In the bustling streets of Abuja, Nigeria, students from different religious and ethnic backgrounds study side by side at Nigerian Tulip International Colleges. In Mindanao, the Philippines, dialogue centers bring together Christian and Muslim communities that have historically been divided by conflict. In Bosnia-Herzegovina, educational institutions serve as bridges between Croats, Serbs, and Bosniaks still healing from the wounds of war.

These initiatives stem from the Hizmet Movement—a global civil society network inspired by Turkish Islamic scholar Fethullah Gülen that emphasizes education, dialogue, and service to humanity. Operating through grassroots volunteers rather than centralized control, Hizmet has established schools, dialogue centers, and humanitarian organizations worldwide since the 1990s.

What connects these seemingly diverse initiatives across the globe? They all exemplify what the Hizmet Movement calls “peace islands”—spaces where cooperation flourishes despite historical tensions. But there’s something even more remarkable: these peace-building efforts embody sophisticated scientific principles that mathematicians have been studying for decades through a field called game theory—principles that become strikingly clear when we examine how cooperation actually works in practice.

The mathematics of cooperation

Game theory might sound abstract, but it addresses one of humanity’s most pressing questions: Why do people sometimes cooperate for mutual benefit, while other times they compete destructively? Despite the term “game,” this field analyzes the most serious of human interactions. The field emerged in the 1940s when mathematician John von Neumann began studying strategic interactions, particularly during the tense early years of the nuclear age when miscalculated decisions could have catastrophic consequences.

The most famous illustration of this challenge is the “Prisoner’s Dilemma.” Imagine two prisoners held in separate cells, unable to communicate, each facing a choice: cooperate by staying silent, or defect by confessing and hoping for leniency. If both stay silent, both receive light sentences. If both confess, both face harsh punishment. But if one confesses while the other stays silent, the confessor goes free while the silent partner suffers the worst outcome.

The dilemma captures a fundamental tension: while mutual cooperation yields the best collective result, each individual faces a tempting incentive to defect. This same dynamic appears everywhere—from arms races between nations to environmental agreements, from business negotiations to community conflicts.

The breakthrough came in the 1980s when political scientist Robert Axelrod organized computer tournaments to discover which strategies work best in repeated interactions. The winning approach was surprisingly simple: “Tit-for-Tat,” submitted by mathematician Anatol Rapoport —a strategy where you cooperate on the first move, then simply copy whatever your opponent did in the previous round. This strategy had four key characteristics that Axelrod identified as crucial for sustained cooperation:

• Nice: Start by cooperating and never attack first.
• Forgiving: Return to cooperation when the other party cooperates.
• Retaliatory: Respond proportionally when others defect.
• Clear: Maintain predictable patterns that others can understand.

These scientific insights about cooperation aren’t merely academic curiosities. They provide a powerful lens for understanding why some peace-building efforts succeed while others fail.

Islamic values and cooperation principles

Given the fact that Hizmet Movement emerged in a Muslim context and inspired by an Islamic scholar, it is important to see how Islamic values naturally align with Hizmet’s approach and these scientifically validated cooperation principles. The movement draws inspiration from concepts deeply rooted in Islamic tradition:

• Sulh (reconciliation) emphasizes voluntary agreement, dialogue, and mutual acceptance. It reflects the “nice” principle by avoiding hostility and prioritizing harmony in human relationships. Islamic tradition consistently highlights the value of resolving tensions through patience and negotiation, encouraging communities to seek understanding and peaceful settlement rather than confrontation.
• Islah (reform and reconciliation) focuses on repairing relationships through constructive engagement, embodying both forgiveness and the long-term thinking essential for sustained cooperation.
• Hikmah (wisdom) involves selecting the right response at the right time—a nuanced, context-sensitive approach that outperforms rigid strategies.
• Qisas (retaliation in kind) underlines justice through proportional response, ensuring that the consequence matches the offense without excess.
• Afw (forgiveness) highlights the moral choice to pardon rather than retaliate, reflecting Islam’s encouragement of mercy as a higher virtue. Qur’anic guidance praises those who forgive, framing forgiveness as a path to inner strength and social harmony.

The Qur’anic principle “Let them pardon and overlook. Would you not love for God to forgive you? God is Forgiving and Merciful.” (Qur’an 24:22) perfectly balances proportional response with a preference for forgiveness – remarkably similar to the “generous Tit-for-Tat” strategies that game theorists discovered work best in environments where misunderstandings occur.

“Peace islands” in action

The “peace islands” concept translates these theoretical insights into practical reality. In Nigeria, for instance, the UFUK Dialogue Initiative annually honors contributions to peace with awards recognizing prominent religious leaders who understand that dialogue transcends sectarian boundaries.

International events, such as “Countering Violent Extremism through Love and Tolerance” organized by UFUK and Nigeria’s Institute for Peace and Conflict Resolution demonstrate how peace islands function as structured environments that reduce the risks of defection while increasing incentives for cooperation.

The movement’s approach embodies game theory’s key findings about scaling cooperation:

• Repeated interactions: Educational institutions provide ongoing contact that builds trust over time, rather than one-off events that rarely create lasting change.
• Multi-level engagement: Peace islands simultaneously engage grassroots communities, civil society organizations, and opinion leaders, creating reinforcing networks that raise the cost of defection.
• Clear norms: Structured activities and shared values establish predictable frameworks for interaction.
• Local adaptation: Each peace island adapts to its cultural context while maintaining core cooperative principles.

The network effect

Perhaps most remarkably, the Hizmet Movement shows how local cooperation can expand into a global network. Game theorists have found that many social systems exhibit “small-world” properties: tightly knit local communities that are nonetheless connected through short pathways, allowing cooperation and information to spread quickly. This is the same principle illustrated by the famous “six degrees of separation” idea, which shows how surprisingly few intermediaries can link distant individuals.

Hizmet’s model (locally organized volunteer groups connected loosely across continents) fits this pattern. With a presence in over 150 countries, its decentralized structure closely reflects this optimal small-world architecture.

Local dialogue centers maintain deep community roots while sharing resources and lessons through transnational networks. This combination allows trust-building mechanisms to remain intact while enabling cross-context learning.

In the Philippines, Hizmet-inspired schools are recognized for their world-standard science and mathematics education, creating spaces where dialogue emerges naturally from shared academic achievement. Ambassador David Shinn’s comprehensive study Hizmet in Africa documents similar patterns across the continent, where educational networks of ninety-five schools combine with social, humanitarian, and interfaith activities to create sustainable cooperation infrastructure.

When science meets spirituality

The convergence between game theory and Islamic peace-building values offers profound insights for contemporary challenges. While purely secular approaches to cooperation may struggle when short-term incentives favor defection, values-based motivation provides the ethical anchor necessary for sustained commitment.

Game theory shows us that cooperation isn’t just morally desirable—it’s often strategically optimal. But Islamic teachings add crucial depth by embedding cooperation within a framework of ultimate meaning.

This integration addresses a fundamental challenge in peace-building: how to maintain cooperative behavior when immediate benefits aren’t apparent. Religious commitment provides what game theorists call “shadow of the future”—concern for long-term consequences that enables short-term sacrifice for greater good.

Lessons for our time

The scientific validation of Hizmet’s peace-building approach offers hope in an era often characterized by polarization and conflict. The evidence shows that small-scale initiatives, when strategically designed and ethically grounded, can generate ripple effects leading to broader transformation.

Game theory reveals that successful cooperation requires more than good intentions—it demands strategic sophistication. The most effective approaches combine niceness with firmness, forgiveness with accountability, and clarity with adaptability. These aren’t contradictory requirements but complementary elements of robust cooperation systems.

For individuals seeking to contribute to peace, the research suggests several practical principles:

• Begin with cooperative gestures, but maintain clear boundaries
• Respond to cooperation with increased trust, but address defection proportionally
• Make your commitments predictable and your values transparent
• Think in terms of repeated interactions rather than single encounters
• Connect local initiatives to broader networks for sustainable impact

Perhaps most importantly, the convergence of game theory and Islamic values demonstrates that science and spirituality need not conflict in addressing humanity’s challenges. Instead, they can reinforce each other in powerful ways—scientific insights providing strategic clarity while spiritual foundations supplying motivational depth.

The path forward

As we face complex global challenges requiring unprecedented cooperation—from ethnic and religious tensions to territorial disputes to ideological conflicts—the lessons from peace islands become increasingly relevant. The Hizmet Movement’s experience demonstrates that civil society actors, guided by both strategic wisdom and ethical values, can build cooperation infrastructure capable of addressing large-scale problems.

The mathematical elegance of game theory and the spiritual depth of Islamic peace-building traditions point toward the same conclusion: sustainable peace requires patient cultivation of trust, strategic thinking about cooperation, and unwavering commitment to human dignity.

In a world where “strongmen” often dominate headlines, the quiet work of building bridges may seem insignificant. But science tells us otherwise. Like the butterfly effect in complex systems, small acts of strategic cooperation can generate transformative change across vast networks.

The peace islands scattered across more than 150 countries offer more than hope—they provide a scientifically grounded, spiritually anchored model for human cooperation. In understanding their success, we glimpse possibilities for addressing even our most intractable conflicts.

As the Qur’an reminds us, “O mankind! We created you from a male and a female and made you into nations and tribes that you may know each other” (49:13). Game theory shows us how to make that knowing not just possible, but strategically beneficial for all. In that convergence lies a path toward the peace our world desperately needs. The science is clear: peace is not just an ideal—it’s a strategic necessity that benefits everyone.

References

• Axelrod, R. (1984). The Evolution of Cooperation. Basic Books.
• Gülen, M. F. (2004). Toward a global civilization of love and tolerance. The Light.
• Michel, T. (2013). Peace islands and positive action. In G. Barton, P. Weller, & I. Yilmaz (Eds.), The Muslim world and politics in transition (pp. 45-58). Bloomsbury Academic.
• Nowak, M., & Sigmund, K. (1993). A strategy of win-stay, lose-shift that outperforms tit-for-tat in the prisoner’s dilemma game. Nature, 364(6432), 56-58.
• The Qur’an (M. A. S. Abdel Haleem, Trans.). (2004). Oxford University Press.
• Rapoport, A., & Chammah, A. M. (1965). Prisoner’s dilemma: A study in conflict and cooperation. University of Michigan Press.
• Shinn, D. (2015). Hizmet in Africa: The Activities and Significance of the Gülen Movement. Blue Dome Press.
• (2023, December 23). This game theory problem will change the way you see the world [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mScpHTIi-kM

Defraud is not just the act of usurping financial or material means that aren’t yours. Spiritual defraud exists, and it is also a major sin.

