– Hello grandma, how is everything?

– Oh, my dear Seyma, is that you? Since you are calling all the way from America I will not waste much. I am doing well, take good care of yourself and never forget to put aside your charity before Friday prayer every week.

– Sure, grandma, is there anything you ask of me?

– Tell me, if I were to come to collect donations for the orphans in my town, would President Clinton give me any?

– My dearest grandma, you ask this all the time; I am in America, but I really do not meet with President Clinton at all. I am an ordinary college student and he does not roam around the streets.

I then wondered and chuckled, “the audacity to ask the President of the States when you live far away in a rural part of Anatolia!”

***

All of our cousins, aunts, and uncles would gather in her large but simple 4-bedroom home every Eid. Sugar-loaded grandkids would look for trouble and would find money at every corner of the giant hand-woven rug, to which she anxiously warned: “This sac of money belongs to the fridge project for Ms. Aisha; the right corner belongs to the school supplies for Ms. Khadija’s daughters; and the red sack has the money for Ms. Fatima’s house project. Do not even touch, my dears, as these are sacred.”

She built dozens of houses with the funds that she collected bit by bit, day by day, cent by cent and would store it under the rug. She would never let a family go without fulfilling all of their needs and finding a sustainable source of income. A couple days a week, she would take the needy families down to the marketplace to visit businessmen and ask for help. Some of them knew of her sincere intentions while others complained when she arrived. However, she certainly did not care what others would think of her. She would be helping a family or two and they would sit around the table with all of us every Eid dinner. My uncles and aunts were the “elites” of the town, and so this notion was not something we were used to in our normal lives. I then grunted for her absurdness for squeezing us all with strangers.

***

She used to sit down on her old velvet couch with her green thousand-count prayer beads in her hands as she looked out the window and lamented why the municipality would turn on the light at 5:30 pm when it gets dark only slightly later. If she saw an unnecessarily lit area, no matter how tired she was and what time of the day it was, she would hastily run to turn them off despite her old age and swollen legs.

The most striking part of the story used to come when she turned the lights off when my grandfather was in the bathroom. It was typical in most houses to have light switches outside of the room. When he screamed for her to turn the light back on, she, with a great sense of humor and seriousness, shouted back “Get done and come out quickly, there is nothing to see there anyhow!”

The most memorable quote from her was the Qur’anic verse, “…eat and drink, but waste not by excess, for God does not love wasters” (7:31).

I thought she was exaggerating this a bit much.

***

– Granny, I have exams this week. Can you please pray for me?

– Oh, my sweetie, may God help all those in need including you. I will pray for everyone, God willing.

– No grandma, that is NOT what I want. I want you to pray for ME!

With a smile, she would embrace and kiss me on the head.

I was then heart-broken thinking that I wasn’t special to her.

***

Her first name was Ihsaniye, which means “the bestowed.” She met with her Beloved God on a Feb 14^th after a long battle with a heinous cancer. The whole town cried – and, I thought I even heard the sky cry – with chants of her nickname, “the Mother of Orphans.”

Now, I have your hand-woven blue-beige medallion-style wool rug, which was the container of your little sacks, maroon-ruby wedding ring, and your green thousand-count prayer beads in my hands to cherish your beautiful heart and soul, the giant heart to fit all of humanity, the soul that cared for the earth…

As I sip my dark and warm coffee in this light and spacious hall, in one of the country’s most sustainable buildings, Kroon Hall in New Haven, listening to professors, NGOs, and private sectors presenting their vision, solutions, and efforts on Climate Change, Sustainability, and Economic Empowerment, I sigh deeply, and remember the Mother of Orphans, my dearest grandmother.

The Example of the First Circle around the Prophet and Those Who Followed Them

So much so a source of blessings was the Prophet Muhammad, according to the Islamic tradition, that he always had followers who embodied the same spirit and devotion. Those who had the opportunity to be close to the Prophet and witness his person with their eyes and hearts lived in a constant state of rapture with this delight. They walked in his footsteps with the excitement of being imbued with that state, and they always made sure this path that led to him was filled with travelers. Hundreds of thousands have taken wing towards him, their eyes always eagerly fixed on this first “Circle” around the Prophet, and their hearts willing to behold what lies beyond. Watchful for the furthest horizons, they have taught the manners of this journey to those who staggered on their way.

For those who are on this path, faith in God (iman) is a lively source of excitement in hearts. Knowledge (marifa) and love of God (muhabba) are as a sparkling torch in feelings and thoughts. Their eagerness to meet the real owner of everything sheds light on their way as a projector that brightens up the roads extending to eternity. They have walked without falter to the beyond with eagerness for reunion with God (liqa‘ullah), which is a never-fading source of energy in feelings and thoughts; their hearts always beating with the excitement of beholding the very horizons of those in the Circle. They ran in the direction of this Circle without fatigue, but with an insightful perspective of what they saw, with a resolution for journeying in the realms beyond the horizons by means of their mechanism of conscience, their hearts permeated with the awe of this state and the entirety of their physical and spiritual anatomy in full resonance.

Their faith and spiritual knowledge are of the deepest kind. They are thoroughly equipped in both material and spiritual senses, and they entirely leave behind worldliness and materialism. They disregard dirty urges of the carnal soul and its temptations. Though they soar in heavenly realms, their hearts still keep quivering in fear. They keep groaning as if they were the sinful ones in this world. They question themselves with the deepest concerns day and night, and they always have considerations as expressed in:

If the All-Merciful One weighs my sins as they are,
I fear the scales on the Day of Judgment will break.

They keep sighing night and day out of fear, as if they have committed some wrongdoing despite their already glorious spiritual rank. Humility is at the core of their existence. They feel disgusted by receiving appreciation and applause. They hate glory, prestige, and pomp. They always behave as an ordinary person among other people. Acknowledging that all goodness, achievements, and extraordinary qualities come from their Creator, bowing is no more enough for them to show their gratitude, they go down to prostration in reverence.

I am a slave who is not worth all this grace,
I wonder why I am favored so bountifully. (M. Lutfi)

With these feelings, they continue to be relentless in their self-criticism, and are immersed in expressions of humility and self-effacement. They adopt the following important principle of the Qur’an as a part of their character: “(O human being!) Whatever good happens to you, it is from God; and whatever evil befalls you, it is from yourself” (4:79). They do not forget their single mistake or lapse which weighs so heavily on their shoulders, even after many, many years. They forget or disregard the good things that they made or accomplished which may have helped thousands of people. Even if the thought of crediting themselves for a dazzling accomplishment or triumph crosses their minds, they dismiss such thoughts and acknowledge all success to be from God as a grace for people’s collective work and solidarity. These are the character traits of the devoted souls walking on the path of the All-Truthful One, and such is the constant state of monumental personages whose hearts are completely oriented with the ones in the Circle, seeking God’s approval.

Now, with broken statements of mine, I wish to narrate examples of facing oneself from some loyal servants of God, whose eyes and hearts were with the members of the Circle. My words can only represent a few drops from their immense ocean.

As one of the radiant fruits of the blessed tree of the Prophet’s family, Imam Zayn al-Abidin (659-713) was a prominent person of sublime virtues. His father was Husayn (the Prophet’s grandson), his grandmother was Fatima (the Prophet’s daughter), and his grandfather was Ali, the prince of the chivalrous, and his great grandfather was the noble Prophet, peace be upon him. Zayn al-Abidin was a fortunate person who opened his eyes to the world in such a bright ethos and flourished with heavenly water of life, had his heart and spirit always set on God so much so that his path never ever crossed sins even in his dreams. Wherever he turned his eyes, he was enraptured by a view of the Circle. He kept soaring high towards that source of blessed inspiration with a desire and eagerness of reunion with his noble family.

He was always permeated with such feelings and thoughts; he always desired and aimed to be on that blessed course. Yet, he always committed himself to the Divine, assigned no worth to himself, and constantly engaged in self-effacement, a state of being which Seyyid Nigari describes in his own way as follows:

Can one who seeks the Beloved care about his own soul?
Can one seeking to live be concerned for the Beloved?

