebellion and disobedience toward one’s parents. God also promises a long life to the individual who is obedient to his father and mother (Exodus 20:12). No doubt this is because the kind of life which is a life of obedience will involve self-discipline and restraint that would enable one to have a long life and good health. This not only refers to the chronological extension of time, but indicates the rich blessing which comes to a society that keeps God’s ways.

The importance of this commandment, however, extends beyond social welfare to the very welfare of society itself, because the family is the basic unit of society. Just as a body’s health is dependent on the health of its cells, so the vigor of a nation, the body politic, is directly related to the health of the families that make it up. Families form the foundation of a society. Where there is reciprocal respect of rights and obligations within a family, the society is healthy and strong. It is vain to look for compassion and respect in a society once these have been lost from the relationships within the family.²

The fifth commandment also shows that the way we treat our parents is how our children learn to treat us. Obviously, we too will become old. If we do not honor our parents, in accordance with the meaning of, “the punishment is similar to the act that required it,” our children will not be dutiful towards us. If we love our life in the hereafter, this is an important treasury for us: let us be dutiful towards them and gain their pleasure. While if it is this world that we love, let us try to please them, so that through them our life will be easy and our sustenance plentiful. If we want the mercy of the Most Merciful One, we should be merciful towards those in our house whom He has entrusted to us.

Likewise in Christianity, in Islam, parents’ rights are the most venerable rights after those of God. The Qur’an has many verses urging Muslims to treat their parents with utmost kindness, to be grateful for the care they have given them, to obey them, and to care for them when they grow old. The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, once said: “Paradise lies under the feet of the mother. The contentment of the father is the door to paradise.” There are many days set aside in societies to honor and appreciate parents; Father’s Day, Mother’s Day… In Islam, however, respecting, honoring and appreciating parents is not just for a single day of the year, but rather for each and every day.

O Ishmael! Honor Your Father Abraham

There are different types of parents but regardless of how they treat their kids, they are still a parent. Parents make mistakes too, but that does not decrease their value as parents. When we are still under parental guidance, then we will have to follow what they want us to do, even if it is against our heart. When we are on our own feet, then we are free, but we still have the responsibility to respect them. We have to look at the situation, rather than concentrating on our own satisfaction. We have to be kind to them because most of the things they do are all for us.

A child should show respect for his parents by preferring their preferences. For instance, even though some sources say that when Ishmael reached the age of puberty, his tribe made him marry a woman from among them, his mother got a wife for him from Egypt. We do not know whether Ishmael liked her or not. He probably might have preferred to keep silent in order to please his mother. What we know is that he respected his mother’s wishes.

We can give another example. Esau saw that the Canaanite women did not please his father, and his mother, Rebekah complained about these women. In order to please his parents, Esau went to Ishmael and took Mahalath, the daughter of Ishmael.

As mentioned above, Hagar got a wife for Ishmael from the land of Egypt (Genesis 21:21). His wife’s name is not mentioned in the Hebrew Bible, but in the book of Jasher, a Hebrew midrash.³ Ishmael’s first wife, Ribah, was rude to Abraham when he came to visit Ishmael. She did not even ask him who he was. But all the while, she was beating her children in the tent, and she was cursing them, and she also cursed her husband, Ishmael, and spoke evil of him, and Abraham heard the words she spoke to her children, and it was an evil thing in his eyes. Abraham left a message, “When your husband returns, convey my salutation to him and tell him to change the threshold of the gate (of his house).”⁴ Ishmael understood his father’s words, complied with his father’s wish, and divorced his wife. Ishmael did not even come to Abraham and ask what happened because he thought that as a prophet, his father would know better than he, and all Abraham had done was for his son.

Proper respect for parents includes their being addressed and greeted properly. The modern idea of calling fathers and mothers by their first names certainly is promoting a familiarity that will not lead to respect, obedience, or honor. Abraham stayed away from Ishmael and his family for a period as long as God wished, and called on them afterwards. He saw Ishmael under a tree, sharpening his arrows. When he saw Abraham, he immediately rose up to welcome him and they greeted each other. Abraham said, “O Ishmael! God has given me an order.” Ishmael said, “Do what your Lord has ordered you to do.” Abraham asked, “Will you help me?” Ishmael said, “I will help you.” Abraham said, “God has ordered me to build a house here,” pointing to a hillock higher than the land surrounding it. Then they raised the foundations of the Ka’ba.

Respect for parents should remain in force even in relation to parents who may have lost faith. If a faithful person has unfaithful parents, he should treat them respectfully in his dealings and advice, while remaining aloof from their polytheistic lives. He should neither be harsh nor vulgar. Islam instructs Muslims to pray to God for the forgiveness of their parent’s sins, if any, and present their good deeds for the benefit of their parents’ souls. In Islamic and Jewish tradition, Abraham’s treatment of his father, Terah, is a certain testimony to this.

As the Book of Joshua reports, the father of Abraham, Terah, worshipped other gods (Josh. 24:2). Terah was a well-known idolater; he not only worshipped idols but sculpted and sold them as well. Abraham was engaged in debate with his father to convey the truth to him; “O my father! Why do you worship that which does not hear, see, nor can it profit you anything? Do not worship idols and therefore follow me. I will guide you to the straight path. Otherwise, I fear that a punishment from God may afflict you so that you will become a friend of Satan. Nevertheless, I will seek forgiveness for you from God.”

The New Testament is very plain concerning obedience to parents. “Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord” (Colossians 3:20); “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). Obedience is the foundation for all character. Parents do not have to convince children of the logic behind their orders because parents are experts on their children, and possess a great deal of information that even teachers do not have, so a child must maintain the parent’s dignity and respect at all times, even when disagreeing. Obedience to parents should always be immediate, instant, without question or argument. What the father says do, the son does. He does it well, he does it immediately, and he does it without argument.

Abraham was commanded by God to sacrifice his only son Isaac (or Ishmael). This indeed was a clear test. Therefore Abraham carefully prepared to carry out the order of God. In the Quran, Abraham has a dream, mentions the dream to his son, and asks Ishmael his opinion: “‘O my son! I have seen in my dream that I should offer you in sacrifice so think about that and tell me your view.’ He unhesitatingly said: ‘O my dear father! Do as you are commanded, by the will of God, you will find me of the patient ones,’ and Abraham laid him down on the side of his forehead.” ⁵ As you have seen, Isaac (or Ishmael) does not resist his father, obeys his wishes, and lies down like a ram. In addition, in the Bible, the sole dialogue between the two (Abraham and his son) repeats the words father and my son (twice each), expressing their emotional bond.

The parents continue to have rights over their children after death. People are expected to visit their parents’ graves, to maintain contact with their friends, and to conduct themselves well so as to show that their parents have provided them with a good education. One can honor his parents after their death through the following methods: Praying for them, giving charity on their behalf, instituting a perpetual charity on their behalf, such as a library, hospital, or orphanage.

Coming back to Ishmael and Isaac, destiny had separated the two brothers from each other. After years, Isaac and Ishmael were rejoined at their father’s burial (Gen 25:9). They showed proper filial piety, despite earlier disagreements, in joining together to bury their father.⁶ The burial is supervised by both sons. While Isaac placed the headstone, Ishmael placed the footstone of the grave. Although Ishmael had long ago been dismissed, he was not utterly alienated from his father because he performed the office of a son in celebrating the obsequies of his deceased parent. Ishmael, rather than the other sons, did this, as being nearer.⁷ As a child, Ishmael had a last duty due to his father, and he carried out this duty, attending Abraham’s funeral and burying him.

The obligation to honor one’s parents is an obligation that one owes to God and fulfills this obligation through one’s actions towards one’s parents. In the Hebrew Bible, our relationship with God is continually compared with a parent-child relationship. God tells us in the Ten Commandments to obey and have respect for parents. This does not mean that we only obey our parents when we agree with them or fully understand why they are telling us to do something. We must obey them at all times. We must also honor and have respect for parents. God does not want us to put our parents above Him, but he does desire for us to treat them as He desires for us to treat Him.

Notes

1 Martin Luther, Martin Luther’s Large and Small Catechism, Translated by F. Bente and W.H.T. Dan, (Sioux Falls, SD: Nuvision Publications, 2007), 67.

2 Niyi Taiwo, Respect: Gaining It and Sustaining It. (Philadelphia, PA: Xlibris Corporation, 2007), 25.

3 J. H. Parry, The Book of Jasher, (New York: Cosimo, Inc, 2005), 68.

4 Muhammad Muhsin Khan, The English Translation of Sahih Al Bukhari with the Arabic Text, (Al Saadawi Publications, 1996), Volume 4, Book 55, Number 583.

5 Ali Unal trans, The Qur’an with Annotated Interpretation in Modern English, (New Jersey: The Light, 2006), Saffat 37:102.

6 Gordon J. Wenham, Genesis 16-50: Word Biblical Commentary, ed. David A. Hubbard and Glenn W. Barker, (Dallas: Word Books, 1994), 165.

7 John Calvin, Calvin’s Commentaries on Genesis. trans. John King, (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Eerdmans, 1963), 2:38.

References

• Calvin, John. Calvin’s Commentaries on Genesis. trans. John King. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Eerdmans, 1963.
• Khan, Muhammad Muhsin. The English Translation of Sahih Al Bukhari with the Arabic Text, Al Saadawi Publications, 1996.
• Luther, Martin. Martin Luther’s Large and Small Catechism. Translated by F. Bente and W.H.T. Dan. Sioux Falls, SD: Nuvision Publications, 2007.
• Parry, J. H. The Book of Jasher. New York: Cosimo, Inc, 2005.
• Taiwo, Niyi. Respect: Gaining It and Sustaining It. Philadelphia, PA: Xlibris Corporation, 2007.
• Unal, Ali, trans. The Qur’an with Annotated Interpretation in Modern English. New Jersey: The Light, 2006.
• Wenham, Gordon J. Genesis 16-50: Word Biblical Commentary. ed. David A. Hubbard and Glenn W. Barker. Dallas: Word Books, 1994.

Dream, Believe, Fly. These three words have a ring, a truth, a purity. As an author of books for teen readers, I gave these three words to one of my characters, and these three words became her mantra. She was sixteen; I am more. The motto works for both of us. My character had those words tattooed onto her skin; I have them tattooed into my soul. Dream. Believe. Fly.

The first step to achieving is to dream. You need to see, you need to dream, you need to believe. Faith and fervor result in the necessary work, and the work gives you wings. The wind beneath those wings is the dream, the belief, the need to achieve.

We are given one life. Some of us live soft; some live hard. Some laugh a lot; some cry. Some are brave; some are not. Some live many years; some live few. At the age of fifty-five, I’ve seen many friends leave this earth, and I’ve learned that we need to seize not only the moment, but our dreams. We need to seize our dreams, grab onto them, and never forget what we hope to accomplish in this world. We need to seize first, then to believe. We need to believe with all of our hearts, with all of our minds, with all of our very beings. We are each instilled with the magic to make things happen. We are resilient and we are strong and we have the power inside, if only we dream and we believe that we can indeed fly.

I’ve wanted to write ever since I can remember. My first memory of elementary school is that of the library, and of a pink Mary Poppins book that I reached up to pull from the shelf. Mary Poppins could fly, and this much I believed: So could I.

It would be many years, though, before I got my wings. There would be hardships and hurt, suffering and struggles. There would be days of hard work, and nights of worry. There would be dark nights when I could not see the stars; days when I tried to believe that life might get easier with time.

“When a man can observe himself suffering and is able, later, to describe what he’s gone through, it means he was born for literature.” A writer named Edouard Bourdet said that in 1927. Many years later, those words still speak to this writer’s soul.