Believers are strictly warned in the Qur’an to avoid defraud. What is the scope of “defraud” and what are the specific messages for believers of our age?

The following verse in the Qur’an lays down a comprehensive definition of defraud and its consequences:

It is not conceivable that a Prophet defrauds; and whoever defrauds (by stealing from public property or war-gains) will come with what he gained by his fraud on the Day of Resurrection. Then, every soul shall be repaid in full what it has earned (while in the world), and they will not be wronged. (3:161)

In its general definition, defrauding means taking something unlawful, benefiting from it, and breaching the public trust. In a more specific context, it refers to stealing something from war gains before they are distributed, and to take secretly from what belongs to the public and abusing what belongs to the state.

The verse first and foremost starts by absolving all messengers of God from defraud and all other forms of corruption. None of the prophets, from Adam to Abraham, Moses, Jesus, and Muhammad (peace be upon them), was involved in this evil act; they possessed only what they knew was their lawful property.

There are different reports about the reason for the revelation of the verse. One of these reports relates the verse to the Battle of Uhud. Accordingly, a group of immature people, most of whom were the hypocrites of Medina, made baseless claims about the noble Prophet, claiming that he would allocate some of the war gains for himself.^[1] The verse clearly reveals that defrauding is out of the question for the great figure who led a perfectly upright life from the beginning. Even one case suffices to show his staggering innocence: when the Prophet gave his last breath, his shield was held by a Jewish pawnbroker.^[2] As he led his personal life in immense and profound heedfulness, he also showed perfect sensitivity against anything that could raise the smallest doubt about his upright life.

Defraud covers every sort of misappropriation. Obtaining property by generating false speculations relying on one’s authority or misappropriating from discretionary funds are all various forms of defraud. These acts cannot be justified based on a self-acclaimed credit due to one’s services. What is more, it is another form of defraud if one runs for a candidacy to office although he does not deserve it nor does he have any merits for it.

By pointing to the good examples of the Prophets, the verse articulates that their communities should not be involved in this corruption. Otherwise, there are consequences they will have to face. If we consider cases of embezzlement from state banks, wasting people’s money, and pushing people to poverty by burdening the state with loans, it will be better understood how grave a sin defraud is.

Self-criticism

Actually, the devoted souls should show more sensitivity in keeping away from defraud. For example, if they gather together for the sake of servitude to God or worship, we need to have the thought within about whether it is our lawful right to step on the carpet under our feet. If we do not do that, then it means we have lost our sensitivity on this issue. I am not saying that it is not your right. Those who built these establishments bought the carpets for your use; this is a different issue. The point I am trying to make is that we need to be so sensitive as to question ourselves about whether we deserve to use these carpets by prostrating ourselves on them and causing them to wear out a bit. We are eating from the food they serve us here, but are we really deserving of it? Having concerns, hesitations, and sensitivity about this issue is very important. Caring about where the morsel in one’s mouth comes from, to whom it belonged, questioning is it really lawful or not, and showing great sensitivity in this respect is a very important duty that falls on a believer.

Accountability

People running donations-based establishments like schools, cultural centers, and the like must show the same sensitivity. The people who support such services trust the volunteers who run these organizations. If there is defraud somewhere, even if it is as little as one-seventh of a grain of barley in worth, God will bring us to account for it. Nevertheless the Qur’an declares, “Whoever does an atom’s weight of good will see it; and whoever does an atom’s weight of evil will see it” (az-Zalzalah 99:8). Accordingly, we will be held liable for even smaller sins. The Arabic word dharra refers to the smallest particle of matter; it used to be called a molecule, then an atom, and then a subatomic particle… You can even call it an ion or ether. So according to the verse, God Almighty will call us to account for evils we cannot even see with a microscope or x-ray.

Bediuzzaman also spent his life with the utmost sensitivity of this kind. In order not to shake the trust of society, he accounted for his very modest belongings. “This coat I wear, I bought it seven years ago as a second hand item. For five years I have been getting by on four and a half liras for clothing, underwear, shoes, and socks.” He did not leave any place for the slightest doubts to be raised about him. Then he explained that he possessed a chicken, which laid an egg every day in spite of the winter, and that its chick grew up and started to lay eggs no sooner than its mother was unable to lay eggs. All of these are not simple stories. By doing that, he accounted for his belongings before the people.

The greatest credit is the people’s trust. People give their support, for they have the belief that, “There is no shadow of doubt and speculative purposes in these people’s lives.” Therefore, if you commit some form of defraud by laying your hands on something that is not your lawful right, you will have, first of all, broken this trust. On the other hand, imagine that the people put their trust in you, but you betrayed them; God will bring one to account for that betrayal.

For the same reason I told certain people who have been my friends for 40 to 45 years, “You had better not own an apartment or car of your own.” I am not such a sensitive person, but let me tell you one thing I did. Many times I opened my hands to God and prayed: “My God, please, here I am imploring You, do not grant worldly means to my own brothers.” Because, if others see them enjoying some wealth, they can say, “Then he is taking something from somewhere.” Praise be to my God, every one of them is employed somewhere as workers and I—the whole world is a witness to it—am not disturbed by this at all. Let them keep living—may God grant them long life—as laborers. I will not feel sad at all. I would be sad if they died as sinful people or if other people gossiped about their dishonesty; for it would mean discrediting an ideal the people gave heartfelt support to.

Thieves of success

Let me express as a final point that defraud can happen with not only material but also spiritual matters. For example, Bediuzzaman mentioned that the victory of an entire battalion cannot be ascribed to their commander only.^[3] All the rewards and honor do not belong to the commander, but the entire army. For this reason, laying claims on the accomplishment of an entire movement means associating partners with God, on the one hand (for treating causality like Divine Power), and defraud on the other. It is a great danger if a person lays claim to certain achievements by disregarding the efforts of millions and asserting his role by saying, “my plans and projects, my insight and thoughts…” and appropriating the people’s appreciation for himself by saying, “I did it.” And if others respond to him by singing his praises, and if he welcomes these, it is a further degree of disrespect and moral corruption. Such an attitude is also a form of defraud, a major sin, and a betrayal of trust.

^[1] As-Sa’labi, Al-Kashf wa’l-Bayan, 3/196; Al-Baghawi, Ma’alimu’t-Tanzil, 1/366; Az-Zamahshari,

Al-Kashshaf, 1/461

^[2] Sahih al-Bukhari, Jihad, 89; Sunan at-Tirmidhi, Buyu, 7; Sunan ibn Majah, Ruhun, 1

^[3] Nursi, The Gleams, p. 185.

With this realization, skepticism has the potential to become an inconvenience and, at its most extreme, a debilitating disorder of mammoth proportions. An example of the inconvenience of skepticism might look like this: Imagine you are looking to buy a new car from a car dealer you are unfamiliar with. The cars he sells all look to be in great condition, and the man himself seems honest enough. However, because of your skeptical nature you are not entirely sure about the quality of these cars and you ultimately decide not to buy one. Because of this, you end up missing an opportunity to own a great new car at an affordable price due to unwarranted suspicion, stemming from an overly skeptical worldview.

What does it mean to be “overly” skeptical? There are times when skepticism is warranted and even necessary. If you were to notice some odd or shifty behavior from the car salesman, for example, you would be prudent and wise to take a second to doubt the quality of the vehicles he is selling. However, problems arise when you are skeptical in the absence of any evidence to suggest that what you perceive is not in reality what one thinks it is. Is there a remedy for the soul who is afflicted with constant doubt about the world and the intentions of those in it? Is there a cure for the mind that is never satisfied with its ignorance, and wishes to know the truth and reality behind all events in the universe?

Bediuzzaman Said Nursi, a twentieth-century Islamic scholar, answers in the Risale-i Nur with an affirmative “yes,” and says that having an idea of God in one’s life is sufficient to address the concerns of skepticism.

Born in 1877, in an Anatolian village in the city of Bitlis, Bediuzzaman Said Nursi lived through one of the most tumultuous periods in Turkish history, witnessing the end of the Ottoman Empire and the birth of the secular Turkish republic under Mustafa Kemal Ataturk.

Nursi’s own life was equally tumultuous. Under the young republic’s Kemalist ideology, Nursi was routinely held by police, unjustly tried in court, and forced to live in states of exile. Despite these hardships, Nursi never deviated from his message of faith and peace, and managed to compile his incredibly influential Risale-i Nur collection.

What does Bediuzzaman Said Nursi have to say about skepticism? We should first look at Nursi’s attitude towards modern science. Said Nursi emphasized contemporary scientific achievements, and used religious and scientific terminologies together. This indicates that he supported and accepted the positive and metaphysical sciences. One of his fundamental ideas was how religious and modern scientific knowledge should complement and support each other, rather than come into conflict. In the following quote, we’ll see the importance he places on both sciences, and how skepticism is a result of a lack of the religious sciences:

“The light of the conscience is the religious sciences (ulum-u diniye). The light of the mind is the modern sciences (funun-u medeniye). Combining both manifests the truth. The student’s skills develop further with these two (sciences). When they are separated, the former breeds superstition and the latter breeds corruption and skepticism” (from Munazarat, in ibid., 2:1956).

To further the study, we will examine what Said Nursi says about the relationship between man and God. Nursi writes that belief, knowledge, and worship of God are the ultimate purpose of existence, and that these are our innate and original duties. Therefore, belief in God is the highest aim of creation. According to Nursi, because of these facts, which complement each other, human beings can only find true happiness and serenity through belief. This idea of finding inner peace through belief in God is a very important component of the Risale, and although Said Nursi does not speak to skepticism directly, this idea can address skeptical concerns about knowledge and the world. More specifically, it is when a person puts their full trust in God that he or she can stop worrying about their burdens in this world.