And thus Zayn al-Abidin kept seeking God and completely closed his eyes to all else, because he was in a state of constant exposure to the Circle, with the sight of both his eyes and heart. His heart would beat with the excitement of being under the same light with them, and he would live with a zest for servanthood to God. Among his prayers constantly offered are the following supplications, which I do my best to convey here, but do so by focusing more on the meaning rather than the exact wording; I do not constrain myself to vocabulary limitations. Instead of rendering all of his supplications here in full, what follow are his heartbreaking cries which I occasionally interpolate with short phrases to offer my personal take on some of his words, so hoping that his inner groans are better internalized first by myself and others like me:

“My God! The wrongs and sins I have been committing have put a mantle of abasement on my soul. By remaining apart from You (O Imam, have your ever been apart? FG) I have found myself in a state of poverty. The gigantic wrongs that I have committed (no way, a hundred thousand times no! FG) have darkened my heart. I seek refuge in You, God Almighty, my only Besought and Beloved! Please accept me as I turn to Your door with serious repentance, and bless me with a fresh revival as if I have been revived after death (if you are not alive, then how should those unfortunate “walking dead” like myself wail? FG). I swear I never knew anyone but You (O God), and in spite of everything, here I submissively expect to be forgiven in Your presence. If you expel this slave of Yours, which door can I ever turn to and with whom can I ever seek refuge? If I am expelled from that door, I will utterly be in a pitiable and shameful condition!”

O dear Imam Abidin, we have studied you and others like you in the literature of the Prophet’s life, and have come to recognize you with your humble face turned down and with your heartfelt supplications. If the cause of your wailing is the temporary fog that occasionally seeps into your imagination during dreams, if this is the factor that triggers your groans, how fortunate you are. And how pitiable are unfortunate ones of our time such as myself who live their entire lives in that fog and smoke, and the so-called theologians who assume themselves to be religious!

Zayn al-Abidin does not suffice with his above prayers. Below he opens another page in his compositions of wails:

“O the Exalted Lord who even forgives the greatest sins and embraces stricken hearts with compassion! I wish and beg You to pardon my disgracing sins and hide away my shameful wrongs and forgive this slave of Yours, in the warm atmosphere of Your forgiveness, along with those whom You saved with Your clemency and mercy.”

I wish it could be possible to find at least a hundredth of these wailings in the spiritual world of those who spend their life in places of worship, who put on airs in Sufi lodges, who waste their lives in nests of heedlessness appearing to be religious schools, and those so-called believers whose faith does not pass beyond imitation and who spend their lives in self-glorification saying “I did this, I did that.”

Zayn al-Abidin continues to open up to God, his yearnings now reaching a peak:

“If repentance and penitence are titles for a heartfelt remorse, so I swear I repent a thousand times for all I committed! If asking forgiveness from You is a means of being absolved from sins, so I cry with truly heartfelt remorse and wish You to forgive this poor servant of Yours!”

With my full respect to him, I skip some of his expressions of sigh and wailing and jump to the following one:

“O God! You are the One who has opened wide the gates of sincere repentance for Your servants and informed us with this glad tidings. You decree “O you who believe! Turn to God in sincere and reforming repentance” (Qur’an 66:8) and thus summon us to the chamber of Your oneness. Those who turn to this door You have opened will hopefully find what they expect, as a result of Your grace. Sins and wrongs certainly are not becoming for servants, but there is no doubt that You are so magnanimous at forgiveness and clemency.

Let us add the following to that:

Bestow on us, O my Sovereign, do not deprive the poor of your bestowals
Is it becoming for the Munificent Bestower to stop bestowing on His slaves? (M. Lutfi)

Yearning souls always presented their petition with this gist of imploring. If it will not be disrespect against the Almighty, I also share these considerations.

There is anticipation in the air. People from all walks of life are vigilant, waiting for a ray of light to shine upon them. Their eyes are fixed on the horizon, expecting the rise of a “true dawn,” and their hopes are spurred at each trace of light in the east. When they cannot see what they were expecting, they groan with disappointment, yet turn again to their horizon of hope and wonder, “when is the sunrise?” They lower their heads and set sail to another broken dream. Remembering the glorious days of old and seeing the fearful images of today, they sing songs of sorrow and drift in the high and low tides of hope and despair.

Horrific scenes of disintegration are seen on all sides as we witness more than ever before defiled feelings, darkened spirits floundering in the pus, hopes knocked down over and over, dead hearts that do not see and cannot understand, paralyzed souls, trashed consciences that have no horizons and are blind to what lies beyond. Ears are deaf to heavenly voices; eyes – persistently denying their nature – misread and misunderstand laws of creation; minds are intoxicated with positivism, naturalism, materialism, and all that nonsense that don’t fit within the framework of reason. Thus buried are the brightest truths in the darkest of the dark and with the darkest of souls. It is like a long gloomy night blackened by pitch-black thoughts of pharaohs.

On the other end of the spectrum, those who can fathom the mysteries and truths of humankind are but a few. Still, as whips lash above their heads, their mouths are zipped up, and their hands are cuffed, all they can do is wait for an extraordinary Divine help. Those who keep their hopes alive move on, saying, “God is enough; the rest is a passing desire.” Sometimes, they breathe by uttering the words of the poet:

Let the world come with all its causes of suffering,
Call me a traitor if I turn back on my struggle for the people. (N. Kemal)

Problems have reached the furthest boundaries; brute force is rampant; persecution and violence are blindingly daring; every corner is filled with helpless masses that moan and grieve. The sovereigns whose hearts have been captured by the devil and the elite who are somewhat lettered but whose eminence is but on the surface do not hear these groans. Even if they hear, they do not care; on the contrary they applaud the tyranny, praise the tyrant, and strive to become like the vizier Haman [1] to the Pharaohs. What is left for the victims, is to suffer.

God gave humankind reason and heart so we can discover and understand the inner truths of existence. Failing to use these to discern the developments around us and what they stand for will cause us to fail to maintain the quality of “the perfect pattern of creation” [2]; we may not even be aware of this failure. For those who fell from this status, life has been wasted in a vicious cycle of diversions and slips; they confuse the white with the black, the flower with the thorn. For them, the beauty of a rose becomes unfathomable; the songs of nightingale are the caws of a crow. Saving themselves from these crooked thoughts is rare, leading them to err one after another, and to become lower than their level of creation. While their feet are stuck in pitch-dark thoughts, their spirits drift aimlessly in all directions, and their hearts deform at all levels. They are headed to disintegration and to an inevitable naught.

As a matter of fact, there is a crystal-clear path, a way to be released from these deviations, a path that those who lead a life in the orbit of their carnality are unable to see. Everything points to the direction of this path in every possible language and style. The way out is to know and believe in the All-Glorious One as He is; to look into existence and events with the lens of such a Divine knowledge and make analyses accordingly; to explore the natural phenomena with what lies beyond their material being; to study the mysteries that underlie the essence of humankind; to apply mathematical decoding to all the known universe; to evaluate the Earth and all that is found here; and to continue all this work without a break.

Such firm persistence will lead to exploration of human nature, with its physical and metaphysical dimensions. It will turn the human into a projector that will show how to read the book of the universe, for a person is but a comprehensive index of the universe. Reading the book of the universe accurately is a vital prescription for us humans who can reason. This is how humans can gather themselves together, be protected from all kinds of deviations, and will reconquer themselves. This is how we will be saved from being dragged by whims, will be guided by knowledge, and we will cherish the relief and reassurance of turning to the One, will love Him, and will sing songs of love and reunion.

Unless there is a special Divine grace, it is not possible for the unfortunate ones who are unable to read and discover their profound nature to know and love the Unique Faithful Beloved; to surpass their physical and carnal aspects and move forward in accordance with the purpose of their creation, to overcome all humanly errors and soar for a reunion with Him.