1989 was a rough year. I was 31 years old, and my motto at that time might have been “Hang in there.” I was hit by a drunk driver in July. He left me by the roadside with injuries, a demolished car, and a shattered faith in mankind. He went to jail; I went home to heal.

Two months later, my stepson’s biological mother deposited him on our doorstep. He was six years old, and all he had in the world was a trash bag stuffed with his earthly possessions. He awakened sobbing every night. With my own six-year-old son from a previous marriage, I couldn’t comprehend how a mother’s heart could be so cold.

Two months after my stepson came to us, I unexpectedly became pregnant. I still had no car, and was undergoing treatment for persistent neck and back injuries incurred by the accident. We were poor. My stepson was aching and confused. So was I. Hang in there. Hang in there hang in there hang in there.

In the middle of the pregnancy, I contracted Fifth Disease, a form of the measles. There was an outbreak in the elementary schools of our area, and the medical community was unsure as to the effects of the illness in pregnant women. I was sent for a level two ultrasound, and told by the doctors that I could be “cautiously optimistic” for a healthy baby. However, I’d need a weekly ultrasound. If the fetus contracted the disease or showed signs of anemia, it would be necessary to undergo a blood transfusion in utero. The risks, I was told, were stillbirth and miscarriage. Oh, please, please. Hang in there.

On the day before our baby was due, my husband John came home from work, weeping. It was August of 1990, and the Gulf War and recession had resulted in a permanent lay-off from his longtime construction job. It was the first (and only) time I saw him cry. His heart was broken.

Our son was born: a perfectly healthy and beautiful baby boy. We were ecstatic, despite the fact that John didn’t have a job and we were living in a cramped mobile home with three children: his, mine, and ours.

“Maybe I should get a real job,” I said. “Give up this crazy dream of writing books.” I was an established newspaper and magazine writer, but had been attempting futilely to break into the competitive world of children’s books.

“Keep at it,” John said. “Don’t give up.” Don’t give up. Another three words to grasp onto. So I didn’t. I didn’t give up. I stayed home and wrote, raising our children and grasping tight to my hopes. I prayed for the strength to continue writing despite the obstacles and staggering odds. Don’t give up. Hang in there. Don’t give up.

Several weeks after our son Zach was born, John saw an ad in a local paper: “Old Barn: Free For The Taking-Down.”

John took the barn apart, piece-by-piece, and found that there was a market for the materials. The boards and beams, windows and doors and weather vanes were all sold. The barn would live on for another hundred years, in a hundred different places. It was

the beginning of John’s own business, but we still didn’t have much money. One writer and one self-employed Barn Saver plus three children is an equation that doesn’t always equal promptly-paid bills. Don’t give up. Hang in there.

When Zach was two months old, I began writing a novel for pre-teen children. Working on an ancient and clattering typewriter, I used the kitchen table for my desk. I plugged away on the typewriter as Zach dozed contentedly in his swing. Through the window of our mobile home, I could see the green Welsh Mountain of Pennsylvania. This mountain would be the setting of the book. The main character, Maizie, was a girl who’d been abandoned by her mother. She was hurting. Maizie had lots of wishes, but life was rough. I knew: I’d used bits and pieces of my own. But still, Maizie had hope. Someday, somehow, everything would be okay. Don’t give up. Hang in there.

The book Maizie would be published five years later, in 1995. In the meanwhile, I wrote a picture book based on John’s work of dismantling and recycling old barns. The book – Barn Savers – was published in 1999 and was honored by the American Library Association’s Booklist Journal by being named Top Of The List, Best Picture Book of 1999. It was also lauded as a Notable Book in the Language Arts by the National Council of Teachers of English, as well as short-listed for the Bill Martin Jr. Picture Book Award in Kansas and the Keystone State Reading award. A mention of the book appeared in the pages of People Magazine.

Since then, I’ve written about twenty more books. I went back to college at the age of fifty, and earned an MFA in Writing. I got to travel to Italy, because of my writing. I taught on cruise ships, and I taught in a medieval castle on a hilltop in Tuscany. I was honored in England in 2012 with a short story prize, and I got to travel to the U.K. for the first time, staying in the dorms of Oxford University. Dream, Believe, Fly.

Somewhere around the time that I changed from forty-nine to fifty, somewhere around the time that I applied to Vermont College and was accepted, that was the time that I changed my motto for life. I still believe in “Hang In There” and “Don’t Give Up.” But those words never held the power, the faith, the magic that my new motto does.

I had to get a student loan in order to go to school, and that was scary. I kept repeating my motto, though, as I waded through the mounds of paperwork and forms and red tape. “Dream. Believe. Fly. You are Linda Oatman High and you love to write. Dream, believe, fly. You only get one life. Now is the time. Dreambelievefly.”

Our youngest son went through some struggles in his teenage years. We got through them. He’s still finding his path in life, at the age of 23. As long as he dreams, as long as he believes … he will indeed fly.

The kids are now grown, and I’m on my way to growing old. I’m fifty-five. I love my life. It’s hard at times; it’s fun at others. But it’s always mine, and we only get one life.

I’m now a grandmother, and I hope to instill the things that I’ve learned in my grandchildren. I hope that they find the strength and the courage and the faith to dream. I pray that they believe.

And I know, I know, I know in my soul … they will fly.

Linda Oatman High is an author/playwright/poet/journalist (www.lindaoatmanhigh.com) who lives in Lancaster County, PA and teaches everywhere.

Abraham

Abraham is a figure mentioned in the Torah, Bible, and Qur’an whom Jewish, Christian and Muslim believers regard as the founding patriarch of the Israelites and Ishmaelites. In the Jewish tradition, God promised Abraham that through his offspring, all the nations of the world would come to be blessed (Genesis 12:3), interpreted in Christian tradition as a reference to Christ. Abraham’s generations are presented as part of the crowning explanation of how the world has been fashioned by the hand of God and how relationships of peoples were established by Him. Biblical narratives represent Abraham as a wealthy, powerful and supremely virtuous man. In the New Testament, Abraham is mentioned prominently as a man of faith and an obedient man of God (Hebrews 11). For Muslims, he is a prophet and the ancestor of the Prophet Muhammad through his son Ishmael. He is commonly termed “Khalil Ullah,” the friend of God. Those who maintained the pure monotheistic beliefs of Abraham after him were said to be Hanif, people who rejected idolatry and retained some of the tenets of the religion of Abraham. Well after God’s covenant relationship with Abraham had been established (Gen 13:14-18), he meets with a mysterious character, “… Melchizedek king of Salem …priest of God Most High” (Gen 14:18). Melchizedek blessed Abraham who paid him tithes. On his covenant pilgrimage, Abraham is aided and supported by someone outside of God’s newly formed covenant with him. Both figures benefit from each other and respect the Divine connection each has, even though different kinds of relationships with God are evident. Abraham believed in God and was accordingly called to be the father of many nations; Melchizedek was the king of Salem and a priest. Both individuals were God’s people and though different, one could bless the other, and the other paid worshipful respect with a tithe in response.

Because Abraham’s wife Sarah continued to be infertile, in accordance with custom she gave to Abraham her handmaid Hagar as his wife (Gen 16:3). Sarah found that Hagar was expecting a child, and unable to endure the reproach of barrenness, she dealt harshly with Hagar and forced her to flee (16:1-14). God heard Hagar’s sorrow and promised her that her descendants will be too numerous to count (17:20).

Hagar

Hagar, according to the Abrahamic faiths, was a handmaiden of Sarah, wife of Abraham. Her story is reported in the Book of Genesis in Judeo-Christian tradition. In Islam, her story is mentioned in the Qur’an. Hagar was the daughter of the King of Maghreb, a descendant of the Islamic prophet Salih. Her father was killed by Pharaoh and she was captured and taken as slave. Later, because of her royal blood, she was made mistress of the female slaves and given access to all of Pharaoh’s wealth. Upon conversion to Abraham’s faith, the Pharaoh gave Hagar to Sarah.

After Sarah gave birth to Isaac, she told Abraham to cast out Hagar with her son Ishmael, and according to Judaic teachings, God commanded Abraham to obey his wife’s wishes and expel Hagar and Ishmael into the desert alone. Abraham was reluctant to send his son away, but God promised to make a great nation out of Ishmael because he was Abraham’s offspring. So early one morning, Abraham took bread and a container of water and sent Hagar and his son Ishmael away.

According to the Islamic tradition, Abraham brings Hagar and Ishmael to Mecca where angel Gabriel shows him the Ka‘ba. The objective of this journey is to “resettle” rather than “expel” Hagar. The journey begins in Syria, when Ishmael is still suckling. Finally, upon reaching the site of the Ka‘ba, Abraham leaves Hagar and son Ishmael under a tree and provides them with water. Hagar, learning that God had ordered Abraham to leave her in the desert, respects his decision. Muslims believe that God ordered Abraham to leave Hagar in order to test his obedience to God’s commands. However, soon Hagar runs out of water, and baby Ishmael is about to die of thirst. Hagar panics and climbs two nearby mountains repeatedly in search for water. After her seventh climb, Ishmael scratches the ground, and water gushes forth from a spring.

Ishmael

Both Jewish and Islamic traditions consider Ishmael as the ancestor of the Arab people. Judaism maintains that Isaac rather than Ishmael was the true heir of Abraham. Chapters 16-25 of the book of Genesis contain the stories of Ishmael which was partly mentioned above. The New Testament contains few references to Ishmael (Galatians 4).

The circumcision of Muslims has its roots in the tradition that Abraham and Ishmael were circumcised. Abraham and Ishmael are also said to have built the foundations of the Ka‘ba. Islamic traditions hold that the Ka‘ba was first built by the first man, Adam. Abraham and Ishmael rebuilt the Ka‘ba on its foundations. In addition, Ishmael was the actual son that Abraham was called on to sacrifice. To support this view Muslims believe that at the time Ishmael was his only son and the promise to Sarah of Isaac followed by Jacob excluded the possibility of a sacrifice of Isaac.

Sarah at first loved Ishmael, but when she herself had borne Isaac, she was not willing that Ishmael should be brought up together with Isaac. She persuaded Abraham to send Ishmael and his mother to some distant country. But Ishmael was very dear to Abraham. He initially refused to do as Sarah asked, but he finally gave in to his wife’s request when God told him that He would take care of Ishmael, since he was a descendant of Abraham.

Being a loving father and husband, Abraham did not want to send Hagar and Ishmael away (or leave them). However, he was a Prophet, and he knew that Divine message was much more important that anything else, even his own family. He had spent many lonely nights praying and asking for God to give him a child. God gave him Ishmael, the first child to be named by God, and now he was sending that child away. In addition, at least in the Islamic tradition, he was commanded to sacrifice the same child for His sake. I believe that as ordinary human beings, we cannot imagine his sorrow and sadness. He left Hagar and Ishmael in the wilderness, and then prayed:

“O our Lord! I have settled my offspring (Ishmael) in an uncultivable valley near Your Sacred House (Ka‘ba), so that, our Lord, they may establish the prayer; so make the hearts of people incline towards them, provide them with the produce of earth (by such means as trade), so that they may give thanks” (Abraham 14:37).