Said Nursi writes about putting one’s trust in God in the part of the Risale-i Nur known as The Words. He explains this concept in the Twenty-third Word, in the Third Point. Nursi writes that belief in God is both light and power, in that those who have true belief can be relieved from the pressure of events. Since they entrust their burdens to God’s Absolute Power, they travel through the world without fear and misery. Nursi writes that belief consists of affirming Divine Unity, which requires submitting to God. Submitting fully to God requires relying on Him, which will yield happiness in this world.

Nursi cautions that relying on God in this manner does not mean that one should ignore the relationship between cause and effect, but rather one should view cause and effect as veils covering Divine Power’s hand. For example, in order to earn a high score on a final exam for school, we shouldn’t only sit back and pray to God, but we should also study for the exam. He writes that observing the laws of cause and effect is actually a type of worship through seeking to comply with Divine Will. However, this kind of desire and seeking of results is not enough for us to get what we want. According to Nursi, we should understand that, with the right belief, the result we want can only be expected from God, because He is the sole producer of effects.

Said Nursi further explains this concept by use of an allegorical argument. The parable goes as follows: once, two people boarded a ship, each carrying heavy loads on their backs. One man immediately put his burden on the deck of the ship after boarding and sat on it to keep it safe. The other man refused to lay down his cargo, even after being told to do so. He feared that it might get lost, and felt that he was strong enough to carry it himself. His friend told him that the ship was stronger and could hold it better, and also that by holding onto his burden, his strength would eventually fail him. Additionally, if the captain of the ship would see him, he might think he was ungrateful or insane to be carrying that burden by himself. And so he was convinced to lay down his burden and he found relief at last. Said Nursi writes that putting trust in God delivers one from being fearful of things in life, similar to how the men in the boat put down their burdens and stopped worrying about them.

What does any of this have to do with skepticism? Let us recall the problems associated with living a life of skepticism. When a person has an unhealthy amount of skepticism, he or she can no longer be sure about things that should otherwise not concern them. This type of skepticism is like a kind of paranoia, a type of phobia. We saw earlier that Said Nursi views this sort of skepticism as a result of a lack of the religious sciences. By extension, this means that a lack of trust in a Benevolent and Wise God can be responsible for this skepticism. Completely trusting in God first requires one to believe that God has Absolute Power over cause and effect. If one believes that God controls cause and effect completely, and if one believes that everything God wills is for the best purpose and wisest reason, then one has no reason to worry about the things one cannot know for certain, because those matters are entrusted to God’s control.

Said Nursi also writes in the Twenty-Fifth Word, Second Station, about evil thoughts and involuntary suggestions that may come to people. He first quotes a verse from the Qur’an:

“O Lord, I take refuge in You from the evil suggestions of the satans, and I take refuge in You, O my Lord, lest they attend me” (23:97-98).

Nursi has this to say about involuntary evil thoughts: the person who is afflicted with these thoughts and fancies is in an unfortunate state. The more one thinks about them, the more they grow. If one ignores them, they will shrink away; but if one exaggerates them, they will loom large in one’s life. If one fears them, they will make one sick; but if one does not fear them, they will become hidden.

This approach is relevant with regards to skeptical worries. One can observe that the only people who tend to worry about whether we can ever have knowledge with 100 certainty are philosophers. Most people are free of this type of worry. Most people, for example, wouldn’t think to question whether they are awake or asleep at this moment in time. If we see a tomato, we shouldn’t worry about the fact that we cannot see every aspect of the tomato at once; this shouldn’t lead us to question whether what we see is in fact a tomato. Nursi’s advice to philosophers is that we should stop worrying about the 0.01 of knowledge we can never obtain, and instead put our full trust in God, Who has Absolute Knowledge, Wisdom, and control over the world. If God wills it, the tomato will turn out to be a tomato, and if not, it is not the end of the world. Nursi would probably also say not to worry about whether the car salesman is trying to rip you off. If it so happens that you bought a lemon, you should remember that God willed it to happen for a reason you may not yet understand.

On a final note, I can share a related story. About a year ago, I was playing paintball with some friends. We were at a park in the woods. The field was very large, and I went into a thick patch of brush and was quickly lost. After stumbling around for a bit, I emerged in a wide open area, and right in front of me I saw a strange sight: I had somehow ended up behind what I thought was the enemy team. I slowly crept forward, waiting until I was in a prime position to attack. I finally stopped, but I hesitated. And in that moment of hesitation I heard the whistle blow to end the match. I was dismayed at such a wasted opportunity. However, as I sulked back to my team, I soon realized that I had come perilously close to making a massive fool of myself. It turns out that I had bumbled onto an entirely different match with different teams. How differently I viewed the situation after just a few moments! In place of despair, I felt a huge wave of relief wash over me.

While it’s true that if I had taken the time to question my surroundings I might not have almost made myself look silly, in this case I would say there was a good reason for skepticism, which was the fact that I had gotten lost. If we have no reason to be skeptical about something we shouldn’t try to create reasons to be skeptical. This was the moment in my life where I clearly saw with my own eyes that sometimes things can happen that we may be upset about and appear to be bad for us, but in the long run they may actually turn out to be good. Because of this we should not worry too much about the outcomes of things out of our control, because they are all ultimately in God’s control.

Those who devote themselves to philanthropy should clamp tight to this holy creed and glorious ideal of service. They should develop projects for today and tomorrow; and most importantly they should writhe in the worry of communicating it to the rudest, toughest, most stubborn, most intolerant, and most unfaithful of people… Yes, it is this agony that will lead us to the climate of tolerance, and rise up to benignity, then from there to forgiveness, then from there to mercy, and finally to the most prosperous horizon of guidance, in terms of assisting others to eternal bliss.

Those who pioneered in good work in the past have accomplished their mission and have gone, resigning the trust to our generation expecting us to be the architects and thought-laborers of today. Following on, the generations succeeding us will take over the trust and carry it to a higher level. All these shall be realized as a favor of God Almighty bestowed upon our common inclination and the profoundness of our inner world.

On this issue, that we, by any chance, fall in any kind of worldly expectations and base our attitudes on that expectation is nothing else but insincerity. Thoughts like “I am doing all these by myself, I am achieving all those by myself,” and the expectations—no matter how minor—that pass through our minds for a moment, will destroy a side of the construction we are trying to erect and will harm our philanthropical work. Moreover, those expectations can gash into our souls in the course of time, and lead us to egoism and arrogance.

As a result of some of the good work we have done, some people may bear good opinion of us and offer us some positions. I think that no single person who has devoted himself to the good of others should fancy for or prioritize personal gains. Such a fanciful thought is a step in the wrong direction, and if not repented for promptly will be followed by further wrong steps to become a standing mentality. Then, a day may come when that person’s world would come crumbling down on them and s/he will lose everything.

An eminent thinker of our age and a hero of sincerity, Bediuzzaman Said Nursi was extraordinarily sensitive in this regard, and he pointed to the fragility of the issue under discussion through statements such as “without my free-will, I’ve been made to read certain books,” “I’ve been pushed to abandon books,” “in full unawareness, I’ve been guided to the word of God,” “I’ve been made to serve my faith fully out of my cognition.” To be a private, ordinary soldier, is something like gold dust for us. And best of all, as a private, we should wait in front of the door of God and should not conceive of any kind of expectations. Yes, it is true that a soldier is sometimes made to perform the task of a colonel; but this is something merely in the discretion of God and we have no say in this decision. Indeed, does Bediuzzaman not express the same concern? “My self is lower than all else, the mission is higher than all,” “you are to see yourself as the notorious sinner,” “do not suppose that you deserve the honor of all these beauties. As you do not represent them in full, you may only be a zone of reflection.” Ripples on the water reflect the image of the sun. What could they reflect if the sun did not exist? Therefore, all the beauties belong to the Beauty of Beauties. Yes, these considerations are of utmost significance. The greater the tasks God Almighty makes us perform, the more our modesty should increase and the further we should stand clear of expectations and claims. To remain in welfare both in this world and the Hereafter, indeed, depends on the soundness of heart:

Never suppose, the holy one, they will ask for gold or silver,
On the judgment day, they will call but of a sound heart.

Yes, this truth must penetrate deep into our souls. As ordinary as we are, we should not bear expectations exceeding ourselves, whether it is in the name of ourselves or the community we are in. We need to focus on giving our last breath with these thoughts.

We are a small group of women of Turkish-Muslim and Catholic origins who became acquainted in the Spring of 2009 and immediately recognized our soulful connection with one another. Since that time, we have been meeting regularly to share our faith and love of God. During our studies we discovered that Mary holds a unique place of reverence in both our traditions. For instance, she is the only woman mentioned by name in the Holy Qur’an, and is mentioned in twelve chapters throughout the Qur’an, a total of thirty-four times, (The Fountain Magazine, Issue 72, pg 46ff). One chapter in particular, Sura 19, (Maryam), is named after her. In addition, within the Catholic tradition the honors given to Mary are innumerable. Litanies composed in her honor and prayed at various times throughout the year reveal such titles as: Mother of our Redemption, Mother of Comfort and Understanding, Immaculate Conception, Our Lady of Perpetual Help, just to name a few!

But why did we actually choose Mary to begin our more formal studies together? Perhaps on a more unconscious level the need for the universal, open-hearted Mother is keenly felt by many of us at a time when other sources of grounding and spiritual nourishment are so troubled in our world. Perhaps it was because we intuitively understood that Mary reveals to us a sublime expression of what it means to be truly human; to be incomparably holy, yet void of any judgment or dualism; of strong Jewish culture and spirituality, yet universally receptive to all of God’s people.

The conception and the birth of the Messiah

Christianity and Islam each teach that Mary was chosen to be the mother of the Messiah Jesus/Isa, and that her conception was accomplished by God’s miraculous intervention, and not by human intimacy. Both traditions record that the Angel Gabriel appeared to Mary announcing to her that she had found favor with God:

“Mary, full of Grace, blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb.” (Luke 1:26ff)

“Mary, God gives you the glad tidings of a Word from Him, to be called the Messiah, Jesus son of Mary, highly honored in the world and the Hereafter, and one of those near-stationed to God.” (Sura 3:45)

When Mary questioned the angel as to how this could be accomplished, since she “did not know man,” Gabriel once again responded very similarly in both Holy Scriptures.