The path to attaining knowledge of the Unique Truth and to be guided to Him require engaging in serious contemplation and deep thinking, and thereby reaching accurate assessments about one’s self. Such a frame of mind becomes a means for the gifts of faith and Divine knowledge, which all together will be of service to the person, allowing them to fathom their reason for existing, what they are expected to do with this life, and the content of the Divine message that has been blown into our souls with the breaths of Prophets. Then they start becoming aware of their status vis-à-vis all of existence, turning their faces gradually in the right direction. Having grasped their purpose, they let themselves flow with the current leading to the Ultimate Purpose. The journey becomes paths of discovery, as the person realizes all material and spiritual depths are the keys to the mystery of existence. They start hearing invitations from deeper realities at each departure from the shore towards the endless horizons, turning their back on all those that are destined to disappear. They build greenhouses against disintegration and hold themselves to account on how to live and behave. As they strain further in their spiritual struggle, they appear as role models and awaken those who are asleep with the hymns of the dawn. They guide to God those who can purify themselves from arrogance, vanity, and narcissism.

On the other hand, there are those unwise souls who think looking is the same as seeing. They are unable to hear the humming of all that exists in all corners of the universe in their unique languages of disposition; they cannot comprehend their precious status in the midst of everything. They keep their ears closed to sounds and tunes from what lies beyond the physical realms. Theirs is the life of the blind and the deaf. While every letter of the universe cries out for the One, they are far from understanding it. Deprived of senses and enthusiasm, these unfortunate souls live like moving corpses who regret the inner pains of their contradictions.

The discovery of phenomena occurs via one’s self-discovery. The human mind, spirit, and all other faculties become lenses to see even deeper, spurring feelings that ask for even more. It is without doubt that such a constant search does not go unrewarded. Then, the truth of this heavenly word is revealed: “Those who know themselves begin looking for Me; those who look for Me will surely find Me” [3]. This search is what being in the “perfect pattern of creation” entails.

But the humans unaware of their status vis-à-vis the Divine constantly trip; their lives are no different than those of life forms that eat, drink, and sleep, indifferent to the outer world. They are plagued with the pressing fears of eventual ruin. They try to avoid these fears and run away from themselves by seeking fun, drunkenness, and various forms of hypnosis. Theirs becomes a life wasted, and when the time comes, the candle of life is blown out, leaving them in the hands of the inescapable end they have always feared.

Today, there are so many who are navigated not by their reason but the devil, enslaved by their carnal desires, and who have set sail to waters of rebellion. They act in opposition to what their hearts and spirits call them to; their thoughts are paralyzed, and the qualities that make them human have fallen apart.

Good character has disappeared, indecency is everywhere
How many ugly faces
were covered by that thin veil of morals!
Loyalty, honoring covenants, and trust
are nowhere to be found.
Lies, betrayals are all around, and truth is unknown.
O Lord! No strand of hair shudders of this scene,
How disastrous a revolution this has been.
Religion and faith are no more;
religion is destroyed, faith is a mirage
Let all the pride go and hearts turn mute
Freedom is no more
when this moral decay is underway! (M. Akif)

It is useless to expect anything from those whose knowledge of themselves is the least. Falsehood is disguised as truth and has set its throne in so many hearts. Those who masquerade as the elite whose job is otherwise to convey the true message and the raw souls who are merchants of religion act as “mute devils” – turn their faces away from atrocities and say nothing to prevent them, inviting even more trouble. Conspiracies are staged as truth and masses are manipulated so deceitfully that even the devils are ashamed.

All of these negativities started at a time when societies lost their true identities; call it our luck, or rather bad luck, that our times have witnessed their flourishing to unprecedented heights. We do not wish this, but it looks like they will continue to shape our future until we patch up the wear and tear of the last few centuries and reach days of revival.

The first step of such a blessed revival would be to establish our connection with the Divine as His servants and the place He has ordained for us in the universe. When the fog clears, and we can finally see the true Ka‘ba, we will turn in the same direction and seek opportunities of harmony and unity. As we will offer our unity as a call for help and success from the Divine, we will and should aspire to attain our true human status.

Among the major principles of this revival would be to think systematically, look comprehensively, question the authenticity of our current knowledge, be freed from the disease of imitation, and trample the filth of arrogance, conceit, and egotism under our feet. Those who put themselves first and are chained to their ego are in fact humiliating themselves.

You are unaware of yourself, so it seems
O humankind, you think you are a lowly being
If only you knew
Your essence is precious, even more so than angels
Hidden in you are the worlds, wrapped are the universes.

Those who become aware of their value leave behind their ego and move on so their remoteness to the One is shortened. As they are welcomed by heavenly beings into unreachable horizons, they abandon all worldly recognition and glory and cherish the discovery of their own nature. Then, not only the deceiving beauties of the world, but even the pleasures of the heavens, become invisible to their eyes. They live calling on the One with the words of Yunus: “I need You and You only.” Those who call on the world and are trapped in the beauties of this false life are fooled by assumptions and aspirations of an eternal life here and tend to ignore an eternal life there. Their minds and hearts are mortgaged by luxurious mansions and fleets of ships they own. I do not want to defile my language for them, and leave them with their fate to be recorded in history books, for this is not what the cavalries of light are expecting; with torches in their hands these cavalries are hunting for light and striving to attain whatever God wills for them.

God renders evils into goodness,
Don’t think He does otherwise. 
The wise will wait and behold His works;
What God will do, let’s wait and see 
Surely beautiful it will be.

Notes

1. While Haman in the Hebrew Bible is a vizier in the Persian Empire under King Ahasuerus, the Qur’an refers to this name in 40:36 as the vizier of the Pharaoh in the time of Moses, peace be upon him: “The Pharaoh said: ‘O Haman! Build me a lofty tower so that I may attain the ways, the ways of (peering into) the skies, and that I may have a look at the God of Moses, though I surely think that he is a liar.’”
2. Qur’an 95:4.
3. This quote is narrated in books concerning Sufism as a hadith qutsi – a saying, the meaning of which is from God and the wording of which was inspired in the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him. This saying is considered to be the gist or kernel of all explanations concerning knowledge of God.

The day my husband died, my work for a newspaper had taken me out of the office to do interviews and take pictures. I hurried back to my computer because I wanted to finish early. The man I had loved for three decades had not been well for several years. He had attempted suicide several times before, and I had always been there to stop him, but today – on a most magnificent Tuesday, the kind of day only an Alabama sky can provide – I was worried. The weekend had given us new problems, and new problems usually brought with them reactions that could range from unusual behavior to a complete loss of hope.

I telephoned him as I drove from one interview to the next. We talked briefly about ordinary things and about my new idea: that he should try out a new program I had found. He had been diagnosed with bipolar depression in 2004, a behavioral disorder that decreases a person’s ability to handle stress. The toll this took on him in a few years far exceeded the ravages of major depression he had dealt with alone for a lifetime.

Those years had taken a toll on me, too. But I had no idea what lay just ahead. Suicide is not just a personal disaster. It happens to everyone in a family and devastates whatever life came before, changing forever those who are left behind.

After writing my column for the week, I left work early. I felt desperate to get home. On the way, I called him again. The day before had been his fifty-eighth birthday. Our plans had changed a couple of times recently, but the weekend had been eerily quiet. On Sunday afternoon, we sat on the deck in the sunshine. I grew tired watching him go through boxes of papers and discard this or that. At the time I thought he was just organizing. I left him to go inside and take a nap. When I returned he had finished, and the day ended with the sweetness I had known for so long: the satisfying closeness of just being with him.

But by this Tuesday, around four o’clock, the calls between our cell phones kept dropping – or perhaps he kept hanging up. I told him I was on the way home. As I did, I passed a grocery store and thought I should stop for a birthday cake. Yesterday had not gone well, and today I had a chance to do something special for him, but I was exhausted and felt driven to be with him. Something was wrong. I was sure of it. I didn’t stop, a fact I regret.