Ishmael’s wives

Hagar lived in the valley near the Ka‘ba until some people from the Arab tribe of Jurhum, or a family from Jurhum, passed by her and her child as they were passing by the Ka‘ba. They landed in the lower part of Mecca where they saw a bird that was known for flying around water circling over a particular spot. They said: “This bird must be flying around water, though we know that there is no water in this valley.” They sent one or two messengers who discovered the source of the water and returned to inform the others. When they all came towards the water, Ishmael’s mother Hagar was sitting near it. They asked her: “Do you allow us to stay with you?” She replied: “Yes, but you will have no right to possess the water.” They agreed. Ishmael’s mother was pleased with the whole situation, as she loved to enjoy the company of people. So, they settled there, and later on they sent for their families, who came and settled with them so that some families became permanent residents there. Ishmael grew up and learned Arabic from them and his virtues and manners made the rest of the tribe love and admire him as he grew up, and when he reached the age of puberty, they made him marry a woman from among them.

According to the book of Genesis (21:21), Ishmael lived in the wilderness of Paran, a mountain range in Mecca, and his mother made him wed someone from Egypt. His wife’s name is never mentioned in the Hebrew Bible. However, when we look at The Book of Jasher, a Hebrew midrash, which is named after the Sefer HaYashar mentioned in Joshua and 2 Samuel, we find that her name is Ribah (or Meribah) (Jas 25:15) (Parry 2005, 68). After Ishmael divorced Ribah, he wed someone else from the land of Canaan, and her name was Malchuth (Jas 25:18) (Parry 68). The reason for the divorce was because his first wife, Ribah was rude to Abraham when he came to visit Ishmael, she beat her children, and she cursed and reproached Ishmael. Abraham left a message for Ishmael to put her away. His second wife, Malchuth was a woman of Canaan who honored Abraham and was approved by him as a good wife. Although most of the Islamic sources do not mention the names of Ishmael’s wives, let us listen to their stories as recounted by the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him:

“After Ishmael’s mother had died, Abraham came after Ishmael’s marriage in order to see his family that he had left before, but he did not find Ishmael there. When he asked Ishmael’s wife about him, she replied: ‘He has gone in search of our livelihood.’ Then he asked her about their way of living and their condition, and she replied: ‘We are living in misery; we are living in hardship and destitution,’ complaining to him. He said, ‘When your husband returns, convey my salutation to him and tell him to change the threshold of the gate (of his house).

When Ishmael came, he seemed to have felt something unusual, so he asked his wife: ‘Has anyone visited you?’ She replied: Yes, an old man of such-and-such description came and asked me about you, and I informed him, and he asked about our state of living, and I told him that we were living in a hardship and poverty.’ On that Ishmael said: ‘Did he advise you anything?’ She replied: ‘Yes, he told me to convey his salutation to you and to tell you to change the threshold of your gate.’ Ishmael said: ‘It was my father, and he has ordered me to divorce you. Go back to your family.’ So, Ishmael divorced her and married another woman.

Then Abraham stayed away from them for a period as long as God wished and called on them again, he did not find Ishmael. So he came to Ishmael’s wife and asked her about Ishmael. She said: ‘He has gone in search of our livelihood.’ Abraham asked her: ‘How are you getting on?’ asking her about their sustenance and living. She replied: ‘We are prosperous and well-off (we have everything in abundance).’ Then she thanked God.

Then Abraham said to Ishmael’s wife: ‘When your husband comes, give my regards to him and tell him that he should keep firm the threshold of his gate.’ When Ishmael came back, he asked his wife: ‘Did anyone call on you?’ She replied: Yes, a good-looking old man came to me,’ so she praised him and added: ‘He asked about you and I informed him, and he asked about our livelihood and I told him that we were in a good condition.’ Ishmael asked her: ‘Did he give you any piece of advice?’ She said: Yes, he told me to give his regards to you and ordered that you should keep firm the threshold of your gate.’ On that Ishmael said: ‘It was my father, and you are the threshold (of the gate). He has ordered me to keep you with me.” (Khan 1996, #583)

Ishmael’s children

According to the Bible, Ishmael had 12 sons who became twelve tribal chiefs. The twelve sons of Ishmael, were named Nebaioth, Kedar, Adbeel, Mibsam, Mishma, Dumah, Massa, Hadad, Tema, Jetur, Naphish, and Kedemah (Gen 25:12-16). The descendants of Ishmael are described as “Arabian” people. Some Biblical scholars also believe that the area outlined in Genesis as the final destination of Ishmael and his descendants (from Havilah to Assyria) refers to the Arabian Peninsula. The Ishmaelites were a confederation of tribes like early Israel.

Nebaioth: More information is known about Ishmael’s eldest son Nebaioth than any of the others. The name Nebaioth is said to mean “prophecies” or possibly fruitful (this is the reason why the list of names here have begun with the one signifying prophecy because a prophet, Prophet Muhammad, was going to come from among Ishmael’s descendants). Nabataeans, a pastoral tribe was named after him. Nabataeans conferred their names on the Arabian nations. These Nabataeans spoke and wrote an early form of Arabic and thus they were often referred to as “Arabs” by Greek and Roman historians.

Arabic inscription form Jebel Ghunaym, dating to the sixth century BC or significantly later, speak of a war between the people of Nebaioth and the people of Tema, another son of Ishmael (Knoppers 2003, 278). They must have disliked each other because they were not from the same mother. On the other hand, even though they were from different mothers, there was a marital relationship between the people of Nebaioth and Edomite groups who were also known as the descendants of Mishma, the son of Ishmael. In the Bible, the tribe of Nebaioth and Kedar were renowned for sheep raising (Isaiah 60:7). Isaiah says that Nabataeans first settled in the country southeast of Palestine, and wandered gradually in search of pasturage till they came to Kedar.

Nabataeans established bases in a number of seaports. While most of us think of the Nabataeans as people who transported goods in the desert by camel caravan, it has become increasingly evident that the Nabataeans were also a sea trading people. The Nabataeans built an impressive civilization based on merchant trade and their capital was originally the city of Petra, southern Jordan.

Kedar: The sons of Kedar became known as the Kedarites. They were the most powerful tribe of northern Arab tribes (Klein 2006, 72). The Kedarites were the main military power of the sons of Ishmael. They were known for their fighters and particularly their archers. Evidently, the Kedarites occupied a position of power and glory in the ancient near east. The Kedarites and the Nabataeans attacked the western borders of Assyria, kingdom of northern Mesopotamia that became the centre of one of the great empires of the ancient Middle East, but were defeated. The commercial routes in northern Arabia were under the dominion of the Kedarites, too. Because of that great power, Ezekiel 27:21 associates Arabia with all of the princes of Kedar, suggesting a confederation under their leadership.

Kedar means “blackness or sorrow.” The tribes of Kedar are said to have lived in villages, a mode of life also characteristic of all 12 twelve Ishmaelite tribes. Some of them lived alone (Jer 49:31) in tents which were black in color (Cohen 1962, 9:3).

Adbeel: The name Adbeel is said to mean “vapor,” and this signifies that Islam puts emphasis on works, and according to the sayings of the Prophet Muhammad, working is equal to worshipping. The people of Adbeel also had great military power like the Kedarites. They were given the duty as the Assyrian king’s agent on the borders of Egypt (Cohen 1:45).

Mibsam: The name Mibsam which means “sweet odor” underlines the sensitivity of Islam. It is said that this tribe may be involved in the spice trade, too.

Mishma: The name Mishma means “hearing.” Islam is a religion which has a scripture, the Qur’an, and Qur’an means recitation. The revelations given to the Prophet Muhammad were by hearing. Some historians have wondered if the descendants of Mishma were the founders of the villages around Jebel Mishma. It is thought that these two tribes, Mibsam and Mishma may have intermarried with the Simeonites (I Chronicles 4:24-27) and disappeared from history as a separate entity.

Dumah: Dumah is mentioned in the Biblical records as a city in Canaan (Joshua 15:52). It is also associated with Edom and Seir in Isaiah 21:11. Dumah, which means “silence”, was in ancient times a very important and strategic junction on the major trade route between Syria, Babylon, Najd and the Hejaz. This area has water, and was a stopping place for caravan traders coming from Tayma, before proceeding on to Syria or Babylonia. This strategic location effectively made Dumah the entrance point to north Arabia.

Massa: Massa means “touch or produce.” Archeologists Winnett and Reed discovered some graffiti texts mentioning the tribe Massa, in connection with Dedan and Nebaioth. These texts refer to the war against Dedan, the war against Nebaioth and the war against Massa. Therefore, these tribes appear to have been close to each other at this time (Cohen 3:299).

Some expositors of the scripture have taken notice of the signification of those last three names (Mishma, Dumah, and Massa) which are put together (Gen 25:14), as containing good advice to us all, Mishma, Dumah, and Massa, that is, hear, keep silence, and bear; we can see them together in the same order in James 1:19, “Be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath.”

Hadad: Some historians speculate that this tribe may have become known as the Harar, or the Hararina people that lived near the mountains northwest of Palmyra (Cohen 2:507). It is also interesting to notice that there is a Hadad tribe in Arabia. Most of the Hadads are now Christians, and are located throughout Jordan, Syria, Lebanon, and Palestine.

Tema: Tema is usually associated with the ancient oasis of Tayma, located northeast of the Hejaz district. Tiglath Pileser III, the king of Assyria, received tributes from Tayma, as well as from other Arabian oasis. A coalition was made up of Massa, the city of Tayma, the tribes of Saba, and Adbeel. Once defeated, these tribes had to send tribute of gold, silver, camels and spices of all kinds (Cohen 4:533). Isaiah 21:13-14 invites the people of Tayma to provide water and food for their fugitive countrymen, in an apparent allusion to Tiglath Pileser’s invasion of North Arabia. By the first century BC, the Nabataeans began to dominate Tayma and it slowly became a part of their trading empire.

Jetur: A tribe descended from Ishmael which was at war with the Israelites of Transjordan.

Naphish: The name Naphish means “one who refreshes himself.” The people of Jetur and Naphish were the enemies of the Reubenites, Gadites, and Manasseh (I Chr 5:19).

Kedemah: The name Kedemah means “eastward.”

Basemath or Mahalath: Besides these 12 sons, Ishmael had a daughter. According to Gen 28:9, her name is Mahalath, but Gen 36:3 says that her name is Basemath. Rebekah, the wife of Isaac, complained about the Hittite wives of Esau, and Isaac charged Esau, “You shall not marry one of the Canaanite women” (Gen 28:6). In order to please his father, Esau went to Ishmael and took Mahalath, daughter of Ishmael, and sister of Nebaioth. We could say that Esau looked for happiness among the descendants of Ishmael because he knew that like his father Isaac, Ishmael was also the subject of the Divine promises.

It is interesting that as considered true heir of Abraham, Isaac had just two sons, yet Ishmael had 12 sons and one daughter. After many years passed, Abraham came to visit Ishmael, checked up on his family and their well being, and showed that he never forgot Ishmael because he knew who Ishmael was. Ishmael was the first son of Abraham, and the first child named by God and regarded as the fulfillment of a Divine promise.

References

• Cohen, S. “Nebaioth.” 1962. The Interpreter’s Dictionary of the Bible. Nashville, TN: Abingdon Press.
• Khan, Muhammad Muhsin. 1996. The English Translation of Sahih Al Bukhari with the Arabic Text, Al Saadawi Publications.
• Klein, Ralph W. 2006. I Chronicles. ed. Thomas Kruger. Minneapolis: Fortress Press.
• Knoppers, Gary N. 2003. I Chronicles 1-9: The Anchor Bible Dictionary. New York: Doubleday.
• Parry, J. H. 2005. The Book of Jasher. New York: Cosimo, Inc.
• Unal, Ali. 2006. The Qur’an with Annotated Interpretation in Modern English. New Jersey: Tughra Books.
• Wenham, Gordon J. 1994. Genesis 16-50: Word Biblical Commentary. ed. David A. Hubbard and Glenn W. Barker. Dallas: Word Books.