“The Power of the Most High will over shadow you so that the Holy One to be born shall be called, the Son of God.” (Luke 1:34-36)

“God creates whatever God wills. He does but say to it ‘Be’ and it is.” (Sura 19:35);”We breathed onto her out of our Spirit and We made her and her son a miraculous sign.” (Sura 21:91)

Although the Qur’an makes no direct mention of Mary’s visit with her cousin Elizabeth, as recorded in the New Testament, the encounter is well-known among Muslims and is tenderly represented in a beautiful Muslim film depicting the life of Mary.[1] Further, both the Qur’an and the Bible make mention of Zachariah’s three days without speech during these events, as a consequence of his having asked God for a “sign” (Luke 1:18ff; Sura 19:10).

Christianity and Islam agree that Mary was alone when the angel Gabriel appeared to her. Islam, however, also holds that at the actual moment in which Mary gave birth to Isa in Bethlehem, she was again without human companionship. The Qur’an records that Mary was alone in the desert and that during moments of great distress, just prior to Isa’s birth, God comforted and reassured her. He provided nourishment to her from a nearby sacred date palm tree, as well as refreshment from a rivulet which miraculously appeared. Shortly after his birth, the infant Isa/Jesus spoke reassuring and comforting words to his mother who vowed to remain in silence that day and “enter into no talk with any human being” (Sura 19:26).

The Christian image of the birth of Jesus differs on several accounts. In the New Testament, Mary is betrothed to Joseph who assumes the role of her chaste companion, and the guardian and protector of her and her child. It is usual for Christians to visualize Mary and Joseph together in a stable or cave with the babe Jesus wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger; indeed this is the scene described in the Gospel account by St. Luke. However, the precise moment of Jesus’ birth is not revealed to us, only the setting following his birth. It is actually later that night or perhaps the following day that is described by St. Luke in the Gospel account when the shepherds arrive and “marvel,” in the company of Mary and Joseph, at the sight of the infant Messiah wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger (Luke 1:8ff). It is interesting to note that in contrast to the “marveling” of the shepherds, Luke uses the phrase, “but Mary kept all these things in her heart.” Might we consider this notation a subtle reference to the vow of “silence” Mary may have been keeping that day, which the Qur’an more explicitly makes reference to?

It is also worth noting that accounts of Jesus’ actual birth, revealed in both the writings of Mary of Agreda and Catherine Emmerich, [2] indicate that Mary was alone in the company of the Divine during the moments in which she gave birth to the Messiah. Catherine Emmerich, a Catholic nun and mystic of the seventeenth century, for instance states that Joseph noticing the supernatural light surrounding Mary, “went into his little cell and threw himself on his face in prayer.” Similarly, Mary Agreda, also a Catholic nun and mystic of the fourteenth century, records that Joseph had retreated to another section of the cave and kept prayerful vigil through the night. Reminiscent of the scene in the Qur’an, she writes that shortly after his birth the infant Jesus actually spoke comforting words to his mother![3]

Of further interest is an account given by Catherine Emmerich of what happened just hours before the Nativity, in which Mary and Joseph take a walk through the valley behind the Cave, and visit the “tomb of Mahara (Abraham’s nurse).” This tomb was situated near a “sacred tree.” While at this site, Joseph and Mary spent time in prayer together. At one point it was decided that Joseph would go into the city of Bethlehem to obtain some provisions, leaving Mary by herself. This image of Mary being alone on the outskirts of the city and near a sacred tree shortly before the birth of Jesus bears a remarkable resemblance to the scene recorded in the Qur’an where Mary, just prior to Isa’s birth, is alone in a remote area of Bethlehem and near a sacred date palm tree. Catherine Emmerich records that when Joseph returned with their provisions he accompanied Mary back to the cave and shortly thereafter she gave birth to Jesus.[5] Muslims believe that Mary gave birth to her child at this sacred tree (Sura 19:23ff).

We would like to make one last observation regarding Mary’s conception and the birth of the Messiah. As clearly noted in the Qur’an, but only alluded to in the Gospels, Mary is scorned by those who judged the birth of Jesus to be the product of an adulterous relationship. This may account in part for the distress she experienced recorded in Sura 19 above when God comforted her moments before giving birth. Other passages in the Qur’an make reference to a confrontation between Mary and her own people regarding Isa’s birth. They exclaim to her, “O Mary! Assuredly you have done unexpected and strange things. O sister of Aaron, your father was never a wicked man, nor was your mother unchaste” (Sura 19:27-28). In comparison, one may examine a subtle reference made in the Gospel of John. In chapters seven and eight St John describes a setting in which Jesus was confronted by a few false religious leaders. In the course of their taunting, they infer that Jesus was the “son of a Samaritan.” Though more subtle in its inference, the judgment being made regarding Mary’s reputation and the implication that Jesus was the product of an illicit relationship is apparent. Jesus’ response to them, “you dishonor me” is particularly appropriate in light of this. Hence, the Qur’an seems to convey more clearly the painful experience which Mary in particular underwent in this matter.

Although not completely identical in their details, these accounts of Mary’s experience regarding the conception and birth of Jesus contain many astounding parallels. Perhaps what seems at a first reading to be irreconcilable differences presented in the Gospels and in the Qur’an are in reality only partial glimpses of a more total picture. This more “total” picture is not absent in the sacred writings of each tradition, but merely some aspects are hidden. If we ponder them with an open heart perhaps they will allow us to enter something much greater and more profound.

Mary – the “Kli” of Jewish mysticism:

Although the virgin birth of Jesus by Divine intervention is not honored in Judaism as it is in Christianity and Islam, it is interesting to note a comparable theme revealed in the spiritual teachings of Jewish mysticism, known as “Kabbalah.” Though complex in theory at times, an aspect of Kabbalah teaching may be applied to Mary and perhaps thus more easily understood.

Essential to the teachings of Kabbalah is the understanding that God, the Divine Creator, is in His very essence the “Will to Bestow.” In other words, God is God because He is continually in the act of Self-Giving, and possesses no other desire than to Bestow His Abundance onto His Creation. By contrast, the created were created and designed to receive God’s Abundance. This is known in Kabbalah as the “Will to Receive.” Thus, God created His creation in order to receive of His goodness and thereby accommodate his Desire to Give and Bestow. The created’s will to receive is compared to an empty cup or vessel waiting to be filled by God’s abundance. This vessel is known in Kabbalah as “Kli.” Kabbalah teaches that although God’s Will to Bestow is continually and perfectly being manifested, the created’s will to receive is limited and marred by egocentric needs.[6]

If one takes a quantum leap of association one may use the teachings of Jewish mysticism to perceive Mary as the ultimate model of “Kli,” (i.e. the human receptivity to God, totally emptied of the self-serving ego). In her pristine human desire to please God and receive God’s Will, referred to in the Gospel’s as her Fiat – “Be it done unto me according to your Will” – Mary perfectly fulfills the essence of her existence. By way of her selfless love for God, her unwavering trust in His Benevolence, and complete receptivity to His Will to Bestow, Mary, the perfect “Kli,” becomes a means that God brings forth through her what has been previously unrealized – the fullness of His own Divine bliss manifested in the soul and humanity of Jesus.

Just as we are discovering through quantum sciences that our own thoughts or intentions will eventually be manifested on the physical plane in some form or other, so too, a thought or word or intention that exists in the “mind” of God – so to speak – will ultimately be realized in physical reality as well. It is interesting to note that Jesus is known and referred to as the “Word” of God in both Islam and Christianity (Qur’an 3:45; John 1:1-3,14).

On the mundane and practical level, the human mind has difficulty grasping Mary’s miraculous conception and the virgin birth of Jesus, but in the mystical realm of Kabbalah, for instance, we may come to acknowledge Mary’s experience as the receptivity to God as we were all created to be and the manifestation of His Love as we were all meant to bring It forth into the world.

From the heart – how Mary has personally touched us Who is Mary in my life?

by Ayse

When we first started to come together and share our faith with each other, I realized how much more I needed to learn about my own faith. I had always been told that my faith brings together all Abrahamic religions and the name of my faith stood for peace: Islam. I could understand it in my mind. But as we came together, as we studied the Bible and the Qur’an and found how God loved diversity and thus created us in different shapes, colors, nationalities and so on, my heart started to agree with what my mind had been saying. That is when my heart began to work with my mind. Now, I feel God in my heart.

As time passed and as we studied Abraham, Jesus, the Night Journey, and Mary, my own faith started to get stronger. Mary was Jesus’ mother and one of the most praised female characters in the Qur’an; I knew this before we started to study Mary in both traditions. Now Mary represents how much God loves women as His own creation, as He gives her name to a large section of His own sacred book. In my country I was asked so many times about the women rights in Islam. Now I think I know the answer. Mary is obedient to God’s order, she stands strong in her community and is proud of her baby, while being very humble in her relationship with God, as pure as an angel. In this way, Mary (may God be pleased with her) has taught me: I am obedient, I am humble, I refrain from sins and I am still standing as a woman of my time in my community; as I do these I become closer to God. I would love to spend my whole life in this way. I would like to thank all my friends who worked together on this article and who helped me to understand Mary in my mind and feel her in my heart.

Mary in my life

by Hulya K.

First of all, during our meetings I learned how important the interfaith dialogue is. God loves diversity and created us so different from one another. At the same time, He created us with common values. Yes, we all have eyes, ears, fingers, and even fingerprints but they are also all different from each other. Similarly, our faiths have the same values, like Abraham, Moses, Jesus, and Mary. The discussion of Abraham, Jesus, and Mary in Christianity and Islam makes my faith stronger and deeper.

In addition, I have learned many things about the life of Mary. I am inspired by her trust in God. It is not important how bad the situation you are in or what people say about you. Just trust God. Just do what He wants. Just accept what He gives you. Do not say a word. Be silent and trust God. He knows and gives the best for you. In Turkey, she is known as “Mother Mary.” Now, I can understand why this is so… Thank you my dear friends and thank you Fethullah Gulen for your ideas which encourage us to come together.

Another dimension of awareness of Mary

by Clare

As present as Mary has been these many years in my life, the depth of my awareness and love for her has grown even more deeply during these weeks of our inter-faith study of her. As a Christian I am particularly blessed by exposure to aspects of Mary’s life found in the Qur’an but generally absent in the Gospels. They have opened up for me another dimension of Mary’s great heart and soul. I think of Mary as a key to true peace among people. When she is revealed in the heart, the heart grows to love her, but also feels it is loved and welcomed unconditionally by her. In the Catholic tradition one of her titles is, “Our Lady of all the Nations.” Through the “virgin point” in her heart and soul, which she never abandoned, I am led into further depths of knowing and loving Jesus, and through her universal motherhood and love of all people, I am led into further depths of knowing and loving my sisters and brothers of all faiths.