His voice, when we spoke again, was too calm. He told me he had broken into the gun safe, the one I bought after he had his first psychotic break. I realized later he could have done that at any time. My false sense of security had been nothing more than a thin veil.

“I’m not mad.” Inside, I panicked. What would I do now that I only had my voice with which to save his life? “Where are you?”

Carefully, as if speaking to a child, he told me. I asked him to put the pistol down and cross the road to our neighbor’s house. When the connection broke, I dialed 911, reported the situation, and heard the words that would change the course of my thinking.

“Don’t go in,” the operator said. “Sometimes they wait until they see you before they do it. Park on the side of the road where he can’t see you.”

That was something I had not thought of before. It terrified me. Woodenly, I obeyed. Now I had entered an alternate reality, shock creeping over me like a blanket. I stopped the car as close to the house as I could without being seen.

Eventually, a young deputy arrived, took my house key, and went inside, finding my husband’s body. He came back to my car, where I waited. Through the window, which was rolled down, he extended his hand, and I latched onto two of his fingers with my own. His expression was so pained that I couldn’t bear to make him tell me what he had found.  

“I know,” I told him, and he explained that the scene would first have to be treated like a homicide. I nodded and stayed where I was as he drove back to the house.

It took more time for neighbors to arrive and the call to go out to our church friends who gathered around the car and waited with me. I made calls to his family and to our children in three different states. I was deep in shock.

From there, the nightmare of the past few years changed into the hellish existence of a grief I had never known before. I was familiar with death. My mother had died. So had my father and my brother-in-law. Even in childhood, in my life as a preacher’s kid it was not uncommon for me to attend every funeral and visit every grieving household. I played the beautiful organ in our church sanctuary at the funeral of one of my best friends’ father when I was only nine or ten years old. I had read and written about death, but this was different.

Sometimes suicide comes without warning, but for several years before my husband’s suicide, his uncontrollable, rapid cycling moods and bizarre episodes left us both drained. He was at the mercy of his illness, and as I tried to help him and to get help for him in every way I could, I was at the mercy of his illness as well.

Physically, I had already used almost all of my strength. I had no reserves. My body was anemic; my mind was in a state of constant crisis. Even the moments between emergencies became crises because those were the waiting and worrying times. I never knew what would be coming next, but I knew it would be horrible.

Suddenly, as I sat in my car on the side of the road, he was gone, and I entered the aftermath of suicide. Since that day, I’ve worked alongside thousands of other survivors of suicide loss to try and understand what happened; and to mourn, heal, and rebuild. To help myself, I had to help others who were struggling through similar situations.

I discovered that grieving and hope can become entangled with regret and guilt and so many other emotions. During this confusing time, hope is a concept that is difficult to hold onto. Hold onto it we must, however, even if we have to borrow strength from each other.

Suicide changes us, but together, we can turn mourning into joy. For me, healing became a three-step process. I first found that co-support fortifies survivors so that obstacles like secondary wounding do not halt progress toward a successful return to life. Then, there is the essential but difficult step that enables survivors to let go of their past lives and turn toward new ones. No one wants to go on without a dear loved one, but a healthy recovery from grief depends on finding the strength to let go. Without this interim step, a survivor may not realize there are other ways to carry forward the memory of the lost one, other kinds of relationships that can be built with the departed. Lastly, there is an internal drive that emerges in most survivors that motivates them to go beyond just surviving to making meaning out of loss. This can manifest first as an instinctive need to do something. This guiding force inspires survivors to find or to create ways to carry a message forward, to turn their own personal tragedies into victories by helping others. They may write books, found organizations, set up foundations, or contribute in other ways. Many of these are artistic or creative in nature and come straight from the heart.

Suicide touches all kinds of people from every background and belief system. It can create a barrier between those closest to the person who died and those around them. Historically, suicide has been viewed by many societies as a social taboo, but the underserved stigma, shame, and shunning that surround suicide is being dispelled by the efforts of loved ones who are banding together to share both pain and healing. One such group – the Alliance of Hope for suicide loss survivors (www.allianceofhope.com) – is attempting to change the culture surrounding suicide worldwide. With the guiding slogan “Kindness Matters,” members share the simple but powerful knowledge that one can not only survive the loss of a loved one or friend to suicide but also can go beyond just surviving to rebuild happy, productive lives.

“You are not alone.”

“This was not your fault.”

“Healing is possible.”

“There are specific things you can do to build a new life that honors the one you lost.”

When I reach out in this way to comfort a mom or dad, a partner or child who is in more pain than they ever knew existed, it is because of the many times I saw my husband’s gentleness, his respect for all living things, his brilliant mind at work. His life is not defined by how he died. Neither is mine. He made such an impact on my life and on the lives of anyone who knew him that even his illness – even suicide – could not change the good he did in the world.

I can only hand survivors a little hope, but in that moment, hope is enough.

Some insight for leaves

Leaves are in charge of respiration in plants. They consist of the main mechanism producing food for plants, using sunlight via photosynthesis through which food for many more organisms, animals, and humans are provided. Having been assigned to convert solar energy to food, which they’ve been doing for millions, perhaps billions, of years, plants have been a significant instrument for sustaining life on or planet. It is as if plants turn their leaves upward in prayer to ask for food on behalf of all living things.

Morphology of a leaf

Leaves are composed of three sections: the base, blade, and petiole. The blade is the most important part of the leaf; it is wide and flat. The exact shape of leaves vary according to climate, geographical conditions, life span and risk of consumption by other organisms. In tropical climates, the blade is often very wide. In drier climates, it is usually smaller, in order to reduce water loss.

Leaves of some plants undergo a transformation called “metamorphosis” to fulfill different tasks. For example, some leaves have a thorny shape and protect the plant form herbivorous animals. Some leaves are designed to store water, and some are converted into a trap in order to capture insects to nourish the plant.

On the cross section of a leaf, one can observe that four layers constitute the inner part. The first one is the epidermis, which covers the leaf from top to bottom. This layer protects the leaf against external elements and is lined with a waterproof, waxy substance.

The palisade parenchyma is located on the upper side of the inner tissue and it houses chloroplast rich cells, which are lined up densely and carry out photosynthesis. The spongy layer under the palisade tissue forms the intercellular air spaces and this layer is responsible for the respiration of the plant.

For photosynthesis to occur, the leaf needs to receive the maximum amount of sunlight. The sun must hit the leaf at a perpendicular angle; thus, the leaf must be amply wide and must sit level. Because the sun hits different latitudes at different angles, plants have branches of different lengths facing different directions, and leaves have different curvatures. Furthermore, leaves are also lined up in a way so as not to block the sun’s rays. For this to happen, it is required for the leaf base to be thin and the leaves to be lined up in a spiral fashion that enables both lower and higher ones to harvest sunlight in the most efficient way. This type of arrangement exemplifies the golden ratio, which is observed among many structures in nature.

Each leaf sprouts at an angle of either 222.5 or 137.5, derived from division of 360 degrees, from the previous leaf under. This spiral leaf growth provides them with the most suitable place to harvest sunlight maximally. This way the gaps around branches are minimized and a maximum number of leaves is positioned without reducing the light capture capacity of the plant.

Seasons and leaves

Plants work like factories during spring and summer, producing a great deal of food through photosynthesis. Some of these foods help the plant grow and some are stored as starch for winter. With the onset of autumn, a majority of plants outside tropical zones go through hibernation, like many organisms do, and enter a dormant period. In order for plants, like trees and bushes, to survive the cold, their leaves are shed to minimize their surface area and conserve energy. Perennial green plants lose their aerial parts, too, including stems and leaves, and hibernate underground as roots, bulbs, and tubers. They sprout back from their roots once spring brings warmer weather.

Many leaves begin to fade and fall once autumn arrives. The leaves of some hardy plants – like cypress, pine, and spruce trees – continue to function through winter. In some of these trees, like the bay tree and the Indian sandalwood, there are protective layers covering the leaves against the cold. Other leaves, like pine needles, are created in a spiny shape to resist the cold.