However, it is not my husband, but rather my son, whom I want to talk about now. The anniversary of my son’s death was yesterday. It is probably in vain to talk about the last days of his life, because people already know that part of the story. He was part of an incredible story, but unfortunately he was on the wrong side.

My son learned at an early age how to become a man like his father, one who was devoted to his work and driven by success. His father did not spend much of his time with his family, but on those occasions that he did, he spent most of the time talking about his successes and the growing influence of his business. It was easy to tell that my son was captivated by his father’s success. To him, his father was an angel who had descended from heaven to tell him stories of miracles and wonders.

Unlike his father’s business obsession, my son developed an interest in machines. He dissembled and re-assembled all sorts of machines from a very young age and was able to combine different objects to come up with his own primitive inventions. Before he went to elementary school, he invented an automated knife that would spread butter on his bread and a machine that would bring him the remote control when triggered by pulling down on a string. Often, I found myself worrying about my son’s future education and wondering what this kid could possibly learn at school.

Unfortunately, within the first week of school, my worries about his education came true when my son was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) and quickly became an outcast at school due to his hyperactivity. My divorce from his father during the same year only made things worse. I didn’t know what to do. Although it was not the best solution, I still thought it was best for my son to continue to study at a normal, public school.

In his second year, a fan club was formed to celebrate the superheroes that made this planet a better place to live. Mr. Incredible, Elastigirl, Frozone, Gazerbeam, Superman, etc., were all invitees of this club during their biweekly activities. My son, having grown up with the example of his successful father, soon developed an interest in this club. There, my son had found an excellent replacement for his father, whom he deeply missed since our divorce.

One day he returned from the club’s activities and was not the same person that usually returned from school. I hardly recognized him. The angry-looking, hyperactive outcast was gone, and in his place was a child who was destined to follow his dreams. During dinner, I asked how his day had been. He talked about a man that I “better marry,” because he wanted him as his father. Guess who it was: Mr. Incredible.

“I asked and he said he was single and he loved children,” my son insisted.

“But I’ve never met him!” I replied, smiling.

“I’m sure you’ll love him,” he said.

I was so happy that, after two years of misery and distress, we could have a dinner like mother and son.

The dream went on for a few months, until one night when he came home from a friend’s house, looking very distraught. I thought perhaps he had a fight with his friend, but it wasn’t that. He had tried to tag along with Mr. Incredible as his sidekick but had been kicked out of his car, because Mr. Incredible found him too young and didn’t want a sidekick. After all, Mr. Incredible always worked alone. Eventually, my son was able to accept the situation and he realized that what Mr. Incredible said was true, that he actually was too young. However, his awe of Mr. Incredible never faded. He always sought ways to get Mr. Incredible to accept and appreciate him.

By the time my son was in middle school, companies began to purchase his inventions. He was already well on his way to becoming as successful as his father had been. I frequently asked myself what this boy would accomplish in the future. He already had achieved what most people never would in an entire lifetime. Flying boots were his latest invention. He thought this would catch Mr. Incredible’s attention because flying would greatly improve Mr. Incredible’s ability to fight crime.

One night, he was brought home by the police. I literally freaked out. I thought he had done something horrible with one of his crazy inventions. Apparently, he had tried to help Mr. Incredible at the scene of a robbery, but everything had gone wrong and Mr. Incredible rejected him as a sidekick once more. Being an adolescent undergoing puberty he had difficulty in facing this latest rejection from his hero. He not only craved acceptance and appreciation but he needed them. From that day on, all the Mr. Incredible posters, stickers, and T-shirts were gone from our house. Instead, my son started putting up posters of villains and he started to idolize them.

I couldn’t tell anyone, but I was terrified when I found a paper in his room that said, “Revenge of the Bad Guys.” I hoped this was a sort of adolescent fury that would go away in time. And it did – at least I thought it did.

After he completed his university degree, my son started a company that focused on the research and development of defense systems. Because of his genius, he easily achieved immediate success and purchased two islands in the Pacific: one as his home to live with his fiancée and the other as his base of operations. I was a happy mother because after so many years of hard work and worries, I thought my son had finally overcome his difficulties and was moving on with his life.

My dream did not last long. After the government grounded all the superhero activities due to public unrest towards the superheroes, my son started popularizing his inventions that mimicked the abilities of these superheroes: flying boots, a machine that made any shape by freezing the humidity in the air, a never-ending rope that never broke, etc. I never thought that what he was doing was simply a disguise to hide his true goal: discovering Mr. Incredible’s secret identity and getting revenge for himself and for all those whose parents or spouses were hurt or killed by the superheroes. I found out about this from one of his journals that was later given to the police by his fiancée.

You know the rest of the story. My son was struck by a car that Mr. Incredible threw at him and was finally killed by the very jet engine he had invented and built. Mr. Incredible had once been my son’s hero and was now his murderer. What can I say? Congratulations, Mr. Incredible on another job well-done! I hope you can enjoy dinner with your family tonight as I’m writing these lines in sorrow …

The door to room 153 opened and a blond-haired, blue-eyed boy walked out alone. His eyes went immediately to the spot where he knew she would be waiting. “Mommy!” he squealed, and a smile brighter than sunshine burst across his young face. His lanky legs kicked out at a slightly odd angle as he ran towards the one person he had been waiting to see since 8:30 am that morning.

As he got near, he shed his backpack. As Mom welcomed him into her arms, the hug nearly knocked her over. “I missed you, Mommy!”

This is how you will find me at 2:30 pm every school day of the year. My name is Kimberly Parker. I am a mother of three children. My oldest son, Cooper, has autism.

When Cooper was born, I ended my career as a Sales & Marketing Director to remain home with him. I embraced this plan, as it allowed me freedom to not only spend oodles of time with our son, but also gave me time to work on creative projects, particularly writing, that I had abandoned in my climb up the corporate pyramid.

When Cooper was 16 months old, we realized he had significantly stunted language development. Specialists were seen, and we soon knew that the challenges we faced had a name: autism.

Fast forward 5+ years. Our family now consists of Cooper, age 8; Benjamin, age 6; and Kacey, age 4. My husband and I have worked hard to keep our heads above water while meeting our family’s needs, and our extended family and friends help us tremendously.

Even with all of the help, I know my son better than anyone else on this planet knows him. I say this not to sound prideful – it is a matter of fact. My husband is a wonderful father, however, since I am the person who is with Cooper the most, out of sheer desperation I have had to learn to understand my son by merely looking into his eyes. His language processing challenges make it difficult for him to understand things in the way typically developing children do.

Most parents of children with autism are in a similar position. They are the experts in dealing with their children. Because our day-to-day functioning depends upon it, we parents have to learn how to build relationships with our children. These relationships serve as the foundation for everything else that happens.

The problem is that the thousands of children who have autism will, one day, grow to be adults with autism.

I’d be a liar if I said that the question, “What will happen to my son when I die?” does not at times keep me awake at night. Does anyone know him better than I? Is anyone in a deeper relationship with him? Does anyone love him more than my husband and I do? When the loving, knowledgeable caregivers of these children pass away (which inevitably will happen), is our society prepared to care for people who are unable to fully care for themselves? It isn’t right now, but it can be.

Never mind 72 hours, 72 years would probably not be enough to fully prepare my son to face the world without the mother to whom he is attached. However, I believe that in 72 hours, I can ignite a fire that can help prepare the world for my son.

Many schools have begun to implement programs to teach kids about the various disorders and disabilities which are increasing in alarming numbers. Each school year Cooper’s classmates learn, to some degree, how to function in the classroom with a peer who has special needs. At the beginning of the year, teachers talk to his peers about autism. Kids learn that Cooper has challenges, and they are told that they must be accepting and helpful friends to him.

This is a good beginning. But it is only a beginning.

Is it enough to teach them how to co-exist in a world with people who think differently, who communicate differently, and who have extraordinary needs?

I don’t believe so.

Kids don’t simply need to learn how to tolerate one another – they must to learn how to build relationships with one another. Those who are different do not need to be merely acknowledged as different – they need people to come alongside them, people who will seek to understand the depths of their individuality.

When a child with autism is alone on the playground – it isn’t enough that other kids refrain from bullying him. Can even one child dare to come close and seek to engage him? And when that doesn’t work, will the child be content to sit near him and just share the same breathing space – because he or she understands that for a person with autism, simply having someone nearby can be enough to foster feelings of acceptance?

My vision is to see a system implemented in our schools in which children learn how to be intentional about building better relationships. We can empower and equip kids to care for their peers in a way that goes way beyond tolerance. No matter what their age, kids can learn skills at a level they can understand. Intentionally building upon these skills throughout their education will not only build a better world for kids with autism – it will build a better world for everyone.

There are experts who have dedicated their lives to helping autistic children and their parents learn to build relationships with each other. There are others who have developed peer-to-peer training sessions for school use. I believe we can take the knowledge from these experts, combine them into a complete program, and teach these skills in our schools so that parents are not the only ones who hold the key to their child’s relationships.

In my 72 hours, if given the resources, I would engage three experts: Dr. Steve Gutstein (Relationship Development Intervention specialist for children with autism), Dr. Gordon Neufeld (expert in attachment and anti-bullying) and Heather McCracken (founder of Friend 2 Friend Learning Society). They have each developed materials that address different components of this problem. However, if these experts came together, I believe a complete, life-changing strategy could be designed and presented to educators.

In 72 hours, I would seek for the four of us to spend a day brainstorming what this plan could entail, and then gather as many educators as possible to cast a vision and ignite a fire: from parents and teachers to University Education Department Heads to U.S. State Educators to the Canadian Minister of Education and all the way to the U.S. Secretary of Education. This fire would move them to action to see a new type of preparation brought into schools. Not for the sake of another program or something “to-do,” but for the sake of building a society of people who know how to love selflessly, to prepare them for life together.

With myself as the parent-champion, my son at my side, and Dr. Gutstein, Dr. Neufeld and Mrs. McCracken to speak about the psychological benefits and technical aspects, we could introduce them to a new way to do “tolerance” in the form of attachment and relationship building in peers.

Imagine…

The 72-hour period was filled with a whirlwind of activity. Along with the field experts, Mom and son spoke powerfully to hundreds of people, presenting a radical vision. They shed light on the magnitude of the problem that autistic children and adults everywhere encounter. They also began an awakening of the need to prepare for a world to come. They saw faces light up with passion and high-level educators commit to not letting the dream of a selfless society fade.

As Mom hugged her son for what she knew would be the last time, her heart was not heavy – it was full of hope. Surrounding them were hundreds of outstretched arms which she knew would take her place in helping this little boy for the rest of his life. And as she said her final “I love you,” she knew that her life had been well-lived.

In 2004, Kim’s son was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. She writes to equip others to better understand autism and the families who love the autistic. She enjoys connecting with parents facing the seemingly insurmountable challenges of autism and helping them find joy. She is also a Christian author and speaker. Her first published book is called Radical Love…Forever Changed. You can follow Kim’s blog or connect with her at www.SimplyCreativeWriting.com.

Autism is a childhood cognitive disorder impacting brain development. Both children and adults with autism typically show difficulties with verbal and non-verbal communication, social interactions, and leisure. Numerous physical symptoms and disorders are common as well, including impaired motor skills such as walking, repetitive behaviors, and chronic gastrointestinal problems. The causes of autism are not known, but increasing scientific evidence pinpoints the genes involved in brain development. Many genes affect information processing in the brain. More than one gene is usually involved in this disease, so autism is a spectrum disorder, and it affects each individual differently and at varying degrees. The incidence rate of autism is approximately 1 per 150 children, and it is scientifically not clear, but boys are four times more likely to be diagnosed with autism than girls [1, 2].