My feelings towards Mary

by Hulya T.

My feelings towards Mary began when I watched a movie about her during my pregnancy. Later, I started reciting Sura Mary from the Qur’an and also read the translation of it many times. When I was in difficulty, I remembered her. I thought how she coped with so much trouble. How brave she was, how self-confident she was. How powerful her faith was. In our meetings, a different window opened for me. I learnt the perspective of different faiths of Mary. I learnt their respect towards her. The more I learnt, the more I loved. Most importantly, I saw the whole picture. Actually, the similarities between our faiths are much greater than the differences. These sentences are just an example of what I feel. Last but not least, I would like to thank my dear friends.

Conclusion

Relating to one another and learning from one another in a spirit of trust and love is the most precious gift. As Rumi, the beloved Sufi mystic of the thirteenth century expressed, “There was a dawn I remembered when my soul heard something from your soul.” This “dawn remembered” is nothing less than our common oneness in God’s “heart.” What appears to our mind at times as irreconcilable differences may be transformed and integrated into a greater perspective when we open it to God’s grace. This is what we experienced in our study of Mary.

In the Catholic tradition, it is believed by many that Mary has been appearing to visionaries in Medjugje, Bosnia since 1981. Her continual message to the world has been to “Pray, Pray, Pray.” During the early years of apparitions, it was recorded that her message also included admonition to respect the beliefs of all people. “God is One and Indivisible,” she said and cautioned against the dreadful divisions being created in the world. Around this same time, Mary made special mention of a holy and humble woman named Pasha and asked that we try to become more like her. It was discovered that Pasha was a Muslim woman who lived in the nearby city of Sarajevo. [7] Mary’s message that day reveals a profound wisdom and all-inclusive love for us to ponder. In the context of apparitions considered to be “Catholic,” the Blessed Virgin Mary admonished her children to be more like a holy Muslim woman.

The Qur’an states that no one knows the true meaning of the Book (i.e. the Qur’an, the Torah and the Gospels) except God and those of true understanding, (Sura 3:7) and that He will one day make clear our misunderstandings. “Whatever you differ on, the final judgment about it is with God. Such is God, my Lord: in Him I put my trust, and to Him I turn in devotion” (Sura 42:10). These words reassure us that God Himself will bring into clarity what is now dimly understood, as the apostle Paul also states in his letter to the Corinthians, “Now we see through a mirror dimly, but then we shall see face to face (1Cor. 13:12ff).

Mary has given us a great gift on this journey. We praise and thank her for it. There is still a great distance yet to go. In trust we wait for God to show us more.

A former member of a Catholic Contemplative Order, Clare Julian is a licensed clinical social worker who currently lives and works in SLC. She has a deep passion for the potential of healing through inter-spiritual dialogue and friendship, and has been greatly blessed by both. Meryem Tuz is a dialogue activist in USA. She graduated from Middle East Technical University, Ankara, Turkey, with a major in chemistry.

Notes

1. “St. Mary” directed by Shahriar Bahrani, 2007.

2. Catholic nuns of the fourteenth and seventeenth centuries who received divine revelation of Mary’s life.

3. Catherine Emmerich. The Life of the Blessed Virgin Mary; p. 197.

4. Mary Agreda. Mystical City of God, p. 231.

5. Emmerich, pp. 195–197.

6. See B’nei Baruch Kabbalah, kabbalahlearningcenter.info.

7. Mary Craig. 1988. Spark from Heaven: Mystery of the Madonna.

M&B: Would you please tell us a little bit about the current status of poverty and lack of development in the world?

The world today is very divided. There are more people than at any time in human history who have a decent life, who have wealth and prosperity. There’s also a large group of people in the middle, but there are about a billion people, a sixth of the world’s population that lives in great misery and maybe half the world’s population that lives at levels that are far less than they could be. When you look you can see good news and bad news. The good news is that there are fewer people who are poor than ever. It’s worth remembering that through most of the world’s history, most people have lived short lives, a quarter of children have died before they were five, very few people had education, very few people even were able to travel more than ten kilometers from where they were born. So today’s world is a very different world. It’s a world where vastly more people have opportunities and even in the last 50 years more people have a chance for a decent life than at any time in the past, and we have to remember that there has been extraordinary progress. Second, I think that there is an awakening of the moral conscience of the world that we see in the millennium development goals, in speeches of leaders all over the world that the situation, the historic reality that most of the world’s people were poor is no longer acceptable and is no longer necessary. The bad news is, today we know that this poverty is unacceptable. We know the kinds of lives that people live. We have images, we have data, we have knowledge, and we know that it doesn’t need to be. We know that we have the resources to change it.

M&B: How are the millennium development goals related to moral awakening?

Around the turn of the millennium, there was a great deal of reflection about what had come before and what should come in the future. One of the frustrations that many people had is that there had been meeting after meeting about the environment, about women, about health, about transportation, about every subject that you could imagine, and at each meeting there were promises made. Wonderful speeches given, wonderful texts written, declarations … but when you looked back the promises had very rarely been kept. So that when the United Nations organized a meeting of world leaders in September 2000 to mark the transformation to the new millennium there was an agreement that things should look different in the future. And so there was a historic moment, a historic declaration when all the leaders of the world, every one of them agreed to sign on to a millennium declaration to end poverty. But they also decided to use some of the tools that came from business. So they decided to set deadlines, they decided that if you can’t measure it nobody cares, nobody will look back, and so the millennium development goals that emerged were first of all just a few, just eight millennium development goals, so that people would not forget them. They all have numbers associated with them and there’s a date (the year 2015), and there’s an accountability structure – who’s responsible, who’s going to be held to account for the achievement of these goals. So these goals are a very exciting departure. In some ways they’re a very minimal. For example, they want to reduce poverty by half by the year 2015. How can you tell that to a group of poor people that only half of you will be out of poverty? It only says that all children will receive primary education. It barely looks at equality between men and women. It’s a very simple set of goals, but what it represents is a historic change and first a very clear determination to end poverty in our lifetime.

M&B: How can or should technology facilitate the transition from poverty to wealth? What role do you think technology should play in this process?

Technology plays roles in many ways. Perhaps the most dramatic is health. Many of the diseases that killed billions of people throughout human history now can be cured or prevented. Remember how many children through most of history have died of respiratory diseases, have died of diarrhea, those are important.

The changes in educational technology are also a huge advance, as are the changes in the understanding of how economies work, in the production of food, transportation, the ability to communicate. For example, when there is a disaster, the knowledge of it is transmitted within hours. Through most of the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, there were famines in Cape Verde where literally hundreds of millions of people died, and no one knew until long after the fact. Today that doesn’t happen anymore. So many different threads of the progress of science and technology, engineering, and communications really have transformed the outlook of what we know and therefore what we can do.

M&B: Technology has an important role and surely change requires the investment of capital. But today economists are considering non-traditional capitals such as human capital, social capital, and spiritual capital in order to achieve social change. What do they mean? Are they interchangeable or related in some way?

One of the most important realizations of the development in the world over the past twenty years is that there is nothing more important than investing in human beings. The term that’s used is human development, human capital. It can be used in a narrow sense such as investing in education, investing in healthcare, making sure that when a young person finishes school, the whole investment is not lost when they cannot find a job. But human capital has a new meaning today. It means developing the potential of human beings to the fullest.

There’s a new dimension that’s been added more recently, and it goes perhaps in some circles under the name of spiritual capital, and it grows I think from a realization that living life without meaning, just living life to earn a living, eat, work, and sleep is a futile exercise. There has to be an appreciation of what the purpose of life is, and that’s what spirituality means for most people. That means looking for this meaning both individually for their own spiritual paths, but also for the spiritual life of the community. It is the virtues of compassion, caring, helping your neighbors. It is perhaps the most common theme through all the world religions-do unto others as you would have them do unto you. So people are starting to study what kind of investment goes into spiritual development.

M&B: There are also some important spiritual elements that have direct impact on the economy, such as trust and compassion.

The ideal of how traditional communities operate is this: people take care of each other, they know each other, and they’re compassionate. If someone is ill, the neighbors come and take care of them. The villagers or the community trust each other, they trust their religious leader. They trust their political leader. Sadly the realities in the past, but also in the present, are often very different. There are people in almost any community who are left aside. So the ideal of a community is not the reality. But the ideals, the ideals of compassion and the ideals of trust of believing in human nature are a very important spiritual heritage of human kind today.

Now faced with modernization, the ideals of traditional societies are much harder to practice. Today more than half the world’s people live in cities, and the projections are that this number will rise. In cities of tens of millions of people, trust takes on a very different meaning. People are often anonymous, and communities and individuals can be completely lost in the sea of humanity. No one knows your name, no one knows who you are. So in today’s world we need to build new kinds of trust, and new kinds of trust come in strange ways. I think it’s fascinating that young people today find trust in Facebook, in MySpace, and social networking, but they also find trust in a new found belief in a spirituality that they choose, that they have discovered in their adult life.

M&B: Today you lead Berkley Center’s program on Religion and Global Development at Georgetown University. But you also led the World Bank’s faith and ethics work 2000-06. How did you get involved with that?

In the 1980s there was a period when the World Bank and the British Development Aid were at odds with many leaders and organizations from the world of religion. Religious people were demonstrating in the streets, and the development organizations closed their doors and ignored what was happening. But gradually there was in awareness that this made no sense because these were natural allies who should be working together, who were both inspired by a vision to poverty. So some leaders got together and started to have a dialogue, and their first conclusion was that they knew very little about each other and that there were tremendous misunderstandings. Second, they found out that there was a great common interest, a passion, and a commitment to dealing with the issues of poverty. And third, there were some very difficult issues. Different ways of looking at economic growth, different ways of looking at the meaning of wealth, different ways of looking at models. Therefore a dialogue about these complex issues was needed.