Colors of autumn

Leaves seem green during the spring and summer months because the chlorophyll found in them absorbs all wavelengths other than green. The other major pigments found in leaves are carotene (orange) and xanthophylls (yellow). These two pigments are the most common pigments in nature.

As autumn approaches, and photosynthesis begins to end, chlorophyll starts to degrade and the other pigments begin to show. Thus, leaves turn yellow and bright red.

As the weather gets colder, the chloroplasts that are near the leaf’s bottom are broken apart, and sugar levels begin to elevate. The sugars produced during this season accumulate in the leaves day by day due to lower photosynthetic speed and reduced transportation to other parts of the plant. These sugars are converted into anthocyanins. At first, leaves appear yellow. A couple weeks before they fall, most leaves shift from yellow to red. Under abundant sunlight, due to concentrated anthocyanins, leaves seem brighter and more colorful – and thus red. Once the live tissues die completely, all leaves turn brown. This is due to the high concentration of tannin.

Leaf color varies not only because of plant genetics and external factors, but also because of climate. Temperature, humidity, soil composition, and levels of sun exposure all affect color. There is a higher degree of color change in the leaves of trees that grow in lower temperatures.

The composition of soil plays a major role in the color of leaves. Leaves that turn yellow early indicate a nitrogen shortage; on the other hand, the presence of a strong red color indicates very acidic soil. A high alkaline ratio is present in places where leaves are purple.

Walking among fallen leaves and the colorful scenery in a forest in autumn can trigger unique emotions. Depending on the psychological state of a person, the colors of autumn sometimes remind us about the briefness of this world, but they can also hint at the infinite life to come.

The motifs and patterns of leaves

Receiving sufficient sunlight is a significant matter for leaves. Therefore, they are created differently. No two plant leaves are the same.

Some of the leaves are simple and some are compounds. According to their arrangements, opposite, alternate, whorled, and rowed forms exist. Leaf blades can be ovals, kidneys, triangles, or even hearts. Edges can be smooth, serrated, toothed, or lobed. Leaf veins can also have many different motifs.

Each plant species has its own leaf motif. The alfalfa leaf has a triple pattern of specific angles; walnut leaves have an opposite arrangement of eight to ten. A hand-like motif, like the fingers of a praying hand, formed of seven leaves, can be observed on chestnut trees.

“I am a lowly creature” you say O man Only if you knew…” M. Akif

The human is unique. We are self-conscious and can exercise self-control. Ironically, too many neglect this unique ability.

How many individuals can we count who develop a habit of frequent self-criticism? How many do we know who examine themselves yet again each and every day: weaknesses and strengths, internal chasms and power centers, losses and gains? How many do we know who take the time to reflect on the state of their soul in a down-to-earth manner? The unique capacity of humanity is this self-examination, which is akin to the way a conscientious, qualified, and sensible physician would treat a patient. How many do we know who engage regularly in this self-examination, not because of a temporary admiration or idle curiosity, and not in the sense of degrading oneself by poking into one’s vices, but for the sake of exploring one’s self and increasing discernment?

“Know thyself.” This lofty saying of Socrates is well-known at centers of learning throughout the world, including many Sufi schools where it was reinterpreted with a mystical dimension: the one who has perceived the secrets of his or her own self has also known God. How many can we count who appreciatively interpreted and lived up to this saying? I do not think we can count many. Yet those who are insufficiently self-aware or who have narrow horizons also cannot know about other people or things, perhaps with the exception of some surface and inconsistent knowledge. Covering the entire earth from one end to the other with an eye of reflection-the awesome rise of the mountains, rivers cascading for infinity, lights and depths of the sky more magical than the most enchanting harmony that offer a new parade every night, eternal colors glittering from behind all these lace curtains-these can find their true meanings and values only if they can be processed through the prism of the knowledge of the divine inherently found in the human. Otherwise, all existence, each component of which is a combination of materialized speech and meaningful words interwoven in the Hidden Tablet, would not only become meaningless, but turn into chaos.

Since the first day humans appeared on earth, we have studied ourselves: sometimes superficially and at other times profoundly, sometimes crudely and at other times subtly, sometimes from a bird’s eye view and at other times microscopically. The human is incomparable: material and soulful, physical and spiritual, emotional and rational. Yet what a bundle of contradictory and often opposing attributes! as sweet as honey, yet disgusting as slime; vast and open to eternity, yet constrained and narrowed with stupidity; welcoming with humility, yet rejecting with pride and arrogance; transparent and secure, yet mischievous and treacherous; altruistic, selfless, and supportive, yet selfish and ego-centered; peaceful, fair, and merciful, yet wild, aggressive, and cruel; sincere, direct, and speaking from the heart, yet fake, hypocritical, and flattering; prudent, ingenious, and with a solid perspective, yet short-sighted, foolish, and clownish. Whatever attributes we may feature, they are all human! These differences and contrarieties do not reflect our true essence, nor do they relate to so-called inner instincts, instinctual protection, or some natural inclination to reproduction-as some used to suppose. It also is by no means right to relate these to the existentialist approach of being whatever one wants to be, as if humanity were infinitely malleable.

No. It is true that the human is specially created to become almost anything across a wide-ranging spectrum. Human nature changes from darkness to light, with infinite colors in between; it is a unique potential of humanity to rise infinitely to the highest of all and to fall to the horrendous lowest of the low. The uniqueness of humanity is that we are implanted with seeds of spirituality and carnality. How we express ourselves-what color we reflect-depends on whether we are directed to an eternal prophetic goal, or not; whether we mine and appreciate the human ore in our soul, or not; whether we claim our potential power, or not; whether we dive deeply into the heart to disclose its spiritual depths, or not; whether we decide correctly when to exercise our human willpower, or not; whether we discern the secrets behind the conscious, or not; whether we turn our emotions to the beyond, or not; and whether we become aware of how the mechanism of conscience operates, or not.

Seekers of a life in the vast ocean of their souls and in the depths of their hearts, who always remain centered on their conscience, will rise to a level “higher than angels.” Of course they may stumble at times. Of course they can be hampered by the thorns found in one corner of their nature. Conversely, captives who live in the shackles of their body, corporeality, and social conventions are submerged deeper as if in a whirlpool and dragged down to a level “lower than a beast.” For them, the human is a “thinking animal” which is a victim of this life that is programmed according to a digestion-circulation-excretion system. Humanity is in this view no different than a reservoir of libido that is never satisfied and yet grows sickened in its own excess.

Of course, the body, corporeality, and society do have significant roles to play in our lives, but humanity also is equipped with a potential much superior to any of these. Indeed, that potential has the capacity to overcome anything in this world. Humans possess an inner dynamism to overcome both themselves and all the worlds. If we can turn our inherent powers and possibilities to the true source of all powers and possibilities, then we can surpass transient qualities; we can enrich all the decaying and crumbling pieces of existence with priceless meaning and nature, and make them qualified for eternity.

Today we can harness thunderbolts and put them in humanity’s service. We can observe the minutest particles in the atomic world and the planets millions of years away. We can cover unfathomable distances with our feelings, thoughts, imagination, discoveries, and inventions. Nevertheless, we fail to realize our true uniqueness when we fall into savagery, selfishness, lawlessness, ambition, indifference, self-indulgence, and lethargy. Despite our transcendent capacity, we are facing this curse because of a false interpretation of ourselves.

In order to answer these questions, let’s first take a closer look at the nature of leaves and how they function. Simply put, leaves are nature’s food factories. During spring and summer the leaves serve as factories where most of the food necessary for tree growth is manufactured. The process of transforming water and carbon dioxide into sugar is called photosynthesis, which means literally “putting together with light” (Figure 1). This food-making process is performed by the chlorophyll molecules that are present in the leaf cells. Chlorophyll absorbs energy from sunlight. While the water is sucked in from the soil by the roots and carbon dioxide is inhaled through the pores of the leaves, chlorophyll synthesizes carbohydrates, such as sugars and starch. During winter, when this process cannot continue due to lack of light or water, the trees rest and live off the food they stored during the summer.