When we visited them, I realized that my friend’s son, who was 2.5 year old then, would not look at or talk to his parents or to us. Instead, he sat by himself in a far corner of the house and made bizarre vocalizations. He screamed when we tried to talk with him. Most of the time, he was sitting inches away from the TV screen when it was turned on and playing with the cable when it was off. He had low muscle tone and problems with fine motor skills, so he could not actively play like our son. Instead, he was repetitively flapping his hands or rocking his body. Sometimes he engaged in self-injurious actions like head-banging or hand pinching. His parents, especially his mother were depressed due to all his tantrums, crying, and behavioral problems.

Finding an appropriate setting for an autistic child can be difficult. His parents decided to send him to a day-care for half-days so that the mother could refresh her mind from all the problems, and the boy could learn to socialize and begin to talk. Just two days later, she called me, crying, and telling of his bad experience in the day-care. “The teacher couldn’t figure out what to do with our son, and she put him in a room by himself. I think he is frustrated; he is more aggressive now.” She blamed herself thinking she had not made a good decision, causing her son to suffer more. I realized that she needed psychological and spiritual support to overcome this difficult period. It was certainly difficult to have a child that did not socialize, communicate, or even look at you. But as a believer, how does faith inspire us in this situation? What counsel is given to all sufferers by the Holy Books?

The Qur’an says we are “tested” in this life with different levels of challenges, and only the rightly guided believers will deserve Paradise:

“We will certainly test you with something of fear and hunger, and loss of wealth and lives and fruits (earnings); but give glad tidings to the persevering and patient: Those who, when a disaster befalls them, say, ‘Surely we belong to God (as His creatures and servants) and surely to Him we are bound to return.” (And they act accordingly.) Such are those upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy; and they are the rightly guided ones” (1:155-157) [3].

According to Islam, children with mental illnesses are considered as pure and innocent as angels. Parents who take care of sick children with affection and mercy are promised heaven. The merits accruing from such illnesses wash away all sins of the parents, and particularly those of the compassionate mother [4]. Also, the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, encourages us to find treatments and cures for any disease. He declared:

“God did not send down an illness for which He did not send a cure.” [5]

The Bible many times describes children as a gift from God and reminds us that unhealthy children and adults are not sinners. Instead, God reveals His works on the human body with sickness and healing:

“Now as Jesus passed by, He saw a man who was blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, saying, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ Jesus answered, ‘Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him.” (John 9:1-3)

After a long discussion of the above verses and others in Holy Scriptures, my friend and her husband refreshed their minds with positive thoughts and decided to search for a special autism center to lessen their son’s symptoms and to increase his functional independence. They found a center only ten miles away. The center practices “Applied Behavior Analysis” (ABA) for the treatment of cognitive disorders. In this program, correct behaviors are rewarded with positive reinforcement, such as a snack, riding a bike, or going outside, and negative behaviors are ignored. By rewarding the positive, students lessen their aggressive or self-injurious behaviors, begin to communicate with their parents, and develop an internal awareness. When they become confident in their communication skills, they can learn anything with an ABA program. Within six months, my friend noticed a change in her son’s behavior. “He, for the first time ever, looked at us and hugged us. My husband and I were both moved to tears,” she said.

She observes that her son, now six, swims and plays with other children. He sounds out some words and practices more appropriate behaviors that they never thought they’d see.

Children with autism can come out of their shells by early diagnosis and intervention. If parents accept their child’s behavioral problems and collaborate with professional centers at an early age, children can adapt themselves well to family and social life. With patience, family members and their autistic child can experience success. What is needed is a solid determination combined with true respect and compassion and a deep trust in the goodness and mercy of God.

Esen Bakhautdin is a Postdoctoral Fellow at Cell Biology, Lerner Research Institute, Cleveland Clinic.

References

1. National Autism Association: http://www.nationalautismassociation.org/index.php
2. Autism Society of America: http://www.autism-society.org/site/PageServer?pagename=homepage
3. Unal, Ali. 2007. The Qur’an with Annotated Interpretation in Modern English, NJ: Tughra Books.
4. Nursi, Bediuzzaman Said. 2010. 25 Remedies for the Sick, NJ: The Light, Inc.
5. Al-Bukhari (1980), Jami al Sahih.

Some modern Western scholars would ascribe the long-lasting existence of Ottoman rule to oppression and a strong military presence. According to this view, it was fear and terror that brought authority and control over at least the Balkans, a dominantly Christian territory. Careful and accurate scholarship, however, has revealed that this was certainly not the case. The majority of historical sources and archives have so far disclosed highly advanced administrative skills in the Ottoman state affairs. The most recent scholarly works, both popular and academic, have unanimously praised and applauded the Ottomans’ cultural and social contributions to the regions they administered, as well as their equitable treatment of their subjects over long periods of time. The Ottoman experience of social and cultural life provides valuable lessons for those nations that live in these regions today: The value of putting aside ethnic, religious and cultural differences, of living together and cooperating for a better future, and the sacredness of human life and the respect for the right of others to live, as well as freedom of expression and religion all existed in this state.

Historically speaking, Western Europe has always been in contact with the Ottomans through commerce or other forms of international relations. Diplomacy in the Middle Ages and afterwards was made possible by ambassadors. These ambassadors would conduct negotiations regarding disputes and sign new agreements. The observations of these special envoys about their visits formed first-hand reliable information about the unknown “others.” For example, in the year 800 AD, on one of these occasions long before the Ottomans, Charlemagne sent an envoy to Harun al-Rashid, the Abbasid Caliph, with gifts. On his part, the Caliph also sent many gifts to Charlemagne, one famous one being a clock. In a similar vein, many ambassadors had the chance to see and study Ottoman life closely during their visits. These visits considerably increased in number with the agreement of concessions granted by the Ottomans. The ambassadors would often record their experiences as notes or letters, which have proven to be of indispensable value for us today in studying an era and civilization about which not much is known.

Ogier Ghiselin de Busbecq (1520–1592) was one such ambassador for the Holy Roman Emperor Ferdinand. He came to Turkey and wrote about the life in Ottoman lands and their public administration practices. Busbecq grew up at Busbecq Castle as the son of the reputable Busbecq family. He studied in famous schools and like his father and grandfather he followed a career as a servant of the crown. He was first sent to England in 1554, and then appointed as ambassador to the Ottomans under the rule of Süleyman the Magnificent in Istanbul from 1555 to 1562.

For the duration of his service in the Ottoman lands, Busbecq constantly wrote letters to a friend in the Netherlands. These were later on published many times, most recently by Forster and Daniel in 1881 as the Turkish Letters. Widely accepted as one of the world’s first travel literatures, Busbecq describes public life and his adventures in the Ottoman land in the letters in some detail. One of the letters is of particular interest as it sheds light on certain historical aspects related to the Janissaries, the well-trained Ottoman guards.

The word “Janissary” had negative connotations in the West during the Middle Ages. The Ottoman Muslim conquests in Eastern Europe certainly contributed to this. However, Busbecq, after a prolonged visit to the Ottoman sultan, had the chance to evaluate the Janissaries and he developed some sympathy with them. In his letter he describes these guards as being of good character and spiritually elevated. In fact, Busbecq starts this letter with a description of these highly-educated Janissaries, how they function and their duties in the Ottoman lands, as well as their equitable and unbiased treatment of the public, poor or rich, Muslim or non-Muslim:

“At Buda I made my first acquaintance with the Janissaries; this is the name by which the Turks call the infantry of the royal guard… Janissaries are scattered through every part of the state, either to garrison the forts against the enemy or to protect the Christians and Jews from the violence of the mob. There is no district with any considerable amount of population, no borough or city, which has not a detachment of Janissaries to protect the Christians, Jews, and other helpless people from outrage and wrong.”

Busbecq goes on to comment about the gentle and polite disposition of Janissaries. In fact, he seems to be quite impressed by the simplicity and modesty of these guards, praising them highly, as can be seen in his next letter:

“These Janissaries generally came to me in pairs. When they were admitted to my dining room they first bowed, and then came quickly up to me, all but running, and touched my dress or hand, as if they intended to kiss it… After reaching the door, they would stand respectfully with their arms crossed, and their eyes bowed to the ground, looking more like monks than warriors… To tell you the truth, if I had not been told beforehand that they were Janissaries, I should, without hesitation, have taken them for members of some order of Turkish monks, or brethren of some Moslem college. Yet these are the famous Janissaries, whose approach inspires terror everywhere.”

According to Busbecq, these soldiers were ready to act even under extremely harsh conditions, accepting with resignation all that happened due to their faith. The Janissaries were certainly trained to obey their commander under the most severe of circumstances. In addition, Busbecq admired the Janissaries, who would never complain about difficulties:

“On such occasions (war or campaign) they take out a few spoonfuls of flour and put them into water, adding some butter, and seasoning the mess with salt and spices; these ingredients are boiled, and a large bowl of gruel is thus obtained. Of this they eat once or twice a day, according to the quantity they have, without any bread, unless they have brought some biscuit with them…”

Busbecq then goes on to compare the attitudes of these soldiers with their Western counterparts and admits the supremacy of the former with stunning self-assessment and criticism:

“From this you will see that it is the patience, self-denial and thrift of the Turkish soldier that enable him to face the most trying circumstances and come safely out of the dangers that surround him. What a contrast to our men! … On their side is the vast wealth of their empire, unimpaired resources, experience and practice in arms, a veteran soldiery, an uninterrupted series of victories, readiness to endure hardships, union, order, discipline, thrift and watchfulness. On ours are found an empty exchequer, luxurious habits, exhausted resources, broken spirits, a raw and insubordinate soldiery, and greedy quarrels; there is no regard for discipline, license runs riot, the men indulge in drunkenness and debauchery, and worst of all, the enemy are accustomed to victory, we to defeat. Can we doubt what the result must be?”

Thus, Busbecq sets out several universal virtues and ethical and moral principles as belonging to the Janissaries. Selflessness, humility, simplicity, integrity, and honor are among the virtues that Busbecq attributes to the Janissaries. He believes the way that individuals are ranked and merited for a job or promotion in the Ottomans is certainly of importance and may help us at least to partially explain the lofty character of the Janissaries. According to Busbecq, the merits for an important position in public service and authority should be based on character and ability, rather than privileges of birth, prosperity or social status:

“No distinction is attached to birth among the Turks; the deference to be paid to a man is measured by the position he holds in the public service. There is no fighting for precedence; a man’s place is marked out by the duties he discharges. In making his appointments the Sultan pays no regard to any pretensions on the score of wealth or rank, nor does he take into consideration recommendations or popularity, he considers each case on its own merits, and examines carefully into the character, ability, and disposition of the man whose promotion is in question. It is by merit that men rise in the service, a system which ensures that posts should only be assigned to the competent…”

These remarks are astounding, even to us today. Being awarded with a position is based on qualifications and past accomplishments rather than social status and rank. This normative statement certainly has political and social implications. Busbecq continues in his claim even further:

“Those who receive the highest offices from the Sultan are for the most part the sons of shepherds or herdsmen, and so far from being ashamed of their parentage, they actually glory in it, and consider it a matter of boasting that they owe nothing to the accident of birth; for they do not believe that high qualities are either natural or hereditary, nor do they think that they can be handed down from father to son, but that they are partly the gift of God, and partly the result of good training, great industry, and unwearied zeal; arguing that high qualities do not descend from a father to his son or heir, any more than a talent for music, mathematics, or the like; and that the mind does not derive its origin from the father, so that the son should necessarily be like the father in character, or emanates from heaven, and is thence infused into the human body. Among the Turks, therefore, honors, high posts, and judgeships are the rewards of great ability and good service. If a man be dishonest, or lazy, or careless, he remains at the bottom of the ladder, an object of contempt; for such qualities there are no honors in Turkey!”