I worked for many decades on development, mostly on Africa but also on East Asia, on Latin America, and many different parts of the world, and one day the President of the World Bank, Jim Wolfenson asked me to help him with a project to bridge the worlds of religion and development, and so I was reluctantly drafted. This was in about 1999. I knew very little about the world of religion, but I knew quite a lot about issues of poverty and was very interested in the social dimensions and in the anthropological, social, historical approach, which I believed in very strongly. So I saw it as an opportunity to learn and to move into a whole new world.

M&B: Based on your experience, what can you say about the role of religions in progress and development?

I started to work the links and the overlap and the disjunctions between religion and development in about 1999. At first it seemed like a logical, relatively straightforward challenge because religious organizations, the Catholic Church, Muslim organizations, Buddhists, and Hindus play such active roles in providing social services, and they are so obviously important for poor people as well as for rich people in most parts of the world. We were surprised by how controversial this proposition has been to try to link religion and development. What it showed is that for many people there are many levels of hesitation about the role that religion plays in today’s world. For some people, there has been an assumption that with modernization and scientific progress, religion would simply die out or become an option for perhaps an occasional Sunday or Friday and that it would no longer play a significant role in people’s lives because they were at a different stage of development. Now that assumption has been very clearly proved to be quite false because today, if anything, religion is becoming more important in societies, rich and poor, than it ever was before, in a much more varied plural form, but it still is very clear that this hypothesis has been proved to be wrong. But people also have other concerns about the role that religion plays. For many, religion is seen as very political and divisive, particularly in societies where there are different religious traditions and some history of tension. Some people are still very nervous about the role that religion plays, and they sometimes forget the role that religion plays in social peace as well as in giving meaning to life.

Also in religious traditions as well as in politics, it is completely untenable that the poor people in the world would be expected to sacrifice so that the rich world can continue their consumption and that they would need to continue to live at a much lower resource level. For most people, the answer is first trying to curtail unnecessary use of resources, so much more conservation. And the second is there needs to be a much more energy put into the new technological developments so that people can benefit from the good of modernization without destruction of the earth. But I think there is a subject that needs much more attention which is the meaning of equity. The meaning of a kind of society where there is much more balance and where there is much more fairness. For me, it is impossible to imagine a future where we do not have a much more balanced world, much less divides between rich and poor, where we benefit from creativity, where we benefit from human development, but where these ideas are shared across all societies in the world.

M&B: What is the most efficient way to achieve the results?

In social change, people working together at the community level, those who know the situation, who know their realities, and who know their world are absolutely necessary to make change. That’s true in Africa, Latin America, Asia, the Middle East, and the United States as well as in Europe. Communities really make the difference. On the other hand, there are also a million wasted efforts where communities start something, and then it fails because they’re frustrated by some kind of an obstacle that’s outside of their control. So we need also to recognize that leadership is an essential ingredient in change. Political leadership, having a vision of what’s happening in other places, and having ideas that cross boundaries are absolutely essential to change as well. So my formula, the formula that I believe in very strongly, is that to see the kind of changes that we’re looking for in the world you need the fire from above. You need the leadership, you need the inspiration, you need the policy framework, as boring as policy may seem. You must have the economic and social policy that’s from above. But you also have to have the drive that comes from the community, the fire from below, the organization, the ideas, and the knowledge. And the key, the place where you see transformation is when you have the two working and coming together.

M&B: Would you please give us an example where a problem is brought to the table and a community helps in planning? Can you give us some examples?

The easiest example where you see that is when a community has a wonderful set of ideas for marketing crops or for bringing new land under cultivation or for building a set of schools, but they don’t have the resources locally and someone from outside – whether it’s a foundation or a government or an organization like the World Bank – brings the resources and magically it’s transformed into some kind of change. Reality is usually more complex, and it’s a process of give-and-take because one thing we know is that money alone does not solve all problems. So that what you will see is an idea that comes from a community. Let’s take an idea for building a new school and from outside someone will raise the question: why are the girls in the community not going to school? The first answer that may come is that there are practical obstacles. The girls are needed at home or the girls are not safe when they go to school, and so an idea might be offered from another community in another place or from another country to solve those problems, and then perhaps the girls do go to school but they don’t succeed because the expectations in the community are that girls really are going to be married and so they shouldn’t go to school anyway. And then a political leader or a religious leader will give an inspiring speech or a woman leader will come to visit the village and will show the girls what is possible, that it’s possible to be a doctor or a political leader or an engineer and slowly through the alchemy of different ideas coming from different places, the understanding of what success is will change, and the resources will multiply, and we’ll transform the visions of what a good life is from a rather narrow traditional view to one that takes the genius of the community and builds it with other ideas that come from outside.

So the coming together of the practical technical side of benefitting from the advantages of modern technology with a revival of some of the best traditions of spirituality I think is part of the magic that we might look to in today’s world.

Interview conducted by Mustafa Tabanli for Ebru TV for the Emmy Award winning television series Matter and Beyond.

Answer: Self-confidence, or self-esteem, is usually defined as a person’s believing and trusting in himself, relying on his personal abilities and opportunities, living in peace with his own person and environment, and being content with himself in general. Even though it has a positive aspect in terms of urging us to look at life positively, this term is an expression of a notion whose underlying meaning and connotations do not comply with universal humane values. The term “self confidence” expresses a perspective which originates from an egotistic worldview.

Naturally, a person’s character needs to be revealed in order to be able to improve his or her talents and capabilities. However, while seeking their development we should not flatter individuals excessively and throw them into whirlpools of egotism. We should not make a person become a know-it-all and act insolently; we should not let issues rely on a single individual’s restricted personal capabilities, limited power, and feeble will.

First of all, it is inevitable for a person who approaches every issue with respect to his or her personal talents, power, and capacity and keeps saying “I” to become totally egocentric; it is inevitable for them to grow more and more arrogant by feeding their ego with every achievement and everything they do. On the other hand, it is also obvious that a self-centered person who has too much trust in himself will become completely desperate at the slightest slip or fall; he will not find anything to hold on to and will not be able to rise again.

People have the sense of and need for confidence engrained in their nature. However, a person who does not know whom he should trust and who cannot correctly identify the true source of reliance will finally turn into a complete egotist and he or she will ascribe every matter to himself or herself. Such a person will even nurture some perspectives leading to unbelief; she or he will go too far and-God forbid-say, “I have created…”, or “such and such has created….” In time, these people will become narcissists, self-admirers who are fond of themselves, their behavior, their manners, and their appearance. They will be ready to reject and criticize any thought, measure, and solutions other than their own.

In this respect, a principle of “fulfilling what befalls on the free will and then relying on God” should replace the notion of self-confidence in the eyes of a true believer of God. Humans are blessed with the “free will,” which is a very special gift. We are responsible for using all the senses and feelings granted by God Almighty as capital, but expect the result and reward from Him again. Likewise, the feeling of confidence is always ascribed to God in the Qur’an and the practical example of the Prophet, since God Almighty is the one who creates everything and who directs every affair. If we use the potentials placed in our nature as seeds and then put them to practice as an intention and wish to be realized, God Almighty grants us the power and possibility to accomplish that act. Regarding it as mental power, as directing one’s own thoughts and actions with that power, or as God’s direct favor on the human free will within the sphere of causes, no matter how we define fulfilling what befalls the free will, when we wish to do something and incline towards it, the Creator of the Universe renders it possible for us to realize that intended act. Therefore, we should always put our faith in God and rely on His execution. Accordingly, true believers firstly have faith in God in every matter and make use of the abilities He has bestowed on them. In addition, they ascribe achievements not to themselves but to Divine Providence. They know that all of these come from God and they have complete faith that future achievements also lie in the power of God. Such people, while fully acknowledging their impotence and weakness, are very powerful at the same time, for they are well aware of the true source of power. Such people are very rich, since they are conscious that they are fed from the treasures of Divine Mercy. They become heroes of the fact that “belief is both light and power. Those who attain true belief can challenge the universe.” (Nursi, Twenty-Third Word). Therefore, they have the courage to defy worlds. The fortress they take refuge in and the sword they make use of is the truth, “There is no power except with God.”

Yes, true believers make use of the free will granted by God in the best way possible. On the other hand, they pray as “O God, please do not leave me with my carnal self even for a span as short as the blink of an eye,” putting their trust not in their own selves, but in God Almighty. They take their carnal self and carnal desires as their archenemy and take only God as their best supporter, sole friend, and helper. In the face of every event, they croon, God is sufficient for us; how excellent a Guardian He is! (Qur’an, 3:173), and they voice the truth, O Our Lord! It is in You that We have put our trust, and it is to You that we turn in utmost sincerity and devotion, and to You is the homecoming (Qur’an, 60:4). They always keep loyal to the divine decrees:

“And put your trust in God. God suffices as One on Whom to rely (and to Whom to refer all affairs).” (Qur’an, 33:3)

“God is sufficient for me; there is no deity but He. In Him have I put my trust, and He is the Lord of the Supreme Throne (as the absolute Ruler and Sustainer of the universe and all creation, Who maintains and protects it).” (Qur’an, 9:129)

Nevertheless, nowadays saying “I” in everything one does and overflowing with arrogant considerations is more common than ever. Egotism is so widespread today that most people use even what has been granted by Divine Providence in the name of their arrogance and use it as elements to feed their ego. For example, most of those who put emphasis on self-confidence contract the plague of vanity in time; they are seized by a feeling of superiority and catch the egotist disease of talking about themselves at every opportunity. Therefore, the term “self-confidence” or “self-esteem” is impossible to reconcile with the perspective of a believer in the true sense of the word. It is a very unnatural term from the standpoint of faith, for it misguides minds and hearts like other spurious expressions do. With an understanding based on the essential values of belief, we all need to pray, “Hold me, O God. Hold me, please. I cannot do without you!”

The day that my daughter and I were headed to the airport, my new Turkish friend, Abdurrahman, who has been visiting our church for the last two years as a gesture of peace and global tolerance, asked me about the word “tolerance.”

It had come to his attention that tolerance can mean something negative. “I want more than to have someone simply tolerate me!” a colleague told him.

The conversation stuck with me on my flight to Istanbul and for the next couple of days. Then somewhere near the ancient cities of Lystra, Derbe and Iconium, my thoughts took shape and I wrote this essay entitled “Tolerance.”

“What is tolerance?” It is not all good. At its basest level – Level 1 – it is putting up with another, sitting on clenched fist. It is not trust. It is not friendship. It is a truce. “If I let you be, will you let me be?” And this is what we call tolerance.