What is most astonishing is that it is again chlorophyll that gives the leaves their green color. Along with the chlorophylls (green pigment), spectrums of pigments, such as carotenoid, anthocyanin, and xanthophyll, give different colors to the leaves (Figure 2). When chlorophyll is abundant in the leaf cells, as it is during the growing season, the green color of chlorophyll dominates and masks the colors of any other coloring pigments that may be present in the leaf. Thus, the leaves of summer are characteristically green. When for some reason the number of chlorophylls decreases significantly, the color of other pigments paint the leaves, such as in the fall. For example, maple and acer leaves turn to bright red because of the carotenoid and anthocyanin pigments while sugar maple leaves turn yellow due to xanthophyll pigments.

Time to change colors

At the end of summer and the beginning of autumn, the length of days and the average temperature begin to decrease. Then the trees “know” that it is time to get ready for winter, their sleep-time, and the leaves stop making food. Since there is no longer a need for them, the chlorophyll molecules break down, and so the green color begins to fade. As we, the grieving viewers of this process, say farewell to the color of life, we are surprised by the splendor demonstrated by vibrant colors ranging from yellow to orange.

All these colors are due to the mixing of varying amounts of the chlorophyll residue and other pigments in the leaf becoming visible during the fall season. For the realization of this beauty, mixtures of pigments give rise to the reddish and purplish fall colors of trees such as dogwoods and sumacs, while others offer the sugar maple its brilliant orange or yellow. In some trees, like the maple, a red pigment will be formed in the fall if the days are warm and the nights cold. These trees produce sugar in the leaves during the day, but this sugar cannot move out when the nights are cold, and the leaf’s connections to the tree begin to break down. After that the high sugar concentration favors the formation of a class of pigments called anthocyanin, which is red. Thus, the leaves left out in the sunlight turn red through this process. The brown color of trees (like oaks) that appears after chlorophyll breaks down comes from plant wastes left in the leaves. The autumn foliage of some trees is only yellow, so it is the combination of all these things that makes the beautiful colors we enjoy in the fall.

Thanks to scientific research, today we know the details of leaf color change. The approximate size of these pigments is so small that hundreds of millions of them, put edge to edge, could measure only 1 meter. Isn’t it amazing how the beauty of autumn is exhibited through the hands of such small and blind painters?

Abdullah Akpinar is a graduate student in Planning and Landscape Architecture at Clemson University, Southern Carolina.

Do not, then, be faint of heart, nor grieve, for you are always the superior side, if you are (true) believers. (Qur’an, 3:139)

The situation before our eyes is as horrific as it could be, but with faith, hope, and turning to God it is not impossible to rise above it. Walking towards the sun, a person’s shadow falls behind them, but if one turns one’s back to the sun, one will look only into the darkness of one’s own shadow. Our eyes should always observe the infinite source of light. In the words of Akif the poet, it is necessary to “rely on God, hold tight to our efforts, and submit to wisdom.” Although we are currently in a string of uninterrupted crises, whenever we have been aware of the causes and confronted them with faith, hope, and determination, we have almost always triumphed over such periods. At other times, once these crises have been stirred up with groundless fears and delirium or abused for political means, problems appeared inflated to a size larger than they really are, and their psychological damage has yielded no way out.

Today, another cycle of historical events is recurring. There are disasters all over, society is shaken by misfortunes of all kinds-earthquakes, floods, fires, road deaths; tyranny, oppression, conspiracies, murders, subjugation of conscience. In the face of all this misery and abuse, on the one hand there are people devoid of willpower, who are mute, senseless, revealing no sign of restlessness in these troubles; while on the other hand we have deceitful tyrants who act cruelly and shed crocodile tears in an effort to incriminate the oppressed; there are unbalanced masses incessantly rising in rage for various reasons; exclusive circles pushing these masses further into violence and fury: despots, people impervious to sympathy, incapable executives, and provocateurs; we see bandits for whom fraud is smart and robbery is virtuous, opportunists who cooperate with the bandits, victims of a sinful life deprived of any morality taking refuge in legal immunities; we see the sons of Yazid and Shimr1 who exploit to the bottom their self-proclaimed birthright immunities claiming “right belongs to the powerful”; we witness corrupt individuals, extortionists, robbers, arms traffickers, drug networks and all kinds of narcotics; and there are so many other accursed organizations yet to be given a name.

The season of fall has hit every town, humane values are trodden underfoot everywhere; respect for humankind and universal values is nowhere to be seen. Only a handful of people behave respectfully, but in fact they are after a reward in return. The masses with all their sub-groups are of no more value than mobs, mobs which are so pathetic that even seeing them in this way is heartbreaking. Promises of jobs and food are frequently heard during election campaigns. Not having yet found any truth in them, no one takes such promises seriously any more. Search for knowledge (‘ilm) is in a deplorable situation… knowledge of God (marifa) is in a far away land behind Mount Qaf; art is in the service of ideologies; most learning centers have surrendered to imitation; love for truth, passion for knowledge, motivation for research all go without praise; unrewarded efforts to learn are perhaps nothing more than hobbies. There is no single sign of life in those key institutions to which the fate of our present day and tomorrow are entrusted. According to the propaganda, we are powerful enough to challenge multiple worlds; but in reality our power is not enough even to govern a town. We are way below universal standards in terms of moral values, sense of responsibility, observing human rights, and upholding justice. Most of us do not possess any sense of shame, good manners, or respect for others’ rights or thoughts. Fear of God and a sense of virtue have long been consigned to oblivion, and we are now trying to rid ourselves of that “disturbing” sense of shame before our fellow humans. Our faces tell what a heartless, spiritless mob we have become; we have long forgotten mercy, compassion, and respect. The number of those who consider religion and religious life as prehistoric and tattered is not small. Religious sentiments are destroyed, religious life is defeated. Insolence is abundant, and morality has collapsed. Betrayal permeates everywhere and cries of agony are in every home. Apathy and dullness govern spirits from which human sentiments have been eroded. “Am I supposed to save the world all by myself?” is the excuse uttered by many. Hearts enslaved to fervor and imbalance; some are restless chanting, “Today is the day, the time is ripe.” God knows the number of those who are committed to becoming rich the easiest way or to grabbing a higher position. In the face of all this, those minds that can still just about perceive and think have to endure brute force; those who serve the society are doomed to be trampled on. Sincere hearts face wicked traps at every turn. For now, those who keep quiet are untouched. We will wait and see what will ensue tomorrow or the day after.

A marginal but audacious group, which always stands against belief, Islam, and humane values, shows atrocious impertinence towards free thought, true democracy, and human rights with the same degree of loathing they have for religion and belief in God. This group declares war the very moment they encounter a thought or an idea that they do not endorse; they defame all those who think differently, harm their good reputation, and they go so far as to silence all those opposing views they cannot otherwise defeat by terminating them with counter-guerilla operations. From among such people are there some unprincipled types who by no means have no true allegiance to their self-proclaimed philosophy or “uprightness in spirit.” They can consider a lie tomorrow something they call true today; or they could condemn tomorrow someone they praise to the skies today. These two-faced abominations have two features that never change: they swing from one camp to another constantly and they enjoy being as venomous as snakes. Do not even ask about their blasphemous fundamentalism! They do not acknowledge God Almighty or any of His Messengers; they are blind in their hearts, they cannot see; they are deaf, they cannot hear. They have no connection whatsoever with their spirit or with their intellect. Respect for God or admiration for the Prophet is out of the question. Most of them are so swamped with ignorance that they have no knowledge and they are not aware of it, but they fancy they know everything.