Nobody is held responsible for the misfortunes or sins of their parents. Everybody is accountable for his or her own deeds. The lofty character of a mother and father does not pass to the children at birth. It is how a child is raised and educated that really matters in society. People who are elevated intellectually or spiritually are those who benefit themselves and society. Without a doubt these universal messages that Busbecq proclaims with honesty are ones that we wholeheartedly support.

In addition to being an indispensable source of information about Ottoman life more than four centuries ago, these letters also provide valuable lessons for policymakers. They remind us that the foundations of great civilizations and military power were lofty values and virtues. Power, when in the hands of the righteous, becomes an instrument for stability and balance. On the contrary, when in the hands of a tyrant, power causes chaos and anarchy in the world. Morality, integrity, equity and fairness, as well as merit, are some of the principles that may guide nations towards progress and prosperity. In a sense, a nation will rise when more of its members become selfless and are able to put the interests of “others” before “their own.” Societies that are made up of people who are ready to sacrifice themselves for the better good of others will indeed inherit a better world for their children. They will also be remembered forever. Those who put their own hedonistic ambitions before all else are doomed to be forgotten. Nobody will remember their lavish and inconsiderate lives or existence. The former U.S. president, J. F. Kennedy once said “Ask not what your country can do for you-ask what you can do for your country.” It may be most appropriate for us to conclude as follows: “Ask not how others can help you, but ask how you can help others.”

Osman Nal is an associate professor in finance, Texas Southern University.

Notes

1. Several uprisings by local populations in different parts of the Ottoman State occurred. But their number was very limited. In the case of the Balkans, for at least 200 years, and in the Middle East for at least 400 years, social life was very calm and stable.
2. A useful book on the Ottomans is Ottoman Centuries by Lord Kinross and Lords of the Horizons: A History of the Ottoman Empire by Jason Goodwin.

References

1. C. T. Forster and F. H. B. Daniel, eds. The Life and Letters of Ogier Ghiselin de Busbecq, Vol. I, London: Kegan Paul, 1881.
2. http://www.fordham.edu/halsall/mod/1555busbecq.html

Halima walked into the living room and smiled at what she saw. Ahmet was sitting on the edge of the sofa deeply immersed in a book. He had taken off his shoes on the doormat and dropped his backpack nearby.

Although this wasn’t the first time his love for books had captivated her son-Ahmet had mastered reading two years ago in 2nd grade-Halima couldn’t help wondering about the content of this book that had kidnapped him. She placed his shoes on the rack, stored his backpack in the closet, and sat by his side sneaking a peek into the pages he was reading. She realized that it was an elementary school version of the Guinness Book of World Records.

As her son turned the pages, she saw pictures of the tallest man on earth, of the woman with longest fingernails, of the man with longest ear hair, of the woman with the most body piercings.

The book also displayed pictures of a man who pulled a plane, of a man who held 10 rattle snakes in his mouth by their tails, of a man who balanced a car on his head, of a man who ate 36 cockroaches in one minute, of a man capable of producing the loudest burp-you name it.

Reading the “fun facts” beside each picture, Halima was overtaken by a desperate wish to censor her son’s book selection from the school library. But how possible is that? As she felt at a loss for the right words to begin a conversation without triggering objection, Ahmet looked up and misjudging her interest in the book, he asked genuinely:

“Mom, which record should I break?”

Caught off guard, Halima rummaged through the pages with a let-me-see pose and decided to turn the question around:

“Which one would you like to break?”

“I think I could grow really looong nails,” Ahmet answered stretching the adjective.

“Goodness gracious!” sighed Halima trying to conceal her repulse. She looked at his face and resisting the temptation to snatch the book from him, she spoke softly.

“Ok, my son. Let’s say you broke the longest nails record. Who would benefit from it? You would spend your life growing your nails and depending on others for your basic needs, right?

“Your name would appear in this book,” she continued trying not to sound offensive, “you may earn some money, too, and then what?” Halima fell silent to let her question sink in.

Seeing Ahmet inconsolably disappointed, she switched into a softer tone so that Ahmet would not feel guilty for expressing his childish wish.

“The achievements you read in this book may look cool and fun, but are they bringing any good to anyone?

Ahmet, half-convinced, shook his head.

“Yet, there is a record I want you to break, my son,” Halima said, ending the silence with a new excitement that caused his eyes to shine with interest.

“Really?” asked Ahmet without disguising his thrill.

“Sure. I want you to break a record in …”-here her voice turned low and soft, almost into a whisper, as if confiding a secret or waiting for him to fill the blank-“… good deeds.”

Ahmet looked at her in disbelief. What kind of record is that?

“Yes, my sweetheart, there is such a record, and there are infinite ways to achieve it,” she said pausing to collect examples. “For instance, you can be a very trustworthy person who has never told even the tiniest lie.”

“Wow, that’s hard.” Ahmet said, the very thought making him blush.

“Yes it is,” Halima agreed. “But you can try your best.”

Halima decided that she should suggest more appealing options to her hard-to-convince son. “How about being a very generous person who donates all his wealth to help the less fortunate?” Halima continued. Ahmet couldn’t figure out how he could do that. His own allowance never seemed to be enough.

“You can open schools in areas of the world where people can’t even write their names.” Ahmet shot her a disbelieving look, “Can’t even write their names?”

“Think of a scientist who finds a cure to a deadly disease,” Halima went on slowly picking up the ideas along the way. “Imagine being a firefighter who risks his life to assist others in times of disaster. What do you say? Wouldn’t that be nice?” Ahmet nodded with a grin. He still had his toy firetruck as a keepsake.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Halima added. “You can be an influential leader who stands for justice and peace.”

“Like Martin Luther King?” asked Ahmet, as elated as a student who has found the right answer before time has elapsed. He had visited Dr. King’s home in one of his social studies field trip.

Halima nodded with an assuring smile and continued, “How about being a super environmentalist who keeps our planet clean.”

Halima purposefully paused to see his reaction at her last words. Environmental awareness was one of the mission goals in his school. As she expected, a sparkle of recognition shone in his eyes which poured into words in no time.

“Yeah, I can fight against pollution and preserve the natural habitats for endangered animals,” he said very confidently.

Halima hugged Ahmet and smiled. Of all aspirations, no wonder this one had touched the cord of his animal loving heart.

“Throughout history,” Halima continued in a lecturing tone, “many men and women of great integrity have made an impact on the world. Some of their names are written in books, some not. Yet believe me my son that no goodness, even as small as mustard seed, ever perishes.”

As Ahmet was trying to figure out how a goodness can be as small as a mustard seed, his mom brought his train of thoughts to a halt. She took him gently by his shoulders and asked out of the blue: “Do you want to know a hero of our times?”

As soon as Ahmet nodded, they headed to the computer in his room. Ahmet pulled up a chair and sat nearby as his mom typed an unfamiliar name into a Google search.

Haji (Hacý) Kemal Erimez. Ahmet could tell right away that the name was Turkish. Born in USA, to Turkish parents, he was fluent in both languages.

In 0.19 seconds 5,200 search results came up arousing his curiosity. Ahmet watched a 45-min-Turkish video in silence trying desperately to match the pieces of information together and process them in his little brain. He wouldn’t be surprised if his mom asked him to summarize the video content, out of habit of course. His teacher did that too.

“O.K.,”-he thought to himself trying to make mental notes,-“this uncle, called Haji Kemal, spent all his money for the opening of three schools in Turkey and five in Tajikistan. If only I had a paper and pen to take notes,” Ahmet wished.

He thought of asking his mom to pause the video. Then he dismissed the thought altogether because he saw on the screen an army tank strolling through some dusty streets accompanied by soldiers carrying guns.

All ears, Ahmet listened as the video host explained that Haji Kemal not only spent his senior years tending to the needs of schools instead of retiring and relaxing with his grandchildren, he also refused to leave Tajikistan during a civil war that broke in 1992.

Ahmet couldn’t figure out who fought against whom. Despite the urge from Tajik authorities to leave the country, Haji Kemal and other Turkish teachers had very bravely decided to stay and defend the school if necessary. Apparently this had made a deep impression on local authorities, some of whom Ahmet heard mention Haji Kemal with great respect in their interviews, referring to him as “Ata,” which as mom explained to Ahmet meant father in the Tajik language and interestingly in Turkish, too.

Later Ahmet watched a group of Tajik students happily smiling at the camera, showing off their gold medals that they had earned for their country in international math and science Olympiads.

Then the video showed parts of Haji Kemal’s funeral in 1997.

Thousands of people stood in rows under the rain to pay their respects to a great man-as the video host put it. In tears, one Tajik student promised that he and his friends would never forget Haji Ata and that they would work hard to fulfill his dream: serving Tajikistan to prosperity.

At this moment Ahmet noticed that his mom was crying too. She looked back at him and trying to smile she said, “See Ahmet, these Tajik students have found their higher goals in life. That’s a good record to break.”

Ahmet was overwhelmed by a strange apprehension that he was missing some important point in all this discussion. “Haji Kemal amca,” Ahmet thought, instinctively replacing the word uncle with its equivalent in Turkish, “is a very good person, no doubt about it. In fact, he looks like my grandfather with his white hair and beard.” But what makes him a hero? Why do all these people admire him? Ahmet wondered. Realizing that the video, which had ended moments ago, had no more to offer, he decided to ask his mom.

“Mom, why is opening schools so important?”

Halima stood silent for a couple of seconds to think of the right shortcut to simplify this complex topic.

“Long ago,” she said, “I came across an inspiring saying that I think answers your question in a nice way. I don’t remember who said it, but anyway the quote went like this:

“Whoever opens a good school closes a prison.” By the way Ahmet fixed his gaze on her, Halima could tell that her curious son was perplexed by the school-prison link.

“Lack of education leads to ignorance, which in turn leads to poverty, and poverty most of the time leads to many unfortunate troubles for the individual or the society. Do you know what the word society means?” she asked to double check.

“Mom!” Ahmet protested in a tone that gave a hint that he was either amused or upset by such an easy question. “I am studying and comparing the Greek and American Democracies for my social studies this year!”

“Oh, so sorry to assume,” Halima smiled at his sensitive scholarly pride and continued. “Sound education-that is, nurturing of the mind and the heart-is a foolproof way to build a better, peaceful world.”

Ahmet, still not sure whether he understood everything right, felt a peculiar desire nonetheless to go back in time, meet Haji Kemal amca and kiss his hands, a typical Turkish gesture of showing respect.

Halima, looking at the digital clock on the computer screen, realized it was getting late and got up to set the table for dinner.

“Ahmet!” she called to shake him from his daydreaming, “Why don’t you start training for your record breaking by helping me in the kitchen right away?”

Ahmet, smiling, stood up promptly and, as erect as a soldier before the commander, duplicated the response of obedience, “Yes, ma’am!”

Halima laughed at his wittiness and patting him on the shoulder she said,

“Then go wash your hands, my champion.”

Mirkena Ozer had her major in Turkish language and literature. She lives in Atlanta, Georgia.