Sometimes, and these times are beautiful, tolerance reaches a second level – Level 2 – it is talking. It may not seem like tolerance. Sometimes it is loud. Sometimes it is awkward. Sometimes it is offensive. It is like learning how to dance, but it is growth.

“This is who I am. This is what I believe! This is what I eat! This is how I dress and worship!”

We learn a little about each other. And this is tolerance.

Quietness sets in, and then, almost as if on its own, tolerance grows – Level 3. It is listening. Trust has begun to replace suspicion. Question marks replace exclamation points. “Tell me about yourself: What is your family like? Your faith? Your home?”

Jaws relax. Hands open and sometimes are even clasped together rather than clenched. Smiles replace suspicion, and we learn. Most people see this as tolerance, but there are more stages, more beautiful, relational transformations.

As stone silence gives way to talking and talking yields to listening … as hands go from being clenched to opened to clasped, another level of tolerance emerges: Level 4. It is respect.

There is an appreciation for the other. You are just as much a person as I. Your family has fears and hopes even as mine does. You cry and laugh and worry and pray as I do. The balance has shifted to where we see eye to eye without condescension. This is tolerance.

Respect is a beautiful stage in the process of tolerance. As it grows and stories are shared, we reach another level of tolerance, almost by accident – Level 5 – it is our story. Somehow as I told you my story and you told me your story, we were writing our story. We shared watermelon on the rooftop. We sang songs in the night air. Remember, we started singing separately, but ended singing together.

Our story. Our memories. Community. Tolerance.

It has come so far, this concept of tolerance, from truce to trust, from respect to relationships, from sharing stories to shaping stories. And yet there is more: Level 6. It is friendship. Solidarity. I now like you and you like me. I think of you when you are absent. I smile when I see you, and you smile, too. Handshakes have given way to embraces; nods are replaced by pats on the back and the mussing of hair. Reunions are arranged, future contacts desired.

I am no longer curious; I care. I truly care for you my friend, for your family, for your country. And this is tolerance.

Seven is the perfect number. There are seven days of the week, seven seals in Revelation, and there are seven levels to tolerance. Level 7? It is love.

Walls are removed, suspicions are relaxed, reservations are repealed. Eyes sparkle with delight rather than peering for inconsistencies and flaws. Your pain causes me to hurt. Your joy causes me to laugh. Your pleasure brings me delight. Hands are held, not just shaken. Souls embrace as well as arms. We are brothers, sisters, siblings. We are certain that God loves us and that God expects us to love each other, and we are elated to comply.

Tolerance has been made complete in love and perfect love casts out all fear.

“What is tolerance?” I was once asked.

It is truce: Sitting on clenched fist.

It is talking: Claiming my rights, my story.

It is listening: Being open to your story.

It is respect: Clasping hands together in trust.

It is one story: Creating shared moments.

It is friendship: Genuine caring.

It is love: Expressing complete, mature, perfect love.

It is God’s desire for our world. It is our world’s only hope and it is my desire. Tolerance.

Originally published at www.theeagle.com. The Bryan-College Station Eagle.

In our daily lives, we come into contact with several different people. We trade or work together with some of these people, while with others we just exchange greetings or a few words. There are also some people with whom we share our troubles, worries, or joys. Life becomes sweeter and more meaningful with these people. People to whom we can open up our inner worlds tell us their sincere opinions about our good or bad sides. We realize our dreams and wishes; namely, we realize ourselves through them. And we can really be ourselves when we are with them. We experience friendship, brotherhood (or sisterhood), and we share our secrets with them. Real friendships are built over years as people get to know and try out one another, building up mutual trust. It is very difficult to maintain such good relationships through a lifetime without shaking the trust of the other person. When trust is shaken, the relationship collapses and shatters like glass, since the feeling of security is like a glue that adheres people together and improves relationships. Nothing can go right when there is no trust between spouses, children and parents, an employer and employees, directors and those who are directed, the state and its citizens, or between institutions. In such cases, people cannot fulfill their potential, they cannot present their positive feelings, cannot work efficiently, cannot try new things; relations become mechanical and life becomes robotic, blocking the ways that lead to both material and spiritual gain. Imagine a family with no feeling of trust between its members. Which member of that family can share their thoughts, joys, grief, or troubles with the rest? Such a family can only produce children deprived of love, and spouses weary of defending their interests.

On the other hand, a family which is made up of members who trust the others in opening up their ideals, ambitions, and their strong and weak sides will be the complete opposite, for the members of that family will feel confident that they will not be let down in return. Love, tolerance, and compassion prevail there. Sorrows, joys, and worries are all shared; everyone tries to realize their dreams and hopes.

How is a feeling of security maintained? Who do people trust? To whom can people entrust their property or life peacefully? Why isn’t everybody trustworthy? Are they not aware of the significance of trust in the family, in society, and in the business world; or do they choose not to be trustworthy? Or, perhaps, they don’t know how to be trustworthy.

Many things have been said about the importance of feelings of trust. Prophet Muhammad also stressed this fact, saying “The real believer is the person whom people are secure concerning their property and lives.” Then he underlined the six virtues of a trustworthy person as follows: “if you can make me promises concerning six things, I can assure Paradise to you. When you speak, speak the truth, fulfill what you have promised, be trustworthy with what has been entrusted to you, be chaste, protect your eyes from the unlawful, and keep your hands from harming others.” When we think about this on the whole, we are able to see that the people who have these qualities are trustworthy people. If a person has noble qualities, such as modesty, loyalty, tolerance, righteousness, courage, patience, vigor, and frankness, that person inspires trust in those around them. However, it is not enough to have such a character if a person is to establish a good dialogue with others. If we are to express ourselves confidently and overcome the difficulties we face in life, we need to have the ability to develop dialogue and good relations with other people.

Open Communication Leads to Trust

People need to feel secure in opening up their feelings and thoughts to others, so that they are able to establish a good relationship. Expressing ourselves freely, opening up to somebody else, is in direct proportion with the degree of sincerity and trust between that person and ourselves. Undoubtedly, we cannot simply open up to everyone we meet. Opening up means finding somebody we can trust. It takes time for one person to trust another. The person who is able to open up inspires trust in the other and receives the message “I trust you” in return. The trusted person opens up further and this leads to a deeper and closer relationship. When a person is reserved, on the other hand, then they initiate a vicious circle which makes the other party suppress their feelings. Surely, open communication is not possible at all times. There are also risks in open communication, but it is not healthy to be totally introverted all the time. If a person becomes too introverted, then they will suffer terrible loneliness. Open communication should not be expected from the other person at all times, and it should not be dependent on the initiation of open communication by the other party. One must take a risk in order to be open; almost all achievements in life are based on taking risks, to a lesser or greater degree. If we are open with the person with whom we are communicating, if we can trust and appreciate them, then they will also respond in the same manner, be open to us, and appreciate us. The steps we take in order to learn the truth, to improve ourselves, and to realize our thoughts are dependent on accepting the risk of being open.

Open communication is not only important in family relationships or friendships; it has a fundamental role in working relationships in both the private and public sectors in order to build up trust. A good leader knows that a small group cannot find the right solution to everything. They keep in mind that not only the executive board, but other employees may also have valuable knowledge, and that these “lesser beings” are no less intelligent than their “superiors.” Therefore, a good leader tries to keep in contact with the information potential at the ground level. The aim of a good leader is not only to teach others what to do, but also to ask how they can be of help and to comprehend what happens in practice. A leader does not decide everything behind closed doors. Instead, they clearly express their targets, anxieties, and needs, maintaining the flow of information from the bottom through to the top by establishing healthy communication. In this way people can see that their efforts are appreciated and they feel better. Who doesn’t want to be appreciated? Who doesn’t want to be listened to, cared about, and valued? How can a leader who does not maintain open communication with those at the ground level, who does not make people feel that they are important and that their ideas are valued gain their full support? People trust and do not want to disappoint leaders and managers who value them.

In Turkey, in the city of Diyarbakir, when the city’s Chief Commissioner of Police died, the funeral was held at the Governors Mansion. Tens of thousands of people from all over the city filled the street early in the morning. They were truly mourning the late Commissioner; it was as if they had lost a close relative. But what had made them love him so much? How had he managed to conquer the people’s hearts? In one of his interviews, he essentially answered this question: “We have established individual contact with our citizens; we have actively participated in their social activities and even their sports.” He continued as follows “I listen to everybody, I talk to everybody. I visit any grocer; if he’s busy I go on to the next. The sincere hospitality shown by an ordinary shop owner is one of the best feelings. In short, I am together with my people. When I was given this duty, they told me to protect the lives and properties of the people; this is my responsibility. Being the Chief Commissioner does not make me different, all of us are humans. We cannot act as we choose. People need to be loved, people need to be respected. If people respect me and I respect them, there isn’t much more to do. This is what people look for in this city.”

Here is the secret of maintaining trust: being close to people, making individual contact, not seeing one’s rank as a privilege, and not looking down on anybody. The Chief Commissioner saw himself as an ordinary man in society, and approached everybody with the same love, respect, affection, and sincerity, no matter what their age, sex, or ethnic background. One cannot help but remember the wise words of Ali ibn Abi Talib “Be a(n ordinary) person among people.” It makes no difference if one is a state official, or a company executive, or just a volunteer who wants to win people’s hearts; you will fail if you do not follow this principle. An absence of trust prevents us from realizing our goals effectively. When we manage to maintain trust however, people just flow toward the common goal spontaneously, like a river which has found its bed. This will be the time when you have attained real success.

Sharing Your Thoughts and Work Increases Trust

Keeping close contact with people is the type of behavior that builds up trust. Some administrators even adopt the principle of not making friends with the staff. They just get entangled with the pomp and prestige of their position, overlooking their own mistakes. Those who are open and realistic on the other hand, receive the same attitude from the people who work under their command.

Listen to Yourself and to Others

A person who knows how to listen can solve most matters easily. Someone who has the patience to listen to people can initiate a better dialogue with people through this ability. While listening, they can learn more, understand new points, and attain a deeper comprehension by seeing different aspects of issues; they can then put forward new solutions.