In brief, today on the one hand the world is replete with all kinds of vice we never wished to happen, while on the other hand there seems to be no sign of the things we have been looking forward to for years. Given all this, it is not easy to speak about hope or determination, but we have to overcome this challenge. Today’s challenge could emerge multiplied tomorrow. The world may turn into a graveyard; the determination or hope of our society may turn into its burial shroud; rivers may turn into Revan,2 deserts into Karbala, enemies into Shimr, months into Muharram.3 Acts of sabotage may come one after another, causing conflagrations which will turn to ashes not only our homes but also our expectations and plans. We may be abandoned by both our friends and enemies; we may even be stabbed in the back by the least likely assailant. But even if the circumstances are so inauspicious that the roar of our enemies overpowers the voices of all others and the disloyalty of our friends leaves us all alone, we still should not surrender or bow; relying on our faith and hope, we should stand upright and race like a thoroughbred that never slows until its heart bursts.

No matter if the calamities and fears of the present spread on a massive scale and we are surrounded by cries of pain that reach the heavens; no matter whether sufferings swell like magma burning hearts and people are doubled over in the agony of helplessness; notwithstanding swords slicing through the air over severed heads and brains crushed with hammers; even if all corners of the world echo the growl of tyrants and pitch-dark despair covers the most animate and purest souls; even if all settlements are demolished and our homes destroyed; though the moon sets, the sun burns out, hearts as well as eyes are blinded in darkness; if indeed the powerful grow wild and the truth is quashed under the belts of brute force; even though those who have teeth stroll displaying their sharpness and the weak remain silent; no matter if all souls who cannot resist fall one after the other and those without heart are toppled over… No matter what happens, we must do our duty and stand our ground without changing the way we are. We must strive to be a source of power for everyone to seek refuge in, a source of light and hope to revive all the torches that have almost died away.

If our faith in God is firm, then hope and perseverance must be our distinctive feature and community service our duty. So vast must be our respect for God and so immersed must we be in seeing our existence as bound to the happiness of others that once they see how we do not eat our fill but let others do so, how we do not dress up but let others do, and how we sacrifice our own desires, others will feel the pleasure of meeting some people who are trustworthy. In such an untainted fashion must we pursue a living that not only our physical presence but even the horizons of our dreams are kept free of the contamination of forbidden things-who knows to what unexpected levels we are lowered because of such contamination. Salvation is not to be expected for those who cannot make the best of their positions and who lose their footing. Let alone worldly ambitions, for us just the craving for life or seeking personal interests are like suicide. We must even abstain from considering Paradise as a goal in our servanthood to God; our hearts must be fixed on the infinite blessings of God’s good pleasure, and we must raise resolute objections to our personal desires. We must always give, without the slightest thought of taking anything. We must grant with no expectation of return. And on this path of righteousness toward the Beloved, we must never fall into the love of our own souls.

Under circumstances when antagonism was fanned and unfaithful allies acted in favor of foes, at times when some monsters-whose existence is bound up with revenge and detestation-marched against the devoted souls of this righteous path, these souls never lost heart or hope, and they never even conceived of retaliation or hatred and hostile motives. They have always paid back evil with kindness, rehabilitating ill-treatment with good behavior, kind words, and favors; in this way they restored all breakages and damage and responded to destructive thought with constructive action. If, God forbid, one day everything in the world were to fall apart, the masses were to drown in darkness, all roads and bridges were to be destroyed, since for these devoted souls panic is disrespectful to their faith and willpower, instead of projecting deadly views of despair and inactivity, they would attempt to act upon events so as to inspire life in others and cry out that the roads are open for those who are willing to walk.

I wholeheartedly believe that a helping hand will be extended to these heroes of determination tomorrow, if not today; thunderstorms that obstruct their path will subside; the ice will melt away, and the surrounding deserts that dried out a few centuries ago will turn into heavenly gardens; their fate will smile warmly on them one day.

Despair is a ghoulish bandit, and delusions of incapacity and helplessness are a disease that kills one’s spirit. Those who covered long distances were successful in their faith and hope. Submitting to despair has always left travelers stranded. Those who lack attentiveness and activity cannot make progress; those who slumber cannot reach their goal; those who have lost their determination and willpower cannot stand for a long time.

If tomorrow is our consideration and if we are dreaming of fresh successes in the future, we must always remember that distances are covered by increasing pace and peaks can be reached by perseverance, willpower, and planning. So many times have impossible mountaintops and insurmountable heights bowed before determination and willpower. In any era, those who were aware of the path they were following, the goal they were heading towards, and the power they were relying on have triumphed over these summits repeatedly thanks to their awareness and internal dynamics. The surface of the earth shrank beneath their feet, the heavens embraced their knowledge, distances greeted their efforts, and obstacles became bridges to their destination. Darkness has always been defeated by these heroes, calamities have transformed into mercy, troubles have become salvation, and oppression a ramp toward progress.

Someone of this nature heads for tomorrow if today is completely destroyed; if their tomorrow is also lost, then they spur their horse on to the days after. Such people cannot be held back and they should not. With their faith, resolution, and hope, they have always become rejuvenated by the prospects of new achievement and victory even when repeatedly defeated or knocked down. They never fall into despair or alarm, notwithstanding any rancor or hatred swelling against them, and the fact that their horizons are covered with darkness, for their belonging is not merely to yesterday, nor today or tomorrow. They are the masters of the day, children of their time. They can speak the language of their time just as well as they can observe the spirit of their faith in awareness of the mysteries of the Book. In every place where they are found or their presence is perceived, the community of the Age of Happiness is remembered. With their decent feelings and thoughts, unspoiled, innocent nature, loyalty, faithfulness, and firm character that cannot be twisted, each of them is like a granite statue; even if everything around them topples down, not even a sliver will be detached from them, by God’s will.

It is our heartfelt hope that, thanks to this strong character, yearning will soon be over, those bent double for centuries will straighten up and cry out their presence, defeated souls will revive to cast away the darkness, and will reach the summit of their destiny with the utmost effort and highest performance, reuniting with their essence and overcoming all obstacles to the guidance of their true spiritual roots and value.

Notes

1. Shimr is the murderer of Husayn, the grandson of the Prophet. In 680, the army of Yazid, the Umayyad Caliph, sent an army to Karbala to convince Husayn to accept Yazid as the ruler of the state. Husayn, his family, and his small company were ruthlessly massacred, a tragedy after which the names of Yazid and Shimr have become infamous with evil, murder, and tyranny throughout the Islamic world.
2. “Revan” refers to the “ab-ı revan” (river) in a poem by Muhammed Lutfi (d. 1956), also known as Alvarlı Efe Hazretleri, famous scholar and poet from Erzurum, a sad poem commemorating the Karbala. “Revan” in this article alludes to this poetic reference to the river which Husayn and his family were not allowed access to, as narrated in the literature developed in dedication to this tragedy.
3. The names and places in this sentence are from the tragic events of Karbala mentioned in note 1.

How would you comment on the Qur’anic verses “You alone do we worship . . .” (Fatiha 1:5) and “This is the Book: there is no doubt about it. A perfect guidance for the God-revering, pious, who keep their duty to God” (Baqara 2:2).?

In this phrase, the object pronoun “You alone” (iyyaka) is placed before the predicate. This implies a very subtle point: “O God, we wholeheartedly proclaim, acknowledge, and confess that it is only You, and none but You that we turn to, bow before, and seek comfort in. We believe that by Your side alone we can attain serenity and peace.” Another point to note here is the tense; instead of abada, which is the past tense, in this verse na’budu is used for “worship”, the same root in the present. In the past, abada connotes “we did, we made, we performed, etc.” Such a tone, however, would in a way be contrary to the nature of worship, for it sounds like an accomplishment, which implies pride, as if the worshipper fulfilled something all by himself or herself.