Mary was given her name by her mother. Her name has been said to mean “the one who does not want, one who departs” or “the servant,” but the opinion that the name Mary means “one who worships” in the Aramaic language1 seems more suitable.

The guardianship of Zachariah

Mary’s honorable family upbringing, the fact that she was a chosen person, and her many outstanding virtues are emphasized frequently in both the Qur’an and hadith. However, the verses of the Qur’an alone are more than sufficient to explain her superiority as a woman. Firstly, she came from an honorable family, a father as noble as Imran and a mother so memorable and devoted that her prayers were accepted by God. Mary was the fruit of a devoted mother’s prayer and because of her oath she was entrusted to a holy sanctuary at a very young age.

When her father Imran died,2 Mary was still only a young girl and many asked for the honorable duty of her guardianship, but this duty was bestowed upon Prophet Zachariah3 in an event that was revealed in the Holy Qur’an: “(O Messenger:) that is of the tidings of the things of the unseen (the things that took place in the past and have remained hidden from people with all their truth), which We reveal to you, for you were not present with them when they drew lots with their pens about who should have charge of Mary; nor were you present with them when they were disputing (about the matter)” (Al Imran 3:44). The Qur’anic verse which describes how Mary’s sustenance comes to her is immediately followed by a supplication from Zachariah that clearly indicates that he was growing old and was slowly becoming incapable of looking after Mary adequately. This is the most likely reason for the weak reports claiming that the person who was blessed with her guardianship was a priest called Juraich4 or a member of her family called Joseph,5 but these reports have no authority, for God revealed in the Qur’an that Mary was living under the education and care of Zachariah.6

Mary was blessed with sustenance from God

Zachariah made Mary a sanctuary7 in the temple so she could be more occupied with daily worship.8 During the period that Mary lived at the temple under the guidance of Zachariah, she was exceptionally blessed with sustenance from God. The Qur’an informs us that every time Zachariah went to see Mary, there would be lovely fruits in her room: “Whenever Zachariah went in to her in the Sanctuary, he found her provided with food. ‘Mary,’ he asked, ‘how does this come to you?’ ‘From God,’ she answered. Truly God provides to whomever He wills without reckoning”(Al Imran 3:37).9 It is also known that after giving birth to baby Jesus, she was miraculously provided with the blessing of fresh dates and water. A similar event is reported for Fatima, the Prophet Muhammad’s daughter.10

There is no information about Mary’s life before the angel came giving Mary the glad tidings of Jesus’s birth. But the books of Apocrypha (accounts rejected by the Church) convey the blessing of sustenance bestowed upon Mary. However, the Apocrypha give some information about the earlier period of Mary’s life, including predictions as to where she was born and even estimations regarding the date of her birth. The Protoevangelium, one of the books of Apocrypha, contains some additional information which is not found in the canonical scriptures (those accepted by the Church).

The Sanctuary and sense of servitude

While she increased her worship with every day that passed, the period that Mary was under the care of Zachariah continued with God’s special protection and sustenance. This particular characteristic is mentioned in the Qur’an: “And (in due time came the moment) when the angels said: “Mary, God has chosen you and made you pure, and exalted you above all the women in the world. “Mary, be devoutly obedient to your Lord, prostrate and bow (in the Prayer and devotion to Him) with those who bow!”(Al Imran 3:42–43).11

The words of the Creator’s purification of Mary-“God’s purification”-have been interpreted in various ways as referring to spiritual, moral, or physical purification. Some said that this means “purification from disbelief and sin,” while others claim this means “purification from menses following birth, all kinds of physical defect and contact with males,” and most scholars say the words “chosen above women of all nations” refers to all the women of her era,12 and though the physical actions of worship are stressed in this verse, more important is the fact that Mary abided by both the command of worship, “be devoutly obedient to your Lord, prostrate and bow (in the Prayer and devotion to Him) with those who bow!” and the spirit of worship deep in her soul: “And also Mary, the daughter of ‘Imran, who kept herself chaste (body and soul), so We breathed into it out of Our Spirit, and who affirmed the truth of the words of her Lord, and His Books; and she was of those devoutly obedient to God” (At-Tahrim 66:12).

The Qur’an also bears witness to Mary being a woman of “truth”13 in many verses.

Mary’s superiority to all women

The verse in the Qur’an about Mary being superior to all other women (Al Imran 3:42–43) has been referred to in most commentaries as well as various reports of hadith found in the Tisa Qutubi. About the many virtues of Mary, the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, said:

1. “The best of the women in the world is Mary (in her lifetime),14 and the best of the women in the world is Khadijah (in her lifetime).” (Bukhari, Muslim)

2. “Many among men attained perfection, but among women none attained perfection except Mary the daughter of Imran, and Asiya the wife of Pharaoh; and the superiority of Aisha to other women is like the superiority of Tharid (an Arabic dish) to other meals.” (Bukhari, Muslim)

3. “There is no new-born except that (at the moment of birth) Satan disturbs him, so he begins to cry from Satan’s disturbance with the exception of the son of Mary and his mother.” (Bukhari, Muslim)

4. “Of all the women in the universe, four would suffice (as an example for others): Mary, Asiya, Khadija, and Fatima.” (Tirmidhi, Ahmad b. Hanbal)

5. “The best of the women of Paradise are Khadijah, Fatima, Asiya and Mary.” (Ahmad b. Hanbal)

6. “Fatima is the leader of the women of Paradise after Mary.” (Tirmidhi, Ahmad b. Hanbal)

7. “The best women among the camel riders, are the women of Quraish.” (Another narrator said) The Prophet said, “The righteous among the women of Quraish are those who are kind to their young ones and who look after their husband’s property,” (Bukhari, Muslim) and this hadith is followed up in many cases by a report from Abu Hurairah who said, “Mary the daughter of Imran never rode a camel,” stressing the virtues of Mary. According to Imam Nawawi and Ibn Hajar, Abu Hurairah’s aim was not actually to stress the fact that Mary never rode a camel but was just an expression of his praise of Mary’s virtues,15 or another explanation of these words could be, “It does not mean that a woman who rides a camel is righteous because Mary was a righteous woman even though she never rode a camel.”

As we see from these hadith the interpreters and scholars have varying opinions on the order of arrangement of the superiority of these women, but the most interesting aspect of these hadith is that although the other names may change, Mary is the only person who is mentioned in all the given examples of these hadith, and this should be sufficient to show her unmatched excellence.

Mary’s being among the Prophets

The narrations stated above have led some scholars to believe that there is a possibility of the existence of female prophets. There has been various opinions supporting the idea that female prophets may have been sent and asking whether Mary the mother of Jesus was a Prophet or not. The opinion of scholars who believe Mary may have been a Prophet is based on the fact that Mary’s name is mentioned in the Qur’an among the Prophets: “Those were some of the Prophets on whom God did bestow his grace of the posterity of Adam and of those whom we carried (in the Ark) with Noah and of the posterity of Abraham and Israel-of those we guided and chose”(Mary 19:58), and also on the angel bringing the revelation of tidings and the benevolence provided to Mary from the creator, and the fact that she was a chosen person above all women purified through the grace of God as a “woman of perfection,” and “leader in Paradise”16 all led these scholars to believe that Mary could possibly be a messenger. However, the general opinion accepted by most scholars is that women were not sent to the world as prophets.17

There are some Christian theologians who claim that Mary was a prophet. The Christian opinion in general is that she was superior to other women and saints but not superior to Jesus. Mary has been widely praised in Christian literature for her obedience, patience, modesty, piety, faith, hope, compassion, dignity and many other virtues.

Mary: the monument of chastity

The Qur’an clearly explains in this verse how Mary conceived Jesus:

And (remember) when the angels said: “Mary, God gives you the glad tidings of a Word from Him, to be called the Messiah, Jesus son of Mary” highly honored in the world and the Hereafter, and one of those near-stationed to God. He will speak to people in the cradle and in manhood, and he is of the righteous. “Lord,” said Mary, “how shall I have a son seeing no mortal has ever touched me?” “That is how it is,” he (the Spirit who appeared before her) said, (quoting God): “God creates whatever He wills; when He decrees a thing, He does but say to it ‘Be!’ and it is.”(Al Imran 3:45–47)

The chapter Mary (19:16–33) of the Qur’an gives an extensive version of the conception, the birth and the events that followed the birth of baby Jesus. Furthermore, God the Almighty reveals how He located Mary and her son Jesus, whom He sent as an example to humans, in a prosperous place on high land with flowing streams and bestowed upon Jesus the divine benevolence He had bestowed upon his mother: “O Jesus son of Mary! O Jesus, son of Mary! Remember My favor upon you and upon your mother” (Al-Maeda 5:110).

There are various reports and comments specifically referring to Mary’s conception of Jesus and the miraculous birth in the interpretations and explanations of hadith which exceed the limits of this article. The embryologic phase of Mary’s pregnancy was just like any other pregnant woman: she conceived, the baby grew in her womb, and when the contractions began she made her way to the vicinity of the date tree behind a flowing stream and then gave birth. But how did the pregnancy and this embryological process actually begin? This question resembles a parcel holding the mysteries of this miraculous event.

So in brief, Mary was a true monument of chastity and, even though she was a virgin, conceived in a miraculous way. The fact that Mary guarded both her dignity and chastity is emphasized in the following verses of the Qur’an:

“And (mention) that blessed woman who set the best example in guarding her chastity. We breathed into her out of Our Spirit, and We made her and her son a miraculous sign (of Our Power and matchless way of doing things) for all the worlds.” (Al-Anbiya 21–91), “And also Mary, the daughter of Imran, who kept herself chaste (body and soul), so We breathed into it out of Our Spirit, and who affirmed the truth of the words of her Lord, and His Books; and she was of those devoutly obedient to God.” (At-Tahrim 66:12).

As a matter of fact, the Qur’an tells us that great disaster and punishment await those who speak unfavorably about Mary, for whatever they say against her chastity and dignity is slander, and their hearts are sealed to faith.

Mary’s death and burial

There is no account in the Qur’an or hadith of Mary’s death or burial, so details and information related to the topic are generally based on Christian sources or historical literature. Not included in the synoptic gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke), Mary’s attending the miracle of Cana (John 2:11) and the event of the crucifix (John 19:25–27) were only reported in the book of John; she prayed with Jesus and his disciples in the Acts (1:14) following his resurrection, but there is no mention of the remaining period of her life, her death, age, or appearance in any of the gospels.

It is estimated that Mary must have been around fifty years old at the time of Jesus’ passing and there are varying reports regarding her own death; some say she was fifty-six, while there are other reports of her being seventy or even seventy-two. The questions of where and how she died have been topics of discussion and dispute for centuries, but the fact that she carried on throughout her life in sincere devotion and worship of God is much more suitable for her general profile.

Although there is no information on Mary’s place of burial in Christian sources, there are different views. Some say she was buried in Jerusalem, whereas others say it could have been in Ephesus or Antioch. Although there is no specific grave associated with Mary in Ephesus, there are graves said to be that of Mary which are in churches, one in the Jehosaphat valley between the Mount of Olives and Mount Temple and another in Gethsemani. There are some claims that her grave is on the mountain of Sion, and a Syrian history writer claims that her grave is situated in Al-Faradis in Damascus.18

Notes

1. Zamahshari, I, 142; Bagawi, I, 295; Baydawi, II, 31.

2. Hakim, Mustadrak II, 646; Tabari, III, 235; Zamahshari, I, 142.

3. See Al Imran 3:37, 44. Also Ibn Hisham, III, 121; Tabari, III, 242-244.

4. Ibn Hisham, III, 121.

5. Ibn Kathir, Bidayah II, 68; Alusi, III, 165, XVI, 80.

6. See Al Imran 3:37. Also see: Tabari, III, 242-244; Qurtubi, IV, 71-86.

7. Mihrab is the original Qur’anic word. A bit different than its meaning today, mihrab in this context refers to a place “where one lives and prays, a most honorable place, where one strives against the carnal self.”

8. Tabari, III, 245; Wahidi, I, 208; Baydawi, II, 34.

9. See also Tabari, III, 244-246; Baqawi, I, 297; Fahruddin ar-Razi, VI, 283.

10. Zamahshari, I, 143; Ibn Kathir, I, 361.

11. See also New Testament, Luke 1:26–28; 41–42.

12. Tabari, III, 262-264; Vahidi, I, 210.

13. Al- Maidah 5:75. The word “Truth” means trustworthy, of truthful speech pious in faith and religion. Ibn Manzur, “s-d-k” (X, 193)

14. Scholars like Qadi Iyaz and Qurtubi understood the meaning of these words as “superior to all women on the earth.”

15. Navawi, XVI, 80; Ibn Hajar, VI, 473-474, IX, 125.

16. Navawi, XV, 198; Ayni, XV, 308.

17. Navawi, XV, 198; Baydawi, II, 38; Ibn Kathir, II, 82; Ayni, XV, 308. Those who support this view usually refer to this verse: “We did not send before you as Messengers any but men to whom We revealed, from amongst the people of the townships (where We raised them)” (Yusuf 12:109).

18. Ibn Asakir, Tarih al-Dimashk II, 337, 411.

They took their muddy shoes and heavy coats off. Dad, looking very sad, sat down on the sofa while my mom whispered something quickly to my sister before vanishing to her bedroom. I could only catch some ominous words like, “…dead…. wake…. we got to go.” My sister did not ask any questions. In no time, Mom came out of her room dressed in black, kissed me on the cheeks, and left. Dad, who up to that moment had been silently gazing at the brown carpet, robotically stood up and followed her. On his way out, he reminded my sister to lock the door.

My sister turned the key twice as if the Big Bad Wolf might knock on the door in a minute. Then she turned off the TV-custom dictates that there is no music or laughter in a mourning house. We sat there looking at each other in silence. My sister looked pitiful, so I gave her some time to digest whatever Mom had whispered to her. Meanwhile, I started to decode what my little radar had caught.

Someone is dead-no doubt about it. Since the news was given sotto voce, it had to have been a shameful death like committing suicide or being shot while stealing. Or, God forbid, it might be an awful death like being crushed by a train or chopped to pieces by a revenge murderer. Since my parents were grieving, it probably involved somebody significant to us. Could it be one of their coworkers? A relative? At this point I grew so anxious I knew I would explode if I did not ask. “Who is dead?” I asked in a trembling voice. “Dad’s stepmother,” my sister answered matter-of-factly.

The answer took me by surprise because I did not know Dad had a stepmother. I knew he had lost his mother suddenly at age six and had lost his father ten years later. I sensed a mystery concealed before me and I could have sworn my sister knew more. The question was how I could fish out the secrets my sister’s heart held so faithfully.

My sister, an ordinary eighteen-year-old, was nice to me most of the time except when I asked too many questions and messed up her drawers. She would never repeat what she knew about her friends and acquaintances, so at times I felt my sister was a mysterious person and I imagined her heart was full of secrets.

“Dad’s stepmother?” I repeated it in my mind over and over trying to define what it meant to me. I knew of only one stepmother, a pretty infamous one for that matter: Snow White’s stepmother. She was mean and cruel. Some people would rejoice at such a person’s death. Yet, everybody was sad. I made up my mind to go ahead and ask my sister no matter what the consequences. My assumptions were taking me nowhere. “Where did she live?” I asked, expecting to be hushed. “In our town,” my sister answered. “Is she nice?” I asked, then corrected myself. “I mean, was she nice?” My sister nodded. Seeing her handle my interrogation calmly, I was encouraged to ask more. Mercifully, my sister spared me all the sweating by revealing the story on her own.

“Dad was six years old when his mother died. Grandpa married again right away so that somebody would take care of his little boy. He chose to marry a close relative of his first wife. Apparently, everybody was surprised that an attractive man with a high standard of education married someone so plain and uneducated. But I guess he only cared that a relative of Grandma would treat his son nicely. He had three more children with his second wife, two girls and a boy.”

I stood there all ears, almost forgetting to breathe, listening to this astonishing revelation. Not only had I a step-grandmother, but a step-uncle and two step-aunts as well. I forced myself to stop wondering and focus on my sister, who, after taking a deep breath, went on:

“Grandfather was right. She took care of Dad so well that she didn’t make any difference between her own children and him. She continued to be good to him even after Grandfather died ten years later. She never remarried. She worked hard to make ends meet, and Dad, because he was the eldest child, helped by dropping out of high school to work full time. That was when he took evening courses and learned to be an electrical repairman.

“At twenty-six, Dad married Mom. I heard that his stepmother loved Mom and boasted to her neighbors about what a fine lady her son had married. In the beginning, everything was fine and they all lived happily together in the same house. After a while, Dad started to give less and less to the family budget and spent more and more from his pay on gifts and movie theater tickets. Mom and Dad used to like to go to the movies every week in those days.

“One night Dad’s stepmother apparently complained. She reminded Dad that she was having a hard time paying the bills. Dad accused her of being interfering and jealous of his love for his wife. His stepmother must have felt humiliated because she vowed that unless he apologized and changed his ways, she wouldn’t speak to him again. Dad insisted he had done no wrong and saw no reason to apologize. Both of them must have gone to bed feeling sore and angry at each other.

The next day, when his stepmother came home from work, most likely hoping that the new day might have helped him to see things in their true color, she found that Dad and Mom had packed up their stuff and moved out. She must have felt betrayed. The sting in her heart, I reckon, made her swear an oath that she never broke. She sent word to Dad telling him that from now on she would have nothing to do with him and warned him never to come back.” My sister stopped her narration and it felt as if time had stopped, too.

“This is too awful to be true,” I mumbled in disbelief. “Did they ever speak again?” I asked, hoping against hope. My sister shook her head. “Neither she nor her children ever spoke to our parents.” My sister continued, “They saw each other almost every day on the street, in the shops, at the stadium, at the hospital, at the post office, you name it. But they changed paths or ignored each other.” She shook her head. “Pride is such a terrible thing sometimes,” she concluded, and I could not have agreed more.

“You know, you met her once!” My sister startled me with this exciting remark. “I did? When? Where?” I impatiently looked into her eyes. “Remember the day when you hurt your knee in the park and when we were on our way back home, and you were limping, two old ladies stopped us in the middle of the road?”

“Yes, I remember,” I interrupted her. Although it had happened almost five years ago I recalled the incident clearly because that peculiar encounter had made quite an impression on me. The intensity with which one of the old ladies looked at me, the way my sister looked around as if she did not want to get caught doing something wrong, had naturally not escaped my curious eye.

“I remember, one of the old ladies kissed you on the cheeks. Then she looked at me and asked her friend, ‘Is this his youngest daughter?’ Her friend said yes and then the first lady hugged me, wiped tears from my face with a tissue, and gave me two candies. Then you pulled me away. You said we were late and our parents would be worried. I followed you but I was looking behind, waving back at the nice lady because she made me feel so special. Later, when I kept asking you who she was, you hushed me. You were angry and sorry at the same time. I even saw you wiping your eyes. I thought you were crying because she didn’t give you any candies.”

“No, silly,” my sister tried to laugh, though I sensed that the same mood of anger and sorrow had overtaken her. “I was crying,” she explained, “for all the things we missed. Every day I came home from school with our neighbor’s son, passing by their door, stopping by just to breathe in the wonderful smell of baking bread and to envy the big smile of his grandmother, knowing quite well that a cold and empty home was waiting for me to turn the key. I was angry with Dad because his pride was depriving us of a God-given right-the wonderful presence of a grandmother. Why did everyone in town just stand by and watch this tragedy? Everyone was pretending to mind their business. No one had the courage to intervene and bring it to an end.”

My sister started crying and I felt pity for us my eyes watered too. Who knows what beautiful bedtime stories she might have known, who knows what delicious meals she could have prepared, and whether she would have had the ear to listen to me-the ear my mom, who worked full time, never had.

“But why did she kiss me twice and give me two candies?” I asked, almost to myself, fearing that my sister would reprimand me for such a stupid question. “She…,” my sister sniffed trying to collect her voice, ”she worked in the only day care our town had. So she practically took care of me and our big sister and big brother as a part of her job for four whole years each. When you were born she had retired. I guess she was sad that she never got to hold you as a baby.” I could hold the tears no longer. Her soft kiss on my cheeks and her compassionate, intense look lingered in my mind. She would have made a wonderful grandmother.

The doorbell startled us, and we hurried to open the door, wiping the tears on our way. Surprisingly, my parents had returned in much worse shape than they had left. Usually close relatives of the deceased stay at the wake until dawn. My parents had been gone for barely an hour. This time Dad, soaked to the bone with rain, his face swollen red from crying, went straight to their room. Mother looked distressed too. She sat on the coach and took several deep breaths.

“What happened?” asked my sister when she realized that Mom was not going to tell us without prompting. “We were not wanted there,” Mom managed to say before she broke down in tears. I shivered as I imagined someone yelling at my parents, “Get out of here!”

“Who told you that?” my sister demanded.

“Her son,” Mom said. I could not help but note that “her son” would have been our uncle, had all this not happened.

“He shoved us out,” Mom continued, sniffing. “He told us that it’s useless to honor the dead when we had shown her no respect in her lifetime.” That made sense to me as much as I wished it did not.

“What did Dad do?” asked my sister. I was becoming annoyed with Ms. Detective. I was afraid of what was coming next. “What could he do?” Mom took a deep breath. “Your Dad stood there speechless for a few minutes. He couldn’t confront his stepbrother. No one at the wake came to his defense, so we left the house in humiliation. He wept all the way home,” Mom said breaking into tears again.

A deep sadness flooded my heart as I realized that our step-grandmother had taken with her to the grave any chance of reconciliation and that I would never come to meet my uncles and aunts. I left Mom to my sister’s questioning and went to check on my dad. The door of their room was ajar. He was sitting on the bed, his back bent, his gaze fixed on the floor. I wished I could read his mind, but more than anything I wished I could console him. But how could I?

There sat my dad, a middle-aged man, proud father of a son and three daughters. There sat my dad, a diligent follower of politics who never missed the evening news in the election season. There sat my dad, a faithful patron of the coffee shop, and a big fan of soccer who could never get enough of the Brazil team at the World Cup. There sat a man sobbing like a child with his head between his palms. I wondered if he felt like a loser. For some unknown reason I could not side with him, although my heart was breaking with pity. And suddenly, I realized that I had spent the whole afternoon utterly fascinated by my sister’s account of my parents’ sins. Immediately, I felt sick and afraid. Did disloyalty flow in our veins? Was that to be the inheritance in our family?

Right at that moment Dad raised his head and looked at me with an expression pleading for something neither I nor anybody else breathing on earth could grant him: forgiveness. Avoiding my reproachful look, he raised his fists and started hitting his graying temples, shouting painfully to himself, “Ungrateful, Ungrateful!”

I could not stand watching him any longer. I backed out and closed the door. And at every rapid beat of my heart I prayed to God to have mercy on us all for what we had done to our parents and to show us a way of atonement.

Mirkena Ozer had her major in Turkish language and literature. She lives in Atlanta, Georgia.