Listening to oneself leads a person to a deeper comprehension of themselves. If we learn to listen to our different moods and feelings, then we can get to know ourselves better. We realize our strong and weak sides. Someone who knows who they are and what one is experiencing is able to understand others more easily, and is able to look at things from their point of view, thanks to the broader perspective they have attained by listening to themselves. Listening makes people feel that they have been given importance. Not only does it show that you are interested in the person in front of you, but listening to someone helps you to predict that person’s disappointments before it is too late and helps you to prevent them.

Try to sense what people feel. Try to understand how fragile relationships are and the importance they bear for people. Know how difficult it is to establish these relationships and how easily they are damaged. Listen to both yourself, and those around you.

Be Predictable

Being consistent and predictable in a complex world helps the people around you to feel secure. Those who feel that the ground under their feet is firm can be open to new ideas and are not discouraged from taking risks. If they know that you do not change your attitude every day, they will feel that they can trust you. Predictability means being the same person all the time, so that people can predict how you will respond. Do not be afraid of telling the truth. Always give the same message; make yourself clear about what you expect from people. The trust you are to inspire will be the best help you can offer them.

Psychologists have uncovered and grouped intelligence into three main groups: abstract intelligence (the ability to understand and manipulate using verbal and mathematical symbols), concrete intelligence (the ability to understand and manipulate with objects), and social intelligence (the ability to understand and relate to people).¹

Emotional intelligence (EI) has its roots in the concept of “social intelligence,” first identified by E.L. Thorndike in 1920. The influence of this concept on popular culture and the academic community has been rapid and widespread.

As we all know, emotions are a fundamental part of who we are, and play an important part in our relationships with others. They cannot be removed from the picture. However, most of us have traditionally been conditioned “to leave our emotions at home,” believing that in order to be more effective we need to base all our strategies and decisions only upon cold, logical “intelligence.”²

In fact, to do so often guarantees that the suppressed emotions will flare, causing increased conflict and affecting the mood of the individual negatively. But what if we continue to expand our knowledge of emotions in a different way altogether, as another kind of “intelligence,” beyond reason and logic? An intelligence that – if we could learn to access it – could become nothing less than a touchstone to greater collaboration, giving us greater influence with others, motivating us to be more productive and effective.

It could be said that the greatest distance there is is the distance between the mind (IQ) and the heart (EQ). By learning about and utilizing EI, we will be able to shorten that distance, and we will be working with astonishing capacity and effectiveness. Let us address some important questions and issues about Emotional Intelligence.

What Is EI?

When Salovey and Mayer coined the term “emotional intelligence” (EI) in 1990,³ they were aware of the previous work on non-cognitive aspects of intelligence. They described emotional intelligence as “a form of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use the information to guide one’s thinking and actions.”⁴

Esther Orioli and Robert Cooper state the following in explaining EI: “EI is far more than being ‘nice’ to people. It is the ability to sense, understand, and effectively apply the power and acumen of emotions as a source of energy, information, creativity, trust, and connection.”⁵

Another way to describe EI is the ability to sense and use emotions to more effectively manage ourselves and influence positive outcomes in our relationships.

Why Do We Need EI?

Primitive emotional responses of our EI hold the keys to better health, experiencing greater joy and closer connections, achieving stronger leadership, a clearer vision, greater efficacy, higher goals, expanding our personal power, enhancing our self-awareness, augmenting learning, magnifying clarity, ensuring healthier relationships and finer perception, and finally, the provision of greater satisfaction. These emotional reflexes, rarely conscious but powerful, motivate our choices. In short, we need EI for utilizing the power of emotions.

What Are the Competencies of EI?

In Goleman’s model of EI there are five key steps:⁶ self-awareness, self-regulation, self-motivation, empathy, and effective relationships; each includes a set of different competencies. All the competencies to be successful are not necessary, but the two core competencies (emotional self-awareness and accurate self-assessment) are essential. These are the two foundational abilities upon which all others rest (see Chart).

1. Self-Awareness

The cornerstone or foundation of EI is self-awareness. It supports all the other EI skills. Self-awareness must come first because if we do not know ourselves or what we are feeling, how can we possibly know the needs of others or understand someone else and how they feel?

The more we know about ourselves, the better we are able to control and choose what kind of behavior we will display in any given situation. Self-awareness is about knowing where we are now and where we want to go, so that we will be willing to change to get there. Without self-awareness, our emotions can blind us and guide us to do things or to become people we do not want to be.

To become more self-aware, one must follow these steps:

• Learn the difference between thoughts and feelings. It is extremely important to know the difference between “I think” and “I feel” if you are to know yourself better.

• Ask yourself how you are feeling throughout the day and be honest. If your heart races or you blush or if you are short of breath – this is usually a gut reaction. Ask yourself, “What is the feeling behind it?” Name that feeling – fear, anxiety, love, eagerness.

• Be open to input from others. Friends and associates can often enlighten us about our behavior.

2. Self-Regulation

While we are listening and learning from our gut feelings as a step toward self-awareness, self-regulation is regulating those same feelings and managing them so that they do more good than harm. Self-regulation is giving the rational side time to temper our feelings when needed. It also helps us to act intentionally rather than reactively. When we act intentionally, we mean what we say rather. The other side of the coin is to just spout off without thinking and later regret an impulsive act.

Here are some tips to help you with self-regulation:

• Monitor your self-talk (what you say to yourself in your mind).

• Accept responsibility for your emotional responses in your life. When you are feeling that you are accountable, you are acknowledging your own power.

• Anticipate emotional “triggers” and prepare to manage them.

• Reframe an irritating situation into a problem-solving exercise. When you encounter a situation that provokes an undesirable emotional response, decrease your anger by focusing on the behavior. Reframe it to make the behavior the problem, and not the person.

• Use humor!

• Never underestimate the power of taking deep breaths. Increasing the flow of oxygen to the brain eases tension, clarifies thinking and has a relaxing effect on our psyche and body. It also gives you a moment to collect your thoughts and to think before speaking.

• Remove yourself from the situation and keep moving. There are major benefits in distancing yourself from a bad situation and re-directing your energy into a new activity. This will help you regain your perspective, increase your alertness and re-energize.

Unlike Intelligence Quotient, which is fixed for life, Emotional Quotient can be continually developed to enable people to increase their awareness of their selves and others, to develop.

3. Self-Motivation

Self-motivation is directing the power of our emotions toward a purpose that will motivate and inspire us. It is also visualizing the achievement of a goal and taking whatever the necessary steps are to get there. Various ways to bolster your self-motivation are: — Be aware of how you explain setbacks to yourself… stay realistic. Realize that you can control and choose what you are thinking and feeling. Increase your persistence by keeping things in perspective. — Connect your goals with your values to get energized. Keep your eyes on the goal and follow through so you can enjoy the satisfaction of completing whatever projects you’ve begun. — Strive for reaching a —flow— state while working on projects. — Visualize! — Keep learning! The pursuit of knowledge will build on your areas of strength. You will be more valuable and versatile.

4. Empathy

Once we have become more honest and intentional with our emotions, it is time to look outward. EI is both tuning into our feelings and tuning into the feelings of those around us. It means responding to others appropriately, with sensitivity and compassion. Empathy is being able to see a problem from another person’s perspective. It is good to acknowledge other people’s emotions while still remembering that those are their emotions, not ours. Empathy begins with listening. This means making a connection with people. Individuals who lack empathy are more focused on their needs and pay little or no attention to anyone else’s. Empathy is the glue that will bind a group together to work successfully. Some of the techniques for enhancing your empathy are: — Look for nonverbal cues as well as listening for verbal ones. Studies show that words account for only 7% of communication. Tone and the speed of speech accounts for 38% of the message, while 55% is unspoken and revealed through body language, such as posture, eye contact, facial expressions, and so on. — Share and be honest about your feelings. Good communication leads to trust. — Your spoken and unspoken messages should be consistent. You want what you are saying to uphold what you are doing. This proves that you are being honest, or authentic, which builds trust. — Take the kinder road whenever possible. There are many ways to deliver opinions and criticism. You can be honest and still give positive feedback, which increases confidence. Construc-tive feedback increases competence. — Try to see a situation from the other person’s perspective. Empathy is about imagining what it would be like to walk in someone else’s shoes. We ought to assume that everyone is doing the best they can with the resources that they have at the moment.

5. Effective Relationships

Mastering the abilities of self-awareness, self-regulation, self-motivation, and empathy paves the way to attaining greater skill in effective relationships. This competency is about interacting with people successfully and being adept at managing emotions in others. With heightened social skills, leaders are better communicators and better collaborators. Some EI techniques for having more effective relationships at work: — Share your passion and enthusiasm for your job and the organization’s vision — it’s contagious! Keep the vision in view by relating your own excitement for a project or goal. — Create an inspiring work environment. If you show honesty, trust, and appreciation toward your team, you create the perfect environment for them to do their best work. — Engage in creative brainstorming. Not only is brainstorming good for generating fresh ideas, but the process builds rapport and trust among team members. This could smooth the way to future collaborations because of the creative bond that has been formed. — Be willing to coach or mentor others and be open to being coached yourself. This is the most important relationship skill in the workplace. By sharing your knowledge and expertise with other team members, you are nurturing the next generation. And by allowing someone to coach you, you are showing that you are receptive to others’ ideas and that you do not —know it all.— In conclusion, quite simply the EI competencies of intra-personal and inter-personal skills are central to our life and are a different way of being intelligent. They are the tools that our brains use to define ourselves, to shape the meaning of major concepts like love, success, and happiness. EI has been found to be more important than IQ, technical ability, or experience in determining life success. Unlike IQ, which is fixed for life, EQ can be continually developed to enable people to increase their awareness of their selves and others, to develop self-management strategies, and to connect with others to create collaboration and harmony. In practice, EI also enables people to tap into their true power and creativity and to consciously choose the most effective response to any situation rather than merely reacting impulsively.

Footnotes

1. Ruisel, I., Social Intelligence: Conception and Methodological Problems, 34(4-5), 281-296.
2. Emotional Intelligence Workbook, CRM Learning, Carlsbad, 2001.
3. Salovey, P., & Mayer, J. Emotional Intelligence, Imagination, Cognition, and Personality, 1990.
4. Salovey, P., & Mayer, J., The Intelligence of Emotional Intelligence, 1993, 17, 433-442. 5 See http://www.qmetricseq.com/
5. Goleman, D., Emotional Intelligence, Bantam Books, New York, 1995.