The present tense form of na’budu implies that the task is not yet finished, which renders such a misinterpretation impossible. Meaning “we worship,” na’budu refers to the intention and determination to acknowledge the eternal impotence and poverty of humankind before His Presence. This can also be paraphrased as follows, “O Lord! I am determined that I will not sacrifice my freedom to anyone but You and I will not fall in humiliation before anyone or anything. I turn to You fully intent on servanthood and worship; my eyes are fixed upon You and no other. I am filled with a desire for submission and prayer. Resolute to distance myself from anything other than You, I wish to always stand opposed to all that You do not like or want. My intention is my greatest worship; I hope that You will accept my intention as my worship. I plead for Your favor, not in proportion to the number of things that I have done, but to those I have intended to do.”

In this phrase, na’budu, “we worship,” also emphasizes that the worshipper is not alone with such thoughts. Hoping that all others are thinking in the same vein, the worshipper proclaims, “In making this request, I am in full concord with all my fellow worshippers.” Through such an indisputable alliance, the worshipper is empowered with confirmation and testimony, and thus he or she turns to the presence of the Almighty Lord Who meets all needs. In this manner, they can relieve themselves of evil involuntary thoughts, and they can enact a complete form of worship toward the Perfect Divinity.

Perfect guidance

This is the Book: there is no doubt about it. A perfect guidance for the God-revering, pious, who keep their duty to God. (Baqara 2:2)

“Guidance,” in this verse is in the infinitive form. Since the infinitive is a verb form, like in other languages, in Arabic it expresses action and engagement; therefore, it implies that individuals cannot find guidance, or, ultimately, the main goal to which it leads, without having exerted any effort. The word also ends with a tanween (indefinite noun-ending with letter nun); a rule in Arabic grammar suggests that if a concept is used in the indefinite/unconditional form, then its perfect meaning is intended. Therefore, there is no doubt that this book is a transcending divine guidance for the pious. It is perfect guidance for the pious, as it is they who are free from the slightest skepticism, and it is they who are ready to comply with both the injunctions of faith (sharia al-garra) and the principles that are in effect in nature (sharia al-fitriyya). The pious are disposed to acknowledge the truth, and since they are not prejudiced, such perfect guidance can be viable for them alone (with the above-mentioned condition that they have to exert effort).

Nevertheless, there is another use of “guidance” at the end of the same page in the Qur’an in the following verse: “Those (illustrious ones) stand on the true guidance from their Lord” (2:5). Here “guidance” is in the form of a verbal noun (while the infinitive form implies human responsibility, the verbal noun is God’s creation). That is, it is a kind of actual guidance God bestows upon His servants, whomever He will, without the intervention of any cause-effect relationship. As far as we can deduce from the conditional in “for the God-revering, pious,” how one attains such guidance is by attaining a true level of piety. Faith and knowledge of God are the first level of ascending on this path, the last being the pleasure of God Almighty. Finally, as clearly expressed in the verse, only those who can live up to such guidance will attain salvation.

It can be derived from the context of this last verse that guidance is dependent upon God’s having created it. However, the behavior and preferences adopted through the exercise of free will are necessary if such guidance is to ensure safety and comfort in this world and if it is to become a means of salvation in the hereafter for humankind.

To conclude, the first “guidance” is a cause and the second is a blissfully granted result. Both are an answer to the prayer of “Guide us to the straight path” in Fatiha (1:7), while serving as guidelines for those on the road.

Note: See Nursi, The Words, Twenty-Sixth word, Sixth Way, for an explanation on verbal noun and infinitive in Arabic grammar.

Certainly, the future must never be forgotten; we should always accept it as the basis for projects of construction and revival in accordance with the pattern of our shared spirit, and we should respect it. Our great past too must be remembered in a positive way; it should be considered as a reference for the sake of spiritual roots. Alongside all of this, however, we must value most highly the time in which we find ourselves and use it scrupulously. To my mind, this is the right way for some to escape the feeling of constriction which is compressing and suffocating them. For, seeking refuge in tales of the past in a pessimistic mood and cherishing inconsistent dreams about the future while ignoring facts will lead us nowhere at all. Until now, such dreams have served no purpose other than worsening our longings, our grief, and disappointment.

How bitter it is that some just waste away their lives in a tide of vain fancies, instead of overcoming the constriction and tedium of their situation by strengthening their faith and relationship with God. This life is so short and limited for people like that; it has neither width nor depth enough to satisfy their aspirations, nor does it promise any hope in terms of the immensity of human feelings. Life is extremely unreliable; it can neither be quenched, nor does it consent to feed others till they are satisfied. It is not clear whether you can really possess it. You carry it on your shoulders for a lifetime, and then it just departs at an unknown turn without bidding farewell. Yes, no one holds a promissory note showing how long they will spend in this world. It is uncertain whether we can really rely on that term we all know, “average life expectancy.” Any morning or evening, or any other time of the day, while minding our own business, or preoccupied with something, unaware of the surprise to come, while walking down the street, without being given a chance to organize ourselves, we can suddenly just be dismissed from this world. As Yunus Emre, the Sufi poet, says,

They will put you in a coffin,
And lower it into darkness,
Without anybody going along with you,
You will be committed to the ground.

Everything finishes for us as we go into the grave; we make a break with what we have left behind, everything, including all our belongings and our children. Those who are still alive, crying out in their grief or running to the funeral, are faced with nothingness.

Oddly enough, we never take this end into account. In this respect, a particular life, a combination of a thousand factors, which has continued up to a certain day and which was expected to come to a result, is never possible again. Now, the book of personal accounts is closed, and a new stage in the accounting procedures, over and above all others, begins. We can call it the farewell to everything: to life, to beauty, to what we enjoy so much, to all the hopes and expectations which are now setting.

In this state, where all desires fade away, where all dreams vanish, where all hopes subside, where all sadness grows darker, and where all ideals turn into a broken dream, any person-no matter who-will feel thoroughly shaken. Maybe they fall to their knees, but there is not much that can be done anymore. As they see themselves topple over and be buried under the ground, they become gloomily pensive, moaning in desperation and sweating with the thought that they too will perish like everything else; they moan as their crystal palaces shatter, as their dreams are overturned and as joyful laughter, loving and being loved, and enjoyment of life all come to an end. Now the winds of autumn moan within their soul, and to them, every gusting wind sounds out the emptying of life everywhere. With such a feeling of emptiness, all the philosophies, civilizations, and cultures which we can describe as the order that is woven from common feelings, thoughts and the experiences of millions-maybe billions-of people, merely flow into the same vague and indefinite void. Newcomers are no more than shadows and those departing disappear into disordered dreams. Hollow frames, blurry lines, and cold absence replace all vital activities and all that which once seemed rose-colored.

The beauties which were always enwrapped in colors no longer shine, neither is there a sign of the brilliant faces, nor a trace of the tempting attractions he or she once knew; now the end of this fleeting world is apparent, and the most lovely faces are like autumn leaves on the path that has been stamped out by non-existence.

To some, the cavities opened in a person’s soul by death are so deep that, just as all souls who set off to such a void quake at their own non-existence, they too are startled by other people, nations, and even all existences and universes that pour into nothingness; they go through horrors. These people always play tunes of longing and grief; woeful sighs are heard around them all the time. Their dark atmosphere echoes with complaints about having come to this wilderness.

Be they young or old, such grief and disappointment are inevitable for those who lead a life confined to the limits of the body and the material world. Alcohol, gambling, entertainment, and leading a heedless life may provide some with temporary comfort in a state of oblivion, but they hold absolutely nothing to offer in the name of happiness. On the contrary, the usual condition of those who are addicted to such activities is nothing but stress, madness, misery, and frenzy. They writhe in successive afflictions every moment; they constantly suffer the darkest moods and enter delirious states.

Faith, hope, and breadth of conscience are what free people from their own constraints and carry them round the comforting and spacious realms of the soul; they enable everybody to take a relieving breath by dispersing the haze and clouds of heresy, unbelief, doubt, and hesitation; they turn dungeons into palaces and make one aware of the heavenly breezes; they elevate petty humankind to an expanse equal to and even transcending universes.

Whether it will be possible to explain this to those who are entangled in bodily existence and unable to see the vastness within their souls, I do not